Don't even joke about that liz.

He HAS to know you're unhappy about certain stuff, which means he's trying to ignore it, either because he doesn't know how to fix it, or he doesn't want to do the hard work to fix it. Either way, he has to know. I've still got that duct tape liz, . . . just say the word.

And I have a carpet we can roll him up in - oh wait, what?

Well don't hurt yourself, liz! My boyfriend and I have a pact: Everything is out in the open. No sighing, and groaning if either of us are unhappy, we just come out and say what we're upset about instead of playing the guessing game (because he plays just as I much as any girl does!). It's been working much better...surprisingly less fights too who woulda guessed?

Oh don't worry I'd never actually hurt myself. Get the duct tape ready though
Minkiloo I am pretty good about just letting it all out. I hadn't lately and this thing with his kid and the fighting just made it air everything. He thinks I whine too much cause he keeps everything bottled in. Hmmm, he holds stress and has had 2 heart attacks and me I just finally explode then I sound selfish and ultra whinny.

I still say men are dumb. He spoke to me this morning and said I'm going to work on something and I hope you'll understand I don't mean to make you feel the way you have and I don't take advantage of you or us. If he thinks sending me shirtless pic are going to make me forget everything he's wrong but it will temporailey numb it No, really he's got his work cut out for him cause this had been a one sided realtionship for way too long.

I have the occasional oppurtunity where I can have a boyfriend but I made a solemn promise to myself that I wouldn't date until I got my old body back from my high school days . I feel that it's not right to commit to a guy unless I feel at my physical best. Mentally & emotionally I'm ready to date, but until I find myself to be 100% attractive instead of the current 75% I feel. At least this way I'll have better selections .

pip86, feeling 100% attractive and sustaining that feeling for any appreciable length of time is not something you should count on for attracting the right kind of guy. And I know that it sounds cliche, and I know saying it sounds cliche, sounds cliche....[/pam] but beauty comes from the inside and all that. You need to find someone who will be there for you when you're only feeling 75%, 50%, 25%....you get the idea. I don't mean to insult you, but the pool of guys you seem to want to choose from (or who you want to choose you) is pretty shallow. In more ways than one.

Believe me, there will be days when you're feeling and looking 0%. Don't you want someone who can love and appreciate and stick by you even on those days?

I'm 34 and have NEVER found myself to be 100% attractive.

Me too.

Oh no worries. I didn't feel insulted at all. However, I should clarify myself better. I want to look better for myself, not for the guy. I'm not wanting to look at 100% to attract a super hottie. It's for myself. Until I'm fully able to love & appreciate my body I don't think I'm ready be involved in a relationship. The last thing I need are insecurities when I'm dating a guy.

Plus, when I'm fitter my confidence will rise & I'll feel better mentally so there's more to it than a relationship .

Pip, what happened between you and your friend? I thought that was starting to show some promise... I hope, if nothing else, that you two are still close as pals.

Also, it sounds as if you're in a pretty good space about not wanting to achieve perfection for a man, but remember, women's bodies in high school are a whole different thing than women's bodies when they're even a few years older. Things change and shift around - you can still be insanely fit, but you'll just notice that things fit differently. And having the shape of a woman rather than a girl is not a bad thing. Just don't break your heart over trying to achieve something that isn't necessarily best for who you are now.

Oh, and as far as those men are concerned, I read something (wish I could remember what it was) that said only 1 man in 100 can tell the difference between a size 4 and a size 14. You're a great woman, and from what you write, it sounds like the men are hugely interested already. By all means take care of yourself, but just enjoy the people who will enjoy you for what you are.

