Yeah.. You guys seem so paranoid.

Grr, he's not.. Ugh. Whatever. I'll be fine.

Whatever or not, they are opinions based on experience. Alot of people in this thread try to be helpful based on their own experiences and like to share whether they were good or bad.

Good luck and have fun.

No sweetie, there's a difference between paranoid and protective.

If we were overprotective, we'd show up at your house.
If we were paranoid, we'd show up at his house.

Truly, I hope you have fun and are not disappointed. you are a wonderful person, but you got it bad, girl!

Repeat this mantra:
I must focus on school.
I must maintain straight A's.
I must get into Harvard, Yale or Princeton.

Guys:
I personally know Jam AND the kid coming over. Trust my word. Nothing is going to happen. Jam, (if you don't mind me saying), is a little shy around him. I mean, who wouldn't be. And it seems he is around her too. Jam knows the dangers and I'm sure appreciates the care and advice everyone is giving, but she will be absolutely fine.

Fine, but don't say we didn't warn you.

I think maybe I'm alittle too luck in the sense that the brit puts up with my crazy life and moods. I love him so much despite all the ragging Ive done, he's been a rock for me

Thank you.


I will have fun!


You know him personally? Uhh thank you! That's how my life is.. A shy little baby..


I will have fun.

Jam is in good hands I'm sure....She's a smart cookie.

Yay! Thank ya!

That's what we're afraid of.

Oh dear...

Why exactly is everyone so paranoid about this guy?

Do you guys remember when I posted this:



Just when I thought that he wasn't into me, I received this:



but before I received that response I sent another message:



& he responded with:



In short, things have turned out better than expected .

^^^Pip, that is fantastic - glad things are working out better than you thought they would!






Um, J4E - just a question: if you don't want to hear what people think about this, then why are you filling every thread on the boards with posts about you and this guy? The fact that ALL of the grown women on this board are offering identical words of caution isn't paranoia. It's probably a pretty good sign that we're trying to key you in on a universal truth about men.

Think about it. We don't hate men - in fact, most of us have loved men for longer than you've been alive. However, we fully understand just what goes on in the minds of teenage boys. You say you've fallen hard for this guy, we tell you to be careful. Think of it as us trying to balance out your raging hormones and naivete with a little bit of reality.



OH, after reading this thread, I needed to see this - perfection!





Because we dated his predecessors.

Aww thanks . Here I was thinking that he didn't like me after all but all this time, he was busy with other stuff. Knowing that he wants to get to know me better sounds really promising & makes me happy at the same time .

That means he wants to date me right ?

poor jam

Thats great news PIP

Exactly. Exactly.

Tell me about it.





Jam, honeybunny...I know you care for this boy a lot. A whole lot. (A whole whole whole lot...and it's been going on for a while now. Yeah...I remember.)


I think the jist of what these very intelligent and experienced women are telling you is to GUARD YOUR HEART! We have an outsider's view on things that often people on the inside cannot see. We don't want you to get hurt and are trying to help you see this in a different light.


I wish more than anything that I had listened to these women with my own relationship trainwreck of a couple of weeks ago that I didn't share on the boards because it was too personal, but got much needed wisdom from some very special ladies here.

Everything in the world is screaming that this isn't going to end well and I (we) really don't want to see you crushed.

Remember that all that is said is said out of genuine concern and care for you.

From my own experiences I'm begging you to listen.

Since I will go out tomorrow..I get to help my friend look for guys. Oh, she did tell me tonight that she had told the older male friend of hers that she couldn't keep their friendship if he kept on about crossing that line. And he got upset and basically said fine. He hadn't called her in like a week. Well he called her and pressured her again for another meeting and she said no cause she knew what he wanted and he was married and couldn't be apart of that...and he got upset and again and hung up on her.
What a jerk.

I honestly have no idea.


I don't know, I thought you guys would be happy, give me advice on what to do. Okay well I'm not taking of the advice? Because I don't understand what this boy will do to me. We're only friends. So.. You guys can go crazy if ya want.


Tell me about it.


Nope.


Why???

