The Parents Respond to Fans' Comments Options

[nbcskampy]

In response to the overwhelming volume of discussions surrounding The Baby Borrowers, we're setting up this special topic for the parents of the babies and toddlers featured in the show. The thread allows the parents to respond to criticism regarding their participation and also allows a forum for ongoing debate between the fans and show participants.

I will be posting many of the responses, but some of the parents may create accounts and post themselves. I'll be sure to let you know which parent wrote each of the responses I post so it's clear who's saying what. I'm looking forward to reading what everyone has to say on the subject!

[nbcskampy]

From Danaka Wagner, parent of Isaiah
Cared for by Corey & Alicea

Isaiah and Danaka Wagner,

Since the show taped Isaiah has been impatiently waiting to see himself on TV. Although he was only 3 during taping, he remembers his TV teen parents and asks about them often. He says that he would like to see them again soon.

When the show is on Isaiah is glued to the TV excitedly pointing out the many friends that he made while on the show. Since some of the parents/kids from the show live here in the Boise/Eagle area, we are hoping to put together a play date soon.

We have also kept in touch with Corey and Alicea in Texas and hope to see them again soon. They had their "moments" on the show, but in reality, who among us does not experience difficulties in life. They had a pretty big learning curve.

After the show, Isaiah was ready to come home. Although he seemed to have a great time playing with Corey and Alicea, he was excited to get home and pester his big brother Elijah (age 9). The two brothers are currently running their own night crawler business, selling worms to local fishermen.

Isaiah is 4 now, and more than ready to enter pre-school. He has taken the training wheels off his bike and is determined to be a big boy. He seems to think that he will get to be a pre-teen on The Baby Borrowers next year!

I found that this experiment had a strong impact on our family. While watching from the outside I was able to appreciate some of the small moments in my childs life that we usually rush right thru. Although I could see him on the screen, and knew that he was only a few yards away,
found myself in a constant state of wanting to run across the street to hug and kiss him. Of course, it was also nice to see how Isaiah would behave without me standing over his shoulder. I was pleasantly surprised.

For those that wonder why a mother would allow two teenagers to borrow her child I say simply that "it takes a village." If these two teens from Texas take just one important lesson from Isaiah during this experience, then I know that in the long run we have helped a generation. It is something like the pay it forward concept. If adults in the United States become interested in the younger generation as a whole, one by one, we can make change. My son loved being on the show. There were more safety checks in place than you would find at even the nicest daycare. And Corey and Alecia learned a lot about them selves, and the kind of expectations that the world has for them as an adult. I could not have asked for more.

Danaka Wagner
Isaiah Wagners mommy

[nbcskampy]

From Natalie Nichols, parent of Etta & Benjamin
Cared for by Sean & Kelsey

I get asked all of the time what on earth would possess me to “give up” my children to inexperienced teens, just to teach them a lesson. For me, the answer is simple. I was those teens, once upon a time. I was a good kid, an honor student, gifted and talented, National Honor Society, Drill Team, Fellowship of Christian Athletes, top 10 in my class, etc. I didn’t do drugs or sneak out and no one ever in my life had to tell me to do my school work. I was in a serious relationship with a boy in high school and my parents adored him. But one day, they decided I could not see him anymore. I felt like they suddenly didn’t trust my judgment, and showing my lack of maturity, I decided to show them how responsible I was. On my sixteenth birthday, I moved out of my house and into my boyfriend’s house. Shortly thereafter he and I came up with the bright idea of getting pregnant on purpose. After all, if we were parents ourselves, no one could tell us what to do and if we did a good job, they would admire us. I got pregnant and then married him when I was 8 months pregnant. I delivered my son a month before I turned 18. I was on Medicaid and WIC because even though he was working, we had no insurance, and since I had moved out of my parents’ house, I was no longer covered under theirs. I breastfed my son, and although my school did have a daycare facility for those of us who were teen moms, they would not allow me frequent enough breaks to maintain a milk supply, and physically nursing him was out of the question. So in my effort to be a good mother to my son, I gave up a huge part of myself and dropped out of school. I graduated a few months after my class through a mail order correspondence diploma course. I put off college because my immature new husband thought that I would meet boys there, and with my lack of understanding of what love was, I thought that was a sign that he dearly loved me. We fought tooth and nail and after 9 years, 2 marriages and 2 children together, we finally admitted to each other and ourselves that we were trying to make something work that was never meant to be. We were just both stubborn, and both had a lot of growing up to do.

Looking back now, as a happily re-married 31 year old mother of 4, I realize that I didn’t know a thing about love and I didn’t do a very good job, by my standards, of being anyone’s mom then. I wish that someone had been able to get through to me at that time in my life. I know deep in my heart that my children deserved the person that I am today as their mother. They never asked to go through the stresses that they endured because I was young and dumb. I had great intentions with them, and we all tell ourselves that we are being the best parent we can be because we are trying. But now that I am able to reflect on it, and my oldest is able to talk with me about it, I realize that I just didn’t know what I was doing.

Contrary to popular belief, there was no compensation for being on the show. I have heard everything from people thinking our children’s college education will be paid for to them thinking we were wined and dined while on the set. The funny thing is that those people really have no idea. Even if the set had been some extravagant thing, we wouldn’t have noticed because we were too busy glued to our children’s every moves on the closed circuit cameras. I can tell you that one bit of priceless compensation I got as a mother was that I will have this tool to use for my own children. I am determined to have my children benefit from the mistakes that I made. I don’t want them to just tune me out, as so many teens do, when they hear me warning of the risks of premarital sex. I can share my own experiences with them and in addition, share this series with them. My 13 year old son, the product of my teen pregnancy, has even learned from The Baby Borrowers. He says that babies are way too much trouble and that he wants to wait until he has accomplished all of his goals before he gets bogged down with children.

I do sincerely wish that the series had been set up as a longer running one. I wish that there had been time to squeeze in some of the great and touching moments the teens had with our babies. I strongly believe that the message resulting from the show is that it is extremely hard to raise a baby, especially if you are still growing into the person you need to become. But at the same time, we show more of the shock and awe moments, and not as many of the loving ones. There were some really sweet times and some serious bonding was happening. I believe that while these teens who stepped up to the plate were learning to love a baby and put the baby first, without even realizing it, they were learning that they have to love themselves now and put themselves first in order to prepare themselves to parent properly later. Of course anyone can have sex, anyone can parent a child. But not everyone can be the parent that they want to be for their child. As a matter of fact, all parents reflect on things they’ve done and wish they had done this or that differently for their kids, it is inevitable. But it isn’t fair to yourself or to your children to stack the odds so great that the majority of your parenting moments will become regrets.

People often ask what surprised me the most about participating in this experiment. I would have to say that the bond that formed between Sean and Etta tops that list. I wish they had been able to show him walking the house with her and letting her sleep on his chest on the couch all night while he stayed awake. He will be an awesome father when he is ready. Very few men are willing to fill the role that he did, as he said "because I had no choice." They usually assume they can cut and run and that babies can prosper as long as the mom is around. I think Sean disproved that theory and showed teen boys everywhere that "dads" are equally important, just in different ways. Especially with little girls, they really respond well when there is a loving male role model in their lives. In my opinion, that is the gist of the whole teen pregnancy crisis. All of us girls want to be made to feel important and loved. It is the dads in our lives who teach us how to do that on our own. If we don't learn that from them at an early enough age, we look for it elsewhere. Listen to teen girls tell their stories, you will usually notice that something "made them feel special" or "important" or "needed" or "wanted." Our dads can teach us that we are all of those things on our own, and then we don't have to believe everything the first guy tells us, because we know better.

Sure The Baby Borrowers shows our children crying. All babies cry. In fact, if they never cried, that could signal some sort of developmental disorder. Babies cry to communicate to us. If they were older, they would have been speaking, but since they couldn’t, they used their best known form of communication. But one thing people fail to realize is that babies also communicate by smiling, laughing, and cooing—all of which they did on set with their teen surrogate parents. There were far more squeals of laughter than there were tears. Because I was there, I can say this with 100% certainty. All of the so-called experts can only postulate, and they have nothing but conjecture to base that on. I would respect their opinions much more if they actually attempted to determine what actually took place. Certainly as experts, they must be aware that in television, only a fraction of what actually happens ever sees the light of day. To base claims on those few moments just seems irresponsible. Opinions are one thing, but when groups that are supposed to be reputable jump to conclusions prematurely and disseminate their judgments, we all fail.

Participating in this show changed our children for the better, in my opinion. Etta became a little more social. She didn’t have as much anxiety about being dropped off at a daycare. She started spending more time with her daddy and a little less time glued to me, although that is where she and I are still most comfortable. She is still the sweetest and most loving little girl one could ask for. She gives kisses by the dozen, just because. She did learn to crawl right after the filming, so we do have to give Sean a little bit of the credit for his efforts in that area. She just turned 18 months old and is a well-adjusted, darling little girl. She is walking, running, dancing, smiling, laughing, and is even trying to beat Benjamin at potty training!

Benjamin is still as ornery as ever. He is a little firecracker and always seems to be the life of the party. You never know what is going to come out of his mouth, or what he will get into next. There is never a dull moment and he always keeps us on our toes. He is smart as a whip and as Sean described him, “wicked strong.” Every time he hears the theme song for the show come on, he runs to the television and screams, “It’s Baby Borrowers! There’s my Sean! There’s my Kelsey! And me!” He is our own little daredevil and likes to pull Etta into his antics. He is funny as all get out, and witty to boot! He got into something the other day and we asked him what happened. His response was, “I didn’t do it. Hmm, looks like we’ve got a mystery on our hands.”