(There - stepping off my "old bat soapbox" now... )

Thank you WOS for saying this. I saw you posting at the bottom, and I was crossing my fingers you'd make this point. Even though we may not grow any taller at the end of our teen years, our bodies continue to finish maturing into our early twenties. All media brainwashing aside, we're NOT SUPPOSED to look like we're 18 ever again. We're supposed to look like healthy, adult women. The body of an teenager is not the healthiest thing we could have to move forward and take on the challenges of being an adult woman, particularly the challenge of having children, and working long, hard hours at home and in our careers. A adult woman's body is the strongest thing you'll ever encounter. We're tough, strong, resourceful, beautiful, flexible, and our tolerance to pain, and our ability to endure physical challenges, truly makes the world go round. PiP's right, being healthy for ourselves is the best reason to worry about our bodies, but only because it makes us able to do the things that matter most to us, whatever they may be. For most women that involves being with, and taking care of other people in some way or other. But at the same time, while chasing some ideal can be a good thing, it's important not to beat ourselves up if we make missteps, and most importantly, not to let amazing opportunities, or people pass us by because we're not yet in that "perfect" spot. What if we never are, but we let our lives pass us by in the meantime?

98% of attractiveness comes from the inside, 1% from cosmetics, and the other 1% from genetics.

Sure, it's great to have goals, and it's important to take care of your body and be at your physical best. But what happens after you get the guy, and your body starts to broaden shift sag mature? How will you feel about yourself then? And how do you think he will feel about you?

So, things with Taryn are starting to look better. I don't know if you read my post in the Ramblings thread a while ago, but we've been talking a little more than usual, so that's good. We still haven't set a planned visit to see each other, but we're working on it. Money's kind of an issue (and I hate Monkey problems).

ah pip I understand you want your old body back, but pip men don't care that much really. And it doesn't matter how perfect you try to feel, if a man is going to treat you badly he will. Enjoy having a womans body. Men love it. you can ask any guy underneath the mag covers they want a real woman. Just look after yourself for health reasons and not to boost your self confindence. That feeling, it's only temp and empty.
I tried to be perfect for one guy an he turned around and still told me my hips were big. My measurements at the time were great. stupid men

oh scotty are you and this girl moving alittle closer now??

I got a long email off of nick. He said all these things he's noticed about himself since we had the fight. I called him and asked him why can't you say it to me, why email? He said it's embaressing to be let go like that when I've been raised emotions are weak hun. We had a nice little talk and I think he was actually happy that I said, if you show alittle emotion once in awhile, I don't think you are weak, it takes a lot of strength for a man to let go hun.

He scared it might change him too much. Do all guys kinda think like this?? showing alittle emotion

Well, I discovered that he's a player. On facebook he has all these women from around the world on his friends list & I know that they're random chicks. Plus, on his wall he has all these girls writing how they miss him, how they wanna cuddle, how he's so hot & I'm talking like 10+ girls. Here I'm thinking that this guy is sincere but nope, just another guy after anything wearing a skirt. At least I learnt it all before we got really exclusive.

I was happy last night. this morning, he's ticked me off.

Oh the paper boy came to collect last night before I went out and I was sitting in the living room but he didn't see me cause my mom and him were on the porch and he said is your daugther still here? I don't see her anymore. What you means anymore??? Stalker!

Why do relationships/the lack thereof/or the potential of them hurt more than anything else?

Is this the opposite feeling when they work out?

Pretty much. . . . they don't call it a broken heart for nothing.

I guess I'll keep to somber mood going. I've known this for a while, but I've never really asked her about it until last night. Her facebook has her and her friend Adam listed as being in a relationship. So, I messaged her on myspace (because I think it's easier) asking if about it and if she had a boyfriend and she told me that it's complicated. What the heck does that mean?

Anyways, I don't think this "boyfriend" thing changes anything about the way we feel about each other. It's understandable, but still, it sucks.


Yes.

Seriously, I think about half of all men are like that. Which means, about half of all men are idiots (the guys who don't share ). You can't get a woman to respect you if you don't share your feelings with her. They don't have to go all out: just the little things work. K.I.S.S Great advise. Hurts my feelings every time I hear it.

You want to know what that means...it means it's a off/on type of thing and sounds like right now it's on. Adam sounds like the standby guy.

mixed is very very right on that sharp.

sharpie I know what you mean. The potential makes it that much harder.

* scotty.. it's complicated is what I say when talking about "him". Like Liz said the whole on agian off agian thing.

