Wow...this thread has been dead awhile.

Sharpie has another dilemma...but this time I completely know what to do, the problem is just actually doing it.


One of my agents at work and I have been flirting ridiculously for the past few weeks. (And some people are starting to notice...eeek.) So he asked me out to go get some drinks last night with him and his friend (another of my agents) and I brought a friend, it was kinda like a double date, but that's not really what it was. Anyway we ended up having a really good time and he asked when we could do it again, IDK wasn't a good enough answer and so I said Friday.


Everything in me is screaming THIS IS A BAD IDEA. Not only am I his superior (conflict of interest anyone?) but due to some interesting details between he and I, we would NEVER work out long term.

Soooo....go out with him and have an amazing time...or stop it before it starts.

This is so tricksey to me because I'm sooo attracted to him and he makes me feel like a queen. You should hear the things he has said to me...and even a slight (or not so slight ) touch drives me mad.

Sigh.

I know what I have to do...I just don't want to do it.

Well, you have your answer. Yes, it's easy to be attracted to a charmer, yes, it's nice to have someone make you feel good about yourself.

But now I ask you, what have you learned over the last few months?

You say you know it can never be long term, and no matter if two people agree on this, someone always gets hurt. Plus, you are his superior, Jan - I mean Sharpie.

JUST SAY NO!!!!!!!!

And stop the flirting, too.

Well, between the tv star & I, & I think I enjoyed the date more. The reason why I say that is because he said that he wants to be just friends. The only thing that I mind about that is that I had to drag it out of him, asking him if he thinks we have something or if he believes that we're better off as friends. Naturally I was hurt for a couple of days but my heart healed pretty fast. Luckily for me I didn't get really attached to him. However, even if he wanted to date I don't think it would've worked.

The reason why I say this is because today I finally realized that I'm in love with my guy friend. He's all I think about. Before I would leave my cell in my room but now I carry it around with me, waiting for him to call me or text me. Last night he sent called me but I was too tired to talk, so I just said I'll call him tomorrow. Afterwards he sent me a text saying "I'm in bed too heehee whenever you like (meaning when I could call him). Night beautiful" I got all giddy after I received that. I'm completly taken in by his charms & his manners. Talking to him has never been a problem. There's never awkward pauses & we can tease each other without guilt.

He knows that I like him & that's all he'll know for now. The last thing I need to do is freak him out with the "l" word. If we were dating it would be a different story but yeah, that's it .

Yeah, I have to agree with VB here. Unless one of you is planning on quitting soon and the work relationship is removed.

But then, what about the "interesting details"?

Shar-pie....

Stop before it starts. If you indulge yourself with just one more amazing time, it'll be tougher to do the right thing.

You already know it's not right. You already know what the heartbreak will feel like if you let this go on one moment longer than it should. And we're also talking about your job here. A line has already been crossed that's going to be difficult to step back over. But you can do it.

Sharpie please don't end up making candles in your basement.

It just doesn't sound like a good idea. It's one thing to be social but another to start dating someone when you are their boss

It's a workspace.

If you have reasons why it's not going anywhere, why start it in the first place? Then you're just using him, or he's using you. Either way, it's not good.


Awww, PiP is in lobe with her guy friend!

This is a good point. I'm supposing that it's because for the time being it feels nice to have someone fawning over me and making me feel so good about myself. You're right though...we are probably just using each other....but it FEELS so nice! Lol!

...I forgot to mention that I'll probably be resigning from my job in a few weeks if this internship goes through for the summer. If that happens I'd never be able to get my job back (I'm in the dept that EVERYONE wants to be in and it's tough to get into...especially since my supervisor was forced out of her position last month [long story]).

So anyway...then the work relationship would be removed...but the two of us are still bad news.


IDK. I guess it will all play out in the next few weeks...and we are going out on sat night again.

Of course it feels so nice to have someone pay attention to you, to compliment you, to make you feel pretty, attractive and special. But if you know it's wrong, later it hurts twice as bad.