This show has helped me to learn a little something more about myself as well. I have always talked with young new moms when I encounter them, and offer my experience and an ear. Likewise I try to talk to the teens that I come across who seem like me at their age, and just try to push them in the other direction a little. But it wasn’t until I was contacted about this extremely beneficial social experiment that I realized there was a way to actually reach more than just my small circle of life. I cannot say it enough, but the show was already worth it for me and my family just because Kelsey changed her mind about wanting a baby this early. Helping one young woman avoid the same mistakes that I made is priceless. I also look at as if we helped to avoid any children she would have brought into her relationship and been ill-equipped to mother them in the way that she has always dreamed. She wants to be the best mother possible, and she has to be confident in herself as a beautiful person (inside and out) before she can fully give herself to her children. When the time is right for her, she will be an awesome mother. I am just proud to say that I knew her and that she had a good enough head on her shoulders to test drive parenting before she made the lifelong commitment.
I was recently informed that the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry is urging NBC to pull The Baby Borrowers from its lineup. I have to wonder what prompted their press release. I certainly didn’t get a phone call. None of their physicians have interviewed my children to determine how detrimental the separation was to them. It seems to me that they have to be seeking to gain something from this public request, but I can’t figure out what that might be. One of their chief concerns is that the idea of baby borrowing will catch on and babies could be at risk without the cameras there. I am guessing they haven’t heard of the novel concept of babysitting. Teens have been doing this for years, only the ones involved in the experiment did it to learn instead of to earn spending money. It is untrue to claim that teens are more likely to neglect and/or abuse children if this experiment is emulated. In fact, most shaken baby syndrome perpetrators are the male fathers or the mothers’ boyfriends in their early 20s. (according to www.thearc.org.) Female shakers are generally childcare providers or babysitters. In addition, I keep seeing headlines that state, “Experts call for NBC to pull The Baby Borrowers.” Maybe it is just me, but I don’t consider AACAP President Robert Hendren, D.O. to be an expert on this subject. He might be an expert in the field of child psychiatry, but he is ignorant to the facts of this particular social experiment, therefore his claims are baseless. He has not visited with the children involved. He has not spoken with the parents that were involved. He has made no assessment of any of their psychological well-being. The only thing that he has done is to make outlandish claims that garner headlines. He, in my opinion, is portraying his organization no differently than a newsstand tabloid. I welcome him to interview my children to determine the level of detriment this experience has had on them. I challenge him to find something real, as opposed to hypothesizing, in any of the children who participated which shows that they were emotionally harmed by their participation.

In conclusion, I would not trade this experience for anything. All of the participants in this experiment have been accused of doing it for monetary gain, regardless of the fact that there was no compensation involved. I find that to be an odd accusation. Had someone come up to me and offered me $50,000 not to involve my children, I would have turned them down without batting an eye. The opportunity to help these teens is much more valuable to me than any money anyone could offer. It is easy to sit back and judge others claiming that there must be some other way to help. I think that claim is ridiculous. Of all the programs out there designed to curb teen pregnancy rates, which ones are actually doing any good? My guess is not many. The Baby Borrowers may not be the only way to minimize the impact teen pregnancy has on our society, but it is another tool in the arsenal. What we have been trying hasn’t been working, as evidenced by the latest headlines from MA. If the status quo is not working, sometimes you have to try something new, and I applaud Richard McKerrow, Tom Shelly, Love Productions, and NBC for doing just that. I thank them for the opportunity to be a part of such a noble effort.

Sincerely,
Natalie Nichols
Mother to Etta and Benjamin of The Baby Borrowers

[nbcskampy]

From Daniel & Kristy, parents of Karson
Cared for by Cory & Alicea

Hello Baby Borrowers Fans, Media and Viewers:

My name is Daniel Pew and my wife, Kristy, and I loaned our baby, Karson, to Cory and Alicea for the show, The Baby Borrowers. First, let me say that this experience was amazing, rewarding, and one that we will never forget. The initial feeling for us both was, of course, worry and fear about how our little boy would be cared for and how safe he would be. But after meeting with the producers a number of times, and also getting to meet the other parents of the babies before the show, our fears were put to rest when we knew just how well secured the house that Karson was in would be, as well as how much we believed this show and this experiment would really change people’s lives. Our experience on the set and filming was memorable. Not only did we learn so many things about ourselves as we watched these teens struggle to cope with their new “adulthood,” but we also bonded well with the other parents and realized just how much people care for their children and also care greatly for the generations to come. There is so much we experienced in those 4 days of filming that you will not get to see, both on and off camera, that make this experience so rewarding in our hearts. Kristy did go over a second time to talk to Alicea and apologize for her initial reaction to Karson not eating. Kristy wanted her to feel more at ease and not shy away from Karson, as Kristy knew Alicea could do it if she put her mind to it. As well, I also went over to the house to talk to Cory the second day. Yet again, Karson was not eating well, and Cory had not given him a bottle all afternoon. I went over and just let Cory know sometimes you don’t have all the answers, but just try what you can to comfort the babies and let them know you are there. We had a hard time those 4 days watching Karson cry because we could tell that he was not getting that extra bit of love and nurture that babies thrive on. This was the hardest thing for us a parents. Karson, overall, was fine and well cared for. Cory and Alicea learned over those few days that they had a lot of growing to do, but also that they needed to really listen to each other and learn to work together more as a team. We hope everyone will give them a chance as the show goes on, as we know that our initial interactions with them were rough, but we are very proud of them and know they went through a lot.

We did this show for a lot of reasons, and everyone out there is going to have their opinions. But just know that my wife and I both believe this show will help many teens, like it did the couples on the show, and help them see first hand the “realities” of growing up. Kristy and I were young parents also. No, we were not teens, but we were young and the first few years of our marriage with our daughter were very rough. There were times we had no money to pay bills, with myself working two jobs just to make it. Yes growing older has many perks, but also many challenges. There are times we look back and wish we had had more time to travel together before parenthood, and to finish school, and have fun times with our friends. But life went in another direction. If anything, what we have done during this experiment is help someone out there stop and think twice about things like that. We are so happy and proud we did this show, and we are very grateful to Richard McKerrow, Tom Shelly and Love Productions for allowing us to be a part of this amazing experiment.

Karson is now a happy 18 month old boy! He runs, climbs, gets into much trouble and has an amazing smile—with a mouth full of teeth, his first tooth came in just two days after we finished filming the show, so thanks to Cory and Alicea, Karson got through his first teething experience!) We know years down the road, Karson can look back and be proud that he, too, helped so many teens and parents out there, even though he was only a mere 7 months old when he did. His small presence has made a huge impact in this country, and for that we are proud to call ourselves Karson’s Mommy and Daddy.

-- Daniel and Kristy Pew =)

[nbcskampy]

From Chet Nichols, parent of Etta & Benjamin
Cared for by Sean & Kelsey

It seems that regardless of who we talk to about this show, we get the same question… “Why would you allow your children to participate in this show?”

This is a fair question, and one that the producers of The Baby Borrowers told us that we would have to face, should we participate in this show. I have to add that they were very upfront and honest with the fact that we would take a lot of heat and be faced with an enormous amount of criticism. In fact, that was one consideration they used to select participants. They wanted to be sure that we knew that we would be in the line of fire and that we would be able to handle the criticism.

The answer to the often asked question is simple. We participated in this “Social Experiment” because we felt that this was a golden opportunity to help do something about the growing trend of teen pregnancies. That is the bottom line. We did not do it for money, as we were not compensated in any fashion. We did not do it for the overrated “five minutes of fame” cliché. We did not do it in the hopes of having our baby be the next “Gerber Baby” or new “rising child star.” We did not go out and search for ways to get on television, as we were actually contacted by a casting agent who saw Natalie’s myspace page and thought we would be a good fit for the show. Up to that point, we were unaware of this show. We participated with the goal of making a difference in the world. How often in our daily lives do we get the opportunity to truly make a difference in the lives of so many? Sure we could go volunteer our time at a Planned Parenthood clinic, as some have suggested. But how many would we reach? We were interested in helping more than just a handful of girls from our local community. And in all reality, we were trying to help girls before they get to the point that they need Planned Parenthood in the first place.

For me personally, I chose to do this because I support my wife. She has been down the road that many of the teens are unfortunately choosing to go down. I have seen the impact it has had on her and her first two children. It has always been a dream of hers to be able to do something that would prevent someone from choosing the path that she chose. She has always told me that anyone can have a child, but when they do it at such a young age, they give up the person that they would have become if they waited instead. When we agreed to meet with the casting agents, we were told about Kelsey and Sean, and how Kelsey desperately wanted to have kids at 18 years old. The brief background that we were given about her made my wife tear up, almost as if she felt connected to this young woman some how. She was very passionate about helping her, and having the opportunity of helping others like her. The only question left was what it involved as far as our children were concerned.

After making the decision to move forward, we were informed of the process of not only selecting the teens, but us (the actual parents) as well. We were informed that the teen couples, the parents and the children would have to all undergo a psychological evaluation, as well as a thorough background check. This included a very long, in depth psychological test, as well as the children having to go under psychological observation away from the parents. We were informed that all the houses would be professionally baby proofed, there would be a nanny watching the babies 24 hours a day who could only intervene if the safety and/or welfare of our children was being compromised, and that a psychologist would be watching what was going on as well. We were also informed that we could intervene at any time and remove our children at any time without any repercussions or breach of contract. Once we had a full disclosure of all the precautions that were put in place, we agreed to allow both of our youngest children, Etta age 6 months and Benjamin age 2 years old, to participate.

When we first introduced Etta to Sean and Kelsey, we were able to spend a good amount of time with them. We informed them of the things to look out for, our concerns, and we were able to monitor her reaction to them for awhile before we left. I spent some time with Sean, showing him the correct way to hold a baby, and he responded well. I explained the importance of supporting her head. He obviously took it seriously because he did it correctly the entire time that he was caring for her.

The babies did not cry near as much as many people seem to think, although the show seems to portray differently, as it should for its intended purpose. As someone who actually was present for the entire filming, I can say that it was far more traumatic for the teen parents, than it was for the children. As for Etta, she barely made a whimper at all during the daytime. It was not until it was time for her to go to bed, that she started crying. In the first episode, you hear Sean say "All day long, the baby was perfect and that sucked for my plan." She was like that most of the time, again, until bedtime. The crying at night with Sean and Kelsey was not much different than the crying she did at home around bedtime if she had slept too much during the day, which is what happened in this case. And if Natalie left the room for a shower or to use the restroom, even if I was right there to comfort her, she did the same thing. In fact, when we were interviewing with executive producer Tom Shelly, Etta seemed as though she was an extremely quiet and content baby. The producers commented on that and wondered whether she ever gave us an ounce of trouble. Natalie sat down with her, instead of standing and holding her. She immediately started crying. Natalie stood up, and she stopped, she sat down, and she cried. She just preferred to be held standing, so that she could look around better.
The night that Natalie went over and put down a little "tough love" made a big difference. Had she been a little more relaxed, it may not have sunk in. Nonetheless, Sean got it and could see that Natalie was serious. Let me tell you, the scenes that you saw of him playing with her and making her giggle at stuff was nothing compared to what really went on. After Natalie visited with them and gave them a reality check, Sean took it upon himself to be “the mommy and the daddy” as Kelsey would later say. He stayed up the rest of the night with her, and on the second day he would not let her out of his arms. He was bragging to all the other moms about how he was "breastfeeding her", how he was helping her "learn to crawl", how he could lift her above his head and she would just crack up laughing, etc. At one point, he fell asleep with her on the couch, while she was sleeping on his chest. They slept there for an hour or so. Every time Etta would flinch or something, he would poke his head up to see if she was OK, then go back to sleep. We even caught him stealing one of Etta's hair bows and putting it in his wallet before we picked her up. There was so much laughter going on between Sean and Etta that I think me and Natalie got a little jealous. Natalie was so touched by his connection with Etta, that she made a plaster mold of her hand to give to him...he got a little wet in the eyes.