I'm just gonna be straight forward...JAM, please understand that the way you are coming across with all of your posts, is that you think this guy is a sweetheart, and you have fallen for him whether he thinks you're just friends or not. He is older. Older guys in highschool constantly have sex on the brain. We've all been your age, and in your shoes. He may end up being an awesome, trust worthy guy, but you can't know that unless you take the time to get to know him, and leave all of the "romantic" stuff until after. We're trying to say...this guy is older than you, and there's a pretty good chance he knows what buttons to push and what words to sweet talk you with to get whatever he wants. You may feel like it's the right thing to do, but take your time!! The last thing you want is to have your first time be with a guy who gets in your pants and moves on to the next girl. Or he lets you give him your heart and then throws it away for the next girl. Please just be careful and take your time! Trust me! I've been there!

Thanks for the words of wisdom, Minkiloo. Buuuut, this kid is not going to get with a 14 year old. He clearly told me that online. He kept mentioning the age difference. He would rather have his own age group.

I don't even know if he's coming over..

Okay...I'm trying to say this without sounding like a b*tch, but feel free to let me know if I do. My bf and I have been together for 4 years. I take good care of myself (regular workouts, frequent hair cuts, nice clothes etc), with the exception of sweats/pj's when I feel like being comfy. My bf has completely let himself go. When we started dating, he had short hair and grew it out a little bit. I asked him when he would cut it, and just because of that, he let it grow out. It's been 3 years. It's to the middle of his back. And he doesn't brush it, doesn't have the ends cut, it's a mess! He wears dirty, stained sweatpants no matter where we go. Slippers for shoes. And to top it all of, a fish bandana over his hair. Now, I love him, but sometimes it really bothers me. I take care of myself, and I know if I didn't, he would definitely mention it. He also eats waayyy too much unhealthy food for himself, and thinks it's kind of funny that he's gained some pretty significant weight. How do I tell him that I would appreciate it if he would maybe take care of himself a little more? Do I tell him?!? Does it make me sound judgmental?

Ohh what a tough spot min. Maybe he's got too comfy in your relationship. Maybe he thought you were trying to change him too much. You know how male brain works. it doesn't A guy I used to really like and we flirted and such but never really dated used to always talk about the things he did and I tried to do those things as well. I worked out more, dressed differently and he appericated it...at first. Then he just comfy with telling me I should do this and that and that went sour real fast. The brit is however the one who takes extremely good care of himself and such and me in jeans, cute tops and flips flops year round. To be honest I feel time to time I don't measure up physically with what I think he would date. But after 3 yrs he's still with me so I have no clue. The only thing he ever tells me is wear eye make up. He likes me to do up my eyes.

Jam I hope your day doesn't get ruined.

Oh liz, that says it all

Just a simple truth

Yay! I'm leaving to go shopping with a certain someone soon..

Minki you don't sound like a b---- at all, you sound like a concerned girlfriend. I don't know how old you guys are, but this is not healthy for him, at any age.

I would approach it from a health standpoint. Tell him that the eating habits and the weight gain worry you because of his health. It's important to eat right at every age, and these things just catch up with you. It's a whole lot easier to develop good habits in your 20's than it is in your 40's.

If he's receptive to that, than maybe you could buy him a few nice shirts as a gift, and then compliment him profusely when he wears them. If he sees that it makes you happy, and in turn he's happy, then maybe he'll get the message.

It's definitely a touchy situation, because you don't want to offend or sound superficial, but your concerns are valid. I guess the only other thing I can think of is if there's underlying depression or something along those lines that make him not motivated to take care of himself and maybe not even aware of it. That might be something to ask about.

Thanks Bmac, it makes me feel better to know that I have a right to be concerned, and I'm not being superficial. He's 24, so it's pretty crazy in my mind that he's already doing this to himself. His dad is very unhealthy, and I think this may have rubbed off on him. His dad likes me, but kind of gives the hint that he thinks I'm full of myself because I actually care about my appearance. It's too bad but I don't really think it's fair to either of us if he doesn't take care of himself. I'm not only thinking of now, I'm thinking of the future as well.

Oh, and I'm going to school to be a nutritionist, so that just makes it worse!

WOS, I love you!

minkiloo, bmac came up with some awesome ideas. It is a touchy subject, but he may not even realize what is going on. For his health and the health of your relationship, you have to say something.

