Remember a few weeks ago I posted about my ex being sick? I just had to send an e-mail to 20+ people telling them he has a collapsed lung and pneumonia and that the doctors have said that they have done all they can do for him and it is up to him now. His stupid ass brother should be telling people that his brother is dying and instead I am. I gave everyone the brother's cell number and e-mail because the hospital won't release any info to non-family anyway.

And when I told Tom I was sending the e-mail, he gave me a hard time and asked why a mutual female friend of ours couldn't do it. I don't know if these guys are trying to avoid the fact that he is dying, or what, but they are not letting people know what is going on. I wasn't going to copy Tom on the e-mail originally, and then I decided to call him and tell him I sent it before I did and then copied him on it. Yeah, it's weird and awkward, but we broke up 10.5 years ago and he and I have been married for 5+ years. And you have known this guy since you were 10. Are you kidding me?

^^^ Wedd, that is rough - I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. I'm sure there's all sorts of weird, conflicted emotions bombarding you right now, but I think you are amazingly classy to be (as always) the mature person who does the right thing, even where this horrible man is concerned.

Good luck!

^^I know it sounds weird, and I can never forgive the way he acted when we broke up, and a lot of the ways he acted when we were together, but before he started to lose his mind, he was a very sweet guy. We just weren't meant for each other. And he was my first love and all of that. I did kind of break his heart, leaving him for one of his best friends.

I don't want him to die--I want him to keep living a life that does not include me. He is only 37--he still has time to turn it around. It's all a big mess. I probably shouldn't be feeling sorry for him and upset,and I am fully expecting Tom to point out the fact that I did not cry over his mother or visit her in the hospital before she died (Monday will be one year) but I am alerting the media in this case. Can't wait to have that conversation.

I think most men are missing an emotional chip when it comes to something that hits close to home for them. By ignoring it, it will go away or not bother them in any way shape or form.

Now women in general feel the need to take care of people, which is what you were doing by informing them.

I hope he does get better Wedd and decides life is worth living.

^^^ Apparently the brother sent out an e-mail saying he is still on a respirator but the second set of x-rays show that his lungs are clearing up. I was not copied on this e-mail, but it was forwarded to me and some of the addresses that are on there can only mean that people I e-mailed got in touch with him directly. he's probably pissed at me, but who cares. Tom wasn't on that e-mail either, but Tom is his boss, so let's see what, if anything, he says when he gets home.

It's an awkward situation, but let's all be realistic about it. So I guess that's a close as Tom will get to Brad Pitt-Brad is missing the "sensitivity" chip and Tom is missing the "emotional" one.

wow that sucks wedd. what a ordeal.

I flirted alittle with a guy on FB and I talked to pete and I had asked him about this girl hes friends with and he said you dont have to be jealous and I said I wasn't. And he asked me if I was seeing anyone. I said well kinda hard to do when I can't move but I flirted with a guy on FB. He said to me, I dont want to know. I'm going to be jealous. I thought hey you broke up with me, but we've made plans to hang out saturday here. Yeah, I know....bad. Still, we're going to be friends and if nothing happens then fine, we're friends, if something does then well, who knows.

^^^Absolutely no 'cuddling', Becca.


WOS, you said it beautifully. Wedd, what she said.

Pete and I are back together. I know but I kinda get why he broke it off cause he was scared of getting serious so soon. He's afraid I won't let him because of things I will learn about him, I won't stay with him. I'm not staying either that we might not brake up again but I get why.
Sorry veebs, there was 'cuddling', he surprised me today by spending time time with me. We talked and everything today and it just felt right

Is this Pete guy worthy of you Becca?

Wedd, you are just too nice. I guess that's a really good quality to have though.

Everyone I'd like to say first that I will no longer have a glass of wine and type cause everything was screwed up in my last post

Had another nice day. Pete is a nice guy. But I'm not banking anything on him yet. If we brake up again then I'm okay with that cause I know we're always going to be friends. But, I like him. lots. So he's got a few issues. He's not married, been married, or has kids, no booze issues or drug issues. I'd like it to work out but if we can't be together then I've got this amazing friend who I know deep down loves me to bits. And he just make me smile.

