I don't know wedd if your a very social person. I'm not so much cause I tend to get shy and then I have hard time just go up and meeting people. The brit never meets a stranger and he says you can go or stay. Is it man code for trying to bring me out of my shell or just he's so indepent that he can take me or leave me. I get nervous. It's when you have to start defending your relationship that the cracks aren't minor anymore they are major

Regarding men, I use to be so shy around them in the past. I'd blush & look away. Now I stepped up my game & my confidence. I have no problem giving out my phone number to guys I just meet whom I like, & I have no problem flirting with the intense eye contact & smiles. I'd rather make a fool out of myself than wonder if I had a chance with him. Because of that, I had a great oppurtunity(sp) to meet guys who I normally would shy away from. It was like that time I met that dreamy foreign exchange student from Brazil. My friends clammed up around him but I kept the convo going with questions & jokes & that showed him that I was interested, along with the flirting that I threw in. I still have yet to see him again, but I trust that my friend will pass on my email addy, as he's staying with her aunt & uncle. But when I laid my eyes upon him, he took my breath away with his looks & accent .

Ooh, and I have a question for the guys. How come the majority, & I said majority, of guys don't like it when us girls talk about other guys? I tend to make that mistake off but once I get advice, maybe I'll learn from it. Thanks!

Sure, too much is a bad thing. Otherwise there's little point in having a close relationship. But neither of you should be expected to give it all up. It's important to maintain your own friendships and hobbies and interests (as long as none of those things are inappropriate and compromise your relationship).

Signals happen on both sides. The problem is, no one is ever very sure. At some point, someone needs to step up and ask the other one out, taking the chance of being rejected. Personally, I think eye contact and listening are two of the best signals from both sexes.


Exactly.


And vice versa.

That's one of the reasons I just try to be myself in every situation. It's very draining trying to be something you're not, then when you explode and change, the other person is like, whoa, you're not the person I thought you were. People do that to put up walls to protect themselves from being hurt. For instance, they think if that person knew what I was really like, they wouldn't love me. Being genuine is really the only way to find someone who will love you for being you.

Men tend to not trust the motivation of other men. If a women is talking about a 'great guy friend' she has, men assume that this guy is trying to win her over. So when you're talking about the other guy, you're essentially saying 'Let's talk about this other guy who'd also like to date me'. It's an uncomfortable situation for men.

Are the Brit and Tom the same person? He says the same to me "Whatever you want to do". And then I get annoyed that it seems like he doesn't care if I am there or not. I am the least social person in the world, so when I go out it's usually for something for the kids. I am not a hanging out type of person--it's just not going to happen. I know he wishes I were more social, and I do try, but I can't force it.

Great answer. I'm glad you used the word "date".

I think most guys assume girls know that we don't want to hear about other guys, so when you bring up other guys, he may may feel like you are writing him off as a dating option or making him into another one of your "girlfriends".

Oh wedd*hugs* EXACTLY! Thats kinda how I feel. He gets these big ideas for going somewhere and likes to go to parties and stuff and here's me, can't we just get take out cuddle up and spend some alone time together or I ask are there going to be a lot of people? I like certain things and I have to be in the mood to go out. Proberly why I never dated much. I tried clubbing and twice was enough. I liked the dancing but not the men touching on me like I was giving a lap dance. I'm really happy about only having dated 2 guys and the brit being my 3rd

Yeah,....Those are not clear signals at all........

I only dated two guys--my ex and Tom--that's so weird!! And pretty rare these days!

it is pretty weird. I don't know how some women can just do the hook up thing. I want something meaningful. I consider myself to be worth more than just some guys casual hook up

I hated casual hookups. They were nice for the ego, but really empty and shallow. I was actually surprised how unenjoyable it really was.

I hope the single gals see that RC and know that guys want more as well.

Well seeing my Pam tomorrow and zoo on Saturday.

I wish the brit would pretend to be alittle jealous at times. I hate being jealous but he seems to always have women trying to move in on him. I know he'd never cheat and he tells them to bugger off but he never gets jealous cause he says he trusts me and knows I would never cheat on him. Still a girl likes to have a fuss made over her once in a blue moon

Sooo...how'd it go?

