my lame and futile efforts to solicit a job from Conan continue. today i thought i'd whip up some celebrity secrets for abe vigoda.
1."I always wanted Gabe Kaplan cast in the role of Cpt. Barney Miller."
2. "I answer all of my fan mail personally... on the back of checks i get from Conan."
3. "In the original script of "The Godfather", my character wasn't driven out and shot. Instead, the family booked him several cameo appaerances on a late night talk show. This induced the character to kill himself"
4. "Even after all these years people still call me Fish. I just smile and nod... then i cut the b@#tard."