Earlier in this thread, there was talk of bad pickup attempts. I have one that just happened to me--actually, this may be more of a vent, but anyway......

So, I made the really bad choice of going to the store and buying 2 cans of soup, a 100 ounce container of Lipton Ice Tea powder and 10 regular size Gatorades (they were on sale 10 for 10 and my husband goes through 2 a week for softball). Anyway, so somehow I think I can carry all of this home, and of course, I can't. I have to stop every few feet so that my arms don't snap off.

So this weird guy comes up to me and offers to help me home and I say, no thank you, I just live around the corner. Which was stupid to say, but I live across the street from a police station, so I wasn't that worried. Plus, it was around the corner and a few blocks. So he's like, "Are you sure? I can walk you to your door" and I was like, "No, thanks" and start walking away. Under his breath, I hear him say " You are so beautiful".

Seriously? So you really think I am going to let you walk me home and then come upstairs? I don't understand. That was not going to work. I don't get where these ideas come from.

That's a little a lot scary! What a creep!



mmmm, I do. Don't make me tell you.


I'd just like to say.....as of this afternoon, I'm officially single.

No, I don't feel any different. I hope it doesn't sound terrible, but I'm not even a little sad......I got over that about 5 months ago.

Well, even if it was your choice, it still is an adjustment. The first few weeks may be tough (or not ), but it gets better. We're here if you need us!! So, any big plans for your first weekend of freedom?

I'm going to be:

planting flowers

drinking wine

eating my favorite Chinese food

studying

writing

hopefully catching up with friends here and elsewhere

Yah. Pretty much the same thing I've been doing.

I got the really tough part out of the way already But thanks. You guys are great.

That is so scary wedd! You may live across the street from a police station, but to some pervs that doesn't matter. Please be careful!




Those sound like great plans sammy. I'm glad to hear your over the tough part. Now you get to look forward to all the awesome freedoms of being single!

Being single only bothers you if you let it. So don't.

I don't pay attention so much if a guy besides my hunny gives me attention. Today I hear this guy hooting and hollering from some car by me and as he drove by he gave me a air kiss and smiled and waved at me. I didn't like it actually. If I was single, I couldn't put up with that type of stuff. I would be alone forever.

I don't want to say anything here that could be construed as racist, but based on stereotypes that are completely untrue...
There are certain group of people who all happen to be of similar ethinicity who all happen to drive similar vehicles that seem to enjoy honking and flirting with a married woman who has three little kids in the car. It happens to me all the time, and I find it repulsive. Do you really think I want to be hit on in my mini-van? Come on, what is wrong with you people???
My sister has the same problem, even when another guy is in the car with her. A few months back, her then-boyfriend flipped out over it. He got tired of his very conservatively dressed girlfriend being whistled at like she was a prostitute walking down the street.

^^^ I understand what your saying the only time my fiance has ever reacted to anything was my ex and told him to leave me alone. I however am always giving other women the evil eye

Yesterday I had a date with myself!! I went to three movies in a row, and it was so nice. I only had to deal with myself. It was very very nice!!

Those are the days I like being single!

Do people think you're strange for going to the movies alone? My husband and I both do it and everyone else thinks we are out of our minds! I mean, we go together, of course, but he has half day Fridays in the summer, and I don't, so he'll go see a movie that I don't want to see. We really only do it for movies the other doesn't want to see, but people still comment. I don't know why they care.

PS: That is awesome that you spent the whole day on you!!!

So, did you get lucky?

!!!!

That was awesome!!!

Pam, you do not have to answer that if you do not want to!

I love going to the movies alone! I don't think it's strange, and I haven't ever really had anyone comment on it. I used to work part-time and I'd get off at 1:30 in the afternoon. I didn't want to go home and just sit around or watch TV all the rest of the day (you can only watch so many E! True Hollywood Stories before you've had enough), so once every week or so I'd hit the dollar theater on my way home. That was REALLY nice because I also didn't have to deal with crowds or people being disruptive and talking during movies.

I agree!! We go to matinees now because the last time we went to a Sat movie at 7:30, this woman who apparently had never been to a movie before, talked through the entire thing. It was The Departed and she just couldn't follow the plot twists. At one point she leaned over and said "Isn't that Marky Mark?". I almost strangled her.

It is awesome to go alone or early!!!

