Being single can be fun too. For instance, you can flirt shamelessy without feeling any guilt from being in a relationship. You can examine your prospects without wondering if your current bf/gf/spouse is really worth it. You get to learn about yourself, who you are & what you want in your significant other. And you can get drinks bought for you without feeling awkward . I just think if you can have fun being taken you can have fun being single. I don't mind waiting for the right guy instead of settling for some ho hum guy.

Speaking of guys, my guy friend will not stop asking me out for coffee whenever he gets the chance, even though I pretty much say no. Him calling me sweetie & beautiful isn't helping either. Yeah, it's kinda hard to avoid the charm .

Today I went to a wedding. While there I was reunited with several old friends, one of which happens to be the man I have been in love with for 2 years.

I was of course my witty and charming self, actively listening and asking questions. We sat next to each other and had an awesome time talking the whole time. He lives 2 hours away more or less and I don't see him often anymore. I looked pretty good today too .

I am over this man and have been for about 6 months now. While chatting, I never felt like I do when I'm talking to someone I like (nervous, unsure, awkward, etc, etc.) And when we hugged goodbye, I didn't feel my heart pulling apart like it used to.

I am completely over him.

Although if I knew he liked me (which I know he doesn't...not in that way anyway) I'd be all over it, but I am fine and I love that.

That's great, Sharpie! You must be feeling pretty good about now.

I have to agree with this. We know you love him, but we don't want to see you waste your life. I mean, his daughter is 12. What if, God forbid, she gets pregnant? You've got her for another 18 years, no matter what. You never know what is going to happen.

And he is too old to be listening to his parents still.

drama alert. I know why now the brit parents the way he does with ms. thang. Well part of the reasons. We were having this talk about kids. And he was telling me something about someone else and he started in about his ex. Long story short, Ms. Thang was a accident.
She said she was on birth control when the other method failed and she refused to end the pregnancy thinking he'd marry her. He still didn't. He told me I'd never let ms.thang know she was a mistake, cause I love her but she wasn't supposed to be here. Her mother was was just trying to get me to marry her.
They stayed together for 4 yrs but that last year, she cheated on him with his best friend and made off with a lot of the brits money.
I know it's still not a excuse for the way he acts and how he's too controlled by his parents but I see why he lets ms.thang slide on so much junk I would never. I guess he'll always feel guilty about that. I hope though he doesnt let her slide so much that she gets her mothers wild side. I asked him why were you with her and he said I look back and I don't know. I wasn't thinking clearly was I? I don't know what I saw in her.

Just one more thing I have now to think about and live with. I know I can walk away anytime from him. But we never had this difficult of a time in our relationship and I like to hope that it will get better.

^^^ Well, I kind of understand that. I have three godchildren and when I found out about each pregnancy, my immediate thought was that these babies should not be born. None of these children know that, but I do feel guilty about it and I wonder sometimes if that is why I was chosen to be their godmother--karma or something. One was Jay--obvious reasons there. The second is my godson, who was conceived 4 weeks after his sister was born and while his father was relapsing into his coke habit and almost losing his job. (Yes, I do seem to know a bunch of people who use drugs--that is not lost on me. However, I never have and I never will). The third is my goddaughter--her parents have been on and off for literally 20 years and have gotten into physical fights with each other on numerouse occasions (that has stopped since she was born). I did not feel that any of these children should be brought into these situations.

Anyway, I see his guilt, but she doesn't know that and he should get over it. I would bet that a good portion of the population was an accident--or a surprise, as Roseanne told DJ on Roseanne!

Roseanne had a lot of things right on her show. I heard my mother say she didn't want to have me. I was 12 and I was in a hall way and heard she didn't know I heard and still doesn't. let me tell you, hearing that and all the abuse I suffered by my dad has left me with so much emotional damage it's unreal. To this day I will still cry sometimes that I was my mothers mistake. I was the unwanted one. It's something you don't get over as a child, and growing up it's made relationships with some people hard. Even though the brit wants to marry me and has helped me with everything. Sometimes I feel like he stays with me cause he doesn't want to hurt me by leaving. I'm a very sad person underneath and therapy didn't help at all in making me feel better about myself.