P.S. the brit has a web page with all women listed as friends and I have watched him weed this list down from 39 since the brake up to only 5....hmmm could it be that he's trying to hook up with one of those women. Jerk. Plus, the email I left him in his account after the brake up...he's not deleted or read. but wouldn't it be automatically deleted after nearly 2 months. So does that mean he's just holding on it?? WTF is that?

Hey Becca? You know the best way to stop thinking about somebody that hurt you? Delete them. Figuratively but also physically. If the brit is on any of your friend lists from social networking sites you need to delete him.


I know you want to make him jealous by having him see you in another relationship already and such because I did the same thing. This way you can't obsess over each girl who wrote on his wall, what he's doing, etc. Who cares???? You shouldn't.

It's hard...but I really think it's the best thing for you. Of course you are going to do what you want to do...but at least consider it, ok?

^^I agree. I know it is tough and it ended badly, but it has been what? Almost three months? For your sanity and your own well-being, just let it go. You sent him his stuff back, if you hear from him, deal with it, but if not, just let it be. See what happens with Pete, and if nothing (because you shouldn't be rushing into anything) then enjoy the silence.

Please, just let him go.

Sharp, wedd, I do need to just let it go. You guys are right and I'm not going to check it, otherwise it will always be with me. I dont care if he see's mine or whatever. I'm not concered with making him jealous. He was apart of my life he isn't now.

I never realized how hard things are when you take things slow with someone I'm just used to jumping into relationships I guess. Sometimes I feel like we're not going anywhere. Is that kinda normal?

But you are getting somewhere . . . you're getting to know him, and you're building some history together. It's all gud.

^^ love your hood slang mixed

Things are so slow ....so very slow. And I swear it feels like we're not even dating now.

Becca, what is it that you really want? What does slow mean?

That's not such a bad thing, becca. You're getting to know a lot more about each other than you realize.

It's better to build these things up slowly into something that can last rather than get swept up into an immediate frenzy only to come crashing down.

So The thing about my new job, There are all these little college freshmen, and they are all doing the who likes who flirting game. It is so funny to watch. I am the only one who is yet to be asked out, and apperently it is because I am the responsible one and the boys assume they have no chance with me. This is a strange position to be in. Funny, very very funny, but strange. I feel like the mother hen making sure all the boys and girls play nice. LOL

Yeah I do but my gawd...it's like baywatch slo-mo.

pam thats gotta be fun

Taking things slow is better for the guy even if he tells you otherwise.

I used to push my relationships to 'steady girlfriend' state much too quickly. I did this for purely selfish reasons. When I had a steady girlfriend it meant that I didn't have to try as hard.

This was nice for me at the time, but it made for totally unprepared for a lifelong relationship, that one with my wife. My wife broke up with me several times when we were dating. I was all about 'me me me' and I had no clue about a good healthy relationship. Things worked out for us eventually, but I'm still a work-in-progress.

So my advice to my son will be to take things and really get to know each other before moving too quickly. Develop a bond that's based on mutual respect and understanding.

I am going to do that. It's hard though cause I feel like we're not moving.

My friends guy...he's went from creep to dateable to creep. So now she's like he never liked me for me and I'll be single forever. But, it's not her normal girlie whine, this is a pure real I give up type of statement

Well duh, and there are worse things than being single.

Being single is da bomb.

She lent this mofo another 100 so he could go to vegas to play softball and football, mind you she gave him a loan of 300 nearly 10 days go. Her mind set is I'm ready to be single forever. Im sorry but her standards are just way too high. She wants the impossible.

Oh veebs one day you must talk sense into my friend
Being single is the bomb scotty I couldn't flirt with you if you weren't I wont tell pete. Ive not even talked to him at all today

Just one day? Honey, that girl needs at least a year of Veebs Therapy.