That is the absolute worst! I have a hard time paying attention to things when there's something distracting me, so people who are loud with their food or wrappers or talknig or cell phones drive me crazy!

I was just thinking of another thing - possibly THE best thing there is to being single.

Money. You have it. I'm always hearing the married people in my office complain about not having any money. I can't decide if it's because, a.) they're married, b.) I live in Utah so they're getting married too young, c.) they're having children too early, d.) all of the above. What I do know is, I'm sinlge, and now that I'm working full-time I don't have a problem keeping money and having it to spend on things I want and need. Being single means not having to buy birthday, Christmas, or anniversary gifts for anyone else, also, only one set of parents so only one gift on Mother's Day and one gift on Father's Day. No going out on dates and spending all your money on someone. You can just sit at home and do nothing if you want, spend $0, eat a can of $.44 Spaghettios for dinner, and no one will care!

Outside of not having to answer to anyone, I'd say this is the next best thing. I would never realize how much money I was spending on a girl until I stopped dating them. I guess I'm kind of old-fashioned like that...I buy stuff for the person I'm dating.

Now, I'm not one of these saps that like...constantly pays for everything and buys the girl stuff, but for like dinner, movies and drinks...I tend to foot the bill for all of that.

It's really surprising how much extra money I have when I'm not dating anyone...so yeah, good point.

Not having to answer a phone that wont stop ringing. Where are you? how much longer are you going to be? Who are you with? yap, yap, yap. My cell phone should be stitched to my ear since I can't move anywhere with out.

Being Single (Awesome): Save tons of $$$$ that would have been spent on dates that weren't in and of themselves enjoyable.

Being Single (Awful): I'll give you an example that just happened to me yesterday. Was visiting my folks for Father's Day. My brother and I just got done playing 2 hours of basketball with some friends. I'm getting some dinner from the kitchen when the phone rings. My dad picks up, says something, and then hands the phone to me. None of my friends ever call my parents' house, so I was curious about the caller.
So I say hi, and it's a girl I've never met or heard of before. She introduces herself and says that she was given my name and this phone # by her parents to call to ... inquire about matrimony (I'm of Indian descent, same as Mindy Kaling). I was blindsided. I knew my parents were behind this little trap, and now I was stuck in a conversation with a total stranger about a topic I had no interest in discussing. But I wasn't mad at her, as I'm sure she thought I was anticipating her call or something. So I made small talk, found out she was born and raised in India and was living in Virginia w/ work-VISA status. That's so not what I'm looking for (I can't speak anything but English), and was racking my brain for a polite way to let her know I'm not interested (saying "I'm not interested" directly would have been insulting). Finally, I told her I was going to grad school full-time (which I am) and need to get my career established before marrying anyone (which is also true). She accepted (I think she sensed my hesitantcy anyway) and it was an amicable good-bye. Then I promptly confronted my folks about these back-door shenanigans, and they went over how old I am (31 years) and how time is passing me by and they feel they have to do something. I think they want grandkids or something soon, because it wasn't this bad before.

Anyway, I'll keep looking for someone compatible with me. Till then, I'd rather deal with the temporary loneliness of singlehood than the risk of permanent unhappiness of a bad-choice marriage.

Yikes.

I took the train into the city yesterday to see a concert last night, and I was finishing up my dinner at a restaruant before hand, when another restaurant customer came over to me to say she thought how brave I was for going out to dinner by myself.

Like previous posters said, going to a movie by yourself is no big deal, especially if it's a matinee. Going to a nice restaurant by yourself though is another story. The bad thing about being single is that you miss out on some nice places to eat.

.... wow!

Wow, that is rough. I think your parents need to let go and let you live your own life. Being single is not the end of the world. I'm mean, so I wouldn't talk to them for a few days after that one!!




Good for you!! However, brave is a stretch. How about, hungry? That was kind of rude of her.



I respectfully disagree. Being single shouldn't stop you from doing anything.

That's so cool Pam! You totally inspired me to do the same. I've always wanted to try going to the movies on my own but could never find the courage. So today I finally did it. And it was awesome! First I shopped as much as I wanted, then at the movies I got to eat candy and popcorn , saw a movie no one else would see with me , and had an awesome time. I didn't even feel conspicuous because half the other people in the theater were on their own too. I'd definitely do it again. Oh, and I found out I'm a pretty hot date, too. So win-win-win. Yup, being single is awesome.

I'm going to defend The Great One here (which, I'm virtually bound to do even if I don't agree with him ).

