Well, I just made a reservation for one to our office holiday party for next Friday. I won't be the only one, though, so it shouldn't be too bad.

This is a tough time of year, but I usually find that I'm too busy to dwell on it. What with shopping, visiting friends and family, and going on vacation I'm actually grateful for the few moments I have to sit and relax alone. Our company does a Christmas party, and even though spouses/significant others are invited a lot of the girls go alone, and I don't feel left out in a room full of married couples. I probably won't even notice I'm alone until New Years comes around and I realize I've got no one to kiss.

QoE,

I'll have to be totally honest with you.

Quit associating with insane men. Obviously every single man that knows you is totally deranged and not capable of a coherent thought. Or they play for the other team.

We know your personality, seen how talented your are and even glimpsed at a photo or two. There is no apparent reason, none at all, why men aren't falling all over themselves in an attempt to win your affections.

So the only thing that makes sense is that every single man you know is insane.

^^

Wow! That has to be nice to hear! And it's completely true Queenie .

I've got a weird one.

So there is a girl I work with who I've gotten to know really well since I've started working with her 2 years ago. She's nice but I've never thought of her that way. She's a good friend to me and that's about it. Recently, within the last month or so, all the women I work with have been hinting to me how nice she is and what a great girlfriend she would make (I know, really subtle, right?).

I was working today and they were going through their routine with me. I'd been playing dumb the past month but finally I just said "Are you trying to set me up with her?". I was very blunt which isn't normal for me. So they said "yes". And then I told them firmly that I wouldn't be persuing her. I just don't think about her that way and I never will which may seem harsh to them but it's the truth.

They all acted weird around me the rest of the day but I think I did myself a favor. I love my job and the people I work with and the last thing I want to be thinking about is how awkward work is now.

I have standards, is that so horrible?

I think it's safe to say that this young lady likes you...otherwise her friends wouldn't be trying to set you up. If you don't feel the same way I can see how this might lead to some "awkward turtle" moments. But you shouldn't feel bad at all. Just think, you did her a favor by not taking her out and having her get her hopes up to think about a relationship with you. Your last statement may not have been entirely necessary, but it's good you know what you want and what you don't want.

RC!!!! It's going to take me days to get rid of this blush. That was just the sweetest thing to say! Thank you so much!

Really, though, I am the one to blame for being single. I'm just painfully shy, especially with guys I like (and I don't find them very often). I don't put myself out there in situations where I would meet nice, normal, single guys, and I don't really have single girlfriends to go out on the town and have fun with. I just don't meet guys that much, and I'm usually suspicious of strange guys who show an interest if I haven't known them for a while. I can be such a cynic!

Thank you so much, though. That comment's going to keep me content for quite a while.



Thanks Sharpie! I feel the same way about you too.




It might not be the fact that you have standards that offended them. Maybe they took your rejection of her personally? It sounds like they're good friends with her, and girls are always defensive of their friends' rejections. Even if it's not true, and you're not attracted to her, I'd tell them that you're not interested because you believe dating at work is inappropriate and you don't want to complicate things. That might make your rejection a little less personal, and hopefully things won't stay akward. Either way, they'll probably let it go after a while. It'll just take some time. (Actually, that's not always true. Women never forget. Sorry.)

I dont think so. If you're not attracted to her (even if she might like you, or people think you'd be good together) you dont have to date her. In fact, if you didnt like her "like that" and you dated just because people pressured you to, you'd just be leading her on. And nobody likes to be led on. I think you handled the situation just fine.

Different note, I realize that I am basically in the same place as I was last year at this time. I'm stuck and I dont know what I'm doing wrong. Its really frustrating.

They're the ones who made it awkward, not you. Really, they should know better! Why would they want to encourage something that could make everyone uncomfortable in the long run?

You have a nice friendship with this person and you obviously respect and appreciate it. That's the way it should stay.

Yeah, I know she likes me. I've been on a sympathy date before with another girl and I felt like a jerk afterwards because I felt like I was leading her on, which wasn't my intention. And I may have explained it wrong. I was blunt when I asked if they were trying to set me up but I let them down as easy as I could. I don't think they took it personally, I think they were just aware of the awkwardness and weren't talking, things should be back to normal next week...hopefully.

I'm a nice guy but that has backfired on me before in this situation. I'm being certain that she doesn't get the wrong idea and that I her and her friends down easily.

I work with 9 women and 1 guy...estrogen ocean.

That sucks BTB!!!! Your co-workers have really put you in an awkward situation. I hated when this sort of thing happened when I was single. I had a very specific type of women I pursued (usually the wrong type ) and it made for some uncomfortable situations when people tried what you're co-workers have tried.

