Veebs that is one thing I have learned for sure it's BS. I do like the fact that I see more clearly what is a good relationship and what is a total messed up one.
Wedd, I know you are right about the breaks. He's working something cause there is no need to keep coming abck and forth with me the way he is unless he's looking to keep me under his thumb.
I was woke up by a cell call. I thought it was new guy cause he calls early an stuff too which I don't mind. But it was 9 am so not so early. No hello, just this..."look, my friend in england has been dating a american woman for 15 years, they decided they finally wanted to get married after a off an on relationship and all that time they realized they want to be together. Her paper work didn't go through and they can't, and she can't live in england with him and he can't go there. I'm worried that will be us okay. I want to move and what if you can't come? If they say no, it's too F'ing hard to leave you behind cause I am going to move. And as hard as that is for me, it's harder for you cause you are the type to fall apart and I won't do that to you. There. I need to go fix this stupid computer and I'd like if you could send me a pic of you to hold onto. A new one. And don't send me your new FB pic...a new one if you can.
Then he hung up. So yeah okay what was that? And he's been looking at my FB checking up on me, which my other friends didn't think he did, but now I know for sure he does. I don't think it's stalking though. Cause I've confessed to looking at his.

And liek wedd said he's got a kid, and the whole family thing put a massive strain on us, but I think he needs to be a parent instead of a friend and get that sorted cause he lets her control him and his life. But, I'm not sending a new pic. I'm not doing anything. No return call, no mail no nothing. I called the new guy and he was going on and on about something but it was nice to just like. I thought well this weekend he and I could spend time together, but he's going to a car show with his best friend. They made the plans first thing in the morning. How do you tell a guy that he's picking to be with his friends more than you with out starting a fight?

Who the EFF is he to say this to you Becca???? This man is a serious headcase of Master Manipulation. Becca, do not listen to this man. He is trying to keep any part of himself in your life because he knows it is bothering you in some way.

Like others have said I think or I wish you would cut off all communication with him. It is not in your best interest to have him keep popping into your ON HIS DIME or whenever HE FEELS THE NEED to MAKE HIMSELF FEEL BETTER.

He is such a tool

OH read my mind here. This guy is f-ked up. I'd love to kick his ass.

As for the other guy, yeah, friends are always a sensitive subject. I guess for now all you can do is just let him know that you want to spend time with him, too, and see how that goes.

I talked to the new guy....I said when are we going to have time together. He said well not this weekend, and next weekend I promised to go out of town with a friend to see that friends brother. So he said maybe we can take some time that next weekend if it's not too busy with work. I'm really sorry but I know he works hard and all but I did not sign up for a semi relationship. He works like a dog for 4 months then barely works the rest of the year and if he gets this contract going he'll be even busier.

And nick... jesus what freaking head games did he just learn or invent to use on me? My friend and I talked it over between earl an office. Nick knows I met another guy, nick knows Ive met that other guy for drinks like back in july. And nick acts like they dont exsist. And I ignored him later you'd be proud. he came back after the ignore an I guess the fact I ignored him made him try even harder an I ended up saying to him, you're just moving in leaps and bounds aren't you? And so smug with this look in his eye he said, an you better get used to it baby. WTF? I told him to just go.

I'm sure this is his mid life crisis. And he's chose me to take a ride with him on it.

He's a lying sack of ponies. And I seriously think he is a sociopath.

Yeah, I'd have to say he's moving into stalker territory pretty quickly.

Next time he shows up, get up and leave. Yeah, it sucks, but you have to. Just say, if I wanted to be with you, I would.

Becca, my ex did the same to me. He sent me flowers. He wrote me letters. He proposed. I get on the bus at the first stop and he was waiting at the 5th and he bothered me all the way to work. I had to change my work schedule so that he would stop randomly pinning me on crowded buses. Finally I went to the police and asked about a restraining order. I didn't get it, but I asked about it and mentioned it to his friends. It got back to him and he finally stopped.

He's going to keep doing this as long as you let him. I'm not trying to blame you, but you have to ignore him, not respond and make the threat to call the police. And then if this keeps up, do it. He's too old for this nonsense and he's not doing it out of love. He's doing it for himself and if you were to go back, things would be the same they were, even worse.

I started my mid-life crisis when I was in University to beat the rush. It's still in progress.

Don't go on any rides that you don't want to. I know from experience that the ride will be bumpy.

Well I'm not telling him I'm going to my brothers so I'll be gone for 2 weeks proberly an with no way of reaching me or anything he'll have to find something else to do. that should really help, if not slove this.

