he called me since I didn't call him at all. I've got a rash from a medication I itch I this, I that. Don't pick a fight we're okay. I do love you. I will call you later.
Okay he's not called, so what if he's got a rash, I'm not picking fights I'm telling you like it is and maybe you do love me yes but how do you expect me to love u when we're like this? Oh yes, I flat out asked him as well, So how is she? Who are you talking to or seeing behind my back.
He got upset and said I've been faithfull this whole time and you know you. And I can't go meet anyone even if I wanted to so stop your crazy ideas. then he got upset when I didn't say i love you back after him. I just said yeah love you too and we hung up. And not once has he asked me how I am. I'm not calling him again today cause what is the point?

BINGO Becca, again he is only in tune with himself and cares for his own world as long as everything is ok.

And Becca, I'm pretty pissed at him constantly calling you or your ideas crazy.


I hope you get some rest this weekend

I agree. That's manipulative, and scary.

I think it is as well! I do feel bad for him and want him to be okay and well, but not at the expensive of my own sanity, cause I don't have a clue what's going on anymore.

This is what I think. He is testing you to see if you will back down and go back to being submissive to him. You keep standing up for yourself and you see what happens. Enough calls with you being strong will make him realize two things. One is that you are serious about things being different. Two is that he needs to decide if he can be with the new, strong you. He will have to decide if he can deal with a 50-50 relationship instead of what you had.

He is testing you--stop taking his calls and see what happens. He is trying to lure you back into old patterns--be strong!!

I think he might wedd.. I stopped calling him all the time an he calls me but he doesn't say why haven't you called. Don't you think that is werid? What does that mean? I am doing the right thing though. If he wont take it all at once, maybe it has to be slowly before either he wants to end it for his own sake or change and really mean it and we do things as equals

^^Well, he doesn't want to fight, so asking why you haven't called opens the door for you to say, because you are a jerk and you don't value me enough in your life. So he skips that question and tries to have a "normal" conversation with you. Eventually he will get the hint that those days are over.

If he keeps calling, the only thing I might say to him is "If you want to talk and try to work this out, let's go to counseling". See where that suggestion takes you. I just think right now he wants sympathy and he can get that from his mother.

I'm really liking what I'm hearing here FNB. Here's to strong, healthy women!

he's got some type of mother approval complex that is for sure and I'm not going to baby like that anymore. I have done enough of that. I am giving my all to this man and the only thing I have asked for is that we get married soon. we all know that's not happened.
I have made some changes and I want to be true to myself and I know when you are in a realtionship there are things you have to give and take. I am not willing to be his lap dog.

Not only are you absolutely right, but I'm seeing more and more of that incredible lizzie sense of humor.

The guy friend tried talking to me. I'm having a graduation party..college thing. You can come but I know you won't. yep, got that right. He told me has a date and stuff which is fine. Then he says that when he gets his house there are conditions to be met if I want to come over. I said what's that. he said if you are with Nick, then you can't. If you are single your more than welcome. which is guy code for, I want to sleep with you and if your with nick, I don't want you here cause that's drama and if your not the only reason you'd be here is to get dirty.I said first off I would never sleep with you to begin with because your front door would only have a shinny new verison of the revoling door that's on your bedroom now for all the women you sleep with. So dont' run your game on me!
Go me!

Then at the pizza place high school boys looked down at my chest every time they passed our table. I swear to God, double DD's must have some kind of secret power over men. I felt like taking off my shirt and standing on the table so they all could just get a good look so I could go back and eat my pizza.
My friend told me that her married man friend had bothered her again claiming he wanted friendship but when she responded to his email he sent from his work he responed back with I want to touch you here and there and kiss you everywhere. She told him to get lost basically. So we compared notes on men who are trying to get some. And we've both came to this. Men are butt faces

This guy is so skeevy it's criminal. I wish he could be arrested for being the skeeviest perv of all the pervs.

well if they look at his work emails he might. By the way he works at the city college. Professional man and he's like that. But it takes all kind.
I still won for skeevy men stories. The secruity guard who told me I had a nice a$$ was the worst cause I was 12!

Ugh. Is he a professor? That's scary. Really....someone should be looking at those emails.