Thanks for the assurances guys. I always feel like a jerk when I let girls down because I've been let down before as well and I know it sucks. They think we would be great together but we are very opposite of one another. I'm a lone wolf type (very rugged sounding, I like it) in that I like my privacy as much as I like being around friends. She is a socialite type, always has to be around her friends and I know we wouldn't work together well.

Good for you BTB.



So this guy I've been telling you all about...we've been talking and while initially I was excited, I definitely thought too much too soon. I've been putting off talking to him the last few days, but I just got off an hour long phone call with him and try as I might I just don't feel any chemistry.

I started off by telling him I think it's important to just focus on being friends and nothing else (at least for now..until maybe after we get to know each other a little more). I didn't want to lead him on, but I do like him and like talking to him, so I think we might still do that and see where it leads if anywhere.

Sounds like the right thing to do Sharpie. You seemed skiddish earlier about this so it's better you're sure about him before you take things forward.

In the long term, it's the jerk that dates the girl in this situation. What you did may seem harsh now, but it really prevents heartache in the future for this girl.

Many guys would have dated her just for companionship or even to use her. Those guys are the real jerks. What you did was actually commendable.

Well it sounds like you let them down as nicely as you could. If they're going to hold it against you, that's their problem, not yours. I hope they let it go quickly, and stop bothering you about it for good.



Poor BTB! You really do have my sympathy.

Okay I have two options for New Year's Eve. One option is a party with my church,that I have gone to for two years in a row, and have ended up crying at the end because I have no none. The other option is this party a co-worker has invited me to, where there were be lots of food, drinks, poker etc. I', thinking of going to my co-workers party, because I have been so miserable at the church party. What do you all think?

Well obviously if you were miserable the last two years, you should go to your co-workers party. Just think of all the eligible men there might be there! (apparently there are none at church?)...story of my life .

Yeah, the guys that go to my church are "weird" around girls. There are plenty of guys, but for some reason are scared to ask girls out. And these are guys in their late 20's and 30's. "sigh" it is SO frustrating!!!!!!

I think you answered your own question

My friend who wanted advice on her guy issues informed the guy she likes is transfering to another department and won't be anywhere near her. She's taking it personally and I don't know what to say to her. I've told her basically she'll have to be bold and make the move, but I doubt she will.

I'm kinda glad at times like these that I never worked in a office and had to attend parties. They can be a real downer when your single sometimes. I only say downer cause that seems to be the time when you coworkers want to set you up with everyone within eyeshot.

More texts from the brit..I need to learn to be patient he writes. That was the most brillant one I wanted to share. WTF! Can you believe that? Me, when he jetted off to another country to chill out. Still not replying, anger building more intensely, rage close to carrie like status, voodoo doll being made tonight.

I'm sorry Liz! Men can be such a-holes at times!

I'm learning this the hard way Jam. maybe I can ask my friend if the corrections department she works for is having a party I can crash with her. I can pull a creed and get me some handcuffs and a stun gun.

^^

i will be taking orders

I think it is official that he is out of his everloving mind.

I think truly he's had a brain transplant, cause this is the biggest bunch of bull. I have 2 missed calls on my phone. Today is our anniversary. We both can't remember when exactly we got together so we both decided dec 1st would be it. Happy anniversary to me.

Oh, liz. Well, maybe he is trying to call you to wish you a Happy Anniversary. How long are you planning on going MIA for?

I was thinking til monday. Should I give in and call him tonight or tomorrow? The text I got said I'll be done in about half a hour and then I'm all yours. What should I do? I feel terrible our anniversary has gone this way

Well, what happened after the half hour passed? I know it's your anniversaary, but I might wait until tomorrow.

I let the half hour pass and didn't do a thing.

maybe tomorrow then I should give in and give him a call. Has he tried to look for me by the way? Not really, his daughter has kept him busy but I wasn't expecting him to do that

^^^Well, unless he's really dense he knows why you are not calling him. Let him spend Sat night alone and then see what happens in the morning.

And while I do totally agree with what you are doing, you guys will have to sit down and have a talk soon if there is going to be any hope of setting things straight.

I agree with you wedd, don't think for a second I'm being stupid about the other parts to this. I don't think he's dense but I don't think he's going to confess to ignoring me and junk yet. He's not one to just open up but sometimes it's like come on already nick. maybe I'll text him after midnight and see what happens

That's a wise decision. I've learnt that while you can like someone, you may not want to be in a relationship happen. I've had that happen when I've had guys I was into ask me out & then I realized that yeah, I'm attracted to them but I'm not ready to be involved romantically. Sounds confusing but it's true .

