I could say something about hounding him to excess, but I won't.

Why do you assume the worst? It must be a female trait. I tend to think the glass is always half full; Mme J. thinks that the glass is not just half empty; it's completely empty, it has always been empty, it will always be empty and that it's all my fault.

Maybe he needs to get his feelings in order. We males aren't real good at that; you may have noticed. Maybe he's trying to figure out if he's doing the right thing (the relationship, not the lady herself) and needs to get away to deal with it. Maybe he needs to have some long conversations with the kid.

Just don't pester him for a bit; sounds like he might just need some space. Don't give up, either.

Jazzman, your post is very sensitive to Liz, especially the don't give up part.
But....are you kidding me???
You're one of the most negative people I've ever not met...judging by 99% of your posts.

You're welcome to think that. But you'd be wrong.

Actually, I'm deeply psychotic, but don't tell anyone...

How can I give the man space when he takes off doesn't say boo to me about it then texts me when he feels like it, but doesnt say a word about where he is so I won't worry. I don't know what he wants? I don't know what to do.

I'm sorry, Jazzman. I shouldn't have said that.

It sounds like you don't have much choice here. He's left for awhile. Yeah, it sucks the way he's gone about it, it's pretty selfish. But I suspect the more you leave him alone, the sooner he'll return. I don't mean to sound cold about it liz. I really do feel for you. I think this situation would drive most women crazy. I just don't think there's anything you can do.

^ I know. I'm totally helpless right now. It's scary. I don't understand him when he gets to this point. I sound like a selfish cry baby but I feel abandonded, because I was the only person apparently that doesn't know what he did or where he went.

Hi Liz, I know that you and I have never talked personally, but I'd still like to give you my opinion. I was in a relationship with a guy for 3 years who was selfish, and very, very wrapped up in his own issues. He never changed. Once one issue was over and I could finally see a break from the drama, he moved on to the next and brought me down with him. I loved him very much, and for the most part we were happy, but his selfishness became emotionally abusive to me, and I knew that it was time for me to look out for me. You seem like a really nice person, and I think that you deserve someone who will not do these things to you. Someone who would think that its ridiculous (and it is) to take off without the slightest courtesy of letting you know...not to mention, probably wouldn't even run away from you in the first place. I hope that you take some time to think about what's best for you, and make sure that you really take care of yourself and do what makes you happy. We live in a huge world, and there is definatly someone out there who can make you truly happy. I hope everything works out for you

Liz, I am so sorry. Mixed is right. You can't do anything except decide how you are going to handle the situation if (sorry) /when he comes back. But just taking off and leaving the country? Come on--suck it up and be a man.

I'm sorry--I'm not trying to be mean, I just am very angry with him right now.

I've taken what you said to heart. I'm really thinking things over by what is it going to take to make me happy. when I met him I was at a huge low in my life and he brought me out of it and he has made me the happiest I've been in years.He just gave me that uncondtional love and support I didn't get from family. Things have broken down since he's got his daugther. He's not been a parent to her in 5 years and suddenly to have her back it's been huge, for him and us. She doesn't get it yet that I make him happy in a way she can't and vice versa. And she's very controlling herself when it comes to using daddy to get what she wants. This stresses him and we get on the outs. Do I wish he hadn't gotten her back? No. I'm not that mean. I think there is a lot of parenting and talking that needs to go on.

Nick did send me a text and told me to call him. I rang him and I won't lie to anyone here, as soon as I heard his voice I lost it and cried like a baby. He said he was sorry but he just had to leave. He can't take his family, work, his friends and the stress of what was happening to us. Where is he? He's in England. He didn't say exactly where, but I have a idea of where. So how long will he be there, I don't know. We only spoke for 10 mins. There were some tender things said by both of us and there were things said that were very honest. Where does it leave him and I? That I don't know. I'm just glad that I know he's okay. I don't want anything bad to happen to him.

liz, I'm so sorry about all this. The idea that he would up and leave the country without communicating with you is just terrible. You deserve so much better than that, and I hope he realizes it. In the mean time, we're here for you.

I'm glad you finally got a chance to talk with him a bit liz. And I hope you and he are both feeling a bit better. One thought just keeps running through my mind, and I want you to know that I'd only say it because over the past year or so, I've enjoyed spending time with you here on the mb a lot, and I don't like to see you unhappy. Okay, here it is, what if you guys worked things out and eventually got married? What if things got too much for him again, and he just left like this again? As a married person, you just can't do that and expect to stay married. I hope that he'll be able to find new ways of dealing with all the cr@p life throws at a person, sometimes all at the same time. I'd hate to see you go through this again liz. Hang in there okay?

That's really the best thing you can do, liz, and it's time. Think things over for yourself. This relationship has not been making you happy. I hope it works out the way you want it to in the end, but only if that's what's truly best for you.

And you have a good attitude, too.

I know what you mean. My ex was like my best friend, my better half during the better part of our relationship. When things started to go downhill, I just could not accept the fact that he wasn't this sweet, caring, loving guy who really was my partner. We trusted everything in eachother. But things changed, and it took me a good year and half of being miserable to realize that it was never going to go back to that.

