Pretty simple thread. Just post your favourite quotes from The Office! =D

Michael Scott: "This is our receptionist, Pam. If you think she's cute now, you should have seen her a couple years ago."

Michael Scott: "Would I rather be feared or loved? Um... Easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me."

Pam Beesley: "I suggested we flip a coin, but Angela said she doesn't like to gamble. Of course by saying that, she was gambling that I wouldn't smack her."

god, there are so many. I love all of them, but one of my favorites is " Was I harsh with cutting benefits? Perhaps. In the wild, there is no health care. In the wild it's ow. I hurt my leg. I can't run. A lion eats me. And I'm dead. I'm not dead, I'm the lion. You're dead." also who can't love "Joe Macarthy. Richard Nixon. Studabaker. Television. North Korea. South Korea. Marlyn Monroe. Ryan Started the fire!"

Dwight Schrute: The problem, Jim, is that people who are really suffering from a medical condition won't receive the care they need because someone in this office is coming up with ridiculous stuff. Count Choculitis.
Jim Halpert: Sounds Tough.
Dwight Schrute: Why did you write that down, Jim? Is it because you know I love Count Chocula?


hahaha YES! that was good... along with SOOOO many other moments

Michael: "Apparently in the medicine community, negative means good. Which makes absolutely no sense. In the real-world community that would be chaos."

Dwight: "Michael? Michael, Michael, Michael. Come here, come here, come here. Listen up everyone! It is the 11:23 exactly. The exact moment when you emerged from your mother?s vaginal canal!"

I don't remember the exact words but I loved when Michael made his own yellow bracelet in support of Kevin having skin cancer. When he found out he tore it off.

My new favorite quote is "Jim Halpert, price check on fabric softener." That was just so funny when Pam was doing that over the PA system!

Jim: What has two thumbs and hates Todd Packer? This guy (points to himself).

That was in the sexual harrassment episode right after we first meet Todd Packer.

Great thread. I have so many! But here's a sequence that comes to mind from the episode "Michael's birthday."

DWIGHT: That suit is amazing.
MICHAEL: Thank you very much. It is from Italy. (looks at label) Actu---No. Bulgaria.
DWIGHT: Hmmm. Maybe I should get one.
MICHAEL: Good luck. One of a kind.
DWIGHT: Ebay.

Dwight then asks Michael if he can be in charge of party planning. Michael tells him no, not necessary...
"The party planning committee has been working 24/7 all day yesterday."

Can I say every word that comes out of every characters mouth? lol

2 that come to mind that make me laugh but I couldn't tell you why:

Michael: New York, New York. City so nice they named it twice.

Pam to Dwight: No, not like a ham.

"I can travel anywhere that I want, except for Cuba, and I will travel to New Zealand and walk the Lord of The Rings path to Mordor"

"and it was there that I misspelled the word failure in front of the entire school"

www.thoughtsfromadude.com

On board with dude213

Micheal: "When the son of the diposed King of Nigeria emails you directly asking for help, you help. His father ran the freaking country, okay"
-------------
Dwight: "Why tip someone for a job I'm capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can, and do, cut my own hair. I did however tip my urologist because I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones."
-------------
Angela to Dwight: "Don't expect any cookie."

(from the Count Chocula scene)
Dwight: No one has anal fissures.
Kevin: Someone has them.

Michael: Dwight is a Wuss when we rented amargedon he cried at the end of it.
Dwight: Michael I told you it was because it was new years eve and it started to snow at exactly midnight.

my fave:

Mr. Brown: What is a hero to you?

Dwight: A hero kills people; people that wish him harm. A hero is part human and part supernatural. A hero is born out of a childhood trauma or a disaster that must be avenged.

Mr. Brown: OK ? umm ? You?re thinking of a super hero.

Dwight: We all have a hero in our heart.

Well, not enough space for all of them...

Dwight: Women are like wolves. If you want a wolf, you have to trap it. You have to snare it. And then you have to tame it... keep it happy, care for it, feed it... LOVINGLY... the way an animal deserves to be loved. And my animal deserves a lot of loving...

Dwight: What's this? What is this?
Jim: I don't know, it's on your desk
Dwight: But who put it here? And for what purpose?
Jim: It was there when I sat down.
Dwight: (opens box carefully with swiss army knife, reading card) Happy...Valentines...day... (pulls out bobblehead doll). It's me. I'm the bobble head!... YES!!!

And my all time favorite...

Jim: Let's just get to the elevator.
Dwight: Choon choon choon choon, choon choon choon choon
Jim: What are you doing?
Dwight: Viet Nam sounds
Jim: (sprays dwight with water bottle) Wake Up!
Pam: Dwight, here. let me help you Dwight, get up.
Dwight: It smells like chicken soup
Pam: I know.
Dwight: I have to go to the hospital.
Pam: I know.
Dwight: Where are we going?
Pam: I just want to say goodbye, ok.
Dwight: Well, I'll be back..
Pam: Yeah, I know, but it's going to be different.
Dwight: Why?
Pam: It's just hard to explain.
Dwight: Oh, Pam you're adorable...(tweaks Pam's nose)
Pam: Oh, my goodness! (hugs Dwight)
Dwight: Oh, Huggy hugs!

