Here is a random question. What do you guys think about online dating, or rather meeting someone online? I have always been weary of it, but I have been curious as well. I just don't know if I could fully trust them.

Hmmm it's a tough call. To me, dating constitues going out with someone in person but that is just my opinion. Maybe someone else feels different?

Anyway, it depends how you met. Dating service? Chat room? Something like myspace? Whatever the case is, being weary is perfectly acceptable & normal. However, online dating is becoming the norm these days. I tend to read many advice columns in the paper & regarding relationships, a lot of them deal with online relationships. In the end, it's all about how you feel about the guy/girl & what your gut says.

I don't understand how it bears much of a difference than regular dating in the matter of trusting someone or not. People lie. Online and in person. It depends on your level of naivete, intelligence, and common sense in trusting someone. Having experienced my fair share of this, and also speaking for several of my friends who met their spouses online (and are happily married), relationships that begin online can be quite healthy. I mean, let's think about this...if you met someone online and both parties were sincerely interested...then you would actually meet. Then the relationship would advance much as someone you met in another fashion, the difference being you actually know a lot/have already established a connection with said individual. You just have to be smart about it, but not being able to fully trust someone you develop a relationship with, kinda sounds like a problem. (Albeit, I understand your point.)

Sounds like a couple of people we know right now . . . .

KMBay I met my ex on line. We actually met in a chat room talking about music. And we happened to like a lot of the same Uk artists. We talked on the phone every day for nearly a year and when I went out to visit him I ended up staying and we lived together for 3 yrs. He was normal and his friends and family were. It just happened that I got depressed and he ignored me and what was happening to me and I wasnt happy so I left him. You have to be safe, smart and always trust your gut. Most importantly, always tell someone what you are doing. Let someone know who you are talking to and what you are considering. And now of days you can background check anything. Sharp is right people lie in person as well as online. Just be smart. If everything checks out and you want to date this person, then do it. Good luck

Brit is sick. He took those girls out somewhere and got the sniffles. He never tells his daugther no. We talked about me being a step parent. He told me I know you won't ever love hattie like your own, I don't expect you to, hattie doesn't want you to try to be her mom, but her friend. I don't want you to feel like you have to do soemthing or push something that you can't make happen.
Thats part of the reason why he said he would have dumped me if I have kids. He would never be able to love them like his own no matter how hard he tried to accept them, it would always be different. I think I should be getting a lot more credit for staying in this realtionship at times.

A guy in the grocey store keeps smiling at me. I was on the other side of a aisle and he sees me as he's bagging groceies and he smiles at me and tilts his head up to sort of say hi. I look around and back at him and he's just grining from ear to ear. Im alittle werided out by that

! This sounds like Jay when he comes home with paint on his pants: "Someone came up to me and painted on me when I wasn't paying attention!"




Wait, what? Is he serious? So you can deal with his daughter but if you had kids, he wouldn't bother?

You deserve a lot of credit, believe me.

^^ Yeah sometimes the things he says are dumb and it's a double standard. I don't expect to love her like my own child but I do love her, but yeah luckily I didn't have any kids otherwise he would have took off running the other way.

I want a new ring outta this, a big shinny rock worth some money.

I agree! I respect you a lot, knowing what you put up. You seem like a really loyal girlfriend & honestly, you deserve a medal for all you do. I really mean that. I wish I had half the dedication you had. He's lucky to have you in his life!

thats sweet PIP, thank you for saying that. Atleast I get the respect I need here when I don't think he's giving it to me I'm loyal like a lap dog I guess.

You're so welcome . I think it's nice to tell people how we appreciate what they do for us & how special they are .

Well, I ended up going on a second date with Mr.TV star & too be honest, it wasn't that great. I'm not too sure if there will be part three. We completed my Christmas shopping & than headed to some hole in a wall Irish pub. It's funny how one on one dates show the real person. They don't have others to feed off of. Anyway, it was kinda boring & there were awkward pauses throughout the meal. I did the majority of the talking. It just shows that looks aren't everything. I need to feel entertained, not bored. It's too bad it happened this way but I'm glad I found out sooner than later. We also learnt that he may be getting a principal role in an upcoming comic book film entitled "The Watchmen/Watchman". Good for him .