And don't even get me started on her finances...

while our friends are shaking their heads at our being single.... they are having stomach pains because their relationship is so stressful.

Now which one seems better??

My friends are like they too STL, they think that if they are single for *gasp* a week they are going to be single for the rest of their life. Serial monogamist that is what they are... just going from one relationship to the other because they is the only way they can live.

Oh veebs, I will send your way 3 times a week.

okay so pam,veebs, scotty and I should start a club. Why it rocks to be single and the reasons you wont die if you are

Crazy guy friend thinks his best friend an I are totally interested in each other. I'm laughing so hard about it. It's a mean joke of sorts but this guy has had this type of thing coming for years

Well, I always wanted to be married, but I never dated anyone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Or that I thought I could stand being with for the rest of my life - that's a loooooooong time! But now that I'm older, that "Til death do us part," just isn't that far away anymore.

Seriously though, being single is soooo much better than being miserable with someone. It's just lonesome sometimes

you took the words right outta my mouth veebs

Word.

Plus, I don't think there's anyone who would be interested in sitting around while I have my nose buried in a textbook 40 weekends a year.

If you know of anybody, give them my number, OK?

Why do men get whinny?? I think pete is going to work my last nerve on this.

Ah, sammy we'll all be on the look out for ya

I just had a very disturbing encounter at the grocery store.

I don't even know how to explain it. He was either a nut job, or he just really sucks at flirting. I finally gave him my best WTF? look and he walked away.

Well, maybe there's someone out there who wouldn't mind simply gazing at your lovely face, or giving you a foot massage while you study.


Ugh, Becca, if he's whining already, cut your losses and move on. Here's a book all of us should buy and read together:
A Man Worth Waiting For: How to Avoid a Bozo
by Jackie Kendall

I know the author and she gave this talk at a retreat I went to years ago. It convinced me to break up with the Bozo I was dating at the time, and gave me the confidence to move on.


That look is invaluable. And you don't want a man who is a flirt, or even one who is bad at it. You need a man who is upfront, open, honest and not disfuncional.

Im giving up on him...a realtionship is just bad. I'd rather be his friend.

My friend told me tonight if the mofo she's dealing with asks her to be a exculsive couple she'd say yes. WHY???????? WHY WOULD SHE DO THAT? I busted her bubble so fast when I told her he's got a 13 and 11 yr old. If your not willing to be in his kids life good or bad, then you have no business trying to fake a realtionship.. Words from someone who's lived it. they stung I'm sure, but it's true. She thinks she can avoid the kids til they both are 18. OMG!!!!!!!!! I had to have a glass of wine after I heard that.

There is a gentleman who's asked me out. I'm not saying pete isn't worth it, but he's just gone stale on me. I've not said yes to this guy. Cause I wouldn't do that to pete until things are settled

Becca, BUY HER THAT BOOK!!! That girl needs a load of self respect and self esteem.

Becca, your friend is insane.

As for you, why the rush? What did Pete do? And who is this new guy?

Your friend is so sad Becca. She clearly has no self-respect, and feels she deserves nothing. She's a hazard to herself, and shouldn't be allowed to date until . . . well . . . she has a lot of work to do.

Im in no rush but yeah his idea of taking it slow is to not talk to me for 2 1/2 days. thats not taking it slow it's called avoiding. I dont want to play anymore mind games. Say what you want and mean it but dont mess with me. I feel like he's toying with me.

My friend she's sad yes, so very sad and scary. She just insists that it's never going to happen for her and she can change him and he'll be a good guy. Todays best quote from her, I just want a boyfriend, why cant I have one. Right there everyone...scariest words any woman can utter, cause that means you'll date the next loser who comes along and think it's love.

This other guy is nice. a bit older but interesting.

So trust your instincts and give him the heave-ho.

I left him a note since he's not bothered with me just said to him, we never talk and if you want to you better make the first move, cause I'm always trying.
thats pretty clear cut right?

