Sadly, when I was pretty I dated many men that I thought wanted a connection. All some of them wanted was a Barbie doll at their sides to make them look good. They didn't really care about what I said or thought.

I wasted far too much time on guys like that.

That reminds me of something my Grandpa Mannheim once told me. "No matter how attractive that lady is at the other end of the bar, there's another man out there who is sick of putting up with her crap."

You could give her a plane ticket to Chicago.

^^ oh diapers I will tell her when I call her. Oh bythe way diapers that dvd you copied I sent a copy to my older brother who lost his and it's made his christmas.

I never did the dating thing so much. I flirted sure but even at 18 I was looking for a guy was ready to settle down.

Okay, I'm starting a petition. This thread needs to be renamed the relationships thread.

Being Single just doesn't fit anymore...

We already have a thread for people who are in relationships. It's called Venting.

^^^

True.

he's working again today. I won't be seeing him all nite. I'm sorta single then right?

No! You're practically married Liz.

Is that to say he can't be taller, can't be a little chubby and can't be a cop? Cause depending on those answers, that sounds an awful lot like me.

Oh no, he has to be taller, alitle chubby and a cop. Everything else is a no go on her list. She's going to be single for a lonnnng time.

Well I'd assume I'm taller, I am a little chubby, and I'm a security guard (will never be a cop though)...so probably a little too close for comfort.

Good luck to her though.

^^

Hmmmm, you sound like my type .




So I read all of your responses about my date last friday and I can't help but feel like a jerk. I told him I wasn't ready to be in a relationship again quite yet. This is very very true and I JUST realized this, but I feel like I should have given him another chance maybe. IDK. The fact of the matter is that I am very unhappy with myself and I know that until I learn to love myself (which would involve making some big changes that I will be working on for 2008) then I can not be in a relationship. I can't expect someone to come along and "complete me" I need to be complete before then, because no one can ever truely complete anyone. Am I making sense?

Yes it does, although I would say that none of us are every really "complete", there are always things we'll want to change or imporove. But it's nice to get to a place where we like ourselves. It makes it easier to like other people.

I hope it doesn't take you long to figure out what those things are sharp.

oh stlcard you might be a contender. you'd have to be willing to relocate to cali. She never plans on leaving the fresno area. Thats very boring to me.
Mixed this is very true. When you meet the right person things seem like they just always fall into place and you feel so different, something from within just shines. And then one day you look at him and think why did I marry him again?

One guy. 6 messages in the last 3 months. I heard from him again last night after a 2 month break. Kinda cute, but one of his messages sorta ticked me off and I told him so (It wasn't skeevy or gross in any way - just a little pushy). Yet he persists, even though I've only answered him that one time. The rest of his messages have been very sweet and friendly. Last night he didn't even ask to meet me - I think he was just letting me know he was still there.

I don't know what to do.

How about just having coffee with him Sammy? Maybe the one bad message was an anomaly.

Yeah, if you're starting to feel a different vibe from him, maybe give it a chance.

Coffee sounds like a nice idea sammy. If your still unsure you can always tell him I have a hour to meet for coffee. Put a time limit on him.

Yeah. Give him 20 minutes to impress the heck out of you. If he can't do it in 20 minutes, then move on.

Oh, and don't listen to me since I haven't dated since the Carter administration.

^^ well I wasn't thinking 20 mins but if your still unsure you can say I have so much free time on this date.

Sometimes I think speed dating can be a really good though

!! BMAC!!!

It must be frustrating to be that irresistible.

I agree with RC, Sammy. Why not go out for coffee with him? If there's no attraction, you can be out of there in less than an hour. If nothing else, you should end up with a good story or two for us!

Word. Coffee is the best thing to do on a first date or whatever. You'll be in an environment with other people & if things get awkward, you can excuse yourself to use the ladies room & than call a friend to come get you. Although I don't know if making a phone call in a public restroom is the best idea . When I go on first dates, it's always coffee or ice cream if it's summer out. If you want to be with the guy but don't want to talk with him, go to a movie . Either way, do something casual that allows you to get to know the guy while at the same time, allows you to exit if necessary.

My guy friend is acting more sweeter than usual, which is ok. He seems to think that I'm mad at him because I'm not really calling him, but stress from from work & family problems have sorta made me less chatty than usual. He constantly asks me out too & I'm not too sure how I feel. He sent me one of those rose emoticons thingys on msn & all that. He keeps calling me sweetie. I'm in no rush to have a boyfriend, since things are still in the air with mr.tv star. Ooh yeah, & the guy friend promised to call me on Christmas. I never had any boyfriends do that really. Well, except for the tv star when it was my birthday last year. How he knew it was my birthday was kinda weird, seeing how I never told him. And he wasn't my boyfriend at the time. Ooh, and he's gonna be in some film called the Watchman/Watchmen. I've only seen him once on tv.

I think I'll stay single until I make up my mind about what I want with my guy friend. I'm so confused. *sigh*

Even so, some things are still true today.




Instead of calling someone, arrange for someone to call you about 20 minutes in. That way you get to choose to stay or leave because of an 'emergency.'