OK, so I can't seem to find a more appropriate thread to discuss this (didn't find a "relationships" thread on this mb), so I think this is the best place to air my not-exactly-dirty laundry.

I mentioned a while back in the venting thread that I had a problem with increasing my bench-press limit in the gym and that I also had a potential love-triangle sent to explode in the near future. There's been no progress with the bench-press limit (haven't hit the gym this month at all), but the other thing is going to get interesting in a day or so.

Let me explain ... shoot, where to start? There's this girl. We'll call her ... "Paren" (part Pam, part Karen). I met "Paren" as a co-worker several years ago. I liked her instantly. She was dating another co-worker at the time and it was hard for me to take. Long story short, she quit the job to go overseas for school. During one of her holiday breaks, I told her how I felt about her. Unfortunately, she didn't believe me. I wasn't prepared for disbelief. Anger, Happiness, Sadness, even Indifference, yes, but not Disbelief. She immediately left to go back to school. It was awkward, but we "forgot about it" and then kept in touch via e-mail and phone conversations. My close friends (being my friends) have low opinions about Paren, as they can't believe her disbelief at my earlier revelation. She's come back on break several times since, and we've always hung out. We've grown close again, but I don't bring up my feelings anymore. I should point out that's she's always gotten mad when she finds out I've been dating without telling her (and vice versa for me). So it's not a completely platonic vibe, even now. There's something there, but I'm not sure what. And after last time, I have no desire to lay it all on the line only to get turned down ... again. Paren's mom really likes me, but that doesn't factor into the equation. Paren and I are the same ethnicity, btw.

Recently I met another girl. We'll call her ... "Kam" (part Karen, part Pam). I met "Kam" online. She's local, or local enough. We've had a couple good emails and phone conversations. We recently had our first date at a coffeeshop. Easily the most fun and stimulating conversation I've had on a first date in a very long time. She's smart, funny, sensitive and sexy. It's only been one real date, and I'd like to see her again this weekend. I was thinking something a little more active but not pressure-filled (i.e. dinner at a nice restaurant) yet, so maybe pool or bowling or something like that. Kam's told me that she wants to go slow and I'm totally fine with that. Anyway, there seems to be some real promising potential here. Kam and I are completely different ethnicities, btw.

So I recently e-mailed Paren and told her about what's been going on with me, including that I've started seeing someone (Kam). She hasn't written back yet. She's flying in tomorrow night for Xmas break ... and I'm picking her up from the airport (her mom's request). I'm also supposed to call Kam tonight to set up something for this weekend. I've told Paren a brief something about Kam (since Paren tells me about her dating life and I want to avoid another blow-up over keeping secrets), but I haven't told Kam anything yet about Paren (since it's only date #2 coming up and who wants to be already overwhelmed w/ someone else's baggage so early on?).

So that's the situation. I'm torn between whom to give priority to? Paren, because we're close friends with a history and she's only here for a limited time? Kam, because we hit it off so well early on and she's here, local and explicitly interested in me? Even Stephven between the two of them? I'm not sure what to do here? If I juggle two, how likely am I to lose both and end up with nothing?

I'd like to hear an outsider's perspective, as my close friends are all biased on this decision. I need advice sooner rather than later. Advice welcome from both guys and gals.

Paren or Kam?

Hey Tim, I'll give you my straight impression from what you said. Paren is playing head games. Not necessarily intentially, she may not know what she wants. I don't know her, so I can't say. (As a female, I just recognize certain behaviors). But I also have a hard time believing her "disbelief". It sounds like her way of blowing off the issue. But to do that, and then express any kind of jealously about people you may be seeing is trying to have it both ways. Based on Paren's behavior, you owe her nothing but friendship. You're Jim. Unless or until Paren, (Pam), gives you some kind of concrete statement or evidence about her feelings for you, you have to assume friendship is where the feelings begin and end. She can't reasonably expect you to put your social life on hold.