I don't think being single is something that holds you back from going out to nice restaurants, but it's more like, why would I spend that much money to go and sit by myself? Talk about boring! A lot of higher class restaurants are designed for you to spend a lot of time in them, eating x-number of courses, one at a time, and the atmosphere is one that encourages conversation between those you're eating with. You can't really take a book or newspaper into a place like that, so how would you pass the time?

Also, (and this does have to do with being single holding you back a little) it really takes a lot to go places alone. I've never been to a nice restaurant on my own, I'm not strong enough to do that. Not to say that it's something I'm sad about, but it's a totally different thing to be comfortable yourself being single and then being out there publicly proclaiming it to the world.

when your out by yourself shopping, eating what ever it is, and you look around at other couples and you find them beyond annoying and gross. It's like you can't help but watch or listen to them wondering what black hole those two crawled out of and managed to find one another, don't you just think to yourself I'm happy I'm atleast not one of them.

I agree with ya wedd, when I was single it never stopped me from going anywhere. And even though I have someone now, I've not turned into one of those who can't go anywhere with out my brit. there's a good balance

No, but funny you should mention that. That bit with Kelly's parents is SOO true to life. I'm not sure if this is a phenomenom that happens only to Indian-American families or if this is a general mindset for all parents, but there is an incredible amount of emphasis placed on education and occupation when it comes to dating/marriage. Doctors and Engineers (and, to a newer extent, Lawyers) are basically the only universally accepted occupations for some Indian parents. It's very status-conscious. I hate it personally. I'm neither doctor, engineer nor lawyer, and I know that is not looked upon favorably. Then again, I'm not that big into my umm "community" anyway.

Back on point: Being Single ... you don't need anyone's permission to go on a spur-of-the-moment weekend trip to Edmonton, Alberta. Which is where I'm heading to with some friends in a few days. Anyone know what there is to do in Edmonton (Oilers games are not an option)?

My sister lives in Edmonton. It's not far from the mountains, so there are always lots of things to see and do of an outdoor nature. Banff Springs Hotel is amazing, but pricey.

<chuckles>

That's why you order it to-go

Yeah, order to go is great, but it just doesn't work for some things. I love sushi, and I'll get it to go, but it's just not the same. There's something special about eating it in the restaurant. And then my living room doesn't have all the ambiance, nice lighting and music of a fancy restaurant.

Believe me, I've done my share of ordering to-go! There's this incredible family-owned Chinese restaurant just around the block. I order from them a couple times a month. Mmmm ... Chinese food ... Wait, this is becoming the food thread!


I agree, sometimes the atmosphere is what makes the place fun. And for some reason going out to eat feel like it's a special event, so it's more fun, even if the food is just mediocre.

Oh, I totally agree. It's just that the ambiance or atmosphere of a place has never stopped me from ordering something. If i want steak from somewhere and am not taking anyone...I'm ordering it to-go

I had a Thank Goodness I'm Single moment, last week.
One of my cousins called me bawling because the guy that she had heard from a friend that the guy that she was 'involved' with was sleeping with one of her 'friends'. I've spent too much time trying to tell my cousin that she shouldn't get herself involved with so much drama, that there wasn't much that I could say that hadn't already been said....a MILLION times. Both the guy and 'the friend' are questionable people. This isn't the first time that she had been told that something was going on between the two of them. She should've dropped them both the first time all of the drama started up...but her excuse for still being friends with them was, "if i don't hang out with them..then i won't have anyone to hang out with" I told her that I would rather be alone than have THAT MUCH freakin drama in my life. Its so unhealthy!

I'm very maternal and always do my best to protect people and do all that I can to help those in need. It's like the saying goes, "You can't help someone that will not help him/herself".

Hmmm....between this thread and some minor issues we are having, I am starting to miss being single!!

I miss it sometimes and it makes me feel really guilty. I have a great wife and kids so I don't know why I would ever miss it.

One word: FREEDOM! Freedom to come home and eat cookies for dinner if you want instead of making dinner because it is your turn. I love Tom, but sometimes I just want to be alone and do what I want to do and my plans do not coincide with his plans. I can't blast my 90's hair metal if he is in the other room with a raging headache.

Don't feel guilty, because we all feel it. Jazzman said it best a few pages back, married people want to be single, single people want to be married. Or some words of wisdom to that effect!