No where. I only got to see her for a little bit. I talked to her after she left and she was sorry. I was also a little bit of an idiot and didn't give her the grand tour. Though at the moment I feel like Jim in Boys and Girls.

Gee, sorry frodo.

It's so funny to hear you say this, and see Kelly's face on your avatar!

I never realized this Liz! I think I'll give it a try. Men often hit on my wife and I just laugh it off. So I should probably make a fuss over it sometimes?

Wow, I really do think that that Brit and Tom are the same guy!!! He NEVER gets jealous--it just kills me. Pretend at least, okay? For instance, the other day a guy from here gave me a ride to the bank. I told him and he was like, whatever. If the situations were reversed and he was in a car with a woman for an hour I'd be like, so, who is she, again? Is she married? Why were you in the car together?

Maybe it's insecurity, maybe it is stupidity, but seriously, at least pretend that you think that maybe someone else might think I was attractive. Tom is hot, no question he is the hot one out of the both of us, and I see women looking at him and it gets me angry. He went to this wedding without me on Sat (long story why I couldn't go) and I gave him a whole list before he left the house: no dancing with other women, no talking with other woman, no other women.



Um, yes!

As long as we're talking about jealous, I have a story I'd like some opinions on. A little backstory--Tom used to really like his friend's sister. The families were so close and he had a huge crush on her, but he never acted on it. She developed early and was the girl who all the boys liked and she knew it. She went out with one of the guys and then got married really young, at 18, and moved overseas with her military husband and had two children pretty quickly. Anyway, so she would come back for visits every now and then. This girl really annoyed me--we are the complete opposites--she is blonde, HUGE chest and a snob and I am not. Anyway, she and I are the same age, and we never got along.

So, the story. Years ago, when Tom and I were living together, but not engaged yet, I went out one night. I came home and I was like, what did you do while I was gone and he said, oh, I was on the phone, you will never guess who called me. So I thought of all the people who would be a surprise to me, and we hadn't heard from her in a long time, so I guessed her. He was shocked and was like, how did you know. So I'm instantly defensive, what did you talk about, why did she call, just trying to get info. We had been living together for about three months at the time and I said to him "Does she know we are living together now?" and he said that she said to him, "So, what about you? Are you seeing anyone?" and he said "Actually, yes, Angela and I moved in together about three months ago." and I said, oh, okay, what did she say to that. And she said, (wait for it) "Oh, I knew that. I just wanted to see what you were going to say"

WTF? I threw a fit like you would not believe. I was like, she wanted to see what you were going to say? What if you said you weren't seeing anyone, was she going to run right over? Who the f--- is she to test you--I just raged on for a good half hour and Tom just sat there and said he didn't understand why I was so upset. What don't you understand? She called you knowing you are in a committed relationship and pretends that she doesn't know your status so that if you did downplay our relationship she could try to move in on you? He claims he didn't get any of that from the conversation.

Did I overreact? All I know is that she never called again after that (caller ID and answering machines bear this out) and her mother actually wrote us a reference letter for our foster care situation, so she at least believes in our relationship.

And to anyone who says I overreacted, I don't think so. Stupid b1tch.

I love your stories Wedd!!

Try it and see what happens. . . . .


I don't know if you overreacted, but I'm pretty sure Tom should have been pretty insulted by her comment.

I am here to entertain you!!


I love my husband, but he is VERY dense when it comes to women hitting on him. When he got out of the military he was living with his mother and brother and we were kind of seeing each other but it was not official (long story). Anyway, so he took a shower and when he got out, one of his brother's female friends were there, a girl who definitely gets around. Anyway, so he walks out with just a towel wrapped around his waist and she's like "Wow, you look great in a towel" and he says, thanks, I really got in shape in the military. She asks him what he's doing that night, he says nothing, she says, "You should come hang out with us. After your brother decides to go home I'm sure I can think of something for us to do". He tells her no, I'm tired and then comes to meet me (yes, I was the "nothing" he was doing that night--we were keeping things secret--looong story). He tells me, because as I said, he is dense, and I of course am like, what a ****, she was going out with your brother and then trying to hook up with you afterward and he's like, no, that's not what she meant and anyway, why are you getting upset, we're not even officially together and I can do what I want. So then that topic got dropped and a new fight was started, but the point is that he doesn't think he is attractive and he misses signals left and right, whereas I catch them all and am ready to kill someone!

