But who's counting, right? Haha

I don't know unless it's really obvious. I'm out of practice reading signals. I'm not interested in signals and I could care less. So I don't notice them.

I can't even read signals from my own wife sometimes!

Okay, so Tom is also related to RC!!! Sometimes he misreads my signals SO badly and then the next day he's like, why didn't anything happen last night and I"m like hello? What about this, this and this and he says, oh I wasn't sure what you meant. !!

does tom get mad, huff and puff and finally in a fit of frustration just say "what do you want? Just spit it out."

trying to ask for alone time and cuddling and more in a sutle way goes right over his head. Its not as nice or fun when you just plainly ask for it

I don't get why married women even send out signals! I tell Mrs RC 'Go for take. Be aggressive and take what you want'. Sometimes this happens, but I usually get those signals that may or may not be signals.

^^ talk to the brit please about your go for take ideas.

wedd. Why does that sound my life all this week. True he's recovering but alittle is better than none

Sometimes he's like, what are you trying to do? Just say it or nothing is going to happen.

I HATE that. Plus, he's a liar, because something ALWAYS happens!!




They ARE signals. Come on, man!! Sometimes I might be like, "Do you want to go in the other room?" and he says, "Okay". Where is the fun and romance in that? Signals are good--direct requests have their place, but signals are better.

Or so I remember.

signals were fun. If I have to ask directly for something then it takes something out of it. I think about 18 months is were they start stop reading signals and just look at you blankly like a deer in head lights.

No! No! No!

Don't ask for it! Take it! Asking for it is lame. I hate that. Ok, 'hate' isn't the right word. But asking for it is almost a mood killer. Just pin him against the wall and take it!

Why do we always want what we can't (or shouldn't) have?

Just get married Sharpie! Then you won't have these kinds of problems.

I'm confused. It's not respectful to just take what you want. Marriage doesn't give you the right to be selfish. Would it be ok to tell a man to pin her against the wall and take it?? I don't think so. It's not right for a woman to do either.

It is definetly not ok for a man to pin a women against the wall and just take it. That crosses so many lines and is wrong in many ways.

But I think it's fine for the women to do it. Men are conditioned that women often oblige thier needs because it's thier 'duty as a wife'. It isn't really a matter of the women giving in to the man, but rather a 'hurry up and get it over with' mentality. I think this hurts a marriage. When a women is very aggressive it shows an extreme desire on her part for intimacy. This sends a strong message to the men - that this activity is very important to the women as well.

I feel very loved and close to my wife when she does this. It means that she really wants me a lot, and that's a very nice feeling. And the pinning up against the wall may just mean a kiss. That has the same effect.

I understand what you're saying. Everybody wants and needs to feel that their spouse has a desire for them. It has to go both ways. I think so many women my age, who were raised by women who really did see it as a duty, have difficulty admitting that it is important.

We've been married for 27 years. So, we've seen a lot of changes in ourselves, and so much depends on outside circumstances. Things get in the way...worries, teenagers, health, jobs, you name it. Some years have been better than others! The key has been to try and be aware of what the other person needs at the time. It could be just a kiss or a hug or even a look or a laugh....or to be pinned against the wall! Although I'll admit I've never done that. The colonel may be thanking you later.

I don't know, I just can't bring myself to do that, I don't know why.



Yeah, I agree because what if the person isn't in the mood? Then you're REALLY embarrassed when they are like, no, sorry, but thanks for breaking my back against the wall.




With all of the above being said, I know that Tom feels the exact same way as you, RC. He tells me that all the time, that I need to be more aggresive. But like I said, even married for almost five years, the rejection thing is still there (goes back to our on-again, off-again days). I just can't take the risk. Even now, when he's like, I had a rough day, I'm not in the mood, my feelings get hurt, even if I can clearly see that he is not feeling well.

There is adefinitely a place for aggressive women out there, but I am not one of them. That's why I'm so insecure, because apparently that is what men like.

I agree. Nothing worse than having your feelings hurt when you actually do take the initiative.

No! That isn't it at all.

I don't like aggressive women. Mrs RC is very shy and I love that quality in her!

But sometimes I need to know that she desires me. Saying 'yes' to my advances can easily be construed as 'accomodating' instead of 'desire'.

It's very difficult for Mrs RC to be the aggressor. It is very much against her nature. But when she does it I really just want to melt. I feel very loved and wanted when that happens.

