Thanks guys for all your encouragement, you all are so sweet!

I went out to lunch with a girl this past Thursday. I think one of my immediate turn-offs is someone that you always have to initiate the conversation with. So I guess ease of conversation is up on my list, but I think I already knew that. So basically it was about as awkward as most of my dates are...but it was my first one in awhile.

I just need to stop worrying about going out with girls and just wait until I come across someone who I'm sure about. So I guess I'm in the same boat as you JF.

BTW, great advice by everyone, I think I'm gonna steal it.

And another thing. If any of you are wondering about that girl I was pining over that I used to be friends with, it's not gonna happen. Let's just say she isn't the person I thought she was and you can PM me for details if you'd like them.

^^ was she a dude?

Brit is home, alittle is the vent thread about our reunion. He seems better. we've not had that talk but we will. He said something funny to me however. I asked him well do you love me? he said yes. Then he said, lizzy I love you very much and trust me there are many times where I think I don't deserve you. Thats really sweet and it's also questionable to me as well. I know he's not cheated on me but I wonder if he is hiding something from me now?

Dam*it Liz! I told you to PM me if you wanted to discuss this...


I'm no relationship expert but I wouldn't let your suspicions go unchecked. Ask him why he doesn't deserve you. From what I understand, he has given you more than enough heartbreak to justify at least asking him about it.

^

I'm going to ask him you bet your bottom dallor I am.

I've got some things sitting pretty heavy on my mind, and really want to ask all of you guys your opinions...I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years (we broke up for about a month and just got back together a few weeks ago). We broke up because he had a lot of growing up to do. He did grow up, and things are better now, but I almost feel like it's too little too late, ya know? I'm only 21, and I'm starting to feel like I just don't want the drama anymore. I have a close guy friend that wants to take me out, and just have fun together, and I'm really curious about it. I guess my question is, if you were in my shoes, would you stay with the person you've been with for years (and in all reality, may marry in the future but aren't 100% sure you'd be the happiest with him), or be single and get it out of your system while your 21 before settling down...? I don't want to make the wrong decision..I may lose someone I love, or I may settle down and regret not having fun while I was young. What do you guys think?

Does your boyfriend know you feel this way? 21 is kind of young to be making that decision. You broke up once so he could grow up--maybe you could take a break again so that you can find yourself.

I think your young as well and your correct in questioning yourself. I think you want to broaden your horizons if you will but scared. And thats ok too. I think you should be honest with your boyfriend. Dont settle because of a certain amount of time you have given. You realized that you didnt want this person before based on certain things. Do what your heart desires. If your not happy now or questioning yourself still now.....think about it a few years down the road with a legal piece of paper while wondering if you did the right thing.

Take time for yourself there is nothing wrong with that.

I haaaate when I have to always begin conversations! I know exactly what you mean. If I have to try that hard to get you to talk, its not worth it.

See this little step is frustrating for me. I'm not very good at that whole letting things happen as they happen thing. I'm slightly impatient, and like to think I can control everything. Which obviously I cant. I'm trying to get better at it.

My answer is a bit complicated because what I'd do at 21 may or may not be what I'd do knowing what I know now at 41. I can't say whether or not I'd break up with the buy at your age. It would be so easy to stay and see what happens. But speaking as a woman twice that age, given what you've described, I'd start seeing other people. As much as you care for this guy, he may not be the right one for you. The fact that you're asking these questions, etc. suggests to me that you've got your own doubts about this being the right move. Remember, these are the years you're supposed to find out what you want, get to know different people, find out what is really important and what isn't. It's absolutely okay to date other guys to figure all these very important things out. Good luck!

Thanks for the help ladies...you've made some excellent points. I've been feeling guilty this whole time, worrying more about hurting him than hurting myself in the long run. I'm happy I asked

Yeah my problem is that I am so nervous on first dates! I think I end up saying alot of stupid things because of it!

And call me a weirdo, I just CANNOT kiss a guy on the first date either, unless I have known the person awhile. I don't what it is but when they try I either run to my door or dig through my purse looking for my keys, but for some reason I jsut can't do it!

Hey! I know how you feel! I have never really been in a relationship and there are some people who tell me that I am too pinky as well. I don't want to settle either and I think that is a good trait to have! It's better to be with someone that you truly love rather than ending up with someone for the sake of time. It does kind of suck. However, I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone!

I am exactly the same way! Sorry to bud in the conversation, but yeah. The last date that I was on, I was in the store bathroom pacing and freaking out.