Some of our favourites --

Michael to Pam: You ought to get those checked out, they're ticking time bags.

Dwight: I prefer large-breasted women. Not for me, but for my children. The Schrutes produce thirsty babies.

Michael: Has anyone seen a package in my office?? .... and also... What pipe broke open and left that there?

Dwight: They'll all get onto the same cycle and reak havoc on our plumbing.

Just wanna say thanks for all the quotes, I now have a new away message for every day of my life.

"Please Don't Throw Trash At Me."
-Basketball: PAM

oh there isn't enough room... they are so great. my fiance and i quote the show all the time.


Michael: what is your middle name?
Dwight: danger...
Jim: It's Kurt. Man it's sad that I know that!

Michael: Meredith... Mary... Mary had a little lamb. Don't bring that lamb to work it will poop on the floor!

Michael: Why does society force us to use urinals when sitting down is far more comfortable?

Michael: HO HO HO... [censored]!

Michael: Hi Ryan... this is Michael Jackson... calling from Wonderland
Ryan: You mean Neverland?
Michael: This is Tito.

Some of my favourites from the "Sexual Harassment" episode:

Michael: "One time we were out and we met this set of twins, and Packer told them that we were brothers. And, so you know, one thing led to another. And we brought them back to the motel. And Packer did both of them ? it was awesome."


Dwight: "Hey Toby. You said that we could come to you if we had any questions?where?s the clitoris? On the website it said ?at the crest of the labia.? What does that mean?"


Packer: "There?s this guy and he?s at a nymphomaniac convention and he is psyched because all these women are smokin? hot perfect 10s except for this one woman who looks a lot like ? like" [points at Phyllis]

Kevin: "Phyllis?"

Michael: "No, no, no?that crosses the line."

Packer: "Ex-squeeze me?"

Michael: "Not you, Kevin. It?s just unwarranted. Hostile work environment Kevin."

Kevin: "Well Packer said it."

Michael: "No you said it. He pointed. A point is not a say."


Michael: "You know what? I love Phyllis. You know what else? I think she is gorgeous. I think she is an incredibly, incredibly attractive person. Come here, gimme a kiss?comon?!"

Phyllis: "Michael, you don?t have to worry. I?m not going to report you to HR?"

Michael: "I?m not worried! You know what? The only thing I am worried about? Getting a boner."

Ok, gotta post some more, these are too good...

Jim: I thought you were inventing diseases? That's spontaneous Dento-Hydroplosion.

Dwight: Would I ever leave this company? Look, I'm all about loyalty. In fact, I fell like part of what I'm getting paid for here is my loyalty. But if there were somewhere else that valued that loyalty more highly... I'm going wherever they value loyalty the most.

Dwight: (into phone) So you got the fax? So why didn't you add it to the resum... What do you mean? Of course martial arts training is relevant! Oh, excuse me, I know about a billion Asians that would beg to differ... Uh... Yeah, I get a little frustrated when I'm dealing with incompetence! Well, you know what, you can go to hell too. And I will see you there. Burning! Fine!.... wait, so you will let me know when you've made a decision?

Dwight: A 30 year mortgage at Michaels age essentially means he's buying a coffin. If I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls so you couldn't hear the other dead people...

Dwight: Shalom. I'd like apply for a home loan.
Pam: Okay, I guess if I have to...I'd say that maybe you might not be a very good driver.
Dwight: Ah man, am I a woman!?

Kevin: You wanna go to the beach?
Angela: Sure.
Kevin: Ya wanna get high?
Angela: No.
Kevin: I think ya do mon...
Angela: Stop it.

Phylis: I'll be a cheerleader.
Michael: Eww, that's worst than you playing!

Those and pretty much everything Angela says...

Michael: Last week, I would have given a kidney to anyone in this office. I would have reached right into my stomach and pulled it out for them. But now? No. I don't have the relationship with these people that I thought I did. I hope they ask, so they can hear me say, "Uhhh... no. I only give my organs to my real friends. Go get yourself a monkey kidney."

Dwight: Actually, I do own property. My grandfather left me a sixty-acre working beet farm. I run it with my cousin, Mose. We sell beets to locals stores and restaurants... it's a pretty nice little farm. Sometimes teenagers use it for sex.


Dwight: I come from a long line of fighters, my maternal grandfather was the toughest guy I ever knew. World War II veteran. He killed twenty men and then spent the rest of the war in an Allied prison camp... My father battled blood pressure and obesity all his life... different kind of fight.

Michael Scott: [in reference to Todd Packer] One time, as a joke, he banged every girl in the office. It was hilarious.


Michael Scott: [in reference to Todd Packer] One time he stuck this guys head in the toilet for a full minute. The guy didn't have a very good sense of humor about it. Probably why he didn't get hired.

What are some of your favorite quotes or lines? On of my recent favorite ones is "Have you ever...pooped...a baloon" lol

I got a few Jim ones:

*narrating Dwight buying a purse*"Oh, this is the prettiest one of all. I am going to be the most beautiful girl at the ball!"