^^Oh, liz, I'm sorry. Maybe if you talked to your mom about that, it would help resolve some issues?

^^ wedd I wish I could, there are things that would only upset her and what's the point now? I figure with my dad dead, her probelms are over. Why bring up the past with issues I had with him and her. As much as I harbor bad feelings towards her, I'd rather not hurt her with it. that's what people don't understand about me, I'd rather carry it on my shoulders than make her and anyone else close relive it. Perhaps one day I'll get credit for being the way I am. I'm totally unfeeling.
My parents are the main reason why I want a long happy marriage and lots of happy kids. The money and stuff that the brit could give me means nothing with out a real happy home with lots of love and happy well adjusted kids. Thats what I want for my kids, the thing I never had.

^^Maybe she feels the guilt the brit feels now and she wants to get it out.

I don't know--I just see how keeping secrets destroyed Tom's family and put us in the situation we are in now and I don't wish that on anyone.

^^ i understand what your saying. The brit knows all these things i've kept from my family and he's very supportive and actually very patient with me. I hope I know all his now. well that wasn't a secert really just something you don't really tell people. I pretty much know all his as he knows mine

Liz, I am so, so, so sorry to hear that . My parents pretty much said the same thing to me, but in different words. They lied to me until I was about 19, with the fabrication that I was a premature child born almost two months when the reality is that I was delievered three days early before my birth date (24th instead of 27th). I was so choked & I began crying & they were like, "See, this is why we didn't want to tell you." I was upset about the fact that they couldn't understand how I felt. Apparently they did the deed 9 months before & they just assumed that my mom wouldn't get pregnant without any protection. Yeah, good one. They said that they wanted to have me in like, December of 1987 of June of 1986. They admitted that they were happy to have me but still, knowing that I wasn't intended hurts. It's not like they rubbed it in but still, the fact that they felt that & lied to me for almost 19 years really p!ssed me off. I know this may sound wrong but I have a hard time trusting them when it comes to big situations like this. I'm just shocked how they believed that my mom couldn't get pregnant without using the condom or going on the pill. But, I'm happy to be here & I know that I'll never repeat this situation with my future children.

But, on the topic of being single I still haven't made up my mind between the tv star & the friend who's charming. Oh well...

Good for you!


Ok, lets take this point by point (I'm on a roll).
1. flirt shamelessy without feeling any guilt
In flirting shamelessly, yeah you aren't cheating on anyone. But you are leading the other person on.

2. You get to learn about yourself, who you are & what you want in your significant other.
Yes, yes, yes! Win-win-win.

3. you can get drinks bought for you
Don't the people who buy you drinks want something in return? Again, are you leading someone on?

4. Speaking of guys, my guy friend will not stop asking me out for coffee whenever he gets the chance, even though I pretty much say no. Him calling me sweetie & beautiful isn't helping either. Yeah, it's kinda hard to avoid the charm .
Yes, that's very flattering, it's wonderful when someone thinks of you as sweet and beautiful. However, by giving him any attention he thinks there's hope. If there isn't any hope for him, stop talking to him. He needs to move on.



Umm, so when his parents die and his daughter goes to college you'll be together? What if his parent's live to be 100? What if the daughter commutes, or doesn't go to college, or moves back home after college?

Your happiness is not being dictated by a child, it is dictated by you. Only you can decide how you are going to spend your life. Waiting around for someone to be alone to take care of you is not living, and it couldn't make anyone happy.

Ummm, yeah.

He's 40 years old. There are no excuses for the way he acts. He needs to grow up.

You've had some terrible family situations, but if therapy didn't help, maybe you have some kind of chemical imbalance? Medication might help. It just seems like you used to have a spark and you were full of life. A lot of people here love you and we hate to see you so unhappy.

Oh, believe me. I'm not giving him the kinda attention that I would give to a guy that I had romantic interest in. Like you said it's nice to be complimented but it's kinda hard when I don't know how I feel about the guy. Talk about mixed feelings...

