Hello:

I'm new to posting but I have read the board off and on for quite a while. I read a post the other night from I think Kresine who was talking about friends that were afraid to post because someone might say something mean to them. I realized that even tho I'm not one of those friends of hers that she was describing me. And so I said to myself what am I so afraid of?

So I'm writing because I wanted to share something that sort of parallels this in my life. I think it was on another post that DaraCat said something about people not losing because of being afraid to face themselves without the Xcuse of being fat. Boy that was me!!! I won't get into it all but a special person came into my life that really helped me love myself and get rid of those fears. I guess that fear is a habit I'll always have to deal with (and CONQUER!!), and I'm posting because this is my way of overcoming another fear. So-called "public speaking."

Well what I wanted to say is that I lost 100 lbs. My life was so changed. Things changed I didn't think would change. Like my best friend, 5'1" and 200 lbs. She was in the same weight-loss group that I was in (but she gained instead) and so she turned on me in the very cruelest way when I got thin. She spread rumors about me & talked about my "attitute" and just dissed me. Really she didn't fool anyone and dissed herself because everyone came to me and told me & said they could see through her BS. We'd been friends since elementary school. Well at first I was SO hurt but then after we severed our friendship, my new husband was bragging about me to someone and told the person that I lost 300 lbs. I was confused for a moment and then I realized that he meant the 100 lbs. of fat on my body and the 200 lbs. of fat on hers!!

Looking back, hindsight is 20/20 right??? well I could see the many ways that she worked hard to keep me fat like her. I was wondering if other people like me, who have either lost weight or who are in the process of losing it have had or have people in their lives who want to keep you fat.

So that's how I "lost" 300 lbs.

"Windy"

hey windy welcome!!!

I'll have to tell my chicken-@ssed friends that should be brave like you! :-)

your story is SO similar in many ways to mine ---- i had a supposed best friend who acted the same freakin' way. I never thought to "do the math" the way your hub did it, but i guess I DID lose even more than the 90 lbs. I thought I'd lost. And u know, it's not just about the weight thing b/c when u have people like that in your life u later start seeing ALL of the ways they held u down.

i never even thought to post this b/f when i was telling my own story but when i started thinking about it, i began to see all the ways in which this "friend" was trying to come between me and my future hub! she SO did not want my happiness. i guess she wanted us to be sisters in misery or something but f that, u know??? She's married now too but i won't even begin to describe her hub & his macho, beer-drinking, couch potato ways. okay, well, i guess i did BEGIN to describe this gem of a guy, didn't I?????

i know a lot of people have had people who were NOT happy about the weight loss but i'm kind of interested like u are in how it took the weight thing for us to realize that we were in dysfunctional friendships the entire time, u know??? It's funny how one thing can just change another and so on. If u have been reading the boards then you know i'm a rambler so i'll try to spare u, okay? Glad u posted!!

I have a Q to ask EVERYONE:

Do u think that people who have lost a lot of weight have more problems with women getting upset or men? i know there are some men who become threatened (not happy) when their woman start looking good -------- and then there are those guys who seem to care only about thin women/arm candy. Weird freaking world.

Kresine (who's part of the weird freakin' world)

Thanks for responding to my post, Kresine. My husband I were talking about people and jealousy & we started seeing situations in our own lives that went way beyond losing weight. Like my husband has a close friend who made/MAKES BIG buckaroos at a young age as he is very smart. He said he lost friends because they were jealous, had people TRY to be his friend because he had money, & the real friends were just happy for him and went on about their relationship w/o any difference. We were saying that everyone might see the people around them SO differently if everyone had a major positive event happen. (Or negative, too but I don't wish that on anyone). I saw that because my uncle was really successful and then he made a bad judgment and a lot went downhill fast. He & my aunt lost a lot of "friends & some who just ignored them or told him that he made them uncomfortable. He's on his way back up now and some of them are trying to get on his good side again. He told me that for those people he has no good side. It all makes you wonder, tho.

Hello WW:

I'm also glad you posted. What you wrote reminded me of something I hadn't thought of for years and that is how so many people have lost friends simply through divorce. I'm not speaking so much of a couple splitting, and one person retaining friendships and the other losing it, but simply single people (esp. women) who were suddenly outcasts among their circle of friends.

I have NO idea why, but what you wrote made me think of this OPRAH show over 10 years ago where this woman was talking about how her "friends" just didn't want anything to do with her. Her one former close friend just stood up in the audience and said, "Well, just don't have anything in common anymore!" It was SO callous and repulsive. I'm sure, at the bottom of it, this woman was afraid of 1) it happening to her (and she deserved it, too), or 2) the myth that suddenly single women are animals who will go after anyone's man that isn't shackled to their spouse or girlfriend!

It's very odd how people react to events in others lives. I also know people who have lost friends after getting cancer. Would make an interesting book but I don't have time to write it. (All of my free time is devoted on posting on this board! JUST KIDDING! :0)

=^..^=

Wow, interesting. I remember when I was in my teens my mom had a friend who lost her husband at 32 to brain cancer. I haven't thought about her for a really long time but your post made me remember. (She moved away from here). I remember at the ripe old age of 14 my mom telling me that she had one through this terrible tragedy and people were nice (sort of) but then once the funeral was over she was sort of shunned. My mom was explaining to me that people felt uncomfortable with a single woman. First my mom felt that many people don't like to be around someone grieving but after a while, it became obvious that something else was at play like people thinking she was lonely and would steal their husbands. The entire thing hurt her a lot and so she moved back to where she was originally from to be with her family. Wow. I say that because I should ask my mom if she know whatever became of her.