PiP, as for your guy friend, make sure you aren't just stringing him along. He could get really hurt. It's a good idea for you not to date anyone while you decide though.

because mommie was there to take care of him guess who feels alittle better today. guess who also didn't take the time to send me soem pics via email like I asked so I could post them. Lord beer me a thoughtful man

I re-read his profile very carefully.

He is a few years younger than me, but says he's on track to retire in about 7 years. He also specifically mentioned that he wants someone who makes "comparable" money, and then listed a lot of things he wanted to be able to afford.

I think part of the reason he's looking at someone a little older is to find someone who can retire with him when he's ready. That isn't going to be me. I'll probably be working at least a part time job as long as I'm capable, even if I don't need the money. And I like a little extra cash as much as the next girl, but I feel more like a potential investor than partner after reading that.

I think I'll pass on this one.

Good call, sammy. There's still my brother.

If you feel like you'll be a investment rather than a partner then thats a good call sammy.

I think I may ask my brother if I can go visit him. It's real bad wheather now there, but maybe in a few weeks. I'm going to pull a brit and just leave if I don't end it before then

Don't stoop to his level, lizzie. Just go because you want to go. Get away and enjoy your self - it may help you put things in to perspective.

I really do need a new out look on life. I know its' childish wanting to stoop to his level but I feel like why can't I do to him what he's done to me? This christmas is worse than last year. This year I can't make up my mind about staying with him cause of this and last year I got a light bulb from my mother.
ho-ho-ho

Sorry guys I haven't been around lately RL has sorta taken over! Glad to have made it through Christmas Now only New Year's to go! I felt like such a loser when I visited my grandpa for Christmas, with no boyfriend, husband great grand kids, etc. All of his siblings have great grandchildren by now!

Because you want to act better than him. Then you can demand he act better too.

^ your very wise mixed. I did haul out the big emotional guns and said every nasty thing i've held in for months and got it out in the open and he kinda knows now that I'm impressed with his parents and child but I told him, they say one thing and mean another. I'm treated like a after thought. even if doesn't say he does he does with out knowing he's doing it. There was a huge fight on christmas about it, but things are looking up alittle. This is what it must feel like to be married, you just stick it out cause you do love them even though swinging that cast iron skillet at their head just so you can hear that pling noise sounds like fun.

If that's the case, I'm staying single forever. (But by choice from now on)

No, Lizzie, that's not what it's like to be married. That's what a really, really bad marriage is like. He needs to shape up or ship out, and I'm about ready to make a reservation for him on the QE2.

Okay, so I had to tell this guy who I've known less than a month (only met him three or four times total), that I can't see him because I still have feelings for someone else (long story). Anyway, he is freaking out about the whole thing and we weren't even really dating! Our entire relationship pretty much consisted of three days in which we were mostly hanging out with our friends. He called me more in that week than my mother has called me (and that's a lot). I was feeling nauseous and couldn't eat anything the entire week we were hanging out and I realized that it was 1: because of the other guy I've pretty much been in love with for six years (again, long story) and 2: he reminds me of my brother and I think the nausea was induced by a feeling of incest. So, how do I handle the guy who I never was actually seeing when he's saying things like I'm causing him so much heartache when I was the one constantly saying he was trying to go too fast, etc. and we knew each other for like two weeks. I told him that I realized I still had feelings for another guy which I thought would work better than telling him it felt like I was hanging out with my brother but I'm open to advice cause he's not taking it very well and I'm losing my patience with the guy. How do I get through to him that he's a good guy, I didn't mean to hurt him, and I think he's over-reacting a little (beyond telling him just that cause I've tried that and it isn't working)? I don't have much experience with this stuff and it isn't going well.

You've already dumped him. It's over. Don't answer his calls anymore. He'll get the hint.

Exactly.

Even though you've already said it, just keep saying it the same way. Say it, and say it again, and then try saying it again. That's all you can do. If you try different things, he'll think you don't really mean it and you're just playing games. Be straightforward and repeat yourself a lot.

Hey don't feel like a loser! There are lots of us out there in the same boat.


lizzie, that says it all. It's been 3 years. I don't think all the Williams-Sonoma skillets in the world will change him.



Poor Lenny!!! Let's take this point by point from the voice of experience:

1. he is freaking out
He's a freaking nightmare. No one normal freaks out after basically knowing someone for such a short period of time.

2. entire relationship pretty much consisted of three days
This is not a relationship. This is an acquaintance.

3. He called me more in that week than my mother has called me
He's a pest.

4. I was feeling nauseous
He makes you sick.

5. I'm causing him so much heartache
He's manipulative. He's trying to make you feel like you are doing something wrong. You're not. You are just being your usual, wonderful self.

6. he was trying to go too fast
You are absolutely right. He's pushy. He needs to read the book, "Too Close, Too Soon: Avoiding the Heartache of Premature Intimacy," or a similar volume. Also, he needs counselling.

7. he's not taking it very well
He's a sore loser.

8. I'm losing my patience
And rightfully so. He doesn't listen to you. Nobody wants someone who doesn't listen to them and respect their opinion.