My guy friend has been acting off lately. We both have facebook & on occasion, I'll write on his wall, asking how his weekend was etc. In the past he would reply but lately, he's been deleting my wall posts. He keeps up all these other wall posts from all these girls who write these flirty little messages. I don't really care because the wall posts are meant for his eyes only but still, I dunno why he would remove them. However, there's this little news feed on each page that lists the daily activites (x & x become friends, y is attending this event, etc) & when he writes on my wall, he keeps it there. Also, there's an option where you can poke each other. Normally we have these little poke wars but lately, he's been removing my pokes without poking me back.

I've become friends with one of his friends & we've been chatting lately, mainly over text messaging. A couple weeks back, I asked our mutual friend if he was going to Starbucks this one Friday evening. He replied, saying yes but that I should invite Mike (my guy friend) as he'll get mad. Than last Saturday, I asked the mutual friend when he was gonna come to the PNE. He said that he wasn't sure & that I should call Mike to find out. Than yesterday evening I texted him, asking him if he went to the PNE that day. He texted back hey I went I called Mike but I didn't know what he did.

Why does our mutual friend seem to think that it would be a problem if we hung out without Mike. Does he think Mike will get mad, or does Mike not want us two to hang out? And why does he always bring up Mike? I'm confused lol. And Mike always asks me to call him instead of having him call me.

I get the feeling that he doesn't like me very much...

^^No, I think that Mike likes you and his friend knows it and is caught in the middle because he doesn't want to hurt his friend's feelings.

I think you and Mike need to have a little talk.

What she said. Mike is acting like a guy who has feelings for you, (which this friend obviously recognizes), but feels rejected, so he's rejecting you back on FB.

I contiplated what you guys said & I agree but at the same time, there are some things that make me doubt that he has feelings for me.

Also, I think Mike knows that I like him & if he liked me, wouldn't he jump at the chance to go out with me? I mean, if I liked someone & I found out they liked me, I'd date him. But than again, people have stated that he could be scared & that he's not ready for a relationship, & I agree with that as well. He's stated on ocassion that he doesn't know what he wants & that he fears getting his heart broken.

Like, he says he will come over on a certain day, but he never shows up. One day I called & texted him on numerous occasions, asking if he was indeed coming over. He ignored me, but than called days later to say that he couldn't come cause of the fireworks. While I appreciate the fact that he explained why he didn't show up, I wish he told me the day off because I had backup plans, which fell through because I waited for him. I regret not going out with my friend because if he called to say he was coming, he could've joined us at Starbucks.

There's been other stuff in the past that has made me doubt his feelings but whenever I bring it up to others, they say that he probably likes me. I dunno, maybe I'm missing out on things. And I agree with Wedd, we need to have a talk because I'm getting mega confused.

And I replied to that last text that our mutual friend sent & I said, if I come down to the PNE this weekend I'll give you a call & we can do some gambling. I'm sure it will be fine with Mike if he's not there. Than the friend just replies lol.

The only reason I want to hang out with our mutual friend is because well, he's my friend too. He has known Mike for much longer though, since elementary school. And I'm not doing this to Mike on purpose, or to spite him. He's more than welcome to come obviously.

But a couple days ago, I had fun with him . He keeps talking of how he wants to meet one of my younger sisters so for fun, I got her to call him. I remember one time he was pretty flabbergasted, because he kept saying uh, uh, uh, uh. Clearly not expecting her . He didn't mind though, because they talked & I stood by to make sure she didn't reveal anything or say anything mean.