Also, I think it's better to be single during the holidays than to be involved with someone for well, being the sake of involved. I've known people who been in relationships so they won't be single but honestly, if you're single you'll allow the right person to come along. Dating is more than having a boyfriend or girlfriend. It's about finding someone else who you click with, someone who feels right for you & I'm happy to see that I have that with my guy friend, who I have known for some months. Out of all the guys I've known, he makes me feel comfortable & allows me to be me. We can playfully tease each other & also, what really surprised me is that Christmas gifts are gifts that are sentimental & come from the heart. I've never heard any guy utter those words . Soooo sweet. I think guy friends make the best boyfriends, as you get to know them before it turned from a plantonic relationship to a romantic one. Anyway, my message is that don't be sad if you're single because soon the right guy or girl will come along. Just wait & he or she will be there if you wait .

you can't force anything sharp if you don't feel it. good call.

I did send him a text and he sent on back right away. I did call him and our conversation was short. I asked him these important questions. Are you serious about me? Do you really want to build a life with me? Do you think twice about us as a couple? His answers, yes, yes and no. There was more detail, but thats the general idea. He did tell me, that he doesn't like when I get moody and he always wonders what I'll be like when he knows I'm in a mood and he used to think about walking away a lot early on, but he's gotten used it and me and understands why I can be the way I am. I then broke down, cried and told him I wish I didn't exsist right now and I'm slipping into one of my funks. He talked me through a few things, but I feel like I'm losing my mind at times. We hung up, cause he's got his daughter to deal with tonight. We'll talk later and he sent me a text 20 mins later. " Hunny, I just want my happy, sun shiney beautiful lizzy back. She's everything to me and I love you sweetheart xx"
I found that sweet but then the depressed side took over and I think he only loves me when I'm that way. I fear I'm going to sabotage this relationship

Well, I can see how you might think that based on the wording, but I actually don't think he meant it that way. The only way to know is to ask when you speak to him again.

I hate to ask him thes type of things all the time. Always around the hoildays if when it gets to be really S****. I'm going to try and not take everything the wrong way

Wow...yesterday I walked into a restaurant with my mom and a guy I was friends with (but more like an acquaintance) was working there. We hadn't seen each other in four years...DA MN has he changed! LOL, I was flirting with him and gave him a shy smile when I said goodbye. I honestly can't describe his smile back. It was like his whole face lit up with this bright honest smile. His eyes are bright blue and I could melt in them...seriously.

He messaged me later and told me that he loved my smile and always has. He said that seeing me smile makes him want to smile.

I can't stop smiling!!!!!!!!!! Now THIS has potential!

He just asked me out! Yessssssssssssssss

^^ woo-hoo! alright sharp. Man problems are over now

Alright Sharpie!!!

Now, you'll need to get a picture of this smile that melts women and message it to me...I need to practice.

Although I have brown eyes so that could be a problem.

Lol...well...most of it is in the eyes..soooooo. I'm sure you do your own share of melting.

Hold on here, Missy. What are this boy's intentions? Does he come from a good family? Does your mother approve? You'd better be home by 10pm. I want to meet him before I let you go out with him.

OHHHHH, OHHHH!!!!

I can be the intimidating big brother with the tough demeanor that never smiles and threatens him in a very Robert DeNiro like manner!!!

Bmac and BTB


LOL! Well...he met my mom yesterday at the restaurant. I'll send him over to talk to you.


I feel so taken care of. You guys are like family.

Yay Sharpie!!! You'd better keep us in the loop!



The best part of dating is having a reason to go shopping for new clothes.

Wise words, Jazzy.



You won with a handful of clovers?

What standards are we talking about? In other words, what's wrong with this girl? I'm not saying you should date her, I'm just curious.


Oh, so now I see why you like My Name is Earl!


I dunno lizzy, I just don't like that he's telling you to be patient, yet he has no patience with you. As much as I want things to work out for you, he's really annoying me. I think you feel like you do because he is manipulative, and makes you feel like everything is all your fault. I'm mad at him.

Hottest, you've been holding out on us! I want details. So Michael kinda likes you? Who is the guy you are with????

When I was moving to Florida, a guy I used to date sent me a love letter, telling me how much he loved me and begging me not to go. When I called to confront him, he claimed he meant he just loved me as a friend. Hey buddy, I have it in writing, I know what you meant. At least have the balls to admit it.

Sharpie, you sound just like me when I was in college! Every other week there was TBTILATA - The Boy That I Love And Truly Adore.

Nobody likes me and there are no prospects.

liz, don't you dare take all the responsibility for this. That may be partly what he's counting on.

It takes two.



Yay, sharpie!

That's GREAT news Sharpie!! Congrats!!!!!!

! Right on!

Good for you, Sharpie--let us know how it goes!!!