Dee, I can't believe you cousin would actually want to be their friends. You get to a certain point in your life and you just know that the drama isn't worth it. Good for you telling her you'd rather be alone. Maybe if she hears it enough it will sink in.

Wedd, are you having the seven year itch?? I've been with the brit nearly 3 yrs and it feels at times like a 7 year itch. Hair metal huh? I'd be mad too if I couldn't play it loud too. I'm a fan as well.

I feel guilty because I miss the 'newness' of relationships. When you're just starting to date someone and you learn something exciting and new about them every date. I loved the anticipation of the first time together. I never liked one night stands because they were just physical. This was different, you built a connection with a person, then you were intimate with them.

I read an article on a plane years ago that said that this type of longing is what fuels cheating. That made me feel even more guilty. I would never cheat. Just wouldn't do it. My family means to much to me.

But things like this add to the guilt of thinking about when I was single.

No, it's more of the I hate his family and have to see them for the 5 year old's sake, kind of thing. I am very selfish and anti-social and sometimes resent when we have to do things that take away from our time. Especially when it is with people I hate!! We've been together (officially) for 7 years, married for 4+. We've known each other since 1991, so the itch comes and goes over the years. You get used to it.

Hair metal is the best. They showed a Poison Unplugged from 1990 the other day and it was awesome! And they are showing a bunch of Bon Jovi Unplugged's this weekend. What does the brit think about hair metal? Tom HATES it and laughs when some random song like Don't Close Your Eyes comes on and I'm like "Oh my God I LOVE this song!!"

I hear you. It's sweet that you even admit to feeling guilty at all! But you said the most important thing, that you love your family too much. It is amazing to me how many stupid people throw lives away just for a new rush. Without hijacking this thread, my parents got married young. I was born when my mom was 24 and my dad 23. By the time my dad was 29 he had three kids. He started an affair and left my mom with three kids under the age of 8 and no job. What did he do? He married his girlfriend, helped raise her son, and lives in the house with her mother. So what was so different about the way his life turned out with the new girl, besides the fact that 2 of his 3 children (me being one) will have nothing to do with him? Was it really worth it?

Everyone always thinks the other side has it better, but in very rare circumstances is it ever true. Don't feel guilty, unless you do something. And you won't, because it is never worth it, and you said you wouldn't. Plus, if you keep doing 48 mile bike runs, you won't have the energy!!

That was a nice post. Thank you. Made me look at it differently.

Thank you. And I totally did not mean to give the impression that you would cheat. So everyone reading this--I did not mean to give that impression!

I hope you're not beating yourself up too much. I just think that a lot more goes on to cause an affair than missing the newness of a relationship. Longing for the excitement of discovery sounds totally normal when you've been with someone for a long time. And what leads to affairs isn't just seeking something new, but a disregard for the feelings of your spouse and your family as a whole. I don't have a whole lot of experience in the marriage dept (okay, none, whatever ) but my parents broke up over an affair and it had almost everything to do with the fact that one of them just didn't care anymore. You don't sound like you have anything to feel guilty about, besides what married person doesn't wish they were single again once in a while? It sounds natural.

No, not at all. You didn't give that impression at all.

A related question for you (and the other married women) - When I read things written in fun like 'Jim in the supply closet' or 'under Jim's desk', is the root of this fantasy romantic (just being in a confined space with him) or physical (the 'under the desk' reference conjures up some images) or both?

wedd, we know what you meant and he wouldn't cheat.
Yeah big hair metal fan. I love posion! I heard the new album is really good actually. I would love to go to a metal show but no one else would want to go. The brit doesn't mind it, it's my love of pop and disco as well that disgusts him.

Thanks once again! Why whole thread is making my day! Guilt relief! Yeah!!!

See, guys don't talk about things like this. My friend called this morning and mentioned that he finally saw 'The Office'. His first question was 'What would you do first?'. Notice that he didn't say 'Who', he's known me forever, the 'who' was obvious.

This is a typical guy conversation. We don't really go from that to 'I feel guilty about missing being single'.

Hmm, I don't know. Good question! Personally, I see Jim/John in a more romantic light then a sexual one, but if you go take a look at the John Krasinski thread, you will see some definite sexual overtones there!

I'm more of a romantic type myself, but I will say this. A romantic approach will almost always lead to sex, whereas a strictly sexual approach can get shot down real quick if it's not presented right.

Liz, he's talking to you!