*cough* tease *cough*

I think that Second Class Guy needs to be told, and the sooner the better. Booking something that far in advance suggests that you might be thinking it's more than just shopping. (lunch, dinner....breakfast?) Going to a few stores on the spur of the moment after work is a different thing.

I can't tell you how many times I went through similar situations when I was single (or even now, but that's for another time). There's no good way to tell him, but note that "But you're such a good friend that anything else would mess it up" is one of the most hurtful things you can tell a guy who may be thinking of something else, or even if he's not. Use caution.

Just don't tell the wife

Why do I keep getting drawn back in by the same guy? I mean, it wouldnt be a problem normally. I love this kid. We've been friends for awhile now. But one of my best friends likes him too. So neither of us can do anything, and he gives no indication of how he feels. Its a really frustrating, vicious circle we've been in for awhile now. I hate it.

Don't throw garbage at me for suggesting this but is it possible that he likes both of you just as friends?

As a guy, I know that being friends with a girl meant that I could safely ask her out if I was interested.

I'm not trying to discourage you Mambo, but I think you should consider this possibility.

Is that a "no?"

No, it could be a possibilty. But since we've known him for awhile, we know how he acts with his "friends" and how he acts around the girls he's liked. I mean, maybe he does think of us in that way. But there are little things. Gah. Its hard to explain. We'll see.

Well is he kind of leading you both on in some ways? It's hard to give up that kind of attention from two great young women.

It's more like a "not right now".

The more important question is: did the Brit get your printer??

^ jazz no the brit didn't, but he did call me to check up on me to make sure I was okay out there at 3:15 am.

He was very attentive to me today, I feel werid cause he hasn't been for awhile. Something in him has changed again. I don't know. I tired of figuring him out anymore. He's been calling me and saying lots of lovey dovey things to me. It's nice but weird to have him do this again. I forgot what it was like

Fair enough. (That's what PM's are for ).

Spill it, Sharpie!

We are in the talking stage....that's IT! No more! Shhhhhhh! I really like him .

awww sharpie thats so cute. I hope it works out for you

The brit told someone in front of me that "I'm his perfect match". She's my lizzy and she's just my ideal everything. Doesn't mean I can't harbor anger still towards him

Sucking up to someone in front of another person still doesn't make up for all the bad things he's done. It's kind of manipulative, really.

"Yeah, I can get away with anything, I just come back and act all nicey-nicey-lovey-dovey and everything will be fine."

Well, I think I'm with Jazzman on this one. If you made these plans with the guy and YOU think he thinks it's romantic, then he deffinately thinks it is. And as a guy who has been led on before, I hope you let him down sooner rather than later. Just a thought.


Sharpie has a crush...ooooooooooooooooooooooo...

Oh I kinda know VB, I've not forgiven him in the least. It's werid to have him this attentive to me again. He used to be like this all the time, but ever since his daugther came back into his life well he kinda stopped. I have no idea why?
I did something and got the most interesting response. I said well you have to wed to figure it out(it's something we're talking about doing) and if you don't I'm going to get mad at you and I'm going MIA for awhile. He said, MIA? I said, yeah like you, I'm going missing in action. He said, "no, your going to do that. I don't want you to do that and I won't let you"
WTF? he can, but I can't? I thought wow thats some extreme control statement. He's not scary that way, but that's the first time he's said something to that effect.

He's not going to let you?! You're single with no choldren; you can do whatever the he11 what you want. Either he knows he f-ed up and he is afraid you are going to leave him or he is really doesn't know what is going on anymore.

The b1tch in me says leave for a little while. Back when we weren't together and he refused to commit me, I took off for a few days. Hopped an Amtrak to Boston in the pouring rain, spent the six hour ride there and back trying to sort things out, rented an apartment there for two days and did nothing. Did less than what I would have done here in NY, didn't tell anyone until I came back. He was like, I did that to you? And I was like, yeah, you did. I got a lot of good thinking done on that trip.

^^ Wedd your my hero If this thing is sorted the way it should be I'm not going to be around. I do everything for him and I never do anything crazy like what he did why can't I be allowed a mental breakdown?

In my experience, guys don't understand mental breakdowns. I had a mini-one the other night, I just burst out crying "afterward" and he did nothing. Didn't even mention it. Two days later I said, "You didn't even notice that I had a breakdown the other night' and he said, "Yes I did". Um, thanks. Thanks for talking to me, thanks for telling me it would be okay, thanks for nothing.

yours doesn't say anything? Mine, can't stand to be around me when I cry and has to walk away or hang up. And if he does stick around he gets to the point where he's going to lose it cause I'm crying like no ones business

To be fair, I kind of pushed it off, but he should have revisited it. We spent some "time" together and afterward I said, "I miss you so much" and started hysterically crying. He said, "I miss you, too" and then I cried for five minutes while he held me and said nothing and then I got up to go to the bathroom. When I came back I wasn't crying anymore and I just said, "Did you change the clocks back?" and went to sleep. He didn't mention anything about what happened until I brought it up 2 days later.

