I just did a spit take with my hot chocolate Hottest you rock

I try.

Amen, RC!!!!!


Becca, you need to print these out and read them daily - maybe even several times a day. Don't allow another man to treat you like crap. There are a lot of things worse than being single.



My opinion? He's immature and he's using you. Hey, everyone likes a good snuggle, and flirting makes you feel attractive and gives you the warm fuzzies. But you know what? It's counterfeit. If he really liked you, he would have NO QUALMS AT ALL shouting it from the highest mountain. I know you've liked him for a long time, but dump this guy, erase his number from that new Blackberry, delete him from your Facebook. Give him the message that you will not be taken advantage of, and that you are not easily accessible. If after that he realizes that he does really like you, he'll step up to the plate. If he doesn't, that frees you up to be available for a great guy that is worthy of your beauty, intelligence, humor and all-around wonderfulness.

How do I know this??? Ummm, because I've been single longer and have probably dated more than anyone on this board. And I want to help others learn from my mistakes.

OMG, that diagram!!!!

I don't really want to date him. I just want to know why in the world one would go to such extreme steps and freeze to death just to do that. The guy doesn't have that much common sense. It makes no sense whatsoever.

And i'm going to start attaching doodles to most of my posts now, so be prepared.

I fully agree. He pulled a d*ck move, telling his friend that he was using you. That's an extremely immature thing to do, even if he secretly likes you. Like veebs said, cut off all contact with him & see if he comes back to you. If he keeps quiet, he's another loser not worthy of you but if he comes back, you can decide what you want with him. Maybe than you'll move on to a guy who will ask you to do similar things than say, yeah, I really like this girl. Users equal losers, straight up. He keeps that c*ap up, he'll only have his male friends to lay on him. No woman is gonna put up with that, & you certainly don't deserve that hottest.

And I have a question for the males on this board. What is it with guys who give you attention, than ignore you for days on? Or, give you a call than when you talk to them after, they seem all p*ssed? Mikey called me a few days ago but because I didn't have my mobile with me, he left a voice mail. I never returned his call (he didn't ask me to) & earlier, I caught him on FB messenger, & asked about his NYE. He pretty much gave me one word answers, & didn't ask questions in return. All he said in his voicemail was, "Hey Mina, it's TwinMike. We haven't talked in awhile, so I just wanted to see how you were. Ciao". And also, because I didn't know if he was sleeping, I texted him at 11:30, asking him if I could call him & if I didn't hear nothing in five minutes, that would mean no. Usually he would call me or text back but nothing. Ah well. Maybe I should make a new years resolution to set my sights & heart on a guy who doesn't play games.

All in favour of Hottest and Becca giving up men as a New Year's Resolution please raise your hands....

I can answer this!!! (raises hand really high).

When a guy gets his first serious girlfriend, his natural tendency is to want to be with her all the time, to call her often and basically shower her with attention.

This works for awhile, but eventually it turns smothering and the guy gets dropped. Nearly every guy I know has had his heartbroken because of this behavior.

So guys learn that changing this behavior works in their favor. If the girl says 'Call me next week', the guy will wait until Friday to call. This will often turn the tables and cause the girl to start pursuing the guy. This is fun for the guy, so this behavior perpetuates. This works.

This also serves as a defense mechanism for the guy. It keeps him from getting too close too soon and thus limits his chances of getting hurt.

Maybe not for the whole year, but for a little while!!

Hottest just has to give up this particular guy. Becca has to find herself first.

Can I clarify something? I don't want to date this guy. I just don't understand why he did this. I tried dating him before, and as much as I like him, I know it could never ever work and i'm not putting up with that again. This is just so out of his personality that I don't understand at all what could possibly be going through his mind to make him think this is okay. He's smart, but not exactly full of common sense.

And yeah, he is ridiculously immature. He has barely grown up a bit since i've met him and even back then he acted like he was twelve.


I'm pretty sure one bad confrontation doesn't mean I have to "give up" guys for a year. Contrary to popular belief, i'm not actually going out looking for guys. Sometimes interest sparks.

You're a heartbreaker VB!




Way to go Hottest!

That's it. That explains the unexplainable.

You are awesome! Thank you !

I wonder though. Doesn't the guy maybe think that if keeps ignoring the girl, she'll assume that he is no longer interested in her & thus, stop pursuing him. If I was the guy, I'd talk to the girl every once in awhile so I'd reassure the girl that I still care.