9. he's over-reacting a little
Not a little, a lot. He hardly knows you. He's an immature drama queen. You don't need the drama.

Even if you didn't have feelings for someone else (and you may encounter this situation in the future with another man), you don't need to give him any excuses. You are not interested. Period.

Diapers is right. Stop taking his calls. Now.

Seriously, take it from someone who has been there - twice. This guy has 'stalker' written all over him. I was too stupid, blind and desperate to see it the second time I dated someone like this. And the second guy was a deacon from my church.

When someone says they love you (and I am guessing he is saying this to you) after such a short period of time, it isn't love. It's infatuation. You're pretty, you're the type of girl he wants. You know what love really is, he doesn't.

So to recap, he's an acquaintance who is a freaking nightmarish, pesty, immature, sickening, manipulative, pushy, disrespectful, sore losing, stalkerish drama queen.

And that's putting it nicely.

Sorry about the guy you can't get over. I have one of those too. It gets better, really it does.

poor lenny. everyone is right it just has to be made very clear to him that it wasn't a real relationship and you don't want anything to do with him(sounds mean but true).

I don't know what to do with the brit. I've fliped floped with him lately. His family is still a issue. They do treat me like a after thought. He gets swayed by his parents and then my anger makes him upset when he does it to me. I'm not saying I'm perfect in this either. I tend to blow up at things he wouldn't. He has made some time for us. I let him know when those after though moments happen with me. He's said he's not going to go to his parents and he'll have a nite in with me. Now...doesn't mean ms. thang won't get to him then, but I'm hoping that we'll actually get to have a night in together.

Thanks guys. It always feels reassuring to hear that I'm doing the right thing even when I know I am. I found that yelling at the idea of him while I was taking a shower helped a lot.

Agreed

That's exactly how I feel. It's barely an acquaintance. If he sees something it's only because he's only seeing what he wants to see. Even my roommate was able to pick up on my dismissive body language.

Yeah, that was when I made up my mind that I wasn't going to let things go further.

I know. I feel like saying that I'm not going to change my mind and that he isn't helping his case any but I don't even want to hear from him at all.

I'm not sure that he would listen to me at this point. He hasn't so far.

Done.


I told him he was being stalkerish and I hope he'll take some of what I said to heart and he'll fix himself but it doesn't sound like it. Luckily, I don't think I'll run into him too often when I get back to school.

As for the other guy, like I said, it's complicated, it goes back years, I was a chicken and didn't say anything (plus there was a mutual friend involved), and right now it's timing and distance. I kind of want to say something but he and I have grown apart because of school and I have kind of resigned myself to the fact that it is probably too late but it still stings. I blew it and I've got to move on but I refuse to have a boyfriend for the sake of having a boyfriend. I was content before this latest guy and I'm happy that it's over. Although the whole "he makes me sick" thing wasn't entirely bad. I lost three pounds.

Thanks again for the support. I've got enough to deal with when it comes to family. This guy just isn't worth it.

Liz, you have to assume that things like this ^^ will never change. Can you live with this?

right now it seems impossible, but I think his parents won't live forever and his daugther will move out after school to go to college I'm sure and if we have kids it won't be down to what ms.thang wants to do all the time. I know it sounds all very cruel this way, but it's kinda true. No parents to run him crazy and with more kids and his ending school in a few years she might want more freedom and not hang on daddy so much. cause once we have childern of our own it will be a huge adjustment for everyone. I don't my happiness dictated by a child and right now it is.
Then I think about having childern with the brit and think when is our time ever going to really happen. maybe when we retire

Lizzie.....do you hear yourself???? This is insane. Real life is happening now. Not when his parents die or when his daughter is on her own. Do not live in an unhappy state on the hope that things will improve when this happens or when that happens. In the meantime your life will pass you by and you won't have lived it the way you want. You're young and you have the ability to make your life whatever you want...and what's more is that you deserve so much better than this. If the rest of your life was going to be exactly like it is today...same issues, same problems, same people...would you be excited about tomorrow??? No. Well, don't count on tomorrow being any different unless you make it different.
If I could reach through the computer and shake you, I would. Then I'd give you a big hug and tell you that your life starts now.

I know it does sound very insane. Nothing about his relationship is easy. The only easy part is the way the brit and I connect to each other. The way it started, the things we've both gone through, all very hard and at one point it broke us up.That was a awful 2 months. I dont want to whine and I whine a lot but I haven't been exicted about tomorrow in years. Things from my past have been weighing on my mind big time. Well not in the way most people should. My depression has been taking a toll. I do love him. most of my friends would like to shake me I'm sure. I could do what I wanted with my life I'm sure, your right. At the end of day I'd miss the brit and the way he does take care of me when I have certain depressive episodes and never makes me feels less of person or judges me for it. I just want him to have the acorns to chose me more often when he's around his parents.

Awww Liz. I know depression takes a toll on relationships. If you have someone who can stick it out with you during the worst of it, then that says a lot about his character. I know it's more complicated than any of us can understand. We all just want you to be happy, that's all.

There will ALWAYS be something else.

Question: Why is Being Single under Funtivities?