For your sake, I really hope that is not the case with your man. If he is willing, you two should sit down at some point, and get everything off of your chest. Ask him flat out what he wants from your relationship, and decide if it's still what you want or not. I really hope things work out for you soon!

Mixed is right again. And did he take his daughter out of school and with him? Or did he leave her here, too? If he did, maybe you should reach out to her because she probably feels abandoned. She may blame you for him leaving, but she still is just a little girl.

Everybody has said wonderful things. I'm taking everything in and really mulling things over slowly and figuring out where my step should be. QOE is right I deserve better than that. He just picked up and took off. What he could do when he was in his early 20s he can't now, and possibly that's alittle much for him to get. Mixed brings up a excellent point. What if we do work things out to get married and this happens again? I don't know how I'm supposed to deal with that. Just accept it like well that's just nicks way. I don't want to be married with a couple of kids and him need to just get away, when I couldn't do that. Like I told Mink, I've just never had anyone who loved me for me like he did or does. With everything he learned about me, he stayed. he hugged me, he wanted to be with me more. I come with a lot of baggage and when I break down, he does pick me up. Wedd, he took off alone. He left his daugther with his parents. Nick did call me this morning and we only talked for about 3 mins. I would like to know what he said to his daughter when he left. I told him he seems just different and he said I'm trying to piece myself back together. I get that. I'm going to give his family alittle room, cause it's very touchy so I think space is best. With the strain nick, his little girl and I have all had, I'd rather we all talk together so no one can talk and construe(spelling) things if we all talk alone. He told me loved me and would call later for a few mins. this seems too much like a soap opera to be real, but it is and it's my life at the moment

^^^Liz, I'm surprised that he left his daughter. I still don't agree with what he did, and I think that if you do decide to try and make it work, all three of you need to go to counseling. We are here for you----please keep us updated.

I didn't get to talk to him this afternoon. He might have went out or fell asleep. He just may want not to talk. I don't know. It will interesting to see if he calls me before bed. 8am there is midnight here, so I'm going to stay up to see if he rings me. He left everything behind wedd. I only found out today that his mother knew he was taking off. Which I'm mad about but then again we were fighting so I dont how to take it. I'm so tired nwo from wondering what he's doing. He did say that he is alone there. I know he's not cheating or plans on cheating but I did ask if he was with people.

Any update on the brit Liz? It's heartbreaking to read about your situation & I hope there's a positive outcome for the both of you. Stay strong .

Remember how I mentioned in a previous post how this guy I kinda like is gonna be on a tv show? Well, yesterday his apperance on Aliens in America aired. He was shown in the 19th minute & sometime after the 23rd minute. If that doesn't help, he was the one asking for a smoke in the cafeteria & the one stealing the CD's at the party. He called me yesterday but I missed it. Apparently I thought he was phoning me up to tell me that he was going to be on the episode but he informed that he was going to invite me out to free food. Than he called me late at night, like at around 11:30ish but I was way too tired to pick up. Anyhoo, the episode was called "Purple Hearts" & I believe it will air again today at around 4:00. Watch it if you can .

Very cool PIP!! You're going to be dating a tv star!

Thanks! It's a pretty cool feeling to know that haha. He's had stints in various films & tv shows. Now, all I need to do is push him to get a role on The Office & I know I've struck gold .

I saw him!! And I love that show!!!

oh PIP on your way to dating a tv star, nice.

Guess who I talked to late this afternoon? yeah he made a apperance, he'll be home soon. I went off on him. I told him, your making a fool of me, you ignore me, you take me for granted and the small things you say you will do you never have done. I went more in depth with him. He siad am i really that bad? I said yes! I started to cry on the phone. He said it's not fair cause he can't help me through a phone. I said I respect you too much to mistreat you in way and I'm holding us together while you get better and you take care of what ever you need to. it's not fair you keep things from me even if you say it doesn't concern me. And telling me your not over there seeing anyone or sleeping around on me doesnt make me feel better. I know you faithful. But when your there mentally or emotionally I get screwed. I'm not some chore you have to take care of everyday and I will be a charity case. He got mad at me for that, but I let it all out. He went on about how yeah he loves me more than I know, and how he's trying to make everything right for us, cause he wants to marry me and be with me. I cried more. I told him I have day dreams about doing awful things to your head and I don't like thinking about you like that cause I do love you, but I'm so unhappy with you right now, this whole past month and he agreed. he asked that we talk tomorrow again more. I figure its the least I can do to let him get out his side out if we're about to end it.

Don't give up yet, Liz. You obviously have some heavy emotions that need to come out, and plenty that needs to be worked through. As long as he is open and willing to do that, you may be able to get through this. Just remember that even though you feel like a dam ready to burst right now, it's not as easy for most men to talk about their feelings, so it may go slower than you'd like. It won't be resolved all at once. Let us know how it goes. We'll be here for you. Good luck!

thanks muffy. It's not fair that I end up crying everyday over things I dont seem to have any say or control over. It's so slow, too slow for me and if can't open up and see the way i've made choices for us and done things for us and know that I always think in a "we" manner not a "I" manner maybe I can work through things, but his actions right now make me not trust him with my heart.