Jazz that is a pretty long crisis but I sorta understand it.

man becca.... I do not know what to say. You should tell him to meet you at a certian address and then when he gets there all of us will be there with bats.. that could fix the problem

sigh.. men.

some guy gave me the nickname of "game changer" I am still trying to figure out if this is a good thing.?

YES!!!!! Awesome idea!!!!

Game changer? Hmm?

Yeah I know. I think he means that I would be great to date, but then when I was married I would change the rules. Like when dating no presents on my b-day is fine but when married I better get a present. I am a little worried about this. I would hope that I would not be such a 180 kinda of gal. But I think somedays that maybe when I do get married my expectations will change.

What context was Game Changer said under Pam? But game changer...that's the oddest nick name.

I almost want to tell him you all want to beat his arse. new guy...no calls or texts or anything today. this sucks

Geez . . . I was going to just bring my duct tape.


You better have different expectations with a husband than with a boyfriend.

The duct tape!

I got a another phone call. It was bad I know I said why do you always do this and he got all pissy with me, but not in a mean scary way. And he said look I'm taking charge of all this, I'm being masterful. He said masterful. I laughed at him so hard. He said whatever, have a safe halloween lizzy an I'll see you tomorrow. Then he hung up I was still laughing at him. I ticked him off. I doubt he'll do anything tomorrow now.
Hoping to spot cute guy at the movies

This one guy I know told me that I'm going to make a great co coc ktease when i'm older

I already know that's not a good thing!

He's a child.

Awww I got that too lol, except the guy removed the first four letters luckily . He told me this on msn & all I said was lmfao ahahahahahaha. He probably wasn't expecting such an odd response, so he left me alone. Usually the guys who say that to me are the ones who I have no interest in & are peeved that I'm brushing 'em off. Lol at them.

I laughed too, but more out of confusion. I have to disagree with him, because I don't think I act that way...but whatever. It was funny to hear!

Guys who usually call us that are p!ssed off they cannot get us & therefore call us teases because they assume we're leading them on for our pleasure. I find that the girl is usually never at fault, & the guy has issues cause he can't get some from us. I use to put the guy in his place but now, I just laugh & ignore them. They're just petty boys to me.

I had the same problem. I threatened to call the police, he didn't care. I threatened to call his mother - he immediately stopped. Somehow, I think that's the way to go with the Brit.


Send out Save The Date cards, that way we'll all be able to attend.

No, I really think he is a sociopath.

Becca, why do you always wait for him to do something? When are you going to take control of your life, instead of just letting this happen to you? Tell him to EFF OFF, don't take his calls, hang up on him, call the cops when he shows up, call his mother and tell her he's bigging you. Get rid of that lying sack of ponies, or no other guy will come near you.


Ummm, ewwww on that guy.

hottest that is by far one of the nastiest things I've ever heard a guy say. That guy might be on the fence when he gets older about what is a legal age to him and to the law.

no brit news...NO CUTE GUYS AT THE MOVIES! I was really disappointed that only 17 yr old boys were there. I know everyone is out doing whatever but come on, really?

Yeah, becca. You take control of your own life.

He's taking charge of all this? He's been in charge ever since I've known you, whether you've been together or not. Look what he's doing to you. Yeah, you're laughing at his ridiculous behavior, but you're still paying attention.

I know he still gets to you, but this is not the way a real man behaves, Becca. He does not have your best interests at heart.

Oh My God! Yes! His mom was not happy about the two of you, right? If you called her and said, listen, your son is being a dick and harassing me, he wants me back and he's annoying me. she would say "I'll take care of it" in two seconds flat. She doesn't want him with anyone so she will do what she can to stop it. And since he is a momma's boy, eh will.

Unless, Becca, you really do want him back.

Becca be careful whatever you choose to do. I'm sure you feel strong now, but once the brit gets his foot back in the door...I'm sure he still knows all of his old tricks.

I don't. He's playing a game with me. I know he is cause I had explained to him there was someone else. It's funny cause at the end where will he be?
I'm sure his mother knows, ms. thang has proberly been a tattle tale and said guess who dad is talking to again. This is his choice, my choice was to move on and see this other guy and as much as he's ticking me off every single second today since I've talked to him I gotta just get over it and work on it. you think the brit is stubborn, this guy when his mind is made up it's made up. and It's annoying

Yes. PLEASE call his mother!!!!