"Dwight tryed to kiss me, and I didn't tell anyone because I don't really know how I feel about it."

From the health care plan. Dwight is exasperated going through the list of employees diseases.
Dwight: "anal fissures, that's not a real disease".
Kevin answers quietly: "yes it is"
Dwight: "well no one here has it"
Kevin: "somebody does".
The way Kevin says "somebody does" as he looks embarassed at the camera cracks my wife and me up every time!

Im sure there's been one of these posts before, but what is your all time favorite quote from the show?

This one's makes me giggle every time, and I can hear Ryan's tone of voice in my head:

"The gas station in Carbondale did not have fresh yams!"

"You should have put him in custardy."


(but I can't pick just one, so I would also put anything Angela says in the fire and. . . )

"Their bread is very good."

From Hot Girl: Ryan was helping Michael clean out his car and asked about all of the Filet-o-Fish containers. Michael responded: this is many months worth ...

One of my favorite lines is when Ryan replied:
".. still"

2 quotes that kill me every time

Dwight: You can't fire me. I don't work in this Van!
and
Michael: I'm going to drop a deuce on everybody.

Well, I'm sure I'll post more than once... here's a start:

Todd Packer: Does the carpet match the drapes?

Michael: I want you to rub butter on my foot. Pam, please. I have country crock.

Dwight: If I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls. So you couldn't hear the other dead people.

Dwight: One time, I suspected an ex-girlfriend of mine of cheating on me. So I tailed her for six night straight. Turns out she was. With a couple of guys actually, so. Mystery solved.

well, obviously-

Angela: I think green is kind of whorish.


also I can't stop laughing at the gambling bit by Pam:

"This was tough. I suggested we flip a coin, but Angela said she doesn't like to gamble. Of course, by saying that, she was gambling that I wouldn't smack her."

"I'd like to clamp Michael's face in the George Foreman Grill."

And, in a similar vein, "No I didn't tell her you cooked your foot"

I still go with :

The problem, Jim, is that people who are really suffering from a medical condition won't receive the care they need because someone in this office is coming up with ridiculous stuff. Count Choculitis.


or
No, I'm not going to tell them about the downsizing. If a patient has cancer, you don't tell them

Yes, there are so many excellent quotes from The Injury...

"Ryan can't...he's...uh, dead...dead...Can't you just get up yourself? You only grilled your foot."

Of course, there are so many courtesy of Mr. Dwight Shrute, my favorite being the bit about the chimpanzee begging for it's life

This one always kills me: From "Conflict Resolution" when Dwight gets his ID from Jim...

Dwight: "This is humongous, I am not a security threat, and my middle name is Kurt, not Fart."
Jim: (confused)"What did I write?" (smile)

-Abraham Lincoln once said that "If you're a racist, I'll attack you with the north", and those are the principles I carry with me in the workplace.

I almost died when I heard that.

Also, from the deleted scenes from Hot Girl:

-Dwight, can I borrow your stapler?
-Sure, it's in my purse.

"Never,ever, give up!"

gotta go with one from Stanley
"It's all about my bonus."

Dwight, "In the wild, there is no health care. In the wild, health care is, 'Ow, I hurt my leg, I can't run, a lion eats me, and I'm dead.' Well, I'm not dead. I'm the lion. You're dead."

there are too many great lines....

One of my favorite is from Kelly because you wouldn't expect this from her:

Kelly: What about second base? Like if Michael said he got to second base with you...does that mean you like closed a deal? *wink*

Of course that is from boys and girls...

"Please don't smell me Michael" -Jan, Performance Review

"Beyonce, pink the color, Pink the person, hotdogs, basically anything that is awesome, snowcones..." -Kelly, The Carpet

"I know exactly what he's talking about. I sprout mung beans on a damp paper towel in my desk drawer. Very nutricious but they smell like death." -Creed, Conflict Resolution

"I say, if Jesus saw that He'd freak out. He'd freak out Toby." -Oscar, Conflict Resolution

"So I guess some good came out of firing Devon after all. Maybe I should call him, tell him that." -Michael, Christmas Party

Just a couple of many, many hilarious moments:


Michael, introducing the kids to Creed in Take Your Daughter To Work Day (not verbatim): "This is Creed, and he's in charge of .... something."
Creed: "That is correct."

From The Injury, after Michael explains on the speakerphone why he needs someone to give him a ride after he cooked his foot:

Kevin: "Can you HOP?"
Michael: "I tried HOPPING, KEVIN, and I bumped my elbow and now I have a protruberance..!"

"I never thought about death until Princess Diana died. That was the saddest funeral ever. That and my sister's. Kelly, Michael's Birthday

Actually I found that Kelly quote more disturbing than funny...

Dwight: "Women are like wolves. If you want a wolf, you have to trap it. You have to snare it, and then you have to tame it, keep it happy, care for it, feed it. Lovingly, the way an animal deserves to be loved. And my animal deserves a lot of loving."

My favorite line (from Booze Cruise):

You know what, I would save the receptionist. I just wanted to clear that up.