Although Sean was wonderful with Etta, it is important to note that he still is firm in his belief that he does not want kids anytime soon. He said that he knows he did really well with Etta, much better than he anticipated, but it would be much too hard to do on an ongoing basis. This guy has his head on straight. Now, if he can just learn to be compassionate towards his girlfriend, and learn to lift her up and support her when she is down, then he will be just fine.

As far as the other babies were concerned, it was pretty much the same thing. As the first day started coming to an end, we (the parents) knew that the night was going to be a little rough. The babies were so relaxed and comforted; they slept most of the day. They slept much longer than the babies’ usual naptimes. If they were so "traumatized" (as people claim they were), I do not believe they would have slept like they did. It was not because they cried themselves to sleep or anything like that. Although most of the scenes you see of the babies include them crying, it was only a very small percentage of the day. Other than that, at least one teen parent in each house took the time to focus on the babies. For the most part, they were either playing, laughing, or sleeping most of the day. As I recall, there was always at least one parent, of each baby, up and glued to the monitors at all times. And if any of us ever needed to leave the room to go for a bathroom break, and our spouse wasn’t in the room, the other parents would make rounds through the hall, listening for sounds of distress from one of the other monitors.

I can not stress enough that all of the children in the show were well taken care of, better than any daycare or school that they have gone to. There is no doubt in my mind that the safety and welfare of the children came first. For example, Benjamin (2 years old at the time) developed a small diaper rash that Sean noticed. One of the producers, Chris, immediately stopped production so that he could take a look at it. They called in the EMT on duty, and asked Natalie to go over to check it out. Again, this was all over a diaper rash. They just wanted to make sure it was not something more. I can't count the number of times that I have picked my kids up at various daycares with wet or dirty diapers, scratches, bumps, etc., without anyone even telling us. We have been to several different fitness centers because of things like that with their child care centers and we have never experienced any who treated our children half as good as they were treated on the set.

I am well aware of the various organizations and people who criticize the parents, NBC and Love Productions, claiming child abuse and asserting that our children will be traumatized for being away from their parents for so long. They cite studies, which indicate that extended separations from parents result in undue stress to infants and that this can cause emotional harm. However, no one has publicly stated what an acceptable absence for a parent is. There are allowances for military members who must leave their children with caregivers for deployments, couples who wish to take an extended weekend alone and hire a nanny, actors and actresses whose professions require long stints of separation. No one is contending that these parents are negligent or that they are abusive. Yet, because this series has the goal of addressing a serious social matter, groups have chosen to have their names associated with it in any way that they can. If responding negatively to the show will garner more media attention that is what they will do. We are all aware that controversy sells and apparently that is what these organizations are banking on. The fact is, unless you were there for the filming and saw everything that went on, the only thing that you can do is assume based on a few minutes of airing which represents less than 1% of all the hours of taping that took place. That is pretty bold considering the accusations and criticisms that have been hurled. For the record, neither my wife nor I have been contacted by any of these professional organizations (although we have done a few interviews) with regard to the well-being of our children since participating in the show. To my knowledge, none of the other parents have either.

I am very aware of different organizations such as Zero to Three, which criticizes NBC for airing this show claiming it “exploits young children with potential harmful consequences.” I do applaud this organization for attempting to safeguard our nation’s children. However, I would rather see them take a more proactive approach, than a reactive one. They are reacting to a show, which has already been filmed, which they were not a part of. They have no inside knowledge of the workings of the show. They have no more basis for making claims than the average television viewer sitting at home. Everyone is entitled to an opinion, but these organizations are stating theirs as fact. Case in point this quote from their infamous letter regarding The Baby Borrowers, “Legitimate social experiments are not conducted on national television or on reality shows.” What factual evidence is this based upon?

In addition, the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP) is asking for NBC to pull the show. Their president released this quote, “"A child's sense of security should not be gambled with.” Yet no safe length of separation was quoted. What message does this send to parents who do use child care? What about those in situations that require they be away for a weekend, or even longer in such cases as our military members? This group cites the same studies that Zero to Three does, which in cases of neglect would certainly apply. Fortunately that research is not even remotely applicable to this situation. Had the spokespeople for these groups bothered to conduct further investigation, they might have realized that. Furthermore, the AACAP suggests that they are requesting the show’s cancellation for fear that it “will prompt imitation.” I am not aware of any of these professional organizations calling for the cancellation of Nickelodeon’s Zoey 101 after 16 year old Jamie Lynn Spears announced her pregnancy, fearing that teenagers would try to imitate her behavior. My wife and I had numerous conversations with our children after they learned of her pregnancy and then saw her on the program. Even at such young ages, they wondered why she was still allowed on Nickelodeon. Likewise, I am unaware of any of these professional organizations attempting to minimize exposure of the MA pregnancy pact in the media for fear of other teenagers trying to imitate these misguided young girls.

Natalie and I would actually argue that these teens could use some of these professional organizations standing up for them and supporting our efforts to help them live their lives before they become parents themselves. Instead of focusing on what did not happen to our children during the filming, I implore them to focus on what we are attempting to prevent from happening. None of the children who participated in this experiment were harmed physically or emotionally. But that doesn’t negate the fact that children who are born to teen parents are at an increased risk for different types of abuse and neglect. We are attempting to decrease those numbers. The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy has done a great job of trying to use this program to the advantage of teens and their would-be children.

The bottom line is this: we take pride in knowing that we helped Kelsey choose to live her life and gain the necessary life experiences to make her the best mother that she can be. One day, I believe that she will be that person. I believe in my heart that this was the right thing to do. I could care less about what negative comments others have to say about it, and frankly, we did not do it for them. We did it for all the other Kelsey’s of the world who are at risk of being just another teen pregnancy statistic. We did it in hopes of changing the minds of these young adults who think they need a baby to fill the void in their lives, who think that a baby will give them self worth, or the ones who crave the latest fashion accessory so that they can look like Britney or Jamie Lynn Spears. We did if for the moms and dads who are concerned about their children’s future and will look at this as an opportunity to have them see this serious situation from another perspective. Finally, we did it for our kids!

As far as our children are concerned, they are doing wonderfully. Etta is just the sweetest, most cuddly little angel. She loves to give kisses for no reason, but at the same time, challenges her older brothers. Benjamin is just as ornery as ever. He is determined to do everything himself and loves Diego. He can recall and pronounce every animal from the Diego memory game. Not many 3 year olds can tell you that a photograph is a “pygmy marmoset” but ours can. He loves to give hugs, smile, laugh, run, and play on his scooter. He also refers to Etta as “his baby girl”. My children will grow up knowing that they participated in something that made a positive difference in the lives of others. Nobody can ever take that away and I thank NBC and Love Productions for that opportunity. If that makes me a bad parent, then I will proudly wear that hat.

As for me, I learned a great deal about myself, from watching both Benjamin and Etta interact with Sean and Kelsey. We were able to see them respond to others, without us being around. That was priceless. Benjamin and Etta where birthed naturally, Etta being born at a midwife birthing center. After experiencing that, I believe that it strengthens the bond between mother and child. From the time she came home to the time she participated in the show, it was difficult for me to get alone time with my daughter. She could always sense Natalie was around. But after we saw her bond with Sean, and able to be comforted by another individual, we realized that Natalie was going to have leave Etta and I together by ourselves, a few hours each day, so that we could have our own time together. From a certain point of view, Sean was able to give us this gift.

Kelsey taught us that we could communicate with Benjamin by actually giving him a choice, vs. always telling him what to do. Even at two years old, he understood this concept and reacted nicely to it.

Finally, I also learned that as my children grow up, they will know exactly what I did as a teenager. My life will not be sugar-coated for their benefit. I took the same risks that most teenagers do now, with regards to sex. I started at an early age and did not even consider the consequences that could happen. Anytime the opportunity presented itself, I would say just about anything that would help me have sex. Just because I did not end up being a teen parent, did not mean I was not at risk. My parents always had the same “not my child” mentality as many parents today do, because it was easy to make them think that I did not believe in sex at that age. The fact is, it is everybody’s child who is at risk. Perhaps this show will shine some light on the fact that teens who are at risk for becoming parents are not just low income, uneducated, and unloved. They are your neighbors’ kids, your kids, your nieces and nephews, and more importantly they are our future. No matter how much we try to teach them, how honest we are, they will ultimately make their own decisions. But the more tools we give them, the more perspectives that we allow them to see, will make them that much more informed and increase the chances of them making the right decisions.

Truly,
Chet Nichols
Father to Etta and Benjamin of The Baby Borrowers

[nbcskampy]

From Bill & Julie, parents of Shay
Cared for by Sasha & Jordan


We are Bill and Julie, parents of Baby Shay, who was cared for by Sasha and Jordan.

We’ve read so many articles…people seem to really like the show (mostly), with one comment in almost every article: What kinds of people would let someone borrow their babies?

Shay is now 23 months old. He is a totally and completely delightful, funny, loving, active, smart, curious, thoughtful little boy. His cognitive and emotional development has been “normal” or well above normal. He has absolutely no problems or emotional distress of any kind from his participation in the experiment; as a matter of fact, he enjoys watching the show and looking at pictures of Sasha and Jordan. He knows he is the baby on the show when we ask him, “Who is that?” He has no separation anxiety or fear when we leave him with a sitter.

We’ve come to accept that people don’t actually care who we are, they just want to complain about us and judge without actually knowing who we are and why we participated. But the question keeps being asked without a real answer. Who would let someone “borrow” their baby?

We have 4 teens/young adults: ages 22, 21, 20, and 18. We have also “fostered” 4 teenage girls in our home during their high school years, so we are very connected with teenagers. We participated in the project at first because we thought it was an NBC documentary style show about teenage pregnancy, but even though it turned out to be a reality (unscripted) show, we were very pleased to be part of it.