I dunno. Maybe Mikey just assumes that I'll wait around for him. I'll admit that I like him a lot, but there has to be a time where I gotta move on. All we are at the moment is friends, nothing more. But I definitely get changing the tables around to avoid getting hurt, as he has stated that before. He also knows I like him, but maybe part of him doubts that I do.

It's all so confusing .

You may be onto something with the bolded text above. Some guys have a hard time dealing with rejection and will not pursue a relationship with a girl unless he is almost certain that she likes him. My wife had to actually make a move (after she had been drinking) before I would ask her out. I was about 90% sure she liked me, but that wasn't good enough odds for me to ask her out.

You have to look at it from the guys point of view. I had known my wife for a couple of years. We used to jog together and have lunch together. I considered her a good friend. I risked jeopardizing all of this if I asked her out and she said 'No'. In fact, I felt that a 'No' would have probably hurt our friendship.

So I wanted to make very certain that she liked me back. Thankfully she made the first move. And she got shot down too There is no way I was going to take advantage of her after she had been drinking.

Holy c*ap. He said the same thing to me, with him considering me a good friend. He said he doesn't like me as a friend, he considers me a friend. I dunno what the difference is, if there is one .

I wonder what I have to do to convince him that I like him, without me asking him out. I do like him tons, so the last thing I want is rejection & to deal with a broken heart. Had it been any other guy I wouldn't care but for him, I have deep feelings for him. I just know that I won't deal with it easy.

I'm starting to really get along with our mutual friend. He's paying more attention to me than Mikey . He seems to think that I'm a big flirt, & that I like three guys at once . I told him that no, that's no true & I only like Mikey & only Mikey. I dunno, maybe that's what Mikey thinks too. I just dunno where he got that idea from, & he says that people are saying stuff. I just gotta get to the root of this problem & than maybe Mikey will realize that I only have eyes for him. It just pi*ses me off when people spread rumours to complicate things.

Thanks again .

so being single means what exactly? Means perhaps I'm ripe for the picking? Have I sent off a vibe to only men who seem to have some sort of control or emotional issue? I've gotten a message from crazy ex guy friend. Blah blah..new year new friendship what do you say? Nick rang me..I tried to call you but couldn't get through. You sound awful...blah blah blah. awww bunny feel better, I love you okay. What is that?
nick called an yes I took it I was sick and needed someone to talk to. I dont care. I ended up calling him a few choice names I can't say but I just needed to vent at someone mainly. He tried to make me feel better by saying you know your the 3rd longest relationhip I've had ever. I told him he was completely sad then and we laughed alittle and told me to go to sleep. but I didn't say yes to anything to him or to anyone. And he's not pressuring me as well

See, you've got men calling you all the time. You just need to set the bar really high and get yourself a good guy.

New guy went crazy. he called me up and started in lets give it a another try and all that. He then got mad like new years..you are choosing someone else over me. he was drunk this time. He went off about my male friends and the brit and then told me he was going to hurt himself....he dragged it out for good measure so I would get upset but he didn't do anything. I didn't sleep at all last night and i've felt sick all night and morning. I dont want any man

The bolded parts (anger, jealousy and being drunk) are HUGE RED FLAGS!!!!!!!!

He's got no right calling you angry. In fact, it's debatable whether or not he has any right to call you at all! The only thing him calling you angry would accomplish is to make you upset. And he did that. Mission Accomplished.

Calling you drunk? Inexusable in my book. Was he just drunk for the sake of being drunk? If my friends call me drunk, their first words better be 'Come drive me home' or I'm hanging up. It's dispectful to call someone drunk. It's classless.

Who your friends are is none of his business. Jealousy can be trouble!

Sorry if I sound harsh Becca, it's just that these guys seem totally beneath you. You're a nice lady, plus you're wacky and goofy. That's a good combination. The kind of guy you deserve would never do any of these things that new guy just did.

Oh Becca, that doesn't sound good at all. I say again . . . it's hard to believe this guy is still single. I'm sorry it's worked out this way, it all would have left me feeling sick to my stomach too.

I've felt sick to my stomach all day I've not slept at all and I've felt so worried for him cause I know what it is to hear the threat and I know what it is to not hear it an someone do that anyway. So I've made sure he's okay. He said he was sorry and I've just been super calm when I've talked to him this afternoon. I am trying to figure this all out trust me. I am worried cutting it off would be the wrong thing ya know.
I don't like the boys I know anymore...they all get defensive and overly attached so quickly. I have to be a more cold hearted girlfriend next time around

It's a cry for attention, Becca, to keep you hanging on. It is not your job to keep him from hurting himself. He's putting that on you to try to make you feel guilty...and it's working. Don't fall for it.

