Becca, I'm sorry, but it's over. Stop calling, send the stuff back and forget about him.

It's time to move on.

I wanna know what OH said

yeah I know ladies. I just wanted to see if he would answer or what but I'm not a lap dog. Wait a sec...I'm sweet? You can say that after reading some of my hateful vents

I got my friend to rethink going out with a coworker that asked her once before. She said she'd say yes next time if he asked. I'm glad she's made that choice

I had made sure I had everything all gathered up. He called and asked to speak to me yesterday. We got into it again somewhat. I said people don't like you and andera says to tell you she wants to take your skin off. He said to me that I don't care what anyone else thinks of me they don't matter, the only person I am concered about what they think of me is you, and that's all I care about. So I went off. I don't know why he does it cause he never keeps his promises to me and it would take a huge huge huge change to make me forgive all that. I do think underneath it all he doesn't want to lose me but I'm not a girlfriend of convience either.

What did he say when you went off on him?

he sat quietly and listened to me and said he understood why I would feel that way. Also, that he's trying to sort everything out so there won't be these problems for us later. Which,he never tells me about when they happen anyways. So I said that well you dont' tell me anything an I never know whats going on. You keep me like a mushroom. I nearly said you treat me like my ex did before I met you, but i held my tounge since I wasn't going to drag up our past.

Of course he doesn't want to lose you, becca. You've made progress, but whether you want to admit it or not, you're still there for him. He calls, you answer, he listens to you complain and makes empty promises that keep you hanging until the next time he reasonably assured his family won't overhear him calling you again. Forgive the analogy but he has you on a very long leash. He doesn't have to pay very close attention to you, but when he notices that you're getting just a bit too far out of his control all he has to do is give it a little tug and pull you back in if even just for a few minutes.



Whatever he's sorting out, he's sorting out on his terms. There's nothing about his problem solving that is going to benefit you or even the two of you as a couple.

If it's true that he treats you like your ex did, maybe he needs to understand that.

But what I think he really needs to understand is that you are moving on.

I do get he's got me on a long leash, cause I let it happen, willingly and unwillingly. so that is now my habit to break. Another friend of mine gets so mad at me when this happens but she herself does it with her BF too.

The only reason I didn't bring up the past is he'll think I'm cheating on him and I'm not. I don't know if any of you would say well let him, but I don't want to do that and try to keep things free of mind games as much as possible even though he's doing a number on me. I'm not that childish.

Liz I still say a majority of us would send him a box of elephant poop at a moments notice and consider it an investment

I've always got that on my mind OH
My best friend offered a PI on him for my b-day To figure out whats going on once and for all. I said no, I'm not going to be like that but poop in a box well it just says a$$wipe when nothing else will

You're absolutely right Becca. He's treating you like you were a mushroom. Just think of what kind of problems that would cause if you were married. Truly frightening. Of course I agree with sammy, he's just stringing you along. He could do this with his relationships for the rest of his life. So sad, and such a waste, because I know he must have some redeeming qualities, . . . the things that drew you to him in the first place.

He had wonderful redeeming qualities and makes everything that much harder cause I know what type of man he is depsite his bad side.

Unless he agrees to join you in couples counseling that includes sessions with his daughter when you have solidified yourselves, then he hasn't changed. Everyone else is right.

If he doesn't know what was wrong, how is he working on it on his own?

Wow, these how to be a perfect husband tips are RIGHT ON!

Yes, that is sarcasm in my tone.

^^^ wedd I could only get to number 5 before I rolled my eyes and clicked off of it

I only got to number 3 before I clicked it off.

-Jordyn

So you missed #8?

The perfect husband understands that women often get confused by stuff that doesn't matter, as in the unwashed coffee cup that's been sitting in the sink for days. Few wives understand that it isn't that we see the coffee cup and elect not to rinse it, but rather that the neural link between our eyeballs and brains actually keeps us from seeing the cup. The gender biology of why we don't see the cup comes down to this: We have a lot of more important things on our minds. Will the Bills cover? Any chance of sex today? I think my biceps really are getting bigger. Our minds are cauldrons of profound thoughts. Any wonder we occasionally overlook some stray dishware?