The producers on the show put us parents completely in charge of when we wanted to go over to the teens’ house (we were across the street watching on TV). All of us went over more than once to coach or motivate or correct as needed.

We spent over an hour with the teens before we left Shay at their house and walked across the street to go watch them, so we did not know them at first, but we felt confident in leaving them in charge with us watching. We spent over an hour talking to the nanny before that, and she was completely capable and committed to our son’s safety. We never left the set, not because we were worried, but because we were very interested in what was going on in our teens’ house as well as the other teens’ houses. There was a producer, cameraman, sound guy, and assistants in every house, although none of that is seen on the show. But that’s what we saw.

We saw our son playing and interacting with all the people on the set. At times, he did cry as all babies do when they are tired, hungry, or need to be changed. He actually bonded with Sasha very quickly, and had fun listening to Jordan sing to him.

Everyone leaves their child with a care provider at some point, we felt better about this than leaving our other children when they were young with a trusted sitter when we went out of town, because we could watch what was happening and make changes as needed.

We don’t believe that every teen who has a baby is going to fail. For us, it wasn’t proving that teens can’t do it; just that it’s going to be much harder than they thought and they should wait.

No one wants to say this but we started this process originally because we wanted to see our beautiful son on TV. That makes it sound like we are just seeking fame, and that’s not true, so no one wants to say that’s why they did it. It turned out to be so much more than that to us. And just to clarify: we were paid NOTHING.

Had the show been produced as a documentary style news show, critics would be viewing it differently, as good information. But since the show was marketed as a “reality” (unscripted) show with a comedic edge, people have judged it.

The group Zero To Three has criticized the show in an official statement with allegations that we created separation anxiety and damaged our children’s trust in their parents, as well as many other false allegations of what went on during the taping that are presented as them being the experts. I wish they would have done research about the show, the parents, the babies, the teens, the production, etc, before they assumed we are all irresponsible people who would intentionally do damage to our most precious thing. Their negative statement really is saying that no parents can ever go to work and leave any child with a caregiver, or the child will be ruined forever. To them I say, what if the show really is a good thing? What if it is going to make a positive impact on babies?

Everyone always asks me if it really was a learning experience for the teens since there were so many safeguards in place. The answer is absolutely yes! Those teens took this on as if they were the real parents for 3 days. Their hearts and best intentions were totally in it, although the editing does show many of their brattiest moments. Another way to say it just because they knew it was temporary, they (the teens) never treated it like that. They all dealt with crying issues, feeding issues, playing issues, etc. and they all “got it” after less than 12 hours with the babies. We figured out real quick after we dropped Shay off that they were feeling it like it was very real for them. Now all parents know it wasn’t real, but the teens felt even a glimpse of it, and seemed to understand.

We really believed in the project, and it was a great experience for us and our son. We are very proud of the show, and all the teens who participated.

[NatalieN]

From Bill & Julie, parents of Shay
Cared for by Sasha & Jordan
...No one wants to say this but we started this process originally because we wanted to see our beautiful son on TV. That makes it sound like we are just seeking fame, and that’s not true, so no one wants to say that’s why they did it. It turned out to be so much more than that to us...

Hi Julie and Bill,

I really loved reading your thoughts and reflections on this experience. I know that you two are wonderful parents and phenomenal people. And I remember watching Shay have such a great time on the set. Having said that, I know that regardless of what we intend for our message to be, there are people out there that read into our words. It is only for that reason that I am posting this reply. I want to be sure that no one gets the wrong impression.

I really feel that it is important to step in here to let people know that this comment does not speak for all of the parents involved. Sure, it is kind of neat, now looking back on it, that our children are on tv. They have each grown a full year, and we get to see them as they were a year ago. But for our family, in particular, the first and only thought that came to mind when we agreed to do this project was that we could make a difference in the lives of others. Seeing our kids on tv was merely an after thought. We didn't seek out any appearance on tv, we were contacted by the casting agents because they saw our myspace page.

[gatorbait]

Hi Julie and Bill,

I really loved reading your thoughts and reflections on this experience. I know that you two are wonderful parents and phenomenal people. And I remember watching Shay have such a great time on the set. Having said that, I know that regardless of what we intend for our message to be, there are people out there that read into our words. It is only for that reason that I am posting this reply. I want to be sure that no one gets the wrong impression.

I really feel that it is important to step in here to let people know that this comment does not speak for all of the parents involved. Sure, it is kind of neat, now looking back on it, that our children are on tv. They have each grown a full year, and we get to see them as they were a year ago. But for our family, in particular, the first and only thought that came to mind when we agreed to do this project was that we could make a difference in the lives of others. Seeing our kids on tv was merely an after thought. We didn't seek out any appearance on tv, we were contacted by the casting agents because they saw our myspace page.

Just wanted to comment and say that after reading all the parents' responses, I especially loved yours, Ms. Nichols, as well as Mr. Nichols. After reading both of your articles, I can understand, without a doubt, why you would choose to allow your children to appear on the show.
To all the parents: Thank you for allowing your children to be on the show, and I commend you for making this decision! I can only hope that, like with myself, it has shown other teens that they are not ready to have children yet!

[Chet_N]

Thanks for the kind words Gatorbait! It is nice to see a young man with his head on straight, and especially nice to see one use his manners!

I would like to add one more thing, due to a lot of the posts I have read on this board. It seems that many people are claiming that the participants have been doing a lot of "acting" or "playing to the camera for ratings", and things of that nature. I have to admit, that before I participated in this program, I always thought the same things about "Reality TV". However, my tune has definately changed. It still amazes me how "unaware" you become of the cameras and even the mics that they have attached to you at all times (other than them being a little uncomfortable). Although the camera crews were not around us as parents as often as the teens, they were there often enough that they soon became "ghosts", so to speak.

In addition, I remember reading a couple of posts that mentioned something along the lines that the producers coached some the the participants with regard to things to say or how to act, basically for rating purposes. For those of you who feel this way, you could not be further from the truth. I remember on a couple of occasions, we asked things like "In my evaluation, this is what I would like to tell them, is that too harsh?", or "can I say this?" or "which approach would you take?", etc. The response from Richard McKerrow and Tom Shelly (along with the rest of their producers) was always the same, "If that is how you are feeling, that is what you should say. We want you to say whatever you are feeling in your heart."

Everyone involved in the production was adamant about portraying a real view of the entire process. Maybe it was an integrity thing, but no one wanted even the slightest appearance of coaching or even coaxing anyone into thinking another way.

Chet--Father to Etta and Benjamin

[kantoka]

This is Kristy Pew, Karson's Mom---

I just want to add onto something Natalie and Julie both mentioned..... No matter what anyone seems to think or say, we truly know in our hearts why we did this experiment, because it's time to step up and speak out for Teens everywhere. The parents who got to spend those 4 days together during filming, all we could seem to talk about were our children---and how excited we were for Teens everywhere to see what we were seeing first hand. Yes, of course no one wants to say that they did this to see their children on TV, however, as we watched everything unfold first hand during filming, we were amazed at what we saw come to light. We knew then that this show would have a huge impact, and our excitement was not in seeking fame or glory, but seeing the outcome of what this show could do for so many people. For that, we should be proud to see our babies on TV and not be criticized for saying so.

Bill and Julie, Chet and Natalie, Leslie and Wiley, and Jason and Tara.... no matter what, we did an awesome thing, a brave thing, and I know Danny and I are very proud we got to share that whole experience with amazing parents like yourselves. =)

[angel11]

From Chet Nichols, parent of Etta & Benjamin
Cared for by Sean & Kelsey

It seems that regardless of who we talk to about this show, we get the same question… “Why would you allow your children to participate in this show?”

This is a fair question, and one that the producers of The Baby Borrowers told us that we would have to face, should we participate in this show. I have to add that they were very upfront and honest with the fact that we would take a lot of heat and be faced with an enormous amount of criticism. In fact, that was one consideration they used to select participants. They wanted to be sure that we knew that we would be in the line of fire and that we would be able to handle the criticism.

The answer to the often asked question is simple. We participated in this “Social Experiment” because we felt that this was a golden opportunity to help do something about the growing trend of teen pregnancies. That is the bottom line. We did not do it for money, as we were not compensated in any fashion. We did not do it for the overrated “five minutes of fame” cliché. We did not do it in the hopes of having our baby be the next “Gerber Baby” or new “rising child star.” We did not go out and search for ways to get on television, as we were actually contacted by a casting agent who saw Natalie’s myspace page and thought we would be a good fit for the show. Up to that point, we were unaware of this show. We participated with the goal of making a difference in the world. How often in our daily lives do we get the opportunity to truly make a difference in the lives of so many? Sure we could go volunteer our time at a Planned Parenthood clinic, as some have suggested. But how many would we reach? We were interested in helping more than just a handful of girls from our local community. And in all reality, we were trying to help girls before they get to the point that they need Planned Parenthood in the first place.

For me personally, I chose to do this because I support my wife. She has been down the road that many of the teens are unfortunately choosing to go down. I have seen the impact it has had on her and her first two children. It has always been a dream of hers to be able to do something that would prevent someone from choosing the path that she chose. She has always told me that anyone can have a child, but when they do it at such a young age, they give up the person that they would have become if they waited instead. When we agreed to meet with the casting agents, we were told about Kelsey and Sean, and how Kelsey desperately wanted to have kids at 18 years old. The brief background that we were given about her made my wife tear up, almost as if she felt connected to this young woman some how. She was very passionate about helping her, and having the opportunity of helping others like her. The only question left was what it involved as far as our children were concerned.

After making the decision to move forward, we were informed of the process of not only selecting the teens, but us (the actual parents) as well. We were informed that the teen couples, the parents and the children would have to all undergo a psychological evaluation, as well as a thorough background check. This included a very long, in depth psychological test, as well as the children having to go under psychological observation away from the parents. We were informed that all the houses would be professionally baby proofed, there would be a nanny watching the babies 24 hours a day who could only intervene if the safety and/or welfare of our children was being compromised, and that a psychologist would be watching what was going on as well. We were also informed that we could intervene at any time and remove our children at any time without any repercussions or breach of contract. Once we had a full disclosure of all the precautions that were put in place, we agreed to allow both of our youngest children, Etta age 6 months and Benjamin age 2 years old, to participate.

When we first introduced Etta to Sean and Kelsey, we were able to spend a good amount of time with them. We informed them of the things to look out for, our concerns, and we were able to monitor her reaction to them for awhile before we left. I spent some time with Sean, showing him the correct way to hold a baby, and he responded well. I explained the importance of supporting her head. He obviously took it seriously because he did it correctly the entire time that he was caring for her.