What if he committed to never rejecting you?

This is one area where I feel men and women are very different. I can understand the various reasons why I women would reject a man's advances. I may not like them (often I do not) but I do understand them. Accepting 'No' gracefully is the way I respect her space.

But I think a man can actually commit to not rejecting an advance. The feelings of want and love are so underrated in men. Society has clever cliches like 'men think with the other part of thier body'. This insinuates that the physical pleasure it what men want most. Not true! The feelings of want and love I experience when my wife is the physical aggressor are so strong I cannot imagine me rejecting that. I can't picture anything so stressfull in my life that I wouldn't want those feelings. So I've commited to my wife to not reject an advance.

We had a rough beginning because I was the ex-girlfriend of one of his closest friends and he went through a lot of soul searching about if we should be together or not. He rejected me a lot back then and sometimes he wasn't very nice about it. The person I married is not the same person who acted like that, and he has apologized repeatedly for those 2+ years of he11, but it is hard to get past that, despite the fact we are married. Sometimes a certain song will remind me of that time and I will get all insecure again. It's tough.



Well, I guess what I meant is that everyone wants to be loved aggressively like that, and if I am not doing that at home, what happens if/when some woman at work gets all agressive with him? Yes, he loves me, but you never know, especially with all you have going on now. I worry about that a lot. Also, when he was in the military, women were throwing themselves at him all the time. I mentioned this before, that we were friends then, never dreaming we'd be married, and he told me these stories of REALLY aggressive women, just sleazy girls who would throw themselves at the hot soldier from the big city. It worked on him then--why wouldn't it work on him now, especially when we can't find a second to ourselves anymore? That's what I worry about.

Well, I don't know that that is fair to him--sometimes you just aren't in the mood. Then I would feel like he was just doing it for charity!!

You are definitely a unique man, RC!!!

Wedd, Don't confuse aggressive women with you being aggressive. They are very different.

He doesn't want aggressive women, he wants the love of his life to aggressively pursue him.

Let me give you this example -- We were at a restaraunt and my children were playing outside. An older boy was being very mean to my daughter. I went up to him and told him that he will not speak to my daughter that way. My wife loved this. Now ask yourself this ---

What is Mrs RC thinking ---

"I love it when my husband is mean to kids"

OR

"I love it when he sticks up for his children"

The answer is obviously the 2nd one. Of course this is an extreme example, but my point is the same --- Him wanting you to be the aggressor is VERY different from an aggressive women.

This is a very good point--and an awesome story! It all goes back to math. My "number" is 2, including Tom. His number is somewhere between 10-15 including me. This 10-15 were mostly one night stands, totally based on physical attractions (and alcohol). I was his first "girlfriend"--everyone else was girls he just slept with. He got pretty used to women who would do everything and anything with the hottie who was leaving the base the next day. I just don't feel that I could ever compete with that part of his past and I don't know if he misses it or not.

And since this is the singles thread that I am taking over--everyone who thinks that being married or in a committed relationship will make things easier--well, it doesn't!

It's hard to be sometimes the aggreosor true. If I make the effort and there is still a no said or even worse, I'm just not in the mood. I can do everything and anything and when nothing is matched on his part then I give up. It's a huge blow. When a woman pulls out all the stops and gets nothing it's the biggest blow to her own ego and sercuity. I've with held my affections for this very reason. It's not a mature thing to do to play this game but your the one making all the effort it's the only thing you can think of.
I tend to worry about being one of those married couples that start to loose that slowly. I get that after the years other things become more important than just the sexual side of the marriage. To lose the spark in it however is just one of the signs that other things are going wrong.

You are so far above and beyond those other women it isn't even close!!!

I am no handsome man by any stretch. But strapping a guitar on, getting some songs on the radio and being in local TV commercial transformed me into a 'hot guy' in the 80's. I always had a pretty girl on my arms. Always.

And none of those women even come remotely close to Mrs RC. I don't miss one second of that shallow existence. Sitting next to her and reading the kids books at night beats anything I did with those women. Those women were just a physical connection. What's that worth? 2% tops??? Mrs RC is 100% every day.

Tom experienced lots of women and he picked YOU!!!!!! Those other women got maybe 1 hour of his time. You have his whole life!!!!!!!!

I worry about the exact same thing!! I'm glad to know that I am not the only one. I do know this, I worry about this a lot more than he does. He tells me, I chose you. I waited all this time to be serious and to get married and this is it. Nothing is going to change that. It would be nice to believe that, but I am just a pessimist and I worry too much.