And yes, you are on a roll .

veebs, thank you. I think that there is more going on than just the blues. I'm kinda scared to look into seeing whats really wrong. The idea of medication kinda scares me. What's so ironic is that through school and to all my friends everyone has seen me as this funny, off beat girl. Teachers liked me, thought I was a riot, friends always looked to me to make them feel better and laugh and lean on. And little did anyone know I'd go home and be so depressed and just cry and cry. But when I'm with people I just hide all that. Now, things are catching up with me and it shows alittle more and more. Why my ex ignored me, mis treated me as far as understanding and trying to help. the brit really does help me but these last 12 months or so have been so rough, with him, my family stuff. I feel defeated in a lot of ways.

PIP your giving the tv star another chance even though the last date was kinda flat? He really seemed like a nice charming guy on the first date. Did he call you over the hoildays?

Liz...I know exactly what you're saying here. You have compassion for others, and you do deserve credit for not wanting to hurt your mother.
But internalizing the hurt for years is what causes depression...it's anger turned inward.

I have a lot of thoughts about this....but right now I also have a little girl here who is ripping into the Sunday paper, so I need to pay attention to her.

Gotta go.....

Yep, I am. I recently adopted the three strike rule, which basically gives the guy three chances before he walks to the dug out . The first date was a walk, the second one a strike & the third one is undecided. If he decides to round home base he's going to be struck out .

I wish I had the power to ignore certain people. My guy friend started talking to me on msn last night & naturally, I started chatting too. Luckily it was 10 minutes before I plan to watch that Bond film on TV, A View to Kill which by the way, kinda sucked .

See, I could totally forget about a guy but when we begin to talk, most feelings come back. That's my weakness, which I need to improve on.

Hey, lizzie...I understand your reluctance about medication. I was against it for a long time, but after seeing the effect the right medication can have on someone I love, I changed my mind. In combination with good professional care and monitoring it can work wonders.

You just have to take the first step. You're worth it!

Bmac I like to think I have compassion. even though I can be a hard a$$ on things and seem so cold. I've had to be. It was a way of dealing and protecting myself. good luck getting the sunday paper back in one piece.

Sammy, the brit would like to see me as well get the right help but hes never forced me to do it if I don't want to. When I laid everything out for him I must have cried for a hour and half. I never even told my ex these things. My connection to the brit was I guess that instant and strong I felt I could tell him everything. Anyways, his reaction was not at all what I thought. He said it was okay, he loved me as I am and he'd support me how ever he could. He did nudge and nudge me til I got a book on depression he recommended. It sorta helps but I'm not ready to deal with it head on just yet. I'm baby stepping it which is bad as well.

Pip, I used to feel that way about a old crush while I was with my ex. I'd get so disgusted with him and we wouldn't talk and then we would and I was fawning all over him. Luckily, all that passed and now of days 100% of my fawning is over the brit.

I'm so happy right now I'm about to cry.

(unrelated to that other guy I was talking about)

I'm FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Heartache from a separate situation is now COMPLETELY gone!


AAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! I feel like I can breathe now.

lizzie, you are that funny off beat girl and we love you. Don't be scared. The first step is always scary. You can do it.


Exactly!!!! People who have chemical imbalances - it's like being a diabetic and not taking your insulin. They need that medication to live. I know several people who are taking medication and it has changed their lives and the lives of those around them for the better. This could really help your relationship with the brit.


lizzie, you have to be ready, and we cannot force you to do anything. But if you don't deal with it now, it will only get worse. Yes it will hurt to deal with everything you've been through, but you are strong enough to come through that pain and shine like the sun.


Sooo, which situation is this?

Perhaps in the new year I will do something. I know you all care which is really lovely. I just need to do it when Im ready and I will try to do something about it, but in baby steps.

Sharp, yippeee your free!!! Im happy your headache is gone and you feel better.