Charge: We don't help enough around the house. We're guilty. But here's the fix: Do more. Not a lot more--just a little more. One of the best things about women is that they really appreciate the smallest sign that you're trying. They're effort oriented.

I just threw up a little in my mouth.

-Jordyn

wedd, that was just sickening

Some guy hit on me tonight...I said come at me with a line. he said it's not a line it's what I feel. I said that's a line. He said yeah what makes it a line? I said besides the fact it's slathered in **** and sugar. He said, ah, that's not right and I walked away. Yeah it felt great to do that

What was the line FNB? . . . Come on, tell us . . .

he said, You have amazing green eyes and I could look into them and get lost.

Awwwww . . . . that's kind of sweet. And you do have amazing eyes Becca. Was he at least looking you in the eye when he said it?

sweet or not mixed it was a line. you don't approach me like you're a gang banger and use that on me. Approach me like a man and you'll get a lot further

ps.. thanks for the compliment. Now, just don't get lost in my eyes

He's a big fat liar. If he was only concerned about you, he would have stood up to his family and disciplined his daughter a long time ago. And he would be honest with you, shared his thoughts, hopes, dreams and troubles with you, so you could work through them together. He's not your best friend, and he never has been.

It's like Nick is fishing, you're the fish, you take the bait, he lets you hang on the line for awhile, he reels you in. Then he rips the hook out of your mouth and throws you back in, so he can try catching you again.

Sure he has some redeeming qualities. But not enough to make you happy. He is so unworthy of you.


Ummm, that kind of made me melt.

veebs I could go back and find him and you can listen to that junk You have to like baggy pants wearing wannabe's

Hey when he called me that other night I told him about the pop in the box. He was quiet. I don't think he's ever been diskliked by so many women

I think you mean 'poop.' Becca you shouldn't have told him! Now he'll know it's one of us.

or all of us...

yes poop in a box He already knows the lengths of craziness I will go to. Poop in a box is nothing compared to what I'll do to him.

Well...it's just about over here. 6 weeks. And you all are right. It hurts like hell.


I am now going to be completely and totally honest with you all and tell you all the reasons why this man is a loser and why I had absolutely no business dating him. Get ready for a shock because I know you all thought Sharpie was waaaaaaaaay more smart than this (so did I)...so here it goes.


1. He never went to college despite the fact that he had such a score on the ACT that would enable him to go for free.
2. His mom lives with him. She is bi-polar and schizophrenic and has episodes quite often.
3. His ex-girlfriend/ mother of his 3 month old STILL LIVES WITH HIM! I never told you all that because I knew what you would say. I thought I would give him a couple weeks to fix the situation and get her out. I thought I would be understanding that she had no where else to go and that as soon as he got his stimulus check or as soon as this or as soon as that....he would get her out. 6 weeks later her parents are begging her to move back in with them and she is not budging, nor is he making her because he is "not ready for his child to not be with him full time."
4. They still sleep in the same bed. I just found this out. However I know they are not "sleeping together" because the psycho ex calls me and blames me for all their problems and if that were the case she would throw that in my face like nobody's business. Not like that matters...the fact remains that they are still sleeping in the same bed and he is dating me...correction...used to be dating me.
5. He is a rapper. A white rapper. He thinks he has a chance of a career at it. If you are on my myspace friend's list you can find him under the semo icon. You decide.
6. I can do soooooooooooooooooo much better. I hate when people say that about people, but quite frankly it's just true.
7. He just quit his job where we both work at and is now going to be an assistant manager at the local sonic...or huddle house. Not certain which one yet apparently.
8. I have no future with him.
9. We do not share the same belief system/morals/values.
10. We were using each other.
11. Despite the fact that we were in a relationship in every sense of the word after 6 weeks he still would not commit to being my boyfriend until he gets his issues at home taken care of...which I think we all know will be never.
12. When I am away from him I miss him (or maybe it's just the idea of him) terribly, but when I'm with him that's not really the case.
13. When he kisses me...I don't really feel anything. You're supposed to have some kind of spark, right? Cause I've never felt that with anybody. This is depressing me.
14. Our relationship was based almost entirely on sex. I thought it would make things better and it only left me feeling empty and used.
15. HE IS A LOSER!
16. I deserves so much more. SO much more.
17. I am an incredibly intelligent, motivated, beautiful young woman with oodles of potential and I will not waste myself on some guy that will more than likely ruin my life.
18. I was settling for him because I didn't think I deserved anything more or that anyone else would like me.