And Becca, since you do not tell him in no uncertain terms to eff off, this tells us you really do want to see him. You constantly let him decide when to see you, when to call you, just like always.

Im not giving him the green light like hey call me this time or show up today. it's alittle more complicated than that. I just think this is so funny in the saddest way. And yeah there are parts I do miss, but I don't miss them enough to stay in a no where relationship. i've started seeing a new guy and it's hard but Im doing. The truth it would be easier to say I'm going back to nick but I'm not. I've told him I'm not. Hes trying but I'm not budging. He wants to play his game go for it.
Do I like the attention??? I would say yes, but I know...I KNOW why and what he's doing it for, so that would be temp feeling of awww an love isn't there. It's oh what is he up to now. I'm not getting upset with anyone..I want to make that clear as well I love everyones thoughtful advice. But, trust me he can do what ever it is he wants...I'm not that dumb. Just like the other day, he wanted to sleep together. Now, yeah I would have done the bad bad thing but I just said leave. he's not that masterful

Alone.


^^

No because if you gave him a time, he wouldn't follow it anyway. He comes over all calls when he wants. You aren't doing him any favors - you say you've moved on. Well, maybe he can't move on, or grow as a person, or grow up until you tell him to eff off, and mean it.

I fully agree. Also, firmly let him know that you do not appreciate what he's doing to you. Let him know how annoying it is to see his face & how annoying it is to hear his voice. Give it to him straight up & tell it like it is. He may think it's harmless, but it's wrong. Sounds like the malaka's balls haven't dropped yet because if he was a real man, he would move on, grow up & leave you alone. It's sad that he thinks he still a chance, & it's even sadder that he cannot comprehend that you want to be with a man who isn't him.

well it's fine everyone cause he's already gone off to something else...see, he does it cause he can and its fun for him and it proberly hurts him that I am seeing someone. well too bad.

Alrighty so since August I've been talking to this guy I met online. I actually saw an ad for this dating site when i was logged in here on the boards...christian mingle.

I found someone immediately...he sent me a message and i thought we would probably get along. I waited a few days and then signed up because i couldnt read his message unless I was a member...so we started talking and texting everyday for the next three months and then decided that we would meet.

He lives in texas and I in Missouri so he flew up here to meet me. He's still here...has been since Thurs and leaves tomorrow. I like him, but I just don't feel a spark. I feel so bad because I know he likes me.

...Maybe I just need some more time? He's really great, nice, respectful, treats me well..and Veebs he's a youth minister! He even likes the office, but I just can't shake this feeling.

I'm beginning to feel a little hopeless here. Maybe I'm being too picky????

Oh and a sidenote....remember the douche from this summer that was a laundry list of trouble? You know....the ex...the baby...his "music" career..blah blah blah?

Well I just saw some pictures of him that his GF (he went back to her, surprise!) put up and he got FAT. I mean wow....he looks seriously gross (he was big already when I was dating him and I don't like skinny boys, but I'm pretty shocked at how he gained so much in just a few months) I realize that's horrible...but it helps me move completely on because I'm not attracted to him a bit anymore.

Oh yeah...and she called me several months after it was all over with he and I to ask me some questions and she told me he was still indeed sleeping with her while he was with me. *shock. *eyeroll. Ya'll were right. Which brings me to question why if she didn't want him with me, why didn't she just tell me that when it was happening? Do you think I would have stayed with him if I knew that he was still sleeping with her? Hell NO! I just chose to believe he was telling me the truth. Oh well. Live and learn.

If there is no spark, it's not very likely you will ever feel one sharp, but it's sweet he came up to see you and ifyou like him and you get on together, then hopefully you and he can be great friends. Don't force anything. If he doesn't understand, then he's a werido creep and you kick his butt back to texas You're not being picky. You are young an are just dating, trying on different types to see what fits. The ex's GF, she's just being stupid. Just saying hey I got him an I had him the whole time. STUPID.

New guy and I talked. He's so matter of fact sometimes it seems cold. He calls it honesty. But he assured that it won't always be like this. He's changed his weekend plans to actually working saturday instead of going out with friends or whatever. He knows what is going on as well and he's so great. He simply see's it like as if I wanted to go back I would, but I haven't and not and he's got such great confidence. Very attractive.
the brit rang. Nothing was really said.

What feeling can't you shake? Is it something besides not feeling a spark? Is something about him bothering you? Did you feel something while you were talking that disappeared when you met?