I'm a single girl tonight. Brit is going to his parents with ms.thang and some of his parents friend and a cousin or something and his family are going. I'm staying home just in case mom needs me to be close by. Do I care about not being with the brit? Yes and no. I'll miss him but if I have to share him with a bunch of other people then it wouldn't matter cause I want him alone

^^Liz, we can't force you to do anything, but we do want you to be happy. And New Year's is different things to different people and I know you want to be near your mom, but I don't know, I think you should be together.

^ I'd like to spend more alone time with him. But I'd feel so guilty if anything happened to my mom even though more than 5 mins win a car with her I'm ready to drive into the nearest telephone pole.
I'm sure I've annoyed the brit my mom has kept me pretty busy and I'm alittle snippy. I don't think I'll get much alone time with him. I want to have kids and then well alone time is cut down even more so. I need to pick and choose my battles more. But I'm a hot head. I quickly get angry then I cool off. By right, he should have dumped me long ago But, he see's something in me that I don't always see at times.

Well, that's where you have to start--see the good in yourself and stand up for yourself.

I know, easier said than done.

Oh I'm going to try to do just that and I'm not letting those things that bother me just slide by and bother me more and more til the fights get out of control.

You are so right about being single ! ITA, when the right guy comes along then that is great, but I'm having fun and enjoying as much alone/solitude/me time as I can--which I already don't get enough of!



Good for you Sharpie!

I'm so sorry your feeling sad liz. You shouldn't be afraid to get help, and if you have a chemical imbalance (like Veebs said) sometimes medication is the best way. Depression is very serious and often over looked. I hope you'll feel better!

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I'm glad your feeling better Sharpie!

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I've had guys kinda flirt with me (even in front of my parents!). At our corner store/depaneur a few guys have flirted with my sister and I! Now we try not to go there! They're not our type!

^^ what do these guys look like, I'm alittle curious.

I think lizzie wanted to know about the guys that were flirting with you.

So what is your type?

I thought she meant what we look like in terms of what guys might find attractive!

Darn, I can't edit it. (Can a mod delete my post please! )

Um, well, they are SO not our type. One of they guys has a shaved head!
And they have to be over 18 cause they sell cigarets and alcohol.
I think we look older than we actually are cause some guys when we go dancing have asked me what I did and what I studied, and I had to tell them I was still in high school (even if it's my last year).

Oh, man I'm imberessed now! Can a mod delete that post?

Any ways...quite a few guys flirt with me/look at me. The guys at the convience store are kinda creepy. The guy that said I hade a face of an angel is kinda like umm JAM4EVER's celeb crush Zach/Sylar (Heroes, right?) and that type of guy gives me the creeps.

Don't worry you two! I read Lizzie's post the same way you did!

Well, at least it wasn't just us!

damn, you all read that wrong?? I guess my broken valley cali speak gets lost on most people here.

yeah I meant the guys in the store. I'm sorry everyone, I'll make it so much more clearer. I'm used to people always just getting what I say here, that I forget you all don't actually know me

Well, I'm giving the TV star his third chance this weekend. I invited him to go out to my friends sister birthday dinner this Saturday. I also offered him the option of going bowling & he says he's down for doing both. So we'll see what happens depending on his work schedule that day. It should be good .

As for the guy friend, I think he got the hint. The calls are slowing down, he's not saying much on msn & he's poking me much less on facebook . He has a lot of girls after him anyway so I'm sure it won't be a problem .

I just hope my best friend finds a guy soon . Lately when we've been talking she's been mentioning how she hates not having a guy around to be romantically. She went on a date with a guy who's a friend of her friend, but the little jerk told the other friend (not mine) that he'd rather be friends. What a coward. Oddly enough we saw him downtown just moments after she told me. I think I'll set her up with my guy friend, as she thinks he's cute & she'll probably enjoy his charm much more than I do . I wanna be a matchmaker .

PIP hope you'll leave details of how things go on the 3rd date. 3rd time is the charm after all.

I have no complaints really. I'm pretty mellow. So everyone can breathe easy

That's ok! We just read it too fast that's all!



I hope your date goes well! Have fun!