I have no idea really if he is a professor there. She doesn't give much detail unless she wants to, so all I know is he is scum and married.

No phone calls from the brit in the middle of the night. Which means he'll be gone til monday or tuesday when he magically reappears. Do I want to go find out what's going on? Nah. Not my job.

Sooo...this guy has been really into me lately...yeah...it's the same one. The co-worker.

Anywhoo...I'm quitting soon and he and I have been hanging out lately. We've talked about it and pretty soon here I think I'm going to have a new BF.

I hesitate because I KNOW in the long term nothing will come of this...but I really like him...and he really likes me. IDK. I guess we'll see.

Be careful, Sharpie, k? That last heartbreak wasn't too long ago.

Everyone's entitled to a change of heart, but remember what you were saying a couple of weeks ago?

Just look out for yourself. That's all.

sounds like you are pretty attached sharpie. Please just don't get your broken. I will do the same for you as I do my friends. If he hurts you do you want me to strip the paint off his car?

Seriously, I hope things go well for you.

Now why do you think nothing will come out of this long term? Is it the religion thing?

He called me. I said first off where have you been. He's been at his mom's. His mother I guess from what he said is taking over and refuses to let anyone call or see him. which I think is just so werid you can't imagine. besides, he's 40. A grown a$$ man. He went on about how his med's gave him a reaction and this and that and I finally said don't you want to ask me how I've been? He finally did even though I know he wanted off the phone. Once he listened he said he felt bad that I was having a rough time.
I told him you've not been around and I've felt single for the longest time.
He got super upset. he said no, no, nah I'm not having that. You are never supposed to feel that way. He said he wanted to talk to me to tonight, but I doubt we will. I finally told him, Nick it's a simple matter of resepct. And you don't cause if you did you wouldn't treat me this way and neither would your family.
yep, no mincing words an I am putting it all out there.

I can't tell you how proud of you I am FNB, standing up for yourself like that!!!

Ditto!

What a momma's boy

i felt good saying it too

Way to stand your ground, Becca!

Seriously! WTF is that about? And yeah, he had a reaction. Sounds like a sorry excuse to me. I think VB said this earlier--it's a knee. You didn't have brain surgery (although it seems as if you may need it). Grow up already.

Becca, I know we all talked about playing games and all, but I wouldn't take his call tonight if he does call. He's been in control for too long and you need to let him know how it feels to not be.

well he didn't call me and I didn't call him. I'm not chasing him when he's only popping up every few days. And why should I bend over backwards to be there for him. I'm sure now his family would be like oh well it's about time. But you know I don't care what they think. Cause if we were married I would be stopping them at the door and saying you constantly creeping around doesn't do him any good and show them the door. Well just his mother maybe. His dad is the quiet type. I can deal with that.
I'm nearly 30 and I don't have time for messing about. I've been waiting on him for the last year and half and I'm not about to wait another year and half

Becca, one of these days soon you're going to be the relationship expert around here. Woo hoo!

(Would you talk to my daughter? )

oh sammy I don't think I should be giving any advice
He didn't call me today so far. I feel like for months I had been looking at this with crossed eyes.

I hope your own daugther has her own wake up call. Tell her about my crappy life

You mean how you started turning things around . . .

...and how you are happier and more content then you have been in a while?

Sammy, is your daughter still with that guy upstairs?

Same guy , but he doesn't live in the building any more.

i am happier in the sense everything is out in the open and it's not game playing.

That's great to hear, Becca. Just take it one day at a time. It will keep getting better.

I realized this today..I want my friend, lover, finace back. it's not a part time thing he gets to do. This, us we're full time and I won't settle for anything but that. I never give him anything but me 100% all the time. Do I think there can be change? I don't know. But I know I fell in love with him because he was who he was and he loved me for me. It doesn't mean he gets to take advantge me however any longer

Um-hum. So, you're both using each other, right? Or are you the only one who knows this won't be long term?


That says it all.

And good for you for sticking up for yourself!!!

BB King is staying in this hotel, and one the the tour crew guys said hi to my sister, and she got all red in the face and flustered, but she did say hi back.