The babies did not cry near as much as many people seem to think, although the show seems to portray differently, as it should for its intended purpose. As someone who actually was present for the entire filming, I can say that it was far more traumatic for the teen parents, than it was for the children. As for Etta, she barely made a whimper at all during the daytime. It was not until it was time for her to go to bed, that she started crying. In the first episode, you hear Sean say "All day long, the baby was perfect and that sucked for my plan." She was like that most of the time, again, until bedtime. The crying at night with Sean and Kelsey was not much different than the crying she did at home around bedtime if she had slept too much during the day, which is what happened in this case. And if Natalie left the room for a shower or to use the restroom, even if I was right there to comfort her, she did the same thing. In fact, when we were interviewing with executive producer Tom Shelly, Etta seemed as though she was an extremely quiet and content baby. The producers commented on that and wondered whether she ever gave us an ounce of trouble. Natalie sat down with her, instead of standing and holding her. She immediately started crying. Natalie stood up, and she stopped, she sat down, and she cried. She just preferred to be held standing, so that she could look around better.
The night that Natalie went over and put down a little "tough love" made a big difference. Had she been a little more relaxed, it may not have sunk in. Nonetheless, Sean got it and could see that Natalie was serious. Let me tell you, the scenes that you saw of him playing with her and making her giggle at stuff was nothing compared to what really went on. After Natalie visited with them and gave them a reality check, Sean took it upon himself to be “the mommy and the daddy” as Kelsey would later say. He stayed up the rest of the night with her, and on the second day he would not let her out of his arms. He was bragging to all the other moms about how he was "breastfeeding her", how he was helping her "learn to crawl", how he could lift her above his head and she would just crack up laughing, etc. At one point, he fell asleep with her on the couch, while she was sleeping on his chest. They slept there for an hour or so. Every time Etta would flinch or something, he would poke his head up to see if she was OK, then go back to sleep. We even caught him stealing one of Etta's hair bows and putting it in his wallet before we picked her up. There was so much laughter going on between Sean and Etta that I think me and Natalie got a little jealous. Natalie was so touched by his connection with Etta, that she made a plaster mold of her hand to give to him...he got a little wet in the eyes.

Although Sean was wonderful with Etta, it is important to note that he still is firm in his belief that he does not want kids anytime soon. He said that he knows he did really well with Etta, much better than he anticipated, but it would be much too hard to do on an ongoing basis. This guy has his head on straight. Now, if he can just learn to be compassionate towards his girlfriend, and learn to lift her up and support her when she is down, then he will be just fine.

As far as the other babies were concerned, it was pretty much the same thing. As the first day started coming to an end, we (the parents) knew that the night was going to be a little rough. The babies were so relaxed and comforted; they slept most of the day. They slept much longer than the babies’ usual naptimes. If they were so "traumatized" (as people claim they were), I do not believe they would have slept like they did. It was not because they cried themselves to sleep or anything like that. Although most of the scenes you see of the babies include them crying, it was only a very small percentage of the day. Other than that, at least one teen parent in each house took the time to focus on the babies. For the most part, they were either playing, laughing, or sleeping most of the day. As I recall, there was always at least one parent, of each baby, up and glued to the monitors at all times. And if any of us ever needed to leave the room to go for a bathroom break, and our spouse wasn’t in the room, the other parents would make rounds through the hall, listening for sounds of distress from one of the other monitors.

I can not stress enough that all of the children in the show were well taken care of, better than any daycare or school that they have gone to. There is no doubt in my mind that the safety and welfare of the children came first. For example, Benjamin (2 years old at the time) developed a small diaper rash that Sean noticed. One of the producers, Chris, immediately stopped production so that he could take a look at it. They called in the EMT on duty, and asked Natalie to go over to check it out. Again, this was all over a diaper rash. They just wanted to make sure it was not something more. I can't count the number of times that I have picked my kids up at various daycares with wet or dirty diapers, scratches, bumps, etc., without anyone even telling us. We have been to several different fitness centers because of things like that with their child care centers and we have never experienced any who treated our children half as good as they were treated on the set.

I am well aware of the various organizations and people who criticize the parents, NBC and Love Productions, claiming child abuse and asserting that our children will be traumatized for being away from their parents for so long. They cite studies, which indicate that extended separations from parents result in undue stress to infants and that this can cause emotional harm. However, no one has publicly stated what an acceptable absence for a parent is. There are allowances for military members who must leave their children with caregivers for deployments, couples who wish to take an extended weekend alone and hire a nanny, actors and actresses whose professions require long stints of separation. No one is contending that these parents are negligent or that they are abusive. Yet, because this series has the goal of addressing a serious social matter, groups have chosen to have their names associated with it in any way that they can. If responding negatively to the show will garner more media attention that is what they will do. We are all aware that controversy sells and apparently that is what these organizations are banking on. The fact is, unless you were there for the filming and saw everything that went on, the only thing that you can do is assume based on a few minutes of airing which represents less than 1% of all the hours of taping that took place. That is pretty bold considering the accusations and criticisms that have been hurled. For the record, neither my wife nor I have been contacted by any of these professional organizations (although we have done a few interviews) with regard to the well-being of our children since participating in the show. To my knowledge, none of the other parents have either.

I am very aware of different organizations such as Zero to Three, which criticizes NBC for airing this show claiming it “exploits young children with potential harmful consequences.” I do applaud this organization for attempting to safeguard our nation’s children. However, I would rather see them take a more proactive approach, than a reactive one. They are reacting to a show, which has already been filmed, which they were not a part of. They have no inside knowledge of the workings of the show. They have no more basis for making claims than the average television viewer sitting at home. Everyone is entitled to an opinion, but these organizations are stating theirs as fact. Case in point this quote from their infamous letter regarding The Baby Borrowers, “Legitimate social experiments are not conducted on national television or on reality shows.” What factual evidence is this based upon?

In addition, the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP) is asking for NBC to pull the show. Their president released this quote, “"A child's sense of security should not be gambled with.” Yet no safe length of separation was quoted. What message does this send to parents who do use child care? What about those in situations that require they be away for a weekend, or even longer in such cases as our military members? This group cites the same studies that Zero to Three does, which in cases of neglect would certainly apply. Fortunately that research is not even remotely applicable to this situation. Had the spokespeople for these groups bothered to conduct further investigation, they might have realized that. Furthermore, the AACAP suggests that they are requesting the show’s cancellation for fear that it “will prompt imitation.” I am not aware of any of these professional organizations calling for the cancellation of Nickelodeon’s Zoey 101 after 16 year old Jamie Lynn Spears announced her pregnancy, fearing that teenagers would try to imitate her behavior. My wife and I had numerous conversations with our children after they learned of her pregnancy and then saw her on the program. Even at such young ages, they wondered why she was still allowed on Nickelodeon. Likewise, I am unaware of any of these professional organizations attempting to minimize exposure of the MA pregnancy pact in the media for fear of other teenagers trying to imitate these misguided young girls.

Natalie and I would actually argue that these teens could use some of these professional organizations standing up for them and supporting our efforts to help them live their lives before they become parents themselves. Instead of focusing on what did not happen to our children during the filming, I implore them to focus on what we are attempting to prevent from happening. None of the children who participated in this experiment were harmed physically or emotionally. But that doesn’t negate the fact that children who are born to teen parents are at an increased risk for different types of abuse and neglect. We are attempting to decrease those numbers. The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy has done a great job of trying to use this program to the advantage of teens and their would-be children.

The bottom line is this: we take pride in knowing that we helped Kelsey choose to live her life and gain the necessary life experiences to make her the best mother that she can be. One day, I believe that she will be that person. I believe in my heart that this was the right thing to do. I could care less about what negative comments others have to say about it, and frankly, we did not do it for them. We did it for all the other Kelsey’s of the world who are at risk of being just another teen pregnancy statistic. We did it in hopes of changing the minds of these young adults who think they need a baby to fill the void in their lives, who think that a baby will give them self worth, or the ones who crave the latest fashion accessory so that they can look like Britney or Jamie Lynn Spears. We did if for the moms and dads who are concerned about their children’s future and will look at this as an opportunity to have them see this serious situation from another perspective. Finally, we did it for our kids!

As far as our children are concerned, they are doing wonderfully. Etta is just the sweetest, most cuddly little angel. She loves to give kisses for no reason, but at the same time, challenges her older brothers. Benjamin is just as ornery as ever. He is determined to do everything himself and loves Diego. He can recall and pronounce every animal from the Diego memory game. Not many 3 year olds can tell you that a photograph is a “pygmy marmoset” but ours can. He loves to give hugs, smile, laugh, run, and play on his scooter. He also refers to Etta as “his baby girl”. My children will grow up knowing that they participated in something that made a positive difference in the lives of others. Nobody can ever take that away and I thank NBC and Love Productions for that opportunity. If that makes me a bad parent, then I will proudly wear that hat.

As for me, I learned a great deal about myself, from watching both Benjamin and Etta interact with Sean and Kelsey. We were able to see them respond to others, without us being around. That was priceless. Benjamin and Etta where birthed naturally, Etta being born at a midwife birthing center. After experiencing that, I believe that it strengthens the bond between mother and child. From the time she came home to the time she participated in the show, it was difficult for me to get alone time with my daughter. She could always sense Natalie was around. But after we saw her bond with Sean, and able to be comforted by another individual, we realized that Natalie was going to have leave Etta and I together by ourselves, a few hours each day, so that we could have our own time together. From a certain point of view, Sean was able to give us this gift.

Kelsey taught us that we could communicate with Benjamin by actually giving him a choice, vs. always telling him what to do. Even at two years old, he understood this concept and reacted nicely to it.

Finally, I also learned that as my children grow up, they will know exactly what I did as a teenager. My life will not be sugar-coated for their benefit. I took the same risks that most teenagers do now, with regards to sex. I started at an early age and did not even consider the consequences that could happen. Anytime the opportunity presented itself, I would say just about anything that would help me have sex. Just because I did not end up being a teen parent, did not mean I was not at risk. My parents always had the same “not my child” mentality as many parents today do, because it was easy to make them think that I did not believe in sex at that age. The fact is, it is everybody’s child who is at risk. Perhaps this show will shine some light on the fact that teens who are at risk for becoming parents are not just low income, uneducated, and unloved. They are your neighbors’ kids, your kids, your nieces and nephews, and more importantly they are our future. No matter how much we try to teach them, how honest we are, they will ultimately make their own decisions. But the more tools we give them, the more perspectives that we allow them to see, will make them that much more informed and increase the chances of them making the right decisions.

