What does a simple girl from the hills of Utah get for her oh so intelligent, incredibly irresistible, history buffed, coolest of the nerds, great philandering, virtual fiancé on such a monumental birthday? Well, after careful consideration, I decided a 35 “That’s What She Said” Salute was the only thing that would do. (All innuendo intended.)
Fair warning to our fellow board members, this is the little vixen in me coming out to play … possibly even veering on PG-13 material. So cover your eyes if you don’t want to read it!
(1) I’ve been preparing for this day for a long time. (2)I thought about it long and hard because (3)I don’t want to do it wrong. (4) I’ll try to make it so you come time and time again (to come back and read it, of course). (5)I thought I’d try something a little different, and I really think you’ll enjoy it, but (6)be patient, I’ve never done it before. (7)I hope it’s long enough, but (8)even if it’s short, it’ll satisfy. (9) So sit back, relax and enjoy the ride. In other words, (10) just lie there and I’ll do all the work. (11)And don’t say a word, I just want to get right down to business. Now, mind you, (12)parts of it may feel strange but I know (13)if I do it right, we can expect something interesting to pop up. (14)Just looking at it, you may not think it’s all that spectacular but we both know (15)there’s a big surprise waiting. (16)Even though it may not last as long as you’d like, I guarantee it’s worth it. But, be prepared, because (17) I can go all night if you ask me to. (18)Someone told me it’s more enjoyable if you do it standing up. Also, (19)I’ve always wondered what it would be like to do it with the Foo Fighters playing in the background, and to be quite honest, they seem to be inspiring me (
Let’s go another round. I will follow you down.) (20) It got really hard about half way through but I promise, (21)I didn’t fake any of it. (22) Even though I’m not very experienced, (23)I don’t plan on stopping until you’re smiling and satisfied. (24)I figure, you always give me what I want, so it’s time I repay the favor. (25) I want it to hit the right spot, so (26)let me know if it doesn’t feel right. (27)Be gentle with me, this is the first time I’ve done it, and (28)I really want to connect with you. (29)If I get too aggressive, tell me. (30)I’m just so excited, (31)my heart keeps beating faster and faster and faster! And (32) when the time is right, I may just scream out your name. . . . GREAT PHILANDERER!!!! . . .
Aaaaahhhh……
Well, (33)I wanted to make it a memorable experience so (34)I hope I’ve touched you in the right way, and (35)I hope it was as enjoyable for you as it was for me.
Happy Birthday Babe!
Now excuse me for a minute while I go blush ...
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