Whew....I'm sure there's more, but I think that covers it. What helped me come to this conclusion more than anything else? Remember my best friend who I found a few months ago in walmart at midnight buying a pregnancy test and she turned out not pregnant? Well...guess what? She moved in with him and is now pregnant. She is ruining her life and potential on a man completely wrong for her and I refuse to do that to myself.

I will never settle. Even if it means being alone the rest of my life I refuse to settle on several key factors that were sorely missing here. I am no one's savior and I refuse to be.


No matter how smart we are, we always have to come to our own conclusions on everything you know? Thanks for being here for me for the fall and for the warnings beforehand.

And don't ever, ever forget that again. I'm sorry you're going through the pain right now Sharpie. On the positive side, you can take this and approach every future relationship you have differently from now on. Like you said, never settle.

Wow, Sharpie. I don't even know what to say. This guy is indeed the losingest loser (i just invented that term) I think I have ever heard of. This guy is beyond your typical 'red flags'. He's like a gigantic red neon sign the size of New York.

I'm glad you're ready to move on, even if it hurts. You're right: you can do a thousand times better than him.

And by the way, that baby's mom deserves much better, too. I hope she's able to get on with her life.

I think number 16 encompasses all the other things you put there. and number 6 became PRETTY evident after reading 1 through 5. Best of luck SharpSchruter, you definitely made the right choice there. You might be wondering how the male brain works, seeing what a sleaz he was, and i cant even give you an answer. He's a pretty poor excuse for a good boyfriend.

I just got out of a deep and commited relationship, and there are times when it hurts like hell and all i can think about is being with that her again, but i just remember why i decided to end things and how unhappy she made me. Number 13 spoke out to me, because thats exactly how i felt, and once i realized it, i knew it had to end. The best bet is to never regret, and never second-guess. I know our heads get clouded when in love, but you know why you ended things, and you were certain when you made the decision to end things, so don't look back and second guess yourself. You are so much better off; its obvious by the points you make here. Do what makes you happy, because you are your first priority.

Oh, Sharpie. We're here for you.

You deserve someone amazing. And until that guy comes along, enjoy the silence ,as Depeche Mode would say. Hugs.

Sharpie, I'm sorry.

What's more important to me than most of the things on that list is that you knew going into it how it was going to turn out, and you did it anyway because you were willing to take the risk for a few weeks of companionship. You deliberately ignored the good sense that we know you possess.

I don't want to lecture you or make you feel bad. I can put myself in your shoes. But please just assure us that you've learned from this.

sharp you'll meet someone who you'll really fall for. If you were using each other well then atleast it's over and you don't have to drive yourself crazy. I'm sorry you feel so bad and down, but don't think you'll be alone cause you won't meet anyone who reaches everything on your list. I have a friend going through that same ideal and every other day she changes it
You're young and you'll bounce back.
Just another one of those little hard life experinces you have to go through for yourself so you won't make it again.

Well, I was surfing around on craigslist, and I found this gem:

40 Year Old Virgin Needed

^^ words can not express veebs what I would like to say

Let's see, giving up virginity for money . . . . that would make him a man-*****? Gigilo? Sad?

There are no cute guys out today. I think they are in hiding.

Thanks for all the comforting words guys. Sammy, I knew what I was doing and I still learned from it. If I could erase it and go back...I don't think I would. I'm finally discovering my self worth and realizing that I shouldn't just throw myself away on the first few guys who are interested in me.

I'm finally getting male attention...and I like it.