I also can't kiss on the first date. I usually just stare at the ground or fumble for my keys as well, so awkward.

i felt better today and spent time with my brit. We had part one of the talk. Only part one cause some how the talk turned into a cuddle and that turned into a lot more. I know, I know. I have to get my side of things out. I said some things I wanted though. It's hard to turn down his accent! I'm weak.

oh liz, I understand.

This is why I have the rule that no couch or bed can be in a room when my ex and I are alone in it. It is the freaking accent.

I think it is the holidays but I am getting that I want a boy pang.. and it is pretty strong this year. UGH.

Last night the brit calls me up. I miss you and all that. So I'm making time thursday that we have time together and we TALK. We have to now.
After 3 yrs, one break up, a mini break, it seems wrong to me to give up. I did some thinking late late last night. I truly love this man and I asked myself would I be better off with him out of my life? Is it worth the ups and downs? is he worth it? And I feel it is. I have to give it my all. If he was patient with me and wanted this depsite the fact I was in a relationship when we met, then I need to try too. It may not seem fair and it hasn't been lately, but I'm willing to work on it as long as we get things settled between us. He's my best friend and I love him.

That's understandable liz. I hope for your sake that he's just as committed to working on things from his end. Whatever he had to sacrifice to be with you in the beginning, you've more than paid him back by putting up with him running off a couple of times when the stress got too much. You both have to start over now with agreed upon rules and expectations, (sounds romantic huh?). Good luck liz!

^ ya know it's almost sickening that you gotta put rules on a relationship like this. The romance is kinda gone I think I've paid far more than I should have had too, your right. It's a disservice to your relationship if you don't give it your all before knowing if it's really over.

Just make sure he knows that he can NEVER skip the country again!!

Good luck!!

Mixed, you're 100% right. Be strong Liz!

Can I be single for today?












seriously

Soo deja vu. Just like this time last year, me and my friend both like the same guy (one of our good friends too). We cant do anything, or else it will kind of screw up our friendship. Plus this kid gives no sign of how hes feeling. Its a sucky position to be in.

Sounds like Michael and Jan's "love contract".

I think you should go out with your close friend.

Just the fact that you're considering it speaks volumes to me.

I felt the same way you did at 20. Thankfully I made the right decision. And it was a tough decision. My high school girlfriend was really cool (she still is). She's smart, pretty and a world-class artist (if you play video games at all, you've seen her art). But there was some level of chemistry that was missing and caused me to consider other relationships.

As great as my girlfriend was back then, she doesn't hold a candle to my wife in any way. I'm just glad I trusted my gut and moved on.

Absolutely true. Otherwise, you wind up like a close friend of mine, who settled for less than he wanted because he thought it was all he could get.

Very nicely worded, Jazzman.

Also, in the immortal words of Mr. Jim Halpert in Boys and Girls, You got to take a chance on something sometime.

And in my own immortal words my one and only thread

he asked me to call him last night around 11-11:30. I did. No answer. I was up watching movies anyway..12am nothing, 1 am nothing, 2-3am nothing. 4:44am I get a text. you can't be mad my phone wasn't working. Hmmm wasn't working so did you stay up all night to fix it? Yeah right. I talked to him this morning. His daugther wanted him to do something with her and he is and now we're not doing anything and I told him, I'm not chasing you anymore. If you want me, you chase me. You don't make me feel special and your promises are worthless when you never keep them. Am I second guessing myself now? YOU BETCHA! Do I have any ill feelings right now... I want to stuff him in the oven like my turkey and cook his a$$ oh my I'm mad.

Good for you, liz! Don't second guess yourself!! He needs to hear that!!

Sorry you are going through this though.

^ You know wedd I'm not going to second guess myself and starting tonight the I'm at nicks beck and call is stopping. *-**** can do the things I do for him for me. He wants his own time he tells me tonight. He doesn't care if I'm mad, he's doing this for him. And I just have to be mad if I don't like the way he wants to do things now. *using my loud and angry voice* He's FULL OF **** SINCE I"M THE ONE ALWAYS MAKING THE SACRIFCES!!!
I asked him, is this, us worth it? He said yeah. I don't believe a letter of that one word answer. WE're not doing anything together tomorrow. I've made up my mind.

*Gasp! *Shock! *Awe! It's looking like I might have a prospect.

Sorry lizzy, but yeah, you do need to stick up for yourself. Don't forget to baste.

Details, Sharpie!

sharp give up the details!!!

lizzy is not the brits stepping stone anymore

Wait, what? Did I miss something? Did you meet someone at your grandmas?