I want all you ladies to know my friend is out on a hang out date with that jerk guy who keeps asking for money she is paying for dinner at tahoe joes which isn't cheap. I asked her do you want more of him than he is and she said no, but she wants affection off of him, she wants the holding and kissing. I said why are you putting more on him than what he is then?
You get mad when he doesnt' do what you want him to do, he's not your boyfriend and he's scum. Yeah I called him scum.
I said you dont want to be in kids life but your upset that he might not be the one?? It's a one way street with her an she doesn't get that she has to give on things. So I had a long chat with her. I told her flat out, he's not good enough for you, he's not the one and stop trying to fix him and think that he is. Just cuase he's the first guy thats shown you this much attention does mean you are going to fall in love and he's the end all be all. She was upset cause she went all silent on me. I didn't care. I said you want to go there then thats on you, but he hangs out with you cause you pay and 10 bucks he asks for gas money. I told her this guy is a loser and still she thinks there is something there. There isn't trust me. so she's on a date and if she comes back with he didn't try anything or asked for money I'm going to tell her she's stupid tonight. Why do smart women do that? And I know I can point the finger at myself on this too. She's highly educated but has no common sense. It's sad, all that money on her education and she's dumb as a brick when it comes to life.

I'd like to say that I consider myself single and will keep my options open.

OMG wow. What's gonna happen if she winds up broke because chances are, he won't stop mooching off her. It seems like she has blinders on, because she's clearly failing to see that what's happening at the moment will definitely not progress into a relationship. I think she's willing to do whatever it takes to keep him by her side, even if it means dropping her morals. She's basically his sugar mama, & he's stringing her along for his financial pleasures. Hopefully she will develop a set of non literally balls & realize how toxic this guy is. When this all ends, she'll probably end up acting the same way with other guys because she thinks its the norm.

Becca, I'm not putting your friend down. I just think it's awful that she's sacrificing who she is to please a guy who doesn't obviously care for her, just her money. If I were her, I'd make that b@stard write her a set of IOU's. He owes her cash, & her dignity.

Gah, I'm debating on how to approach Mike. I explained it all to my mom & she's like, does he like you? Everyone but me seems to think that he has feelings for me. Advice would be beyond great right now .

Bingo! This can cause all kinds of weirdness. But you will never really know what's going on with him, unless you just talk to him directly about it. All the rest is just speculation. You're brave, you can do it!

I agree. I have a feeling that a girl really did a number on his heart, & I'm guessing he really liked her but she just wrecked him emotionally & who knows, maybe he still thinks about it. I'd like to know if that theory is true, but I'd feel awkward asking him.

He pretty much told my friend that he thinks I can do better than him, which kinda threw me off. He seems to think that we're different people when really, we're pretty much the same.

I dunno, he does things that makes me believe he has feelings for me & than he does other things that make me believe that he thinks we're good as friends.

But as you said, all these theories are pure speculation. I'll never find out how he really feels until I ask him. Now, any ideas how I can do it in a subtle manner .

after the date, he did hint he needed gas money. his words...well either tomorrow or the thursday I'm not coming in cause I just dont have the gas. I'm already not going to poker night, I can't afford the buy in.
Isn't that just the worst? And true to my word, I called her dumb. She wasn't too thrilled. She got all upset about how when she dropped him off he didnt try to kiss her or touch her. I think she started to cry. She told me she got outta the car and he said what are you doing. She said dont I get a hug and he gave her a half hearted yeah you did pay for dinner.
My stomach turned.

I've not talked to pete since sunday night. We're just friends. It just seems the spark has fizzled out.I did met this other guy who is nice. Not rushing.

PIP, I know you want to ask in a subtle way, but I've said screw subtle I flat out ask now Saves me time and grief

If I was a brave as you Becca I totally would. I do wish I could approach him & say, "Mike, I like you alot & I'm wondering if you have feelings for me as well." I just know that if he doesn't feel the same way, it would be mega awkward.

Aww, who am I kidding. I don't like him alot. I'm in love with him, & that makes all this that much harder. If things didn't work out, he'd be the first guy I'd cry over. Than again, if I knew I could move on but that could take some time. I never had feelings for any of my guy friends before. It was usually classmates or guys I meet through friends.

I just think I'll wait till my PMS tides over before I approach him, because hormones could make me say things I may regret .