I need to tattoo that onto someone

Can the brit be the poster boy for that, please put it on his forehead!

I'm really proud of you for looking at this realistically.

I hope you can work this out lizzie, but only if this is what's best for you. As painful as it is, you need to remember how all the unpleasant things have affected you and be aware of what you can and can't change, so that the patterns don't repeat and you don't let yourself get hurt in the same ways over and over again.

Sammy is 100% right. You need to think of yourself now. Six months of post-breakup depression will not be as bad as a lifetime of misery.

Liz,

I thought I'd chime in with a guys point of view.

I think you and The Brit need to go out to coffee or a restaraunt. You need to tell him your wants, needs and expectations without being emotional. Men often dismiss emotional conversations from women (for a variety of reasons).

Let him know that you care about him, but that you have some very reasonable expectations that he must meet as a boyfriend and future husband.

Next, and probably most important - don't discuss it then. Don't have a dialogue, he'll just defend his actions. Make sure he listens to what you have to say so it will give him something to think about. After you've said everything, turn the dinner or coffee time into a casual date. Don't dwell on what you've said, he needs to digest it. Say what you have to say, then talk about something else. Something light.

I truly appericate your comments and thoughts on my relationship. I need a outside view cause I can't see things so clearly at times. And I know you guys won't BS your advice as where my close friends here will do.

RC I had thought about doing that with him. Thanks for the suggestion.
Sammy, I've been thinking very hard about the depression factor. It's bad enough I battle my own demons with that, but to add this on top makes it harder for different reasons.

He called last night and he said he was sorry about everything again. He doesn't want me to feel the way I told him I had been. He didn't know he said. I believe that. I did question him about the comment he said he wasn't cheating. He just laughed in a nice way, and told me if I could hug you I would right now. Apparently one of crazy old me is enough, 2 would be a death sentence he said. He'll be home soon and perhaps then we'll have a grown up conversation. No running away and just listening so we both can express our needs, since we haven't.

Question for you guys again though. When I asked him am I not fullfiling his needs, mentally, emotionally or physically? He said no your fine. Is that just code for you have to pull it outta me before I tell you?

That's a tough question to answer over the phone under any circumstances. You have to ask him again when you can see his face.

Not bad on the eyes eh ? Naturally, my mom is telling everyone she knows about him, like he's my boyfriend now or something. *sigh* Earlier today she called me from work on my cell, asking me what the guys name was so she & my aunt could look him up online & try to watch the episode . Than my younger sister was all like, "are you gonna marry him?", "do you love him?" etc. My dad has left me alone...so far. Ooh, and it doesn't help that my mom finds him attractive too. Good lord.

This isn't the first time it happened.

Thought for the day:

No boy is worth crying over

Wedd, I think I had some reply for that, then I saw this and it all went out of my head.

if you need a pillow in the shape of a arm, then I think you have more than a simple boyfriend issue.

He'll be home in the next day or so. I didn't write it down and I've forgotten with the time difference, I've got it screwed up. He said he misses me. thats good atleast.

That's very nice and good to think of, but I think we all know that's not true.



Double

I can't believe they don't have expedited shipping.


Glad to see you haven't lost your sense of humor, lizzy!

I wonder how many of those they sell!!

Except maybe me.

if it's in a catolog they sell a few.

Jazz leaves a trail of women in tears where ever he goes

Because he stuffs his pockets with onions.

Sorry. That's the best I could do. My writers are on strike.

I can't wait till you're around more.

Those wacky Canadian mating rituals....

Hey there! I've lurked many times on this thread, and FINALLY decided to post!

I have been single now for about 2 years. I literally have not had one date in about a year in a half. Some days are really, really hard. I am in my early 30's and feel like time is running out. People tell me that I am really picky, and maybe I am but I refuse to settle. Please tell me I am not the only one that feel this way!

Welcome to the singles thread, JAMfanatic! You're so not alone. I've been single for about five years, and my last date was well over six months ago. (It did not go well. After a painfully long dinner I crunched my car against a parking post in the lot. I still carry both scars with me to this day.) There's no right or wrong way to feel about being single. It's not wrong or weak to feel lonely or sad about it. Some days are harder than others. I'm just surprised that people around you would say you're picky. Your friends and family should know better than anyone else that you deserve the best, and shouldn't settle for just any guy if he's not the perfect guy for you. I really believe that you have to know in your gut that it's right, and if that means you have to wait longer than those around you, that's okay.

There is 110% nothing wrong at all with knowing what you want and what you dont want in a person. Never deny yourself what you know you deserve!



Yes

Yes

and YES!

JamFanatic, you should be picky. It's hard enough living day-to-day with someone you love more than anything in the world. Imagine spending your life with someone you settled for. No way. Plus I can't help but think about all my friends and family who got married around the same time as hubby and I. I think 1/3 of them are still married. The rest are on marriage #2. Just think of all the legal fees you may have saved by being so picky!

Jam be picky. You don' thave to just be stuck with any old guy. Just be picky for the right reasons. Not the reasons like one friend I have. I don't think she's ever going to come across a tall, accented millionaire, with no ex wife or kids, a sane family and his own plane.