I had a whole day planned out and on my way to the book store guess who calls me. yep. He sounded half out of it. I talked to him a bit. He said he was fine but when I tried to call him back no answer...I guess he went to sleep. I'm not making any special efforts than just what I'm doing.

A guy kept smiling at me while I was in the fittings rooms waiting for my mom. He was sitting just outside of them. I was really uncomfortable with the attention. Then some high school guy whistle at me when I walked away from where he was sitting. I actually flipped him off. Only because he was the same idoit who nearly hit me tearing into the parking lot.

...Actually I'm falling for him pretty hardcore. We're dating, but we'll be "official" in the next few days I would imagine. Mixed....earlier you asked if it was a religion thing, and yeah...it is. Also he has a baby. A baby baby. Like 3 months old.

I could never see myself with someone who already had a kid, but this guy is different I guess. It doesn't really bother me. The only thing is that I know my parents would be unhappy if they knew everything about this kid. He has a definite past, but I say the past is the past...

IDK. I REALLY like him and it's gonna be kinda hard cause I'm moving an hour away to do my internship and he can't drive until he gets a couple things taken care of. (I know, I know.)

He thinks we can be totally amazing for each other and while I'm not so certain, I like him too much to not try and find out.

Sharpie, wait. You made it very clear that the baby thing was an issue. And I don't remember you saying that this baby was only three months old before--I know you said he had a kid, but not an infant. There is so much that he needs to do for this baby, whether or not he/she was planned.

I'm sorry, but this doesn't sound good to me. There's a lot of potential for trouble here, and a few months ago you realized that. What changed?

Sharpie....there are so many red flags, here and in your previous posts. Do I need to list them all?

You have so much going for you right now. Every ounce of your attention should be going toward making this internship a success. Why do you want to set yourself up for this kind of distraction and complication?

You're going to be gone for only three months, right? Can't you put this on hold until you get back? If he's that great, he'll wait that long.

Wow. How's his relationship with the baby's mother? Obviously he's not with her anymore, but let's be honest, he'll be "with her" in some very important ways for the next 18 years. The tone and state of that relationship will determine his life for that time. And you know you automatically take second place to that baby. Even if he tries to put you first, (I'm not saying he would), you know that baby comes first always.

And then you have to decide how you feel about the religion thing at this point in your life. Wow, these are big things Sharpie. You're obviously in that heady, exciting phase right now, and there's no feeling like that in the world. But please, please be careful honey.

Just to follow up on what everyone else said, let's take a look at the religious angle. So he isn't a Christian, I take it? Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't share in your most important relationship, who doesn't have the same values as you? I think you're still reeling and angry from your 'other mistake' a few months ago, and believe me, I've been there. Everyone else is right, put this relationship on hold for 3 months, what's 3 months in the span of a lifetime, if you think you might get serious with this guy? It will give you both time to get things into perspective.

He needs some time to think as well, you being away could be doing him a favor. Yes, you say all these things are in his past, but people's pasts still come back to haunt them. It sounds like he has a lot on his plate right now, and you could be selfishly distracting him from what he needs to focus on right now.

So, if you really care about him, think about what he needs most, as well as yourself.

well sharpie I want you to be happy and I won't comment on the religion thing since I don't attend church. The baby thing might not seem a issue cause the baby is a newborn. It's when they grow up that they become demons who undermind your relationship and do everything they possibly can to rip you apart all while smiling nicely like a angel! wow....yeah that was intense.
My ex was a catholic. My mom said to me when I told her about him and his background..don't let him convert you I told her, mom I'm christian and all but I don't go to church I don't want to so why would I spend the time to convert? Now, nick is like me he's not religious but he has the kid. it's never perfect that's what I'm saying. It's still fresh and new so you are falling quickly and you see him differently than others. I won't say it's right or wrong, but only you if you stick with it's cause you love the man and it's not for anything else.

no calls, I'm not going to check on him. But I should weird him out a bit, I sent him a get well card by mail.

I know you've had a hard time of it with the Brit's daughter, but this is really harsh IMO. These kids didn't ask to be born into these situations either. They just want their parents. And they rarely, if ever, have them both in a peaceful situation. If it ends up twisted and unhealthy, that's their parents' faults.