Don't be offended by this, Sharpie, but one of the first things I thought was "he's not a 'bad boy'". If I'm not mistaken, most of the guys you've been attracted to since I've known you have carried an element of risk. And there's none of that apparent with this guy. Maybe he just seems a little boring in comparison to what you're accustomed to.

Don't feel obligated, Sharpie, and don't drag it out too long if you're really not feeling it, but I wouldn't write him off completely just yet. If he has the characteristics you're looking for long term, give it just a little more time.

I don't think you're being picky at all. I was in a similar situation with you, except with this guy I met through a mutual friend. Since I don't normally give out my number to a guy, we exchanged our msn addresses & took it from there. We pretty much talked on msn right away, & I instantly felt this rush & attraction. I would even leave my msn on so he could message me if I was away or whatever. Than after some time, we agreed to finally meet on a date. I felt excitement yet I also felt butterflies. After planning etc we met up for dinner. After ordering our food we talked & all of sudden, whatever I felt for him dissapered. The attraction was gone, & there wasn't an ounce of chemistry or spark. I than realized that I liked his online persona & I liked who he was online. But when we went on that date, he was a completly different person to me. For the life of me I tried to like him, but it was no use. I guess he sensed that as well, because there was no second date. Now we still talk on msn from time to time, but there's never talk of getting together romantically again. And all this time, I never felt bad. I just cannot change who I'm attracted to. I can't pick who I fall in love with, & I can't chose who I don't like. Sure, part of it is up to me but ultimately, it's my head & heart that makes the final decision.

Don't beat yourself up Sharpie for your decision, because it's not your fault. Just be happy that you gave it a try & an effort .

Sharp you are so freakin young yet that you shouldn't even begin to worry about it. You've got plenty of time. You're a smart sweet gal, you will make the right choice.

New guy is such a hard person to understand at times. He tells me today well if you did want someone else it's no skin off my back becuase I know there is no one better than me. Your loss. How in the h-e-l-l am I supposed to take that? Like, yeah you are so great an different an you've made me happy when I thought I couldn't or just stuck up middle age man who's full of poop? He knows I'm not cheating on him, depsite the brit. But, I just cant shake the feeling that it was werid to say.
No brit today. See...all games.

^^He said it because he is insecure because he likes you and he knows that Nick is still lurking about and he doesn't trust that you would choose him over Nick.

^^ I guess so wedd, just seemed so weird. I mean we're still very new ya know and not really spent a ton of couple time together cause of his work and junk an I think that bothers him that I'll give up.
there are things we talk about here that for personal reasons I won't post, not that I don't like to share but sometimes things don't need to be said. And we've had deep conversations about where we want things to go and he's looking at us being long term. I know this is nuts to say, but he's teased me saying this year is a leap year an it's bad luck but maybe next year you never know maybe I'll ask you to marry me.
I've played it off as a flirty thing to say. Things are moving fast with him, but I'm not scared at all with him.

See? We're pretty smart after all. And since most of us who have given you advice have lived and learned longer than you, we're hoping you'll learn from our mistakes.


I thought the exact same thing. He seems like your dream guy, is there no spark because you maybe feel you're not good enough, or he's boring, or he's safe? I say take things slow and give him a chance. Sometimes those feeling grow, if given the opportunity.

Sharpie even if it goes no where with this guy he sounds different from all the other guys you have dated, maybe you should try to "break the mold" and just see where it gets you. You never know that spark may just show up. Then agian I would not wait around that long if the spark was not there. Maybe the long distance thing may add a little to it as well?

New calls me to say I can't see you later, I've ate something bad for lunch and I dont feel well. Should I worry? No, cause shortly after I heard things no woman should hear Why did he feel it was necessary to call me to tell when he was feeling his worst. Men...they don't think, do they?

Ewwwwww!!!! That's TMI for a new guy.

^^^ yeah veebs I was shocked and thought this is so far from right it's scary

So the important question is
a. did you pretend not to notice,

or

b. You lyao.

mixed I simply stated you did not just fart in front of me He said you did not hear that? He was shocked. I said yeah I heard all of them. He laughed but was embaressed. He said no you're joking. I told him, it was morse code out your butt, yes I did. We both laughed an I made a joke out of it so he wouldn't be as embaressed.

^^^At least you know he was telling you the truth about not feeling well!

. . . poor guy. . .

There has to be a present outta that for me I think. He doesn't lie wedd and apparently doesn't think about waiting to call me at a better time

So, New Guy's nickname is Sir Stinksalot. How old is he, farty two?