Kam sounds like a nice woman, great opportunity, etc. No you don't owe her any explanations about your friends, etc. at this point. But if I were you, I'd want to see where this thing with Kam goes. Maybe she's the kind of woman who communicates clearly, and will leave you in no doubt how she feels.

There's no reason you can't spend time with both over the holidays. Just be straight about who's your friend and who you're going out on a real date with. Good luck Tim!

Tim,

Run as fast as you can from Paren!!!! This has 'Tim is a my backup plan' written all over it. You're talking to a guy that drove his car halfway across the country for a 'Paren'. I got there, she broke up with me, then borrowed my car for a date for her new boyfriend. That's back when my name was RC "The Sucker"

If you want to be friends with Paren, then fine. But don't go down the relationship route with her. And don't sleep with her in a moment of weakness either!!!!!! You'll regret that later

Tim don't be "paren's" back up plan. Why does she feel the need to tell you all that stuff anyways unless she's aiming for something. Beware. "kam" sounds like a great girl. And sounds like you really have real interest in her, not some lost chance or lust you never fullfilled. Do as mixed says and be straight with these women.

I would just like to say I'm enjoying my relationship right now. the more talks we have the more secure I feel about us making it. It's been a really rough road and everyone has listened and given me great advice. but I'm actually finding my relationship fun again even with the ups and downs.

Good for you Liz! This is great news!

I felt bad yesterday. I was at my cousins and his GF called I could hear her going on off is that your cousin really and a bunch of other stuff. My cousin was telling her you need to chill, clam down and I'm not talking to you til you do. My cousin is here down loading music. I thought am I that bad with the brit? I do the same thing to the brit. I told the brit and he said "like looking in the mirror huh hun?" So I'm going to be better about that stuff. I'm way too insecure

Tim, I hate to beat a dead horse but everyone who has responded is dead on. Paren lives far away, has either ignored your feelings or was so disinterested in you she shrugged them off. She is jealous of other women you go out with and if she does have feelings for you has failed to tell you about them

On the other side of this you have someone who is local, has shown she is interested in you, is smart, funny, beautiful and so on.

You said it was Paren's mother's idea for you to pick her up and you haven't talked to her since you told her you were going out with someone. You probably have already made this connection but if Paren is close to her mothe she is likely to have told her about any feelings she has for you and whether you are going out with someone. Sounds like the mother might be trying to play cupid...

hhmmm rang brit, no answer. I will not get crazy and leave him half a dozen messages each sounding alittle more desperate than the last. I'm taking the other half my muscle relaxer so I won't care

Tim, I agree with what everyone else has said. Kam sounds authentic and more suited for you.
I don't think you should worry one bit about Paren, or her mom. You sound excited about Kam, and that says a lot.

I was intrigued that you thought of taking her to the pool, and I was thinking swimming pool. If a girl would feel comfortable enough to go to a swimming pool with you on the second date, then she must really be something!!

But on my second read through, I realized you meant billiards.

Never mind.

Gee, RC, tell us what really happened.

Tim, you've gotten a lot of great advice. I don't see that it has to be an either/or. It's too early in the relationship with Kam to give her the heave-ho, unless ethnicity is really that important to you. And yeah, paren is toying with your feelings. She has no right to get jealous about anyone you date. And why don't your friends like her? Friends opinions are pretty important.

Plus, why is Paren's mom asking you to pick her up at the airport?

Again, it's not an either/or, because things may not work out with either of them. Maybe there's someone else out there who is just the one for you.