I get it seems harsh. This child though pushes me to the edge of the cliff at times. She tells her dad I want you to be happy and all the right stuff and when he and I have tried to be on our own, go away or anything she's suddenly ill, or has a fit and he feels guilty and cancels. I get what she's doing. And her mother doesn't still do a thing for her. it's like she doesn't exisit. And she likes it that way, cause she has told her dad that her mom is terrible and she does love her cause that's her mom but she's made it clear she doesn't want to see her ever again as well. For me when she said I don't want lizzy to be my mom I have a mom that had so many double meanings. Her answers when it concerns me is, "can't lizzy just wait" and " ask her, I want it to be just us" so I get left out constanly with this girl.
I don't want a battle with her, I want us to be friends, but she blocks me way too often . how can I not feel angry at times?

That baby is the future.

I can't imagine that you wouldn't feel hurt and angry. I know I would. I think that's totally normal. And I think what she's saying is totally normal too for a kid who's had such a rocky childhood and has basically been abandoned by her mother. I'm guessing that she's feeling she only has her father left. What if he left her too? She'd have nothing. It must make her cling on to him even harder. It probably has nothing to do with you as a person, and everything to do with her past and her fears of being left. Then not having enforced limits, which would reassure her that her father cares enough to impose them, (I know you agree about this), and then there's his running off last year. All together, she probably is not a very secure adolescent who's right on the edge of her teenage years and scared as hell. You get to see the very ugly, acting-out side of it all, and it can't be pleasant in the least. (Look, I've got 3 nieces who have a step-mom. It's been a very tough, rocky road for them. The oldest waited until she was 17 to act out, but all that insecurity and anger going back from her childhood had to come out somehow. First she got pregnant, then she got mad at everyone, every one, including me and her grandparents). All this crap comes out in one way or another, and unfortunately you've been in the crossfire. I'm just saying a little compassion, maybe a lot, is in order here. And I don't know what the answer is either. But I bet it involves some professional help.

I respect everything you've said mixed. I'm all for family therapy. I've suggested. I suggested she needs therapy on her own as well. She's had it rough and there is no need for her to keep on doing this to herself and others. Her dad is at major fault for not stepping up and being a dad..he's too busy being her friend. And him running off and all that. he ticks me off.
When he and I talked about kids and how to raise them and stuff he thinks I'm too hard on the repsonablity level. If he had his way, we'd be living in some village in the uk and he'd raised the american right out of them.
there is so much I wish I could say on here about her mother, but I don't think it would be polite.

I think he's the one that needs the therapy first.

It was an issue with the security guard who was 5 years older than me...going through a divorce...and had 2 kids. Here, he is my age and has an infant.

As to what changed...gosh. You all have excellent points, it's just that my head and my heart are playing tug of war and the heart is winning.




I kinda want it more this summer than anything actually. I don't want to be lonely...I've done the summer internship away from home before (granted it was in a different state...not just an hour away) but the lonliness was unbearable. I want someone to be able to talk to every night and see a few times a week, just having fun.




Funny story....the baby's mom just called me. She went through all of his text messages a while ago and saved my number. She called pretending to be a friend of hers so that I would talk to her and then she admitted it was her. She basically told me she is still in love with him and why would I come between that and wanted to know everything about what has gone on between us and the timelines because they haven't been broken up very long. I talked to her and was very dignified in doing so if you ask me. I told her what she wanted to know and he did NOT cheat on her with me and I was not the reason they broke up.

Well anyway she asked me if I would let her tell him that she called and I told her that I would respect her enough to do so. This is sooooo hard. He just called me and I had to pretend like nothing had happened, but I don't want her to be even more pissed off with me than she already is because I would be hurt too if I was in her position. AAAAAAGH!

What a mess. I know the baby comes first. I have no issue with that.




He grew up in church and is open minded, but doesn't really practice. which is a step up from the last one...the atheist. Lol. I seriously feel like Im being selfish because I want it for the summer more than anything. Im gonna be alone and away from my family who would totally disapprove of him anyway...sigh.



I know what to do. I know what is right for me, but when you have someone who adores you and you enjoying being with and are attracted to that person...well it makes it hard to stop anything from happening. I'm not used to this type of attention and it feels nice, especially when I feel the same way about him.