You know I am not really good with the whole public mushy stuff, so I suggest you tell her about your e-wife and see what comments she says! you never know it could drive her closer to you! ( no, really, don't take that advice!)

For alll of you who know the situation....I'm ok.


Really and truly. I am. It took a few days....but I'm almost completely at peace. Thank you.

Glad your feeling better now sharp.

Anytime you hear it's complicated, it's a headache. It's never easy. Either one of you has to have the patience of a saint or you are crazy. There's always a reason why someone can't break something off completely.

I don't mind PDA just as long as it's not like you're trying to get on the other person. I hate seeing that.

I'm glad to hear you're doing better Sharpie. Let us know if we can do anything.

You know where to reach us if you need us. I'm a good listener.

I'm glad you're okay Sharpie. But I am interested in the status of this guy right now.

Hey all, long time, no write ... I'm gonna try to make it a more regular occurence now with the imminent return of that show we all love.

You can find where I last left off about me and "Kam" here

Fast forward about a month later:

Kam and I just broke up

It was no one's fault. The physical and mental compatibility were right where they should have been, but the emotional connection just wasn't increasing along with the other two aspects. If anything, it was regressing. Plenty of lust and conversation (wow, there's a great title for a book or movie: "Lust and Conversation" a film by Terry Gilliam adapted from the best-selling novel), but ... neither one of us could see a future with the other in it. Kinda realized neither one of us was really in love, we just liked each other a lot. And we had a looong talk about our status and what we wanted. The fact that she's leaving Michigan after her current job expires was another factor to consider.

She asked if I wanted to see her ever again. I said yes, as friends. She started to say something along the lines of "But I hope you realize -" and I half-seriously cut her off by finishing with "that I should never expect any nookie ever again". And she burst out laughing (apparently that was soo not where she was going with that). And the weird part of all this was once we established that we weren't going to pursue a relationship anymore, I felt ... relieved. Enormously, in fact. Like I could breathe easier suddenly or a great weight was lifted off my shoulders. She seemed to have the same reaction.

It ended really well. We probably won't hang out as much anymore (that's for safety's sake) but we do have tentative plans to go to the DIA Musuem together soon. It's weird ... I lost a partner, but I think I may gained a genuine friend. That's ... something, right?

Man, life can take you on journeys you never planned on taking.

So very true. It sounds like you made the right decision though.

You are a very smart (and nice) man, Tim_Halpert.

It really does sound like you've made a real life long friend tim. That's great.

Hope you are still feeling better sharp.

nick just rang me and told me something and I said you know what just forget the whole thing. He got really mad and said you are not breaking it off. No, you're not leaving me.
I wasn't saying I was calling "us" off I meant to what he was talking about. I said did you think I was going to dump you just like that? He said yeah I did, you scared me and it wouldn't have mattered, cause you can't and I'd get ahold of you by any means to talk to you to work it out. Alittle scary? nah. Atleast I know he'd go to the end of the earth to keep us together. I always thought I was the one who walk through he11 and back for us and I guess I was wrong

Tim, sounds like things turned out the way they needed to. I'm glad you're okay with it.

Liz, good for you for scaring that crazy Brit. He deserved it!

As for me, I got to semi-witness Tom defend my honor today. It was about damm time. Although, I don't think he was too interested in doing it though.

I found a really empowering song about being single. It's called well, Single by Natasha Bedingfield & you can watch the video & hear the song here. I love how the lyrics about her accepting her single status but at the same time, being slightly open to finding love. Here's my favourite part of the tune...

I know I'll settle down one day
But 'til then I like it this way...
Its my way
Eh, I like it this way, eh

It's nice to have an independence song without it being cheesy !

Nick is still feeling uneasy about when he thought I broke up with him. It's nice and wedd you are so right! He needed to feel like I have enough times. He's feeling better now.

My brother was questioning me about nick. I said no I don't want to talk about him. All I answered was he has a kid, not married and is older than me. Nick and I have this understanding, we have no desire to get into each other familys if we can help it.

My neice who is married is turning 21 later this month. From what my brother and SIL have shared with me, to me they sound like they have no clue and are just playing married rather than making it on their own.