Yeeeeeeah...but I'm not really letting myself get attached. I think the best way to describe this is that we are using each other...at least I might be using him. Not so sure about him using me....but if I told you all the details you would tell me to run.

I just don't feel like posting it here, but you can call me if you want. (and that goes for any of you ladies. ).

this will a long post.

Sharp, my friend is going through this same thing. She likes a guy at her job and there is some flirting but she knows it would totally wrong cause it's at work and people talk. Her thing which is different from your situation is that she can't just ask him hey what is up with us. I told her last night you give too much to him and he turns around and acts like he doesn't know you and your setting yourself up to be hurt. One day he's all great the next he acts like she's not even alive. Which ticks me off for her. I told her to stop over thinking things and really weigh the situation as it is and move from there.

I'm sure you'll make the best choice for yourself though sharp. I may have to smack sense into my friend however. She's always pining for guys who never really want her.

Okay don't hate me you all, but I'm totally confused. I mean you know about the things I've decided recently but last night I was up late messing around with myspace and a friend of mine sent me a message on IM..we talked about his new job with the gov't. And he said that he knows I'm going through stuff but he told me that he could see us as a couple and he wants to take care of me and be with me. I told him that it will really sweet of him to say that and I think he's really nice and all, but you guys I can't help but think about the brit. What makes matters worse is that he left me a massage that he's going back into the hospital. I feel really bad for him and no matter what has happened, I don't want anything to go wrong for him ya know. I broke down and I called him(don't hit me). we talked about his newest surgey on his knee an he told me that he could never forget the sound of my voice it's always with him. Total sweet talk right, but he's the first person I've ever been in love with. And in a way I will always be. And this other guy told me that he'll respect me and not interject himself in my life unless I want him to. The thing with this guy is he's kinda a player..and I'm not that type. And he just said things last night that seemed so perfect but is it wrong to say I really miss Nick that much and that I love him still?

Nope. That's what makes it all so hard.

These are dangerous days FNB. You have to ask yourself all the hard questions about what you want your life to be like in the future. You have to assume that things with the Brit will be the same as they've been in the past. If you're okay with that, then fine, if you want more, then you have to go through this very hard time. I haven't been what you're going through. When hubby and I broke up when we were dating, it was because of youth and distance. But I understand the feelings always being there. Nothing you can do about that. But it does get easier.

Mixed is right, Becca. The advice you gave your friend? That's how we feel about you and Nick. We get ticked off, because we want him (and his family and daughter) to treat you well. Of course you miss him, of course you love him. 3 years is a long time. But just because you love him and you miss him doesn't mean he's good for you.

This sounds like how Nick has been treating you as of late.



Okay, I wouldn't start anything with this guy just yet. No matter what you decide, you need some time alone. It is not qrong to miss Nick and still love him. It hasn't been that long and maybe he will come around. But you need to do what is right for you, and I think right now you still need to stay away from each other.




What she said.

But as an aside--if you do go back to Nick and give him another chance, we will not look down on you. We just want you to be happy and Nick has not been making you happy for a long time.

the guy has asked to spend some time with me. He's a good friend but I worry about it.

I don't want to seem weak for giving into nick either . This is so incredibly hard

Sure it's hard. But no matter what, we're here for you.

Is this the same guy that was sending you jealous psycho emails, or someone else?

no he's a different friend veebs. He's nice an all, but we are real different. I told him tonight, after I posted this he IM'd me and we had a long talk and I don't know, I said to him, that I don't want u to think I'm leading you on. Your a nice guy an all but you know my situation. I don't want you to be weird with me becuase of this. And he joked and said it was okay cause he resepcts me more for being honest. He told me that too because we don't talk so much he just likes to check out my myspace to see how I am and stuff. Which is kinda weird in my mind. But he wished me the best of luck with my situation and told me if I needed anything he's a phone call away. This sounds crazy what I'm about to say...I really miss my brit now.

It must be. And you know, it's your life, we're just offering up opinions whether you want them or not. We care about you very much, and we will no matter what, because we've seen what a genuinely nurturing, caring, funny, intelligent person you are. Who you're dating or not dating doesn't change that.