Oh, I hope your matchmaking skills workout! Maybe they'll be a good match!

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Oh, I went to the Depaneur today and the guy who told my sister she had a face of an angel was there! I didn't say anything, and neither did he, just smiled and wished me a happy new year. I'm pretty sure he has no idea we're twins cause he's never seen us go there together! He was probably wondering why I didn't say anything!

^^ you could make a love match for your sister

^^^He|| no , he gives me the creeps! I'm tempted to mess with him via our twindom !

PIP--good luck on your date and being a matchmaker!

HBO, you've given me the giggles. The perks to being a twin I guess.

One of us can lead him on, and then the other go next time and totally throw him off!

^^^ Really, being a twin is glamorized! It's either great or horrible for many reasons!

The good thing is, although we have the same taste in guys, FGC prefers JK were as I prefer Nick Stahl !

Thanks ladies. I will definitely divulge the details of the third date. Well, the ones appropriate for these boards anyway. Only kidding . He works from 4:30-12:00 so I'm not entirely sure how he can make it down for a birthday dinner & bowling. We might meet up beforehand, as he suggested.

Let's hope this matchmaker knows what she's doing . My friend thought my guy friend was cute, so that's good. I just need his opinion without being very obvious of my intentions.

Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match...

brits told me that monday can't come fast enough to send ms. thang back to school. Tonight she wants to watch teh excorcist, the begining. He's seen it already and it's not scary or anything so they are watching it. I get to baby sit mom. After ms. thang goes to school. I'm getting him and I back on track

Forget being sly PIP just ask...you like my friend,wanna date her?

Sounds like lots of fun!

That's a start! I hope it works out!

I wish the brit was able to spend the night here. I need a good cuddle now...I need a needy mother break

Sounds like fun PIP! Hope everything goes ok and you can get a comment out of your guy friend!

Brit is planning on spending time with me this afternoon. maybe longer if ms thang stays at her friends.*crosses fingers* This weekend will be busy for him getting her forced back onto her school routine and stuff like that. I want kids but when they get to about 10 I wish you could just skip those years til about 17 when they are a senior in highschool.

Update on being a matchmaker:

So my friend agrees to giving the guy a try. I tell him on msn that I have a friend (her) who thinks he's cute. Like any other guy, he's intrigued. I make sure she gives me the green light before I go on, which she does. So he asks about her & I say they're very alike, which is true. Than of course he asks me to describe her physical features, which I do. As this is going on I fill her in on another msn convo. She's still unsure as she doesn't want to get hurt which has happened before, but I tell her she'll never know unless she tries & she listens. So than he says that I don't like him cause I'm setting him up, which leads me to finally tell him that I'm sorta seeing someone. That kinda shuts him up. So he asks me to make her add him on facebook, but she says she wants me to tell him to add her, so he does it. Seconds later they're friends. I tell him to look at her pictures & be honest. All he could reply with was yeah, she's Greek & yeah, she seems nice. Uh oh. Not wow, she's beautiful or w/e. And I know that she seems nice phrase is mostly used when someone isn't interested. Maybe I'm wrong. Than he says we should go out for coffee but I tell him half jokinly that I'm not sure how my semi boyfriend would feel. He gives the haha & than says he's gonna relax before heading to bed. Normally we'll say a big round of byes but he said his g'nite & signed off. She wants dinner & drinks with him, but I'm not sure what his current motives are.

So yeah, I gathered that he's not too happy that my friend is the interested one, not me but hey, I can't lead him on. Now I'm gonna wait for an update from my friend. I know he poked her on facebook, but I dunno if he messaged her. I'll allow them to take it from there & I hope if he's not interested, he's nice about it. They're too alike to pass each other up & I have to force them to meet up, I'll do it even if it's for coffee .

As for the semi bf, he hasn't gotten back to me about tomorrow. I dunno what's going on except for the fact that it took me more than a day to reply to his text. Usually I get back to him right away but I wasn't in a texting mood. Meh. Maybe he's busy or whatever. Something tells me we'll talk tomorrow.