You know, sometimes, I just feel like I hate my boyfriend. Is this horrible to say? I mean I love him, but sometimes he drives me crazy! I obviously don't hate him, but he just acts like such a b*tch sometimes. He's in a bad mood today and wants me to fix it, but is whining no matter what I say or do. Is it normal to want to slap your s/o in the face once in awhile??

^^^^ I have that day dream as well Minkiloo

Hah! I was hoping you'd comment, liz. How do you deal w/a guy when he has more PMS than you??

I finally lose it and I let everything out and point out all the cr@p he puts me through and let him get eaten up by guilt. Which will be happening today. I may end up ignoring him all weekend.

It better be.

Haha! So nobody will blame me if it accidently happens

I screamed at nick this afternoon. I again yelled at him for putting me through crap and he's truly scared I'm calling the whole thing off and leaving him. I told him I wanted to turn off my phones an ignore him and he got angry and then worried and said no please don't it would drive me mad if you did that. hmmmm, guess he knows how I felt those times then

Maybe he needs to be driven mad a little bit.

i think so. I've said some mean things and he's gotten very timid and worried. He's the one asking now are you leaving me now

Keep him wondering.

I am doing so good. I didn't call him last night I left him a message. Im going to bed if you want to talk you can call me but I'm not staying up for you.

He called

Nice Job Lizzie, careful not to push too hard.

So I don't remember if anyone here remembers; but months ago I had a vent about a friend of mine from Holland who had been ignoring me left and right...stopped answering emails, would disappear off msn when I'd come on...and I couldn't figure out why. It was hurting my feelings so I talked about ti here. Then a few people here said that he probably had been in love with me and couldn't stand my happiness, maybe. I thought that was completely silly...But...My husband and I are separating (it's a mutually beneficial arrangement now...sorry I haven't been on to explain how things panned out-but it's for the best) Anyway, we thought we would get a good laugh out of Breaking Up "officially" on Facebook and watch the uproar ensue (people think we're kidding when we tell them we're splitting) But the point of the story is, other friends of ours in Holland know we're splitting...then all of a sudden today-the friend who was ignoring me before joined facebook and added me as his first friend. So now, the explanation you all had for his behavior, seems as though it could be accurate. That or it is the most bizaare coincidence ever.

it's also kinda weird, because my husband developed a friendship with a girl at work, who for a long time I assumed was his reasoning for breaking up (I'm convinced now it's not) But he's just needed a friend to talk to about all this. (Remember he's from another country and all his other friends are really my friends who are now his friends...so he couldn't really go to them.) The funny part is, when we were in Holland I had a friend like that--the one I speak of above. And just this morning, before I went on the computer and saw this, I said to hubby about how this girl at his work is his 'Rik' (my friend) And Rik used to make Thomas really jealous all the time, the way this girl makes me feel...so it'll be interesting to see what reaction Thomas has when he gets home from work and sees this online. I just find it really ironic, because I otherwise don't have anyone like that in my life. (Someone of the opposite sex that flirts with you and makes you feel good just for fun, now I can even flirt back) And I was a bit jealous that he did. And, that I think this girls totally wants him, which is what Thomas thought of Rik

I'm sorry, I'm just trying to find some humor in this whole situation....And this I find REALLY funny.
Except, his chickie is here in our city and Rik is about 7000km away so it's not exactly the same

I know-I'm a loser

Not at all myalika. I hope you're doing okay, it has to be a difficult time. We're here for you any time you want to dump or vent.

^^^Yeah, I was one of the ones who thought he was into you. Now you know! I'm sorry to hear about your marriage, though you seem to be handling it well. If you are this at peace with it, then it is definitely the right thing.

Glad to hear you sounding so good!

I remember you talking about it myalika. I hope your feeling alittle better about everything and it's working out for you.

He was very nice today. We spent alittle time together and he was paying attention to everything little thing I was saying and doing. Wow, I wonder how long this will last though?

I remember it too Myalika.

I'm so sorry to hear about the situation though. I'm glad that you know its for the best, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt or that it's not difficult. I wish I could hug you .