I dont want to fall for it, it's just hard to know what is bull and what isn't. It's so hard dating...why couldn't I have gotten married ages ago would have been easier I think at times.

^^^Because you would have been miserable married to the wrong man.

Yeppers, these are all red flags. Someone who threatens to hurt themselves if you leave them is trying to control you. Run like the wind, and cut off ties with this guy, and the brit. If you don't cut them off now, it will only get worse. You need to get away from these creeps. Yes, there are nice guys out there. Somewhere.

Yep. My ex used to pull that all the time when I was in college. I'd say, I can't hang out tonight, I have two finals tomorrow and he'd say, oh, well, that might be your last time to see me alive. He would do that all the time. Once, after I put my foot down and said definitely not, he refused to answer my calls. I went frantic, called everyone we knew and went searching the neighborhood. I found him at the park, watching a night league softball game. When I stormed up and started to yell at him, he said "I knew that you cared".

Don't fall for it at all, because it is just a way to keep you doing what he wants you to do and to be there for him whenever.

I cut the brit off again. Now, gotta see if it sticks. I'm still worried about new guy and am trying to figure out the best way for me ya know. will keep you all updated

Becca, you can make it stick.

Just keep repeating that.

Only YOU can decide that.

I am back to being single. After New Year's Eve, my boyfriend and I agreed we need some space for now...it happens...

That's nice that you two mutually agreed to this.

Thanks... He is certainly a gentleman...

and a scholar?

how long were you together for bees?

Just remember that marriage is like a cafeteria. You can take what you like, but you'll pay for it later.

Is that your line, or someone else's? I have never heard that before, but I like it!

I think it came from Will Rogers originally. But I could be wrong.

These two were done being single at an early age!

how soon is it now to start getting numbers? KIDDING

Jazz, you always have a wisdom that goes beyond anything I've known

Ah, shucks... If the rest of the world only felt the same way...

welcome jazz

I stayed up late an Pete was on AIM so we got to chatting, he was asking me how things were going and I let loose with everything. He was nice and gave me some wonderful advice and then flirted but I said its not fair cause you have a girlfriend and he said well if I didn't and if I don't for some reason there wouldn't be anything that would not make me want to be with you. I just said I had to go to bed after that. Boys are not nice, and they know they are mind game players

It's been 11 days since I contacted Mikey (text messages, phone calls, FB messages), & I feel like a completly new person. I've come to realize that I don't miss him, & that I'm truly over him. He hasn't contacted me either, & I guess that speaks volumes of the kind of feelings, or lack of feelings, he has. If I liked someone & they didn't talk to me in 11+ days, I'd make the effort to reach them through some sort of communication(sp?). I'm still talking to our mutual friend on a regular basis too. I have a feeling that he may like me, as does another one of Mikey's friends & also, one of Mikey's enemies. Oh man .

And Becca, men's mind games do suck . Mikey enjoyed mind games quite well, it seems.

Wow, so loyal . . . . These are the warning flags to look for.

Yeah, he's gonna be one of those guys who cheats while he's married.

I hate to think that but you are so right veebs he's not commited to his GF and I dont think he could be to anyone really.And I say this wishing he and I had never parted ways.

Today is Tom's aunt and uncle's anniversary. They have been married 57 years.

NOOOO!!!!!!!!

And on the flip side of 57 years married, Happy Divorce Day!

Not that I want a cheater, but I think he's such a great guy and we were good while we were together. I wish it would have lasted longer.

Happy divorce day, well atleast I know when is the perfect time ot break up

I had the most odd conversation with nick. he just wanted to see what I was doing today and I told him and he said he was doing something and wanted to tell me about it tomorrow. So I said why? He said cause I should know, he was kinda proud of it. Okay so I said what ever. I said I know what you are getting at and I'm not in your head and he said yeah you are more than you should be and I just said whatever. I'm not in your heart otherwise it wouldn't have ended up like this. He said oh but you are in my heart all the time. I just told him go. I am not making myself free for him to talk to cause he needs a ego boost. I wrote him a letter on paper thats a why you have to go away. Everything I wrote makes perfect sense until I miss the man he was. I've had to learn again lately that there is a huge difference between was and is.

Yeah, but it didn't end. You're still talking to him and taking his calls.

It's weird I know and not the best thing to do but have you ever managed to talk to someone despite not being together? I dont know, I miss the old him an the new him is someone I could be friendly to, but not all in love with. And despite the bull he spews I am not going out with him we are not sleeping together and we are not getting back together.