So there is this new guy who asked me out a week or so ago and I declined because I wasn't quite up to it yet. He is one of my good friend's housemates who moved in a few weeks ago.

We started watching Dexter together and now that that is over he told me he really wants to watch TO from start to finish. He sends me cute little messages and I know he likes me...the thing is that he is 20. I'm 22, but will be 23 this month.

We are both still in college and he is totally my type, is hilarious, and we have a lot in common. Do any of you think the age difference is an issue?

sounds like a good'un, sharpschruter!

In my opinion, age is just a number, and there's nothing wrong with him being a few years younger. (but when it's like 10 years difference...come on, find people your age.) He sounds great, so i would definitely keep him around, but only if you feel ready of course. Nothing is worth more than your happiness

why not sharp..the age gap isn't that huge. One date wouldnt' hurt.

Where does he go to church?

k, sharpie....here's what I'm hearing.

"He's a great guy because x, y, and z, but.....", and you want someone to tell you it's OK.

I'm not going to do that. You asked the question, and you asked it for a reason. Take a look at all the advice you've already been given over the last year or so, because regardless of who he is, how old he is and what his history is, I'm sure some of the advice applies here as well.

sitting in my friends car, a guy is walking to his, he looks at me smiles so I smile, he smiles bigger and I look around like Im making sure it's meant at me. and I'm the only one around I look back and he waves, you know that small wave when you are kinda flirtting. so I waved back a small little hi type of wave. and my friend is all dont do that to him So when he drove by he just looked and nothing. So I called him a naughty name that ended up with my friend gagging on her frap and laughing til she cried.

Seriously? There were other people involved who were/could have been hurt by the whole thing. Wouldn't you want to spare them?

Exactly. Not just the people directly involved in the situation, but you may have lost the respect of others, like teenagers who look up to you, or other worthy men who may have wanted to date you. Everything we do has a ripple affect. And maybe you say that now, but a month, a year, 10 years from now, all the choices you make affect your life, and the lives of others, and not always in a good way. That's why it's important to make wise choices.

Stop being so fickle and get back on track. How many times do you have to go around the block before you realize you're going in circles? Why not just follow the map?

Hmmm, I really like the analogy I just made up.

my friend just made the confession, she's keeping the guy around in case the other guy says he doesn't want her and I yelled at her for it. I said you can't have your cake and eat it too. And everything I told her...it's been true. I may suck at my own relationship but I should be able to control hers

I think I realized something very important tonight...I'll tell you all when I get a answer.

Ooooh, Becca, do tell!!!!

See, you should listen to us, kinda like the way you want her to listen to you.

Ealier today I got hit on in the weirdest way . My friend & I are standing at the bus stop, waiting for our bus to come. As we wait a good thirty minutes or so, this guy comes along. I thought he was kinda cute so I gave him a half smile. I guess he felt the same way. Anyway, there's this thing of glass behind the seats. All of a sudden, he grabs on & starts swinging like he's frigging tarzan . Afterwards he sits back down. I guess he noticed me peeking because he like, randomly lifted up his shirt to expose his stomach. It wasn't brief. It was like, five or six seconds haha. Finally his bus comes (two different buses come to the same stop, we were waiting for the next one) & he slowly gets up to go on, thinking we're boarding the same bus. When he discovers that I'm not, he comes right to the window, gives me a huge grin & waves at me frantically. After he leaves I turn to my friend & say, "Um, do I know him?"

I've been serenaded, winked at, smiled at but I've never had a guy wave at me or show me his stomach . It definitely made my day .

Situations like that make me happy to be single, because if I was involved with a guy, I'd feel a tinge of guilt for playing along. It's nice to receive male attention while not being attached.

Well...that certainly was well put...if only mine worked out that way...

Anyways, I may get back together with Mike...

a guy flirted with me again today. IN the grocey store with my mom talking about a certain veggie for a recipe and this man walks by and stops and tells me everything I need to know about the veggie and even has tried the dish in question and smiled and said you will love it and even showed me where they were in the store. Talk about wow moments. Never had anythingh like that happen before. I didn't get a number or give one but yes, bleached blondes have more fun