I had that long talk with my friend but later last night while I was on here he asked to speak to me. I didn't think it was a good idea but he said he wouldn't take no for a answer. So we spoke on the phone. Yeah. He wanted to apoligize and just let know where he is coming from and such. I think he asked me out cause he said he was going to a party and said it will be really fun and everything I just stayed quiet. I told him I feel kinda bad for even talking to him really like that.what makes matters a bit harder is that while Nick and I were borken up a couple of years ago, this friend of mine is the guy I was kinda talking to and we tried to make soemthing happen. And I know he has feelings for me but I'm really unclear on what exactly I'm feeling. I don't know if I'm just extremely flattered or if I'm lonely.
Nick called me, he's going back in the hospital today for another surgey on his knee and I wanted to talk to him this time. It was nice. He is worried about it this time and we had a great little talk. I even sent him a cheer up get well text after on his way to the hospital. I know I lean on him way too much.
I'm driving you all batty I know.

I just really think you need time alone, no old guy, no new possibility. And this new guy, the second you break up he jumps right in? You need to worry about your back and your health and take time to yourself to really think about what you want.

And just so you know, if Nick is what you want, that is fine. I got to that point with Tom that I was done with him. I wouldn't call him, I wouldn't ask about him to our friends, nothing. Then he started calling and whenever he would try to pull one of his old moves I would stand up for myself, which I never used to do. As an example, one Valentine's Day he told me he might stop by the bar. This was in 2000, I think--it was a Monday night. I went to that bar straight from work--I was there at 5:15 and I drank until 11:30 when someone had to drive me home. And BIL was there and I cried to him about why didn't his brother love me.

The next day at work, Tom called me and asked me what I did for Valentine's and I told him I was in the bar with his brother all night and then I said, "I should have known you wouldn't show up. I'm not even angry at you--I'm angry at myself for even believing in you anymore". It was the first time I ever took any control and he didn't say anything. That was obviously in Feb. I kept doing that to him when he would call me and then in June he started to realize that I was serious and I wasn't putting up with his crap anymore. He finally admitted I was his girlfriend in Sept, he finally said he loved me and we finally went all the way in Oct, and we moved in together in March. If I didn't take a stand, we wouldn't be together today, because it was obvious that he was going to enjoy me being a doormat for all that time. When I stood up for myself, he realized that if he wanted me to still be in his life it was time to grow up and be serious. He could have ran, but he didn't. And we have been married for 5 years. So be strong and let him decide if he can handle the new you. Please don't give in, because it can work out!

Thank you for sharing your story wedd. See, I want Nick to that! I want him to just make up his mind and be like yes and we do it or no and then we can walkaway knowing we tried everything possible.
The other guy..I feel like it wouldn't be long term and he doesn't want to have more childern and I'm not sure he would change his mind.
I want to be loved and needed and I want kids and the whole shabang and even though nick proclaimed he wanted that with me when he finally came out and said he was in love with me...3 yrs later...nothing

I'm not going to lie, that was the hardest thing to do because I loved him so much and I wanted us to be together so bad and I was taking that chance that he would run if it wasn't a sure thing anymore.

There's probably a little detail I should add here--Tom was the friend of my six year ex-boyfriend. Tom & I wrote each other while Tom was in the military and we fell in love through the mail. He came home on Nov 30 and I ditched the boyfriend on Dec 27. It had been over for a long time, but once I saw Tom again I knew that I couldn't keep living a lie just because I was afraid of being stalked (which happened anyway). Our "friends" had seen that there were sparks between Tom & I and the moral police came out in full force. I didn't care so much, but these were Tom's lifelong friends--literally--we are talking kindergarten here. So what started happening was we would go out together, get drunk, mess around (but not have sex). He would promise me the world, tell me how much he wanted to be with me and that he didn't care what anyone said, and then sober up the next day and go back to saying we couldn't be together, guys don't do that to other guys, he didn't mean anything he said and I would cry and cry. And so it became a bad pattern--he would hide behind alcohol, I would let him. We both knew what was going on but he didn't want to admit it. He just kept hiding his true feelings and blaming the rum and coke for him saying he wanted to be with me. So finally I told him that he knew he wanted to be with me and to be a man and deal with it and stand up to his friends. When I started standing up to him, he started standing up to them and admitting his true feelings.