Truly,
Chet Nichols
Father to Etta and Benjamin of The Baby Borrowers

Hey Chet!
What you said about Etta and Sean brought me almost to tears! I think he really enjoyes her! She is soo cute!

[nbcskampy]

From Mati & Johnny, parents of Miles and Finn
Cared for by Kelly & Austin

Greetings,

It's so hard to know where to start. NBC came to the boys school looking for identical twin toddlers because over 50% of teens NBC interviewed wanted twins ("it's cute to dress them alike" was the teens responses). The director of the boys school has seen my challenges and told me about the show and said "you would be perfect for this! I see how hard it is having twins and the world needs to see it". Off we went on several casting calls, psych tests, meetings and most importantly our safety concerns and questions that NBC clearly answered and made it very apparent that the safety and welfare of the children was their number one concern. It was proved to be at all times.

Johnny being 40 and I in my late 30's wanted one child and was surprised with identical twin boys. What a journey it has been. Having twins is a blessing and curse all at the same time. Aside from a dangerous pregnancy for both the mother and babies, you're immediately thrown into raising two children that are developing at the same time, both physically and emotionally. Initial needs are the same-eating, sleeping,napping, playing etc... and if you think you do everything twice you've been sadly mislead-it's 4 or 5 times the work!. Aside from general care, taking on the emotional side is the most important battle and one we face head on everyday. Our goal is to raise and treat Miles + Finn like individuals. We want the boys to grow up with their own thoughts,opinions, personalities, dreams, hobbies etc...With this goal being in the forefront of our parenting you can see that dressing them alike is the least of our worries and to be honest is not even an option in our house. Miles + Finn might be identical in looks but are far from being identical in so many aspects.

Johnny and I really wanted teenagers to understand what it's like caring for multiples, hence our participation in the show. Even at our age we find raising twins is rewarding and difficult on a daily basis and when we did the show we never expected negative press. What we expected was "Hats-off to you contributing to society by raising teenage pregnancy awareness". We feel it was our civic duty and we hope that teenagers will watch the show and learn that having kids isn't as easy as it appears. We also wanted teenagers to realize there are a lot of doors in life to open before having children and to go explore what life has to offer...and most especially to explore themselves to see what internal potential they might uncover.

By waiting to have kids, it provided a chance to pave a career path, travel, and enjoy our marriage before having kids. We've been fortunate enough to have a flexible work schedule and provide a stable, happy life for the boys. We hold onto this time while they're young and we're so lucky to be able to spend so much time with them. They are healthy, happy and the light of our everyday.

Would I do the show again? you bet. Not only did we help provide an experience that was life altering for Kelly + Austin but we learned a lot about our children and ourselves. Miles + Finn had a blast on set and even though they can't remember doing the show (it was filmed a year ago) it will be great for them to look back, watch it and know they helped teenagers make a choice for the better of an unborn child.

Mati, Johnny, Miles + Finn (twin toddlers)

[sweet2]

To all of the Parents,
I think it was great you allowed your children to be part of this show. I love it. My husband and I were army parents and left our daughter with babysitters for weeks during deployments, and daycares during the workdays with no seperation issues that I hear complaints about and no cameras or monitors to watch while we were gone. She is almost 30 years old now and we are a very close family.
I enjoyed reading all of your posts and commend you for your participation in this project.

[newlywed0318]

From Danaka Wagner, parent of Isaiah
Cared for by Corey & Alicea

Isaiah and Danaka Wagner,

Since the show taped Isaiah has been impatiently waiting to see himself on TV. Although he was only 3 during taping, he remembers his TV teen parents and asks about them often. He says that he would like to see them again soon.

When the show is on Isaiah is glued to the TV excitedly pointing out the many friends that he made while on the show. Since some of the parents/kids from the show live here in the Boise/Eagle area, we are hoping to put together a play date soon.

We have also kept in touch with Corey and Alicea in Texas and hope to see them again soon. They had their "moments" on the show, but in reality, who among us does not experience difficulties in life. They had a pretty big learning curve.

After the show, Isaiah was ready to come home. Although he seemed to have a great time playing with Corey and Alicea, he was excited to get home and pester his big brother Elijah (age 9). The two brothers are currently running their own night crawler business, selling worms to local fishermen.

Isaiah is 4 now, and more than ready to enter pre-school. He has taken the training wheels off his bike and is determined to be a big boy. He seems to think that he will get to be a pre-teen on The Baby Borrowers next year!

I found that this experiment had a strong impact on our family. While watching from the outside I was able to appreciate some of the small moments in my childs life that we usually rush right thru. Although I could see him on the screen, and knew that he was only a few yards away,
found myself in a constant state of wanting to run across the street to hug and kiss him. Of course, it was also nice to see how Isaiah would behave without me standing over his shoulder. I was pleasantly surprised.

For those that wonder why a mother would allow two teenagers to borrow her child I say simply that "it takes a village." If these two teens from Texas take just one important lesson from Isaiah during this experience, then I know that in the long run we have helped a generation. It is something like the pay it forward concept. If adults in the United States become interested in the younger generation as a whole, one by one, we can make change. My son loved being on the show. There were more safety checks in place than you would find at even the nicest daycare. And Corey and Alecia learned a lot about them selves, and the kind of expectations that the world has for them as an adult. I could not have asked for more.

Danaka Wagner
Isaiah Wagners mommy

Isaiah was soooooooo cute! I loved how he was so concerned when Alecia was crying.

[newlywed0318]

From Natalie Nichols, parent of Etta & Benjamin
Cared for by Sean & Kelsey

I get asked all of the time what on earth would possess me to “give up” my children to inexperienced teens, just to teach them a lesson. For me, the answer is simple. I was those teens, once upon a time. I was a good kid, an honor student, gifted and talented, National Honor Society, Drill Team, Fellowship of Christian Athletes, top 10 in my class, etc. I didn’t do drugs or sneak out and no one ever in my life had to tell me to do my school work. I was in a serious relationship with a boy in high school and my parents adored him. But one day, they decided I could not see him anymore. I felt like they suddenly didn’t trust my judgment, and showing my lack of maturity, I decided to show them how responsible I was. On my sixteenth birthday, I moved out of my house and into my boyfriend’s house. Shortly thereafter he and I came up with the bright idea of getting pregnant on purpose. After all, if we were parents ourselves, no one could tell us what to do and if we did a good job, they would admire us. I got pregnant and then married him when I was 8 months pregnant. I delivered my son a month before I turned 18. I was on Medicaid and WIC because even though he was working, we had no insurance, and since I had moved out of my parents’ house, I was no longer covered under theirs. I breastfed my son, and although my school did have a daycare facility for those of us who were teen moms, they would not allow me frequent enough breaks to maintain a milk supply, and physically nursing him was out of the question. So in my effort to be a good mother to my son, I gave up a huge part of myself and dropped out of school. I graduated a few months after my class through a mail order correspondence diploma course. I put off college because my immature new husband thought that I would meet boys there, and with my lack of understanding of what love was, I thought that was a sign that he dearly loved me. We fought tooth and nail and after 9 years, 2 marriages and 2 children together, we finally admitted to each other and ourselves that we were trying to make something work that was never meant to be. We were just both stubborn, and both had a lot of growing up to do.

Looking back now, as a happily re-married 31 year old mother of 4, I realize that I didn’t know a thing about love and I didn’t do a very good job, by my standards, of being anyone’s mom then. I wish that someone had been able to get through to me at that time in my life. I know deep in my heart that my children deserved the person that I am today as their mother. They never asked to go through the stresses that they endured because I was young and dumb. I had great intentions with them, and we all tell ourselves that we are being the best parent we can be because we are trying. But now that I am able to reflect on it, and my oldest is able to talk with me about it, I realize that I just didn’t know what I was doing.

Contrary to popular belief, there was no compensation for being on the show. I have heard everything from people thinking our children’s college education will be paid for to them thinking we were wined and dined while on the set. The funny thing is that those people really have no idea. Even if the set had been some extravagant thing, we wouldn’t have noticed because we were too busy glued to our children’s every moves on the closed circuit cameras. I can tell you that one bit of priceless compensation I got as a mother was that I will have this tool to use for my own children. I am determined to have my children benefit from the mistakes that I made. I don’t want them to just tune me out, as so many teens do, when they hear me warning of the risks of premarital sex. I can share my own experiences with them and in addition, share this series with them. My 13 year old son, the product of my teen pregnancy, has even learned from The Baby Borrowers. He says that babies are way too much trouble and that he wants to wait until he has accomplished all of his goals before he gets bogged down with children.

I do sincerely wish that the series had been set up as a longer running one. I wish that there had been time to squeeze in some of the great and touching moments the teens had with our babies. I strongly believe that the message resulting from the show is that it is extremely hard to raise a baby, especially if you are still growing into the person you need to become. But at the same time, we show more of the shock and awe moments, and not as many of the loving ones. There were some really sweet times and some serious bonding was happening. I believe that while these teens who stepped up to the plate were learning to love a baby and put the baby first, without even realizing it, they were learning that they have to love themselves now and put themselves first in order to prepare themselves to parent properly later. Of course anyone can have sex, anyone can parent a child. But not everyone can be the parent that they want to be for their child. As a matter of fact, all parents reflect on things they’ve done and wish they had done this or that differently for their kids, it is inevitable. But it isn’t fair to yourself or to your children to stack the odds so great that the majority of your parenting moments will become regrets.

People often ask what surprised me the most about participating in this experiment. I would have to say that the bond that formed between Sean and Etta tops that list. I wish they had been able to show him walking the house with her and letting her sleep on his chest on the couch all night while he stayed awake. He will be an awesome father when he is ready. Very few men are willing to fill the role that he did, as he said "because I had no choice." They usually assume they can cut and run and that babies can prosper as long as the mom is around. I think Sean disproved that theory and showed teen boys everywhere that "dads" are equally important, just in different ways. Especially with little girls, they really respond well when there is a loving male role model in their lives. In my opinion, that is the gist of the whole teen pregnancy crisis. All of us girls want to be made to feel important and loved. It is the dads in our lives who teach us how to do that on our own. If we don't learn that from them at an early enough age, we look for it elsewhere. Listen to teen girls tell their stories, you will usually notice that something "made them feel special" or "important" or "needed" or "wanted." Our dads can teach us that we are all of those things on our own, and then we don't have to believe everything the first guy tells us, because we know better.