Liz, this will probably sound weird, but it's nice to hear you really truly pi$$ed about this. You should be. I think skipping town would be a deal breaker, and then for him to come back and treat you like this is really wrong. No matter what happens, we're here for you.

NOPE. I don't want to jinx it, but trust me...if anything comes of it, you all will be the firsts to know.

Lizzie, of course it's worth it to him. You've just pointed out the reason for it. It's not really costing him anything.

Like Queenie I'm glad to see you angry about this. But the anger's only going to take you so far. You said you've made up your mind about today and that's great - now you have to make up your mind about what you'll do beyond today.

Sammy is totally right. You need to think about yourself and stop worrying about him.

This can be responded to in a number of different ways...

1. Good for you

2. Don't trade away your prospects for an aging veteran who can't do the job anymore

3. It sounds like you're hiring... is there a better term?

4. Are you a prospect for him?

I'm confused, is this a romantic prospect or an internship prospect?

That whole thing made me laugh..but this is the only bullet I will respond to. It would seem that way.





Romantic

Sharp where did you meet this guy at least? Your a prospect for him? Oh my this sounds interesting

Guess who called to apoligze to me last night late? yeah. Apparently I'm not the one to blame, it's other people and he took it out on me. I didnt say I love you back though cause I couldn't right then ya know. he called me again this morning to wake me up early. I guess he's trying to get on my good side? But I'm holding firm. Lizzy is here to chew bubble gum and kick some a** and I'm all out of bubble gum. I will not be swayed but the accent

OK, Sharpie, since this is now the vicariously-reliving-our-love-lives-such-as-they-may-be-thru-Sharpie thread....

We will need details. Names, dates, pix.... all of that stuff.

Is that fair? At least he's trying to do the right thing, whatever that may be in this case. Granted, you have good reason to be displeased, but I think he deserves the benefit of the doubt.

Or have you lost your good side? I would hope not.

You know jazz I have said that about him so many times lately. I think it's only fair that he gives alittle of what I give him back to me. I just need him to show he really wants to keep me and loves me. It's just so cold and short lately. I've not crossed to the dark side yet. I just think after all the stuff I've gone through in the last 6 months now, I deserve better than him skipping the country, and telling me he wants more him time. We've had a wedding cancelled and plans to do it again pushed back again and our alone time is nonexsistence with his daugther lately. I get what your telling me though, he's not too happy either but I've not done anything dramatic like he has.

All I'm saying is that things aren't always as simple as they seem to be. He's been married before, obviously, and I think he's having difficulties recognizing that you're not the same person that she was. Maybe some things have happened that have caused him to react in ways that you didn't expect or understand. They may have been triggered by similar things that happened before. Or not: he may just be a total ****. That's for you to decide, but when you do, just recognize that part of what he is was shaped by what happened before. It may not make sense to you, or even to him. But on some subconscious level, there's a connection that's causing him to act like he does.

BTW...my own situation is so messed up that I already feel sorry for anyone I might get involved with in the future.

You know Jazz I did think about is the past relatioship he had with his ex haunting him now? I know and I do try my best to understand his own trust issues and I wait for him to open up just because he can be so guarded. I get the feeling that he treats me sometimes like his ex cause he will make a comment about her and him and him an I. i don't know. I'm not a man so i can't understand what goes through his head like he can't understand mine. I'm honest with him and maybe he's not liking how honest I have been?

Jazz you just have to find a person who is either very understanding and patient or alittle off in the head. Seriously though, the right person will come along.

LOL! I would love to regail you all with my fascinating love life, yet it is far from fascinating. If anything comes out of this situation in which I refuse to speak, you all will know. And if not, then you all will know that too.



Jazzy, I would LOVE to hear how you met your wife. You seem kinda unhappy about your situation now, but at some point you had to have been madly in love, right? .....kinda in love? Do tell!

I invited a guy friend to go Christmas shopping with me next month. The only thing that worries me is that I feel that I might be attracted to him in a romantic manner instead of a platonic one, which is the case at the moment. I mean, he's a great guy & he's sweet & funny but there's no well, sexual attraction . I always go for dark looking Mediterranean men & he's the complete opposite, with blue eyes, blonde hair & fair skin. He's like, half Swedish & half Croatian I think. But for now, I want to keep him as a friend while I continue my search for my long lost Greek prince .

^ good luck on your search, sharp seems to be the only one with any hope in the men department.

is that pic in your signature from this years european cup thing or what ever team. I heard they had their best finish this year. Atleast I think it was football