I'd like to think that I'm not being very demanding. today I'm expecting a lot from the brit. when your single you don't rely on another person to get things done. Which means less headaches for yourself

Hi Tim,

I have to say, I had a male version of "Paren" in my life until just a couple of days ago. We've been close friends for 8 years, and recently he has been trying to convince me to break up with my boyfriend so we could be together, always told me how he cared for me and wanted to be with me, but couldn't because he "just wasn't in the right place right now, and doesn't want to get involved with any girls as it won't be fair to them", got angry when I would talk to my boyfriend or any guy would talk to me, etc, etc...you get the point. Continuously playing mind games with me. I was always a little leery, I always had an idea in the back of my head that he may be stretching the truth.
His Dad took me out to lunch for my birthday on monday and we got into a pretty interesting conversation...about all of the handfuls of girls his son is seeing, and how he can't even keep track of their names anymore, and how he has one thats pretty "anchored down" right now. I lost my ****. Needless to say, my male "paren" got his butt kicked right out of the door in my life.

I guess the bottom line is, never, ever doubt your gut feeling. It's usually pretty dead on.

Sounds like a really quality guy

Good for you on kicking him out of your life. Nobody, man or woman, deserves to be used and played with like that.

As for me, it looks like this year will be spent alone during x-mas again. I've had some lengthy relationships but I've never so much as gone on a date during Christmas.

I must be more attractive during the summer...

What makes these aholes think they have any right to treat anyone like this?


What are you talking about? You have all of us on the board

I don't know but I've been walked on and lead on enough to know how to recognize women like that. I find it harder and harder to take women seriously.


Very true.

Ok....so my date wasn't as awesome as I thought it was gonna be. I mean...he was sweet, the moview was really good, and we seem to have some things in common, but when it comes down to it I'm just not that attracted to him...at all really .

I was so flipping nervous the whole time I felt like I was seriously about to throw up. The cologne he was wearing was very nice, but it kept wafting up to my nose and IDK, but I seriously almost got sick.

I am looking for a really funny guy, someone who is confident, and outgoing. I'm not saying he isn't these things (except confident...he is definitely not confident) but that just didn't come out. I had to start each topic and the conversation flowed...but it was only because I kept it going and I feel like I talked a lot more.

I'm kinda upset. I really had hopes for this because he is incredibly sweet...one of my friends said to give him a second chance, but if I'm not attracted to him and he is so shy...IDK...I guess I just don't want to waste my time on something that I don't want. Sigh and I know he likes me. He is very sensitive and it's going to suck telling him I don't think we have chemistry.

It's always such a disappointment when we think we know how things will go, and then they're different, (which they almost always are). Is it possible Sharpie that your expectations for the date kind of ruined it for you? There was a lot of pressure on the situation, and it couldn't possibly have lived up to that? If you think that might be true, I would give him a second chance. A relationship between two people never unfolds exactly the way we think it will, it has to develop in its own way.

If you don't think that's true of this situation though, then I'm sorry it didn't work out better.

That's too bad Sharpie! I was really hoping that this date would turn out well for you.

aww sharp that's really too bad. Sorry to hear that the chemistry wasn't there. He might be alittle nervous himself about the date. He might a different person when more relaxed. If it's not there however and you don't want to keep trying well I hope you meet that guy your looking for soon.

Women put too much pressure on dates. The expectations are so high sometimes that they are set up for a let down. Dating is just a huge circus IMO. I don't think I could do it now if the brit left me. I give women credit for dating and trying to find a man. I'm the type of girl if the date is boring or he's annoying, I leave. I've told my ex's friend who was dating this girl." It's a wonder she's still dating you.If you didn't laugh she'd think you were dead." She dumped him about 2 months later.

Awww I'm really sorry to hear that Sharpie . It sucks when you're really excited for a date & *boom* the whole thing is a let down. I had that happen this Monday, with Mr.TV Star. I eventually got a second date with him & we went downtown. Anyway, we ended up going to some hole in the wall Irish pub. As the date progressed, there was a lot of awkward silences. There was literally nothing to talk about, except him. I basically asked all the questions. Basically, it was boring. Sure, he's sweet & good looking but that doesn't cut. I didn't laugh one & I was so bored. I was dissapointed cause it would be like the first date but I guess the real person comes when it's one on one. Ah well, it was fun while it lasted .