Incidentally, for some reason it was a HUGE deal that I was with my ex, his friend, for 6 years. He is the only other guy I have "been with", yet he could not let it go. Even the night he finally admitted he loved me he said something referencing his insecurity about it. Anyway, sometimes I look at him and I am like, wow, we made it. I am really here with you. My point is, you have to take a stand sometime. It might as well be now.

No, I think you are right, I should take a stand with him. Maybe why our relationship has been the way it is, because the way we got together. I was unhappy with my ex, depressed in general and when he told me I had to make a choice either stay with my ex and lose him or finally break up with my ex to be with him, I chose him and since then I've kinda sided with him on big relationship issues.
I try to stand up more and say it's my turn this or that, an it never sticks and that's my fault. But I have to know now this time. we gave each other 3 yrs of our lives and we both deserve to know what is going to happen, where it will go

His actions have been odd these past few days. Because I consider him a friend like anyone else, I talk to him like I would talk to my other friends. One thing I regularly chat about is guys because hey, I *love* men . In the past it didn't bother him one ounce but now, he's said that he's grown tired of hearing about other guys. Before he would listen & help me out. He thinks I'm being intenionally(sp) mean (false) & he also thinks I'm trying to make him jealous (even more false). Since he's confessed that to me he's not talking much. He's refusing to offer love advice, which came plenty before. I don't get it. Does he like me & he only wants to hear about himself or he sick of me .

I also accidently sent him two texts, courtesy of my wretched cell phone . One read, "I love you" which was meant to cheer up a depressed friend. Another one said, "I can't wait for our karaoke date tomorrow David. However, I think we should have a romantic dinner before we serenade each other lol." David isn't my boyfriend. He's my friend. So now my guy friend thinks I sent him those texts on purpose.

I don't know what to do. I aplogized on countless occasions & explained the stories but he won't have none of it. He refuses to believe me. Ah well....

Uhhh. . . . yeah. Stop talking about other guys.

awww pip he's your ducky That'really cute though. You go out looking and the right guy could be next to you the whole time.

I kinda said in the vent thread that he called and we talked and we talked about us. And he forgets lots of things with his memory probelms, but he did say that we've been together 4 yrs and I have always been his number one. And it's sweet an all but I know at times that's not been the case.
We did have this ackward moment where we didn't say a thing to each other and I don't know why but I started to get teary eyed and told him, I've missed you. And honestly it's been true. You all know it's been hard for me. He told me he always missed me.
I can't go anywhere tomorrow cause my mom has put me on lockdown as far as the driving goes. I know I must sound like a idiot for waviering cause I said I would be alone, but I kinda don't want to be. Slap me now

^^^ I have . I told him that I like him being more honest, meaning that if I say something that bothers him I'd like him to tell me. I'm no mind reader & I'm far from being one. From what I can recall, this is the first time I've had feelings for a guy friend so figuring out how to act without being obvious of how I feel. Until I can decipher his mixed feelings I'm not gonna lay my cards down.

I don't want to slap you, becca. But I'll just ask you....

What's changed? What's going to be different if you get back together? If it's just because you don't want to be alone, then that's the wrong reason.

PIP don't you wish they made a guy's feeling decoder ring

Sammy, I don't know what if anything would change. I do know for a fact I have always been very dependent on him. That in itself is a major reason which is also bad.

I have to agree with Sammy. First of all there is nothing wrong with being alone and I really hate the word alone. You are just single and thats it. Using the word alone always has bad connotations to it and it shouldn't.

No one said you turn off the love when you break up with someone, even if you are the one who did the breaking up. It is a loss and should be treated as such, that you grieve over the relationship, looking back on it is ok for the good and bad.