I had a QUESTION I wanted to ask people that I forgot on my very first post. One thing that always interested me was someone's "trigger." No not Roy Roger's horse (my grandpa loved him!!) but for those who were fat and lost, was there a single "trigger" where you finally said, "I'm losing it." So many people try and fail (like I did) and so I'm fascinated by those moments when people just said enough and began the road to success. For me it was meeting my husband who like me so much that he overlooked the weight and still got to know me. He built up my self esteem and I wanted to lose weight to feel good about me. It was always important to him that I do it FOR me not him.


"windy"

P.S. Oh, I reread my post and it sounds so funny when I said people who were "fat and lost." Well, I was actually "lost" when I was fat, but I meant to say people who were fat and lost weight. Just to clarify.

Interesting question and one I can easily answer. My wife and I had attended the wedding of a good friend. A few months later, while being shown the proofs for the wedding album, we were simulatneously horrified to see ourselves looking overweight and beyond our years. As a matter of fact, horrified is too mild a word!

My wife, who is petit, has now lost her weight and I'm pretty much there myself. We often wonder why we didn't see this looking in a mirror, but there was something about those photographs that got to us in a big way. We've lost a total of 82 lbs. since then. We've been showered with compliments ever since and we're both posing for photographs again!

I hope more people will respond to this! I'd enjoy hearing other people's experiences.

Over and out.

H.

Hey, great question! I can tell u a story about a neighbor of mine who was in my weight loss group. Her mother-in-law, a super nice lady, lives "with" them in an apartment w/sep. entrance off their house. She takes care of the kids every day & she's so nice & non-intrusive so it worked out for the entire family to have her live there. So the point is that people were used to knowing that that she was there. anyway, well what happened was that my neighbor was at a Home Depot w/her hub and they ran into someone who used to have a lawn service in our neighborhood like 7-8 years before. So this guy didn't know faces all that well and said to my neighbor's hub, "how's your wife doing?" she goes "i am his wife!" and it was like SO clear that he was thinking she was the mom who lived there, esp. as the MIL was always around in the day w/the kids and is an attractive lady. But still it was one of those moments when u r freakin' MOR-ti-FIED and then some, u know????? The guy who said it didn't really know them so he just goes, "oh, sorry" and walks off. That was for sure her "trigger" moment!!!

Kresine (who had a lot of trigger moments but finally one of them stuck!)

i saw my old lady out w/some dude one night & she didn't even care that i caught her @ss just told me I was too fat & she didn't like fat men. That only triggered me to find another womean who didn't mind a little gut but seeing how much better these guys looked on last season's show made me care enough. i think I need some hot babe to pull my tirgger but i'm thinking about it mre. Used to be i didn' think at all & it probably sounds lke I still dn't cause I can't type or write well w/$h*t but i'm a good guy.

forgot to say that i did lose 10 lbs. of gut but gained it back. Gotta kick the brewski habit. I know that, man.

IMHO, most people put their weight back on not because they can't handle food, but they are uncomfortable in their new skin. All of a sudden people have a new attitude from friends and family, and they don't like it.

Good for you for off-loading your creepy friend. It may be time for some new buddies, especially if you can now participate in new types of sporting activities.

Cham: what you believe may be very true for some people, but certainly was not at all true for me. I would always start to lose weight, then stop, because of my own fears. Once I finally was ready to BE thin, and lost all the weight, I could not have cared less what people thought. If every friend I had stopped talking to me because they were jealous, I wouldn't have let that do anything but motivate me more. Once I actually GOT thin and knew how good it felt, how healthy I felt, there wasn't any going back.

But, MANY MANY people certainly have lost a ton of weight and put it back on, so I do not disagree with your assessment, only saying it's not true in my case.

To WW: I agree. Friends like that were very likely never your friend at all. Good riddance.

=^..^=

I'm gonna lose the weight and when I do I won't be going back to the chicks who called me fat and beergut. i'm a nice guy good to women and respect them and i know i've got a gut but can't take the name calling. Still got all my hair and ain't too tough on the eyes when I'm w/o the gut. guess i need to get some guts to light a fire under my butt to get movin' in order to lose the other gut. i quit smokin' when my uncle died young from smokin' so i should be able to do this too, yeah?

If you were able to quit smoking you should definitely be able to lose weight. At least our bodies were meant to have food; they were not meant to be destroyed by tar and nicotine. Good luck Guitar Man.

Don't worry just keep trying and I'm sure you will get there - to reach your goal. It was hard for me too, but I was determine not to go back the way I was. Keep trying.

hey thanx. I appreciate the vote of confidance. a few weeks ago i was playing a local gig at a bar and my buddies overherd some ladies talking and one said something about how I would be hot if I didn't have the gut. some people seem to care less about how they look & stuff when they get older but i think its botherin me more cause i want to be happy when i look in the mirror and now i don't look in mirrors exept my face to shave and then I cant see how fat the rest of me is. i'm starting but cuttin down on the brewskis and so much junk food. it don't even taste that good to me because I know it makes me look like s/t. i gotta do this. its depressingg being like this. don't like myself like this no more.

Hi Guitar Man. I am glad to hear you are doing something good for yourself. I just wanted to say that it's really good that you're going to cut down on the junk food. I just wanted to say to you that you should remember it's about a lot more than losing weight because eating bad food even if you are skinny can still make you a prime target for heart disease. So think about being healthy too and maybe that will inspire you even more okay?