Good luck telling him. I hope he'll understand .

With a lot of guys, you won't see that until the second or third date. Then they might get a little too confident. I'm assuming anyway. I don't date too many guys, but I am one, and I know I come off as very shy on first dates. If a girl agrees to a second one, everything changes because I now have that validation that she sees something in me.

But if you don't feel any spark, there's no use wasting each other's time.

Good luck with the next one.

Definitely awful.

Sharpie....I think you should give him another chance. I mean, unless he was totally disgusting, then why not?

I'm gonna agree with bmac on this one. A lot of guys come off as shy the first date. In fact, most guys aren't themselves until the second or third date.

Although you are the one who experienced this so I could be totally wrong.

Yeah, I agree. You were so excited about it and I'm sure there were nerves on both your parts. Maybe one more try to be sure.

Liz, Cosmo has a section on the "awkward way we met" and a chick named Elizabeth wrote in about how she was flirting with a Brit with a sexy accent. They were playing a virtual racing games and she broke her heel, fell out of the game and busted her a$$ in front of everyone. The Brit picked her up and kissed her and they've been together ever since.

My question: was that you?!

awww, sounds cute but no that wasn't me. No, to cut out all the details. The brit and I met by chance, he was being rude to some people, I told him off for it, he told me off for telling him off, then he asked my name and the rest is history. I don't think a lot of people know this, but my middle name is Elizabeth and that's where lizzy comes from. My first name is Rebekah. And when I told the brit my name, I said rebekah, well it's rebekah elizabeth (my last name). And he said to me, You don't seem like a rebekah but lizzy suits you perfectly and he's called me his lizzy ever since. So I kinda go by that now.

I have to tell this. So my friend asked me a bunch of relationship questions. She's never had a serious relationship. She's some what religious and has very high standards. question one: whats a ideal number of partners someone has been with if they are a good girl.(those are her exact words) #2Do all guys cheat and do you think a wandering eye is cheating? #3 do all guys really look at porn? #4 How long do you think you have to wait to sleep with someone? #5 If your in a committed realtionship but haven't slept together yet, does that mean he's not interested? #6 (my fav) having the "O" isn't that big of a deal is it? There were some others but I don't think I can post those.

Wow Liz! Those questions!!!

I've got into some debates over #2. I guess how you define 'wandering eye' is the key. Noticing an attractive women is acceptable (and normal in my opinion), but leering with bad intent is out of line.

^ Oh RC I think my eyes must have widen to the size of silver dallors at some of them. 45 mins of driving looking at lights and her asking me about birth control and other stuff.

I know guys are gonna look but I don't want to know. If the brit was leering I'd punch him the arm and if he told me some other woman was hot looking he'd loose a couple of teeth. It's just rude to say anything I think.

I think my friend even though I love her, is alittle to prim and proper. I have to laugh cause she wants to settle down and is thinking about childern but she doesn't want a man who's been with more than 5 people and will wait til they get married. And he can't drink, smoke, have any diseases of any kind, taller than her, alittle chubby, a cop, no kids and no freaky habits either. I asked her if she wanted to order a life like doll for a boyfriend, cause thats the only way your going to find it.

^^^ I'd be toothless if Mrs RC was like you It runs both ways though, last night she told me that Jason Lee is a really handsome man (even as 'Earl', I can't figure that one out )

Good luck to your friend. Is she pretty enough to make such demands? I'm actually being serious, if you're a pretty enough women you can make some wacky demands.

I hate when women do that ^^^^ Its not a get out of free jail card and they as in women think they can get away with more on how they look. That is a despicle trait in a person.

I had a friend like that and she was a good person, listened and was thoughtful but around men she used her looks to get what she wanted from them. I told her one time when I had, had it that she had to get over herself and stop using men just to make herself feel better. She didnt speak to me for a few days but when she did call me later on she apologized that she made me uncomfortable and that she knew she had self image issues. She really changed after that. Sometimes being brutally honest can help, in some situations.