Even when you were with him you sounded like you were by yourself when he wouldn't clue you in on what he was doing or he chose not to include you(surgery, etc). Relationships are a two way street, not a one way or a divided center lane.(and calling you at 2, 3 in the morning is pretty selfish, IMO. Unless its an emergency, no one should be called at those hours )

It is more than OK to just be you and not be in a relationship. A relationship does not define who you are, whether you are single, married, divorced etc.

Be yourself Becca and all will be allright in the world

^OH, that was a perfect post. Everything you said is exactly true and perfect.

Becca, we're not trying to give you a hard time or make you feel badly. We just want you to give yourself a chance.

What's not to get? He basically told you he's jealous. And why do you need love advice if you're in love with him?


What memory problems? How can he run a business if he can't remember stuff? Or does he just forget stuff you tell him?

Of course you miss him, he's been a big part of your life for quite a while. But that doesn't mean he's good for you.

^^ Word.

You girls are right though and I was thinking about it last night and I was like how can you really grieve for someone when they are still around? It's not like he's died and I have to miss him. He's still around and calls and see each other. We haven't spoke since that other day, early tuesday morning.
In every sense of the word I have felt single for weeks. I just dont want you all to think I'm like being super annoying..he's just my first real love and it's so hard and confusing. Thanks for being my sounding board and giving me soild advice that I am truly trying to imply in my life

Becca, you're being a strong woman about all this. Good for you. I really respect you for that.

^^ that is my highlight of the day mixed.

You're not being annoying, Becca. You're being human. We just don't ever want to see you hurting again the way we've seen you hurt over the past few weeks and months.

I know you all do. It's weird isn't though? The guy I was with before the brit..I left him and didn't feel bad or cry or what ever. I guess that relationship was so exhausted that there was nothing left but this one...it's like there are tons of things to reslove and I love him to bits and the feelings are never settled.

Exactly, sammy.

And Becca, I don't know if any of us can explain about the grieving, it's different for everyone. But most of us have had our hearts broken, and we know it's sad, difficult and confusing. But we also know that you get past that time, and that it's just a season in life. This too shall pass, and better times lie ahead.

Things are thankfully back to normal with my guy friend. I reassured him that even I use to talk about other guys, he's the only one I care for. Ever since I said that he's been talking to me. He called me the past couple of nights to say good night . Yesterday I wrote on his wall about the upcoming Euro Cup (we have a rivalry going on cause Greece is in Group D along with his team, Sweden so we bug each other about who will win) but when I went back on his page he deleted it. I didn't mind because it wasn't an important wall post but I decided to bug him, saying that he broke my heart by deleting the wall post (naturally I added the jk part). He called forty or so minutes later, apologizing for what he did, saying that he likes it when I write Croatia & Sweden stuff (we're both half Croatian from our dad's side). He told me to call him later which I will do .

I should've realized sooner that me mentioning other guys made him think that I don't care for him, which isn't true. I stopped & I'm happy to have him back .

Nice job, PiP! Glad things are going well.

19 Years?!

he called. Samething over and over. He doesn't get why I'm upset and I can understand why he doesn't think. And I love that?? Really I need a CT scan.

If i could smack some sense into that man from 3000 miles away I would If you do not want to keep rehashing it over and over with him, then dont. Tell him and change the subject or tell him you have to go. He is more than self centered if he can not see what the problems are or I think he chooses to ignore them. The Brit is all about himself, his world.

Things take time Becca. I think your doing a great job so far with yourself

You're making progress, Becca! You seem to be seeing the issues more clearly. Hang in there.

Hang tough girlfriend.

I told him that I said everyone thinks your a jerk. He said oh great, I'm a bad guy now. Atleast he got the last bit right. Thanks everyone...it takes baby steps sometimes.

I was going to say, send him over here, set up a specific thread just for him and let us at him!

I don't think you need a CT scan, Fancy New Becca, it sounds like you're starting to see things clearly.