Sure The Baby Borrowers shows our children crying. All babies cry. In fact, if they never cried, that could signal some sort of developmental disorder. Babies cry to communicate to us. If they were older, they would have been speaking, but since they couldn’t, they used their best known form of communication. But one thing people fail to realize is that babies also communicate by smiling, laughing, and cooing—all of which they did on set with their teen surrogate parents. There were far more squeals of laughter than there were tears. Because I was there, I can say this with 100% certainty. All of the so-called experts can only postulate, and they have nothing but conjecture to base that on. I would respect their opinions much more if they actually attempted to determine what actually took place. Certainly as experts, they must be aware that in television, only a fraction of what actually happens ever sees the light of day. To base claims on those few moments just seems irresponsible. Opinions are one thing, but when groups that are supposed to be reputable jump to conclusions prematurely and disseminate their judgments, we all fail.

Participating in this show changed our children for the better, in my opinion. Etta became a little more social. She didn’t have as much anxiety about being dropped off at a daycare. She started spending more time with her daddy and a little less time glued to me, although that is where she and I are still most comfortable. She is still the sweetest and most loving little girl one could ask for. She gives kisses by the dozen, just because. She did learn to crawl right after the filming, so we do have to give Sean a little bit of the credit for his efforts in that area. She just turned 18 months old and is a well-adjusted, darling little girl. She is walking, running, dancing, smiling, laughing, and is even trying to beat Benjamin at potty training!

Benjamin is still as ornery as ever. He is a little firecracker and always seems to be the life of the party. You never know what is going to come out of his mouth, or what he will get into next. There is never a dull moment and he always keeps us on our toes. He is smart as a whip and as Sean described him, “wicked strong.” Every time he hears the theme song for the show come on, he runs to the television and screams, “It’s Baby Borrowers! There’s my Sean! There’s my Kelsey! And me!” He is our own little daredevil and likes to pull Etta into his antics. He is funny as all get out, and witty to boot! He got into something the other day and we asked him what happened. His response was, “I didn’t do it. Hmm, looks like we’ve got a mystery on our hands.”

This show has helped me to learn a little something more about myself as well. I have always talked with young new moms when I encounter them, and offer my experience and an ear. Likewise I try to talk to the teens that I come across who seem like me at their age, and just try to push them in the other direction a little. But it wasn’t until I was contacted about this extremely beneficial social experiment that I realized there was a way to actually reach more than just my small circle of life. I cannot say it enough, but the show was already worth it for me and my family just because Kelsey changed her mind about wanting a baby this early. Helping one young woman avoid the same mistakes that I made is priceless. I also look at as if we helped to avoid any children she would have brought into her relationship and been ill-equipped to mother them in the way that she has always dreamed. She wants to be the best mother possible, and she has to be confident in herself as a beautiful person (inside and out) before she can fully give herself to her children. When the time is right for her, she will be an awesome mother. I am just proud to say that I knew her and that she had a good enough head on her shoulders to test drive parenting before she made the lifelong commitment.
I was recently informed that the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry is urging NBC to pull The Baby Borrowers from its lineup. I have to wonder what prompted their press release. I certainly didn’t get a phone call. None of their physicians have interviewed my children to determine how detrimental the separation was to them. It seems to me that they have to be seeking to gain something from this public request, but I can’t figure out what that might be. One of their chief concerns is that the idea of baby borrowing will catch on and babies could be at risk without the cameras there. I am guessing they haven’t heard of the novel concept of babysitting. Teens have been doing this for years, only the ones involved in the experiment did it to learn instead of to earn spending money. It is untrue to claim that teens are more likely to neglect and/or abuse children if this experiment is emulated. In fact, most shaken baby syndrome perpetrators are the male fathers or the mothers’ boyfriends in their early 20s. (according to www.thearc.org.) Female shakers are generally childcare providers or babysitters. In addition, I keep seeing headlines that state, “Experts call for NBC to pull The Baby Borrowers.” Maybe it is just me, but I don’t consider AACAP President Robert Hendren, D.O. to be an expert on this subject. He might be an expert in the field of child psychiatry, but he is ignorant to the facts of this particular social experiment, therefore his claims are baseless. He has not visited with the children involved. He has not spoken with the parents that were involved. He has made no assessment of any of their psychological well-being. The only thing that he has done is to make outlandish claims that garner headlines. He, in my opinion, is portraying his organization no differently than a newsstand tabloid. I welcome him to interview my children to determine the level of detriment this experience has had on them. I challenge him to find something real, as opposed to hypothesizing, in any of the children who participated which shows that they were emotionally harmed by their participation.

In conclusion, I would not trade this experience for anything. All of the participants in this experiment have been accused of doing it for monetary gain, regardless of the fact that there was no compensation involved. I find that to be an odd accusation. Had someone come up to me and offered me $50,000 not to involve my children, I would have turned them down without batting an eye. The opportunity to help these teens is much more valuable to me than any money anyone could offer. It is easy to sit back and judge others claiming that there must be some other way to help. I think that claim is ridiculous. Of all the programs out there designed to curb teen pregnancy rates, which ones are actually doing any good? My guess is not many. The Baby Borrowers may not be the only way to minimize the impact teen pregnancy has on our society, but it is another tool in the arsenal. What we have been trying hasn’t been working, as evidenced by the latest headlines from MA. If the status quo is not working, sometimes you have to try something new, and I applaud Richard McKerrow, Tom Shelly, Love Productions, and NBC for doing just that. I thank them for the opportunity to be a part of such a noble effort.

Sincerely,
Natalie Nichols
Mother to Etta and Benjamin of The Baby Borrowers

You know your stuff! What a well written response to all the stupid comments about these parents being crazy for letting their children be a part of this experiment. Parent's have no problem leaving their kids with babysitters everyday with none of the precautions that this show had. I wish my husband and I could do this experiment and we aren't even teens, just thinking about being parents!!

[TheIngersoll5]

Hi moms and dads of the babies/toddlers on the Baby Borrowers:
My husband and I have 3 kids - 6, 4 and 8 months and I think you guys are so awesome to let these teens have this experience. I would definitely participate if it would help just one teen wait another 10 years to have that first child. I admire all of you for doing this and trusting the show to take good care of your children. Overall, I think most of the teens have been trying really hard to do their best, but you can tell that some of them are just not used to having to think about anyone else but themselves. It's a good lesson so that they can see just how much you have to GIVE of yourself to be a parent. You basically give it your all, all of yourself, all of your time, all of your heart. You do it because you love them, but there are days where you want to run away and pull all of your hair out! Right? Anyway, as a teen I would have NEVER been able to take care of another person besides myself. I had no business making decisions for my future, much less for another little person's future. I also think it's great that they learn the role of the working parent as well. My husband works about 70 hours a week just to make a good living for all of us. Then, when he gets home, the kids want all of his time, and then we're tired and go to bed and then guess what!? It's time to do it all over again! It's a great life, but the kind of life that an adult should live. Kudos to all of you for giving of your time and your children's time to teach something to a generation who has a difficult time seeing consequences! Keep it up NBC, don't stop this show. I don't care what other people might say, you guys have got it right doing this.

Sidebar - what do you parents think about the teens sleeping in the same bed? I kind of have issues with that part, but overall love the show.

[IteachU]

From Natalie Nichols, parent of Etta & Benjamin
Cared for by Sean & Kelsey

I get asked all of the time what on earth would possess me to “give up” my children to inexperienced teens, just to teach them a lesson. For me, the answer is simple. I was those teens, once upon a time. I was a good kid, an honor student, gifted and talented, National Honor Society, Drill Team, Fellowship of Christian Athletes, top 10 in my class, etc. I didn’t do drugs or sneak out and no one ever in my life had to tell me to do my school work. I was in a serious relationship with a boy in high school and my parents adored him. But one day, they decided I could not see him anymore. I felt like they suddenly didn’t trust my judgment, and showing my lack of maturity, I decided to show them how responsible I was. On my sixteenth birthday, I moved out of my house and into my boyfriend’s house. Shortly thereafter he and I came up with the bright idea of getting pregnant on purpose. After all, if we were parents ourselves, no one could tell us what to do and if we did a good job, they would admire us. I got pregnant and then married him when I was 8 months pregnant. I delivered my son a month before I turned 18. I was on Medicaid and WIC because even though he was working, we had no insurance, and since I had moved out of my parents’ house, I was no longer covered under theirs. I breastfed my son, and although my school did have a daycare facility for those of us who were teen moms, they would not allow me frequent enough breaks to maintain a milk supply, and physically nursing him was out of the question. So in my effort to be a good mother to my son, I gave up a huge part of myself and dropped out of school. I graduated a few months after my class through a mail order correspondence diploma course. I put off college because my immature new husband thought that I would meet boys there, and with my lack of understanding of what love was, I thought that was a sign that he dearly loved me. We fought tooth and nail and after 9 years, 2 marriages and 2 children together, we finally admitted to each other and ourselves that we were trying to make something work that was never meant to be. We were just both stubborn, and both had a lot of growing up to do.

Looking back now, as a happily re-married 31 year old mother of 4, I realize that I didn’t know a thing about love and I didn’t do a very good job, by my standards, of being anyone’s mom then. I wish that someone had been able to get through to me at that time in my life. I know deep in my heart that my children deserved the person that I am today as their mother. They never asked to go through the stresses that they endured because I was young and dumb. I had great intentions with them, and we all tell ourselves that we are being the best parent we can be because we are trying. But now that I am able to reflect on it, and my oldest is able to talk with me about it, I realize that I just didn’t know what I was doing.

Contrary to popular belief, there was no compensation for being on the show. I have heard everything from people thinking our children’s college education will be paid for to them thinking we were wined and dined while on the set. The funny thing is that those people really have no idea. Even if the set had been some extravagant thing, we wouldn’t have noticed because we were too busy glued to our children’s every moves on the closed circuit cameras. I can tell you that one bit of priceless compensation I got as a mother was that I will have this tool to use for my own children. I am determined to have my children benefit from the mistakes that I made. I don’t want them to just tune me out, as so many teens do, when they hear me warning of the risks of premarital sex. I can share my own experiences with them and in addition, share this series with them. My 13 year old son, the product of my teen pregnancy, has even learned from The Baby Borrowers. He says that babies are way too much trouble and that he wants to wait until he has accomplished all of his goals before he gets bogged down with children.