I don't cry much but I have been more lately and he just does nothing. Or he says, please stop crying. That also helps a lot.

Because, as politically incorrect as this will sound, most men will simply blame it on hormones. It's like a line from my first attempt at writing a novel: go pound down a case of Midol and don't come back til you're human...

A lot of men think that way. Some of us don't.

^^^ What's worse is when you guys actually guess right and it is because of PMS and then we just want to smack you more for being right!

Nick? All men's brains must be networked together then.

You know wedd, I never used to be a person who cried then when I spilled the beans about everything in my life to him Ive been so emotional. I guess maybe cauase it felt like a burden being lifted or whatever but now I cry and cry. he will make sure I'm okay after. I dont find it cute when he asks me to stop crying, you can't just turn it off

Being abused for our perception....?

Sounds about par for the course. Would you rather we blamed it on something entirely different?

i always blame it on I'm not pretty enough, sexy enough, I'm too boring for him. It's harder to play that card with men

Not harder. Just extremely dangerous.

In the beginning, I heard that a lot. I used to think it was genuine angst, and a need for reassurance. After a while it seemed to be more like unflattering self-deprecation. Now, after 19 years, it's just whining. I usually go and hide out in my basement office with the cats until the storm passes.

i do it cause of my lack of self esteem at times. I know I am or he wouldn't be with me but I get depressed and then my self esteem and everything takes a huge nose dive and then I need that reassurance, its not me trying to be whinny it's just me feeling lost

Thanks for the advice guys . I've been lead on in the past, so I'm going to do my best not to do the same to him. I know first hand how much it hurts, but thankfully it's all in the past. Now, speaking of single or not...

Last Saturday I went on a date with the TV guy, whom I mentioned in previous posts. Anyway, we started it off by going to the Keg, where it was his friends birthday. It was me, him, his friend, his friend's girlfriend & another friend. It was a fun experience despite the sh!tty service. When we were leaving he paid my bill like a true gentlemen. Than we all walked to a billiards & bowling hang out, which allowed us to talk. When we arrived there, the birthday guys friend had to leave, so it was just the four of us. The two guys decided that we would play a round of pool, with me & my date vs the guy & his girlfriend. It would've been more fun had I not have been the only person who was not a pool shark Anyway, we played a round for about an hour, which didn't seem that long. After that we decided to end the evening at 1:00 & we went our separate ways. Now, I don't drive so I had to take a taxi home. He was sweet enough to wait with me. Not only that, but he helped me find one & when we didn't, he called for one. Than he waited until it arrived & as it pulled up, he gave me $$ to pay for my cab fare. I tried to say no but he wouldn't have it that way. Anyway, we said our goodnights & that was it.

I was mainly impressed with how sweet he was & what a gentleman he is, with paying for my night, holding the doors, teaching me how to play pool etc. We haven't communicated since but I'm sure it'll change. And ooh, he told me how he wants to get a new agent for better roles. Let's hope he gets a stint on The Office . I hope there's a part two to that Saturday evening .

Please don't accept anything less, my dear.

Gack! Why do I always do this to myself? It seems that right as I am on the cusp of being in a relationship I pull back hardcore and somehow sabotage myself. I think I like a guy and then when he becomes genuinely interested, something inside me snaps.

WTF??? Is it because it's unfamiliar territory? Is it because I'm scared of commitment or just scared in general??? I don't know and I hate that. Sigh.

PIP thats so awesome! I'm so impressed what a truly nice guy. Makes my heart swoon.

I did my girlie stuff and spent time with the brit. Even though he's admitted to being a jerk lately I'm still holding firm to my own MIA this week if this certain something isn't sorted. He bought me watch. Not like hugely expensive but very nice. The him muttering on to me about how he doesn't deserve me cause he's been on some sort of weird mental bender was annoying. But I can't help think it was nice at the same time. I may see him later depends on what time my brother leaves here.

Liz, man, I told you my Boston story yesterday and then I had this ***ed up dream last night that I was marrying my ex at my house and I called Tom to tell him that I was calling off the wedding because I was really in love with him and did he love me back and he was in Texas (when he was in the military he was stationed in Texas for a while) and he said "There are levels" and I was like, nice, I tell you I love you and I am calling off my wedding and that's all you can say? Then my ex showed up and I had to break it off with him (thank God I woke up before that happened).