Tom should have been complimented!

She's expressing interest in him, that's a compliment. And Tom was being a gentleman by telling her that he's living with Wedd, thus squashing her interest. Plus he told Wedd what happened. I think Tom behaved exactly as he should have.

WHAT? No way--he answered the question the way any decent person would and then she threw that out there. Her interest was not squashed because she basically told him that she had tested him. When she said that he should have said "Why did you ask me if you knew already?" and then went from there. Instead he let it go. And the only reason he told me what happened is because he didn't REALIZE what happened until I explained it to him!!!!

This happened six years ago and it still pi$$es me off!!

*sigh* By testing him, she was suggesting that he might be the type of guy to live with one woman and still be willing to hook up with someone else on the side. The visual may be appealing to most guys, but it ain't a compliment. It's an insult. Tom didn't do anything wrong, except not understand the woman's underlying intentions.

You should be totally complimented by Tom's behavior!

He is being very honest with you about everything. Clearly you are 'the one' for him and discussing conversations like this with you confirms this. He feels close enough with you to tell you these things.

The worst men I know are the ones that hide things like this. I know a guy that could have been 'Father / Husband of the Year' by appearances. But get him away from his wife and it was detailed comments about what he'd like to do with Jenny McCarthy. Then he has his secret porn stash, etc. It's like a separate life away from his spouse. I actually know several guys like this.



I'm just looking at this differently. I don't think she was suggesting anything about Tom at all. I think it was all about her. She's thinking that she's so hot and desirable that she can have any guy she wants. Tom's matter-of-fact approach to it shows his commitment to Wedd and his character.

I guess my point is that so many guys would have just lied about the conversation. That would have been the easy way out. Tom didn't lie. My circle of male friends/acquantences run the gamut from from white collar to blue collar, conservative to liberal, church-going to athiest, etc. Not one of these men are offended/insulted by a women hitting on them. However, and this is a major point, many of them would lie to thier wives and say they were insulted by it. And these tend to be the men that get held up as being 'great fathers and husbands'. I have more respect for Tom's approach.

Thank you mixed--you understand!!



No, I'm telling you, he didn't pick up on it at all!! He's dense about his hotness!!!



This I agree with. I don't like guys who get away from the wives and then carry on about other women. We know one guy who hooked up with the strippers at his bachelor party in front of all of his friends. His wife is the sweetest, most generous woman I have ever met. EVERY guy was so disgusted and bothered by what they saw that they told their wives/girlfriends about it. No one said a word to her, but it clearly bothered them enough to break the guy code and spill the beans. He told us straight out that while his wife is the type of woman you marry and have kids with it, he needs "that other type of woman". I don't approved of that at all and I told him so and I also told him that if she ever finds out and leaves him he will deserve it. This was when they first got married and hopefully he has outgrown it (especially now that he is a father) but I lost all respect for him after that.

Guys like this really make me mad. He 'needs that other type of women'. GRRR!!! Gimme a break. What a jerk.

When you get married you make a commitment. And that commitment is a good thing! I love the fact that Mrs RC is all mine for all time and eternity! She's awesome.

This I tend to agree with as well. She got married young and she wanted to check that she was still attractive (as we all do).
Oh, another part of the story I should have added--my ex and my husband and this girl were all childhood friends (another long story). My ex-boyfriend? Also had a crush on her. And she did on him. She told him that she wanted to go out with him and he told her she was too young for her. When we got together she did the math and realized I was actually two months younger than her, which did not go unnoticed by both of them and apparently was a topic of discussion. Man, was I glad when this chick got married and left the US!!!

So basically, the two guys I have been with in my life both had crushes on this girl and she did on them, but nothing ever happened--circumstance, shyness, stupidity, whatever. But I dated one for seven years and married the other!! So yeah, she knew what she was doing when she said that!

Aww, you are so sweet!!! I hope Tom talks about me like this!!

It sounds like this girl was never any sort of competition for you Wedd!

No, I just think I showed up on the scene at the right time!! Plus they all grew up with her so they saw the young kid/awkward phase while I showed up in all my glory at 16!! And don't underestimate the power of her being the best friend's sister---I think that had a lot to do with both of them not going for it with her. I guess I should be grateful for that.