I do sincerely wish that the series had been set up as a longer running one. I wish that there had been time to squeeze in some of the great and touching moments the teens had with our babies. I strongly believe that the message resulting from the show is that it is extremely hard to raise a baby, especially if you are still growing into the person you need to become. But at the same time, we show more of the shock and awe moments, and not as many of the loving ones. There were some really sweet times and some serious bonding was happening. I believe that while these teens who stepped up to the plate were learning to love a baby and put the baby first, without even realizing it, they were learning that they have to love themselves now and put themselves first in order to prepare themselves to parent properly later. Of course anyone can have sex, anyone can parent a child. But not everyone can be the parent that they want to be for their child. As a matter of fact, all parents reflect on things they’ve done and wish they had done this or that differently for their kids, it is inevitable. But it isn’t fair to yourself or to your children to stack the odds so great that the majority of your parenting moments will become regrets.

People often ask what surprised me the most about participating in this experiment. I would have to say that the bond that formed between Sean and Etta tops that list. I wish they had been able to show him walking the house with her and letting her sleep on his chest on the couch all night while he stayed awake. He will be an awesome father when he is ready. Very few men are willing to fill the role that he did, as he said "because I had no choice." They usually assume they can cut and run and that babies can prosper as long as the mom is around. I think Sean disproved that theory and showed teen boys everywhere that "dads" are equally important, just in different ways. Especially with little girls, they really respond well when there is a loving male role model in their lives. In my opinion, that is the gist of the whole teen pregnancy crisis. All of us girls want to be made to feel important and loved. It is the dads in our lives who teach us how to do that on our own. If we don't learn that from them at an early enough age, we look for it elsewhere. Listen to teen girls tell their stories, you will usually notice that something "made them feel special" or "important" or "needed" or "wanted." Our dads can teach us that we are all of those things on our own, and then we don't have to believe everything the first guy tells us, because we know better.

Sure The Baby Borrowers shows our children crying. All babies cry. In fact, if they never cried, that could signal some sort of developmental disorder. Babies cry to communicate to us. If they were older, they would have been speaking, but since they couldn’t, they used their best known form of communication. But one thing people fail to realize is that babies also communicate by smiling, laughing, and cooing—all of which they did on set with their teen surrogate parents. There were far more squeals of laughter than there were tears. Because I was there, I can say this with 100% certainty. All of the so-called experts can only postulate, and they have nothing but conjecture to base that on. I would respect their opinions much more if they actually attempted to determine what actually took place. Certainly as experts, they must be aware that in television, only a fraction of what actually happens ever sees the light of day. To base claims on those few moments just seems irresponsible. Opinions are one thing, but when groups that are supposed to be reputable jump to conclusions prematurely and disseminate their judgments, we all fail.

Participating in this show changed our children for the better, in my opinion. Etta became a little more social. She didn’t have as much anxiety about being dropped off at a daycare. She started spending more time with her daddy and a little less time glued to me, although that is where she and I are still most comfortable. She is still the sweetest and most loving little girl one could ask for. She gives kisses by the dozen, just because. She did learn to crawl right after the filming, so we do have to give Sean a little bit of the credit for his efforts in that area. She just turned 18 months old and is a well-adjusted, darling little girl. She is walking, running, dancing, smiling, laughing, and is even trying to beat Benjamin at potty training!

Benjamin is still as ornery as ever. He is a little firecracker and always seems to be the life of the party. You never know what is going to come out of his mouth, or what he will get into next. There is never a dull moment and he always keeps us on our toes. He is smart as a whip and as Sean described him, “wicked strong.” Every time he hears the theme song for the show come on, he runs to the television and screams, “It’s Baby Borrowers! There’s my Sean! There’s my Kelsey! And me!” He is our own little daredevil and likes to pull Etta into his antics. He is funny as all get out, and witty to boot! He got into something the other day and we asked him what happened. His response was, “I didn’t do it. Hmm, looks like we’ve got a mystery on our hands.”

This show has helped me to learn a little something more about myself as well. I have always talked with young new moms when I encounter them, and offer my experience and an ear. Likewise I try to talk to the teens that I come across who seem like me at their age, and just try to push them in the other direction a little. But it wasn’t until I was contacted about this extremely beneficial social experiment that I realized there was a way to actually reach more than just my small circle of life. I cannot say it enough, but the show was already worth it for me and my family just because Kelsey changed her mind about wanting a baby this early. Helping one young woman avoid the same mistakes that I made is priceless. I also look at as if we helped to avoid any children she would have brought into her relationship and been ill-equipped to mother them in the way that she has always dreamed. She wants to be the best mother possible, and she has to be confident in herself as a beautiful person (inside and out) before she can fully give herself to her children. When the time is right for her, she will be an awesome mother. I am just proud to say that I knew her and that she had a good enough head on her shoulders to test drive parenting before she made the lifelong commitment.
I was recently informed that the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry is urging NBC to pull The Baby Borrowers from its lineup. I have to wonder what prompted their press release. I certainly didn’t get a phone call. None of their physicians have interviewed my children to determine how detrimental the separation was to them. It seems to me that they have to be seeking to gain something from this public request, but I can’t figure out what that might be. One of their chief concerns is that the idea of baby borrowing will catch on and babies could be at risk without the cameras there. I am guessing they haven’t heard of the novel concept of babysitting. Teens have been doing this for years, only the ones involved in the experiment did it to learn instead of to earn spending money. It is untrue to claim that teens are more likely to neglect and/or abuse children if this experiment is emulated. In fact, most shaken baby syndrome perpetrators are the male fathers or the mothers’ boyfriends in their early 20s. (according to www.thearc.org.) Female shakers are generally childcare providers or babysitters. In addition, I keep seeing headlines that state, “Experts call for NBC to pull The Baby Borrowers.” Maybe it is just me, but I don’t consider AACAP President Robert Hendren, D.O. to be an expert on this subject. He might be an expert in the field of child psychiatry, but he is ignorant to the facts of this particular social experiment, therefore his claims are baseless. He has not visited with the children involved. He has not spoken with the parents that were involved. He has made no assessment of any of their psychological well-being. The only thing that he has done is to make outlandish claims that garner headlines. He, in my opinion, is portraying his organization no differently than a newsstand tabloid. I welcome him to interview my children to determine the level of detriment this experience has had on them. I challenge him to find something real, as opposed to hypothesizing, in any of the children who participated which shows that they were emotionally harmed by their participation.

In conclusion, I would not trade this experience for anything. All of the participants in this experiment have been accused of doing it for monetary gain, regardless of the fact that there was no compensation involved. I find that to be an odd accusation. Had someone come up to me and offered me $50,000 not to involve my children, I would have turned them down without batting an eye. The opportunity to help these teens is much more valuable to me than any money anyone could offer. It is easy to sit back and judge others claiming that there must be some other way to help. I think that claim is ridiculous. Of all the programs out there designed to curb teen pregnancy rates, which ones are actually doing any good? My guess is not many. The Baby Borrowers may not be the only way to minimize the impact teen pregnancy has on our society, but it is another tool in the arsenal. What we have been trying hasn’t been working, as evidenced by the latest headlines from MA. If the status quo is not working, sometimes you have to try something new, and I applaud Richard McKerrow, Tom Shelly, Love Productions, and NBC for doing just that. I thank them for the opportunity to be a part of such a noble effort.

Sincerely,
Natalie Nichols
Mother to Etta and Benjamin of The Baby Borrowers

Thank you for a thorough and thoughtful explanation. Hope you'll write a book someday. You are a wonderful writer and parent. I hope everyone with concerns will read what you and your husband have to say.

[MelTheRealityJun...]

I LOVE watching this show! However, I think some of the parents are being way TOO hard on the teens. They need to put themselves in the kids shoes. They are being handed off to people they do not know and are staying over night with them. That is very hard on a little kid and extremely difficult for a baby. To the teens that are on the show...you all are doing GREAT!!! Do not let the parents get you down. Because once they are your own children it will be competely different. Yes, this show shows you some of the effects of having children but this is more like babysitting overnight than having your own kids. I'm impressed with you all.

Again, I LOVE the show!

[anagolfinho]

This show is fantastic and the parents all should be commended for allowing their children to participate! They certainly should not be criticised for doing something so altruistic that impacts the greater good. It is such a selfless act that it saddens me that others are quick to judge them. Imagine how difficult it must have been to entrust their children to this project! But they did so in order that others learn and make good choices. By allowing their children to participate, they have changed many lives and that is ... incredible.
We need a public face on the problem of people having children when they are not ready- teens or not- it affects a lot more than just the teens, but their families, society and most importantly the babies they have. Hopefully this experiment will show not just the teens participating, but those watching that it is a whole lot more complicated than they thought, and more maturity is necessary before embarking on the parenting journey.

Thank you parents, teens and NBC!

[JSRK]

I agree that Sasha and Jordan did do the best they could; however, it in NO way excuses their reactions to criticism. Cussing out and yelling at an adult (or anyone!) is completely disrespectful and showed their immaturity. When Jordan had to drag Sasha out the back door because she was completely losing it, I was stunned.

I think if a person feels that they are ready to be parents, they should be ready to act like adults. Sometimes I feel like screaming and cussing out people too, but as an adult, I do not have the luxury to lash out impulsively and immaturely. Screaming and cussing is a poor way to get your voice, and more importantly, your perspective and opinion, heard and understood and taken seriously. I was saddened to see how disrespectfully some of the teens appeared to respond to criticism (what was shown on TV, anyway), but was more angry that the teenagers felt they had the right to hurl curse words out right and left.

Oh, I agree.
I felt as though Sasha didn't know how to take constructive criticism. I mean, isn't that the point of this whole exercise? I didn't think Luke's mom was being confrontational at all. I think she held herself together pretty well, just to get disrespected by Sasha.
As disappointed as I was by Sasha in tonight's episode, I do have to remember how well she did with the baby she cared for.
Maybe that's why she lashed out the way she did? Maybe she expected it was gonna go smoothly all along?
I can't quote her exactly, but as Jordan was getting her to go outside, she was saying something about "what if the baby only bonds with him...what are you gonna do then? what are you gonna do then?"
Sasha needs to realize that no one else is gonna do anything about it.....Sasha and Jordan will have to be the ones to deal with it. So the question is "What is she gonna do about it?"
And I couldn't feel like she was being too defensive when she kept saying that she and Jordan were not dumb. I didn't think that was implied by Luke's mother.

Or did I miss something????