Man, talk about bringing up bad memories!!!

your tom and my nick think alike I swear to God. Nick first called me his partner instead of Girlfriend. I was like, what the he11?? After a while, he called me his girlfriend, now he calls me his fiancee or a pet name, but yeah...Partner. And this was after he told me he was in love with me!

Or did we jinx you? Is this the prospect?

Sharpie, there are a couple other possible reasons to think about: Are you afraid that he'll reject you first so you pull back to avoid being hurt? If you're used to getting hurt, you'll stop putting yourself out there to avoid the pain, but you'll also miss out on what could be something great. And I don't mean to get too personal...but if you're not feeling too good about yourself and your self esteem isn't all that great, that could play a factor too. If deep down you don't really feel like you deserve love then you'll keep on sabotaging yourself. (But this is all hypothetical of course. Just a couple other things to think about...)



That's great liz. The watch and the umm...muttered apologies...is nice, but it sounds like you still have half of that big talk to finish, and you both have a lot of serious thinking to do. Stay strong!

Oh, I can beat that, definitely! We spent two years just basically hooking up (but not having sex--LONG story there) when he drank (I am NOT proud of this time at all--I had no self-esteem and should never have let it go on). Anyway, I finally put a stop to it and then he realized he missed me or whatever happened to make him change his mind. Basically, I stopped letting him walk all over me and he realized that he was a jerk and missed me. Anyway, we had a "platonic" trip planned to go to Boston. He works with his best friend and I worked with his girlfriend. Anyway, she calls me and tells me that Tom was telling everyone at work that he was going to Boston with his girlfriend!!! But he never told me I was his girlfriend!!!

So, we get to Boston and I am armed with this knowledge. I am fully expecting him to make it official, us finally "do it", and nothing. We messed around a lot and finally I just snapped and we got into this huge argument and I was like, you don't even care about me, you don't know what you want, you just came here for the free Yankees/Red Sox tickets and he was like, "I can't believe you said that--I told everyone at work I was going to Boston with my girlfriend" and I screamed back, "Oh, I'm your girlfriend? And your whole office knew before me?" and he yelled, "Yeah, well" and then he started laughing, We decided not to consummate on that trip and it took us another month to actually do it.

So yeah, Tom and Nick are most likely related!

I think you're making way too much out of this.

No offense intended, but if you're more concerned with the name he uses instead of the feelings behind it, maybe you're not the only one who has a right to be annoyed.

I don't think you're scared of commitment, but I do think you may be a little too anxious for it. This may simply be a case of trying too hard. Let things come to you in their own way and time.

That's a great story Wedd! You were his girlfriend and didn't even know it!

Well, not so great because he treated me like crap for a while and I allowed it to happen, but we managed to work past that. I knew I was his girlfriend--he just refused to admit it!!!

It's nice I can laugh now, 7 years after the fact, but I still want to punch him in the face sometimes!!!

Jazz, the brit has every reason to be annoyed but I was annoyed by the term partner cause he said he loved me, made sure I knew he loved me but around other people, I was his partner. I was irked. when it was just us, it was all lovey dovey, full of expression. I had to tell him if I call you my boyfriend in front of other people, you should be able to call me your girlfriend, not just a partner.

Oh wedd, you just make me laugh and laugh. Thank you.

Spot on. See, whenever he calls...I don't always answer the phone and when he texts me sometimes I take an hour or two before I respond...I'm pulling away which doesn't make sense to me, because he's a really great guy. IDK. Maybe I'm just playing hard to get? But I think it's more than that. Good psychological profile Queenie.

don't pull away too much. He's interested remember that. but if your feeling a bit low then take it slow. Just don't let him think your not all that interested. It's complicated by the sounds of it and I shouldn't give advice for reasons you can all read about just hate to see someone lose a good guy by accident.

Oh, by I am interested! That's the issue. Like now...I'm home all day doing nothing and I should call him...but I'm not going to.

What about a text message instead? dangle him on your hook You can always pretend to be busy but still have a talk with a couple of texts instead of having to sit and talk if your not up to it

LOL! I've done that before, but I am truly not busy (and over 100 texts over for this month ) so I don't want to lie to him later when he asks how my day went.

When you said you were sabotaging yourself I thought maybe you were pulling away emotionally...being distant and cold. I'm probably wrong, but I don't think not answering his calls right away is a bad thing. Especially since things are in the very early stages. Maybe it borders a little bit on playing games, but early on that can be a smart thing to do. You don't want him to think you're waiting by the phone for him. Like what liz said. And thinking about it....it might not even register with him that you're intentionally not answering his calls right away. He could just think you're busy living your own life.