And what you said about JAM's situation was right on as well.

Thanks Wedd, I know I'll say something soon. I can't help it since I'm trying to make a career out of keeping people healthy.

And as for JAM's situation, I hope she listens to us, because I was in that situation when I was her age, and it turned out to be a disaster Not something she should have to go through if she can avoid it. I can tell from your advice that you understand as well.

I'll be fine. That kid might not even come over. I'll just go shopping with that other kid. Which I am..

I just got into a phone fight with that kid who is taking me shopping.

^^ why is the fight so funny?

The brit has been MIA and I finally got ahold of him. He's in the dumps. he's supposed to be my rock. Ugh, at least my friend is taking me out. I feel bad for him now, but I gotta get out for myself. And I'm thinking about me for once

Ha ha. It just was.

are you still going shopping jam ?

I already went. It was pretty much a waste.. But the kid is really hot.. Ha ha, so it was fun.

well at least you had that jam

That kid can't even come over.. He didn't do the fence like his dad told him to so his dad won't let him go anywhere... This really sucks..

I know!! x100000!

I need some advice or help I guess. The past couple of days, I've felt like my girlfriend has been aggravated or annoyed by/with me. Last night I tried my best to ask nicely if I have been getting on her nerves or doing something that has been bothering her, that was a bad idea. We argued a little bit and then she went to sleep, I tried to apologize and say I was sorry for how I acted that night today. Now she doesn't want to talk to me and I'm still not sure what has been up the past couple of days, I've tried to just leave her alone today but she is still really mad at me for it. I don't want her to be mad at me anymore, should I just let her come to me when she finally wants to talk to me again or try to talk to her? I hate not talking to her because she is one of my best friends as well as my girlfriend.

Hmm,, maybe try one more time tomorrow? Do you have an idea of what may be bothering her? It could have nothing to do with you.

I think you're right and it probably had nothing to do with me, I wish I had thought about that to begin with. Oh well, I think I'll just try again tomorrow and see how she feels. Thanks Wedd.

Speaking for my 40's-ish husband and myself, I'd like to strenuously agree.


Hmmmm, this is a bit of a mystery Mach. And unfortunately speaking as a member of the female gender, we tend to clam up and expect guys to figure out what we're thinking far too often. I feel for you. It's possible it has nothing to do with you, or it may be some kind of misunderstanding, she's expecting you to figure out. Waiting a bit is probably a good idea. But I don't blame you for being a bit upset by it.

I feel like I made things worse by trying to find out what was wrong if there was even anything wrong in the first place, I'm still not sure. I just don't want her to be mad at me for a the rest of the weekend and into the week. I think waiting and leaving her alone is the best thing to do at this point too, thanks Mixed.

For those of you who know about the boy and the significance of two weeks ago exactly....


I go bowling with some friends tonight and guess who shows up WITH HIS NEW GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!?!?!?!



Yup...Mr. "I'm not ready to be in a relationship again yet because I'm not over my ex."


The ex of one month. So I guess now he is then?


I'm so happy I got rid of him, but this just plain hurts. He might as well have said..."I'm not ready to be in a relationship with YOU...but this other girl is prettier....and I think I like her more...so I'm gonna destroy something you held important by taking advantage of a situation and then forget about you and go to this other chick."



AGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ph sharp please don't beat yourself up about it anymore. If he's moved on already then your right...you are better off with out him. Don't let him upset you though. You are far better than that

Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

In other words, don't give your heart away.


So do college guys. And guys out of college. And divorced guys.


That's what they all say. But you keep telling us he really likes you.

Sorry your plans didn't work out.


No, I agree, he does sound depressed, or something. Slippers for shoes? Won't comb his hair? Is he clean? Because he's stating to sound like Howard Hughes.

And seriously, what would he do if that were you???


You need to tell her something most women don't know: men don't take hints. Maybe she's been hinting around at what's been bothering her, and yeah, it may not be you, but maybe she expects you to know what it is anyway. So tell her, men don't take hints, and if it is you, you want to know, so you can stop doing it. If it's not you, you want to know how you can help her.


Give me his phone number. I need to have a few words with him. And call him a few choice names.

Oh, Sharpie. What a d1ck. I am so sorry. Did you guys speak at all?