All I know is the next time she shows up in NYC I will be on high alert!

I can totally get on board with this. Anything implied about Tom was only a result of it all being about her in the first place. Certainly she didn't get any encouragement, which must have been a disappointment.

You'll be on high alert.

I don't get the modesty in women sometimes. You've already beat this women out for men all of your life. Plus your personality is A++++++. That other women shouldn't even be on your radar screen for jealousy.

Mrs RC is the same way with modesty. I told her the other day 'Just accept the fact that you're hot'.

Sweet talker . . . .

Whenever I've been jealous, I've never wanted the other person to know they had that effect on me. Like Dwight, I didn't want to give them any weakness to exploit.

Oh wedd tom and my brit are proberly related You're a far better person than me mixed for not letting it show. I let it show. The brit thinks its funny I get worked up over nothing. I find it totally disresepctful that he finds my over reactions funny. To me it's like he's inviting it to keep happening. I had one thing happen over a year ago and all that happened was starbucks forgot about my order so a guy noticed I had been there awhile and he asked me about my order and went up and got my order for me. Which was nice. He wasn't flirting. I told the brit and he made the comment about how the guy slipped me his number and how we must have talked over coffee to meet again. None of that happend. We were in a bad patch then so I let it slide.So I avoid men I don't know. Now, he just doens't seem to care. I'd just him to make that fuss ya know.

At least he's not all cocky like Ryan Bailey Howard. I think it's sweet that he's dense in this way - not only that, he has absolutely no interest in these other women. I find that pretty commendable. Although he probably should have gotten off the phone with that girl

As for me, I find jealousy a big turnoff. I dated a few guys who were very jealous of my guy friends (even gay ones), or even guys I would talk to on the bus. I felt like they didn't trust me, and to me it was just immature and silly.

Me too.

Although 'marking your territory' (as Karen attempted to do with Jim) is very much a turn on. My wife rarely does this, I wish she'd do it more.

VB, I assumed most women didn't like that either. Maybe a little jealously once in a blue moon keeps things spicy.

See men like it just as much as women. knowing their spouse is still alittle possesive is a good thing. its when they get to the point where they don't care. thats why I feel does the brit still think I'm good looking? is he still in love with me? is he bored? I am very much still in loev with him as when we first started dating so I still am and always will be alittle stand offish when it comes to other women wanting to be around him. It's mainly the single ones or the ones who aren't happy in their marriage that I tend to be like that with more

*sighs* Some days I miss being single

When does he go back to work? Tomorrow?

it's a double edge sword. once he leaves you'll miss him. I blame men for that to. They know exactly what they are doing

Yes he leaves in 13 hours and 35 minutes.........give or take.

Exactly!

Mine does need to take a trip..........really soon! I need a break!

It's not modesty, it's low self-esteem. At time she was hot and blonde with a double D chest and I was not hot, not blonde, barely a B, and had bad skin. No tmuch has changed since then.




Yeah, I tried that. I don't have it in me to restrain myself!!!



Yeah, he acts like I'm omagined things--no, that girl is hitting on you, are you blind?




Oh no, old friend. Plus he didn't know anything was wrong until I told him!!




Yes--show some jealousy every once in a while!!! If it ever happens to me, I'll let you know!! Well once (actually twice) he did get jealous when we were in our not-seeing-each-other-officially stage and I could he tell he was angry at himself!! Apparently, when you are in that stagem it is okay for the man to flirt and get flirted with, but it is not okay for the woman to do the same!! !!




One more day, right? One more day!

Oh come on Wedd!!! 95% of being attractive is personality and yours is amazing. With that kind of personality, just having average looks makes you a 10. Although I'm sure you are much prettier then average.

Bah humbug to your low self esteem!!!!!

Do men really know women aren't flirting with them? I think my hun and most of ladies spouses know most of the time and secretly enjoy seeing their wives make a fuss. Men, can't be bothered unless there is something in it for them half the time. Tyring to ignore it is like trying to not look at the elephant in the room.

Some women have low self esteem and they don't see what others do. I understand you wedd. For years my dad used to call me horrible names and would tell me that no one would ever love me and I would be used and passed around and all kinds of fun things like that. So yeah I question the brit why he could love me? I get jealous. I need to ask him if he loves me cause there will always be a small part of me that is ensecure.