Being on the male end of this situation really sucks. It's nearly impossible to make a connection with women like that because they know they can just move on to the next guy if don't like thier attitude. But it's true that some guys will put up with a lot for a pretty face.

You know what's a similar despicable trait in men - when guys use thier looks just for a quick ego boost. I was single and had a crush on a waitress at the local pizza place. I went there with one of my friends who was engaged. He had no interest in the waitress but he was a charming and handsome man. So he turned on the charm with this waitress just for an ego boost. He had no interest in her.

That made me cringe just a little, too. Especially when I've tried to teach my child (who happens to be a very pretty young woman) not to depend on that.

Almost as bad is my tendency to distrust extremely good looking men, maybe for the same reason you posted about, RC. It's probably not fair to some of them.

Just to clarify - I'm not advocating that such of behavior. I'm just pointing out that if Liz's friend is pretty she can probably find all of those traits in one person. As wrong as it is, our society is very much driven by looks.

my friend isn't pretty enough to do that. she's pretty but not enough I guess. If I tell the brit I think a guy is good looking he does nothing! It doesn't phase him, but with me drives me up the wall.

I've had enough male friends that when they start in on the charm in women they have no interest in, I just have to get out of there. It's digusting to watch such a display

I totally understand that point of view Sammy. If a beautiful women is talking to me (other then my wife or relative) I assume that she has an angle.

If a woman I don't know starts talking to the brit I think she's up to something. But by him taking free items, be it coffees or what not makes me assume this all time of him and other women. I know the brits never cheated on me and won't. But his explation of if they want to give it to me for me I'm going to take it leave me with paranoid thoughts and are somewhat valid at times. I don't believe a good looking guy would hit on me though. I never think of myself as someone that is attractive. I'm like sammy I have distrusted many men in life and it sticks with you in every relationship.

Exactly! I have dated many a shy guy, who came out of their shell - you just need to get to know know them. Same thing with girls who may be shy. Give them a little time.

Now, I am not saying to ignore your non-negotiables. For instance, religious beliefs, intelligence, sense of humor, education, goals, The Office - non negotiables are a totally different thing.


Where did she get those??? And why is she asking you??? If she is religious, she can talk to her pastor about these. Or she can email me.


Yeah, being attracted to other people is normal, but leering or gushing is not a good thing.


But what does that tell you about the guy? Is he really looking for the connection, or for the pretty face? Maybe he should look for the connection first.


Yeah, I used to do that, too. But most of the guys my age have lost their looks, so it's not really an issue anymore.

I used to love getting a double take from a man. It just made me feel really good. I still remember the first time after I went on steroids and my face got all puffy, that a guy looked at me, looked away, and didn't look back. I was devastated! And I hate to say this, (but it is true), men listened to me more when I was pretty.

veebs I might send her your way.I have no idea where she got her questions from. I wish I knew. I don't have the experince to give her all the answers. Awww veebs don't feel bad. Your so pretty and if they look away they are missing out.
She's my best friend and all but we never talk out our sex lives but I think I may have to drop her off at a adult store It's getting to that point I believe.

You bring up a good point VB.

I think most men would tell you that they're looking for a connection. However it can be hard to resist a pretty face. Men will often justify a pretty womens behaviour just because of thier looks. I wouldn't do it anymore, but I did it lots of times when I was single. In fact, the two times I was burned bad by women I had justified blatant warning signs about their character simply because they were gorgeous.

feelings for my ex took months to develope. He wasn't so much good looking and honestly I wouldn't have dated him otherwise but after time I gained feelings for him. When I met the brit it was instant connection. He's a good looking man but the connection was instant and within days we would spend hours talking. The brit has said to me in our 3 yrs of being together that after we talked properly the first time, he felt like he could say anything to me. RC has great view points, I believe him when says most men want that connection. Just having to weed through the bad ones is depressing.