A few years ago on Malcolm in the Middle, Lois was all upset because she realized that Hal loved her more than she loved him. He was fine with it because he said that if she loved him as much they would never leave the house and never get anything done. I know that I am the one who loves more. Maybe that's a woman thing, and I'm not saying he doesn't love me, because I know he does, but I am definitely the one who loves more and who is more worried about our future together.

!!! And I've been with him drunk so they weren't getting a quality hour!!!

That's an awesome way of putting it and it made me feel a lot better!! Thanks!!

Oh, and reading the kids books? I have to say that since we have had Jay in the house I have noticed that fatherly side of him more and I find that very attractive, too. If you're a good father, that is a huge turn-on to the woman who shares those children with you!

Liz, you can avoid that!! Just don't lose touch with what made you fall in love with the Brit initially. I really think that's the key.

I love my wife's empathy. She really cares about other people. I saw that the first day I met her and I was mesmerized. It wasn't love at first sight (I had a serious girlfriend) but I thought Mrs RC was beautiful and had great character. I guess you could call it 'highly impressed' at first sight.

I think about this when we're not getting along so great. Then I start falling for her again and I'll try to 'win her back'. Sure, 'winning her back' may just be from a stupid fight about who feeds the dog that night, but the intent and emotion are the same.

I do that, too! I think back to everything we went through to be together and that makes me determined to fix whatever is wrong.

Wedd we're so funny, we think somewhat alike. the brit has always made it clear that he never wanted to get married but as we dated more he came out with the whole your going to marry me so say yes thing. I can't compete with his ex's. I'm so far from any other woman he's dated it's not even funny. I remind him all the time I have short stumpy legs and a flat butt and all my imperfections. I do it I guess cause I'm making sure he loves me and really does want me. I hate myself for asking about the ex's but I have to know. I don't want to make the same mistakes and keep him happy and totally hooked on me . I do look at him and get sad though cause we'll never have any other firsts other than a wedding together. He already has a child, owns his home, his car has a nice business. will he feel the same when we have kids? when we buy new things together?

I fell in love with this man because he listened to me. He made me be honest about myself. He heard every word I said and he stayed. I love him cause he says he is happy being with me.

You all talking about your spouses and sig others is making me sick. Isn't this the singles thread?

Yeah and if we were all single we would be complaining about that.

I agree what happened to all the single people.

I think some went and got dates. They've defected!

I am single again.

Sorry, Roy.

I have low self esteem, but a high tolerance for stuff. The only time I ever got jealous/annoyed was when my (ex)boyfriend of 2 years asked me to get something out of his wallet and found his ex-girlfriend's picture in it (and none of me). I told him after 2 years, if you want her, go after her, I'm not wasting my time on someone who doesn't want me.

Easier said than done.


Keep us posted!


You are the one he married. You are the one he has a spiritual/emotional attachment to. He didn't have that with those other girls. Ergo, it make the physical experience much, much different in the relationship you have now.

The only signals I've seen lately have been turn signals.

Yeah, he'll be back sometime in November, and I'll have forgotten about it by then. Getting old stinks.

oh VB you always give me the giggles. Now if the turn signal would lead to some good looking guys house.

what happened roy?

Sharp you haven't met any hot guys yet? whats the point to college then?

^^

The best question in the world.

..."what's the point of college then?"




and yes I have, unfortunately none of them have been worth my time.

that bites. Good looking guys with nothing in their head?

Yes, and everything else in their ****.

...pants?

One day one of those guys will be a catch. dating is such a hassle.

No. None of the guys I have ever been involved with (in any capacity) and there aren't many, will ever be a catch. Except for one, but he already is.

I trusted a woman.

did she drive a nail into your heart roy? Sorry you've been hurt. I got ticked off with the brit and hung up on him. he started in about stuff and I'm not willing to hear it, so I hung up. He's not too thrilled with me

This guy I had a crush on in high school is totally a catch now. One fault he's alittle short, like 5'2 or 5'3 but he owns his own production company in SF. Why didn't I ask him to the sadies hawkins when he hinted at it all those years ago

"my Jim" who suddenly came back into my life will not go away. Yesterday my friend and I were shopping and she said hey isnt that...

And it was.... one more chance encounter and I am going to start thinking that someone is trying to tell me something.

Hmmm....maybe so.