Here's the problem:
1. He doesn't agree about that.
2. He doesn't respect your boundaries.

That's an interesting question Becca. I'm curious as to whether or not we'll get some conflicting answers.

I see no problem with talking and having a friend relationship with someone you used to date. My high school sweetheart has been over our house several times. The last time she was in town I took the kids with me and met her for dinner (my wife was working that night and didn't go). She was my best friend for many years and we grew up together. I have no problems being friends with her because that's all it is - friends, there is no weirdness about it.

When I was on tour in New York a few years ago I met 'my Karen' and her husband. She was who I dated for years before I met my wife. It was great seeing her and catching up. I got along very well with her husband also.

Mixed brings up a good point (I'm editing this in). Both of you should have equal expectations about what the relationship is. If you're both clear it's just a friendship then I see no problem.

Yeppers.




He sees the calls as a way back in. This is all still relatively new--I can see hanging out with your high school sweetheart because so many years have passed, but no time has passed here because HE WON'T GO AWAY. He thinks the calls will lead somewhere. If there's no contact for five years, then he may think differently, but for now, nothing has changed except he hasn't gotten any.

So you think he could be doing this because he wants some snuggletime? From the photo Becca showed us a while back, he looks like handsome guy. I'd think he could just go date someone else. You're probably right though.

This is what I think. Becca put up with a lot of crap from him and it is easier to try and still get away with it with someone who believed it before then to find someone new and have to start all over with them.

I tell him, you can see who ever you want and I know you have over the summer. He still denies he dated or hooked up with anyone but we didn't talk for like 3 months so I dont buy that. And he knows I went out on a date and met new guy but maybe he thinks I'm just getting it out of my system? I've only not been friends with 2 ex's one from high school and the guy I was lived with in boston. I'm friends with some of the guys I've liked friends and even the guys. But I guess with nick it just gets kinda cloudy cause of the history.
I think RC is right though you can be friends. My brother is friends with his highschool sweetheart, he even went to Oregon to visit her an her family from missouri for a week.
Perhaps in time I'll have that with nick but we're still feeling our way and he's not feeling anything on me.

!!!

No, you miss the man you THOUGHT he was. He was never the man you needed for him to be. Jerk.



Exactly.

this is where my brain doesn't work. I miss what he was and today he kept saying to me I'm finishing this up and you are gonna love this. I kept waiting for it. I called him up are you done? After 2 hrs to which he said to me, call me back in 20 then in 15 and again in 20, I called again (yeah i know roll your eyes) he didn't answer so I called him back after a bit, he hung up on me. So I left him a message, don't bother, no one is ever this busy, you aren't making the time you dont have to do anything anymore. He unpluged his phone but I was sneaky and I called it 30 mins later it was back on. I just have to break this thing off completely...he makes me act in a way I don't like.
I wanted to be his friend atleast but this is so taxing on my head. I dont think I can manage being single....I'm left with too many choices. I need to be in a soild relationship

There are some people you can be friends with, and some you can't. He si one of the "can'ts". He doesn't bring out the best in you, he always makes you feel like crap, who needs that?

Yes, you can be single. You need time to heal, and time to figure yourslef out, and what you really want out of life. I know you can do it.

you've got such a great outlook veebs. *hugs*

That should have been your final clue, if you needed anything more. He promised something, he didn't deliver, and he got petty and childish when you dared to ask him where was the item he promised. STOP TALKING TO HIM AND MOVE ON!!!





^^^Everything she said.

Becca - You should write down all the qualities you'd like in a man, then you'd see how far short these guys are falling. That phone call business is ridiculous.

No, she needs to write down all the qualities she like to develop within herself and work on those. The right man will come along once she is right with herself.

I do agree the phone call business is ridiculous. She will never grow as a person and find a healthy relationship until she stops playing games with this guy. Find more constructive activities that focus on your personal growth.

I understand what you're saying and any advice involving personal growth is certainly good advice.

But I'd hate to see Becca lose much of the good qualities she has. She's wacky, goofy and wears her heart on her sleeve. She should never change that (I'm not suggesting you asked her too). I guess I just don't know what people mean when there are mentions of Becca needing to find herself. Becca is pretty cool as-is.

I don't want to lose any of myself. Cause honestly I like me. I like how I am right now. I don't see the need to find who I am, cause I know who I am and some things are great about me some are bad. I know my strengths an weaknesses. I do appericate how everyone cares about me and wants me to find a good guy. I am not playing with him, kinda upsets me a bit cause I am just me being too easy with him, thats my weakness. I have these hopes were we can be friends but he's a stubborn a$$ and I know that we can't have a close friendship that I would like still. I know what I want and what I need but sometimes the head and heart don't always work together. I really miss being in a relationship, you dont have to date, you don't have to do this stupid dance with guys.
And yeah I think nick loves me still in his own way, and I do too but a couple...we dont work now...we both have our own ideas about things. New guy...he's a bit much but he can be a good guy but I dont know what to think about him and I.
why can't I have a tall, nice, funny accented guy who wants to ly around eat take out and watch b movies?

I wasn't implying that Becca has no redeeming qualities or needs a personality make over. I do agree with many of the other ladies that have been commenting that Becca should take the time to be single for awhile, enjoy her own company, cultivate the qualities she loves about her self and examine the qualities in herself that attract her to the type of men she has dated that treat her poorly. Learn some new things about herself good and bad, try new hobbies. That doesn't have to involve losing who you are but it may help a person out in finding a loving and lasting relationship.

I do still think you are playing games with Nick. Just by continuing contact with him, you are dangling the idea he might still have a chance in resuming your relationship. A clean break would be painful but best in the long run. No guy wants to have any type of relationship with a woman (even just eating take out and watching b movies) when he thinks there may be another man waiting in the wings. That's why crazy new guy didn't trust you.

I agree-very well said.



I agree--well said again. You said everything better then I could.

Becca you are STILL talking to Nick? Girl you know better than that. How're you ever going to COMPLETELY move on with his still around?



So hey everyone! It's been a bit since I've been here. (It's nice to still keep in touch on FB though.) Time for an update in Sharpie's love life.

You remember the guy I met online in August? The one who flew to meet me up here in October...we were Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf. You know!

Anyway, I went to see him in Texas in December through the new year and it's official. I'm in love. I gave it a second chance because he is just too good of a guy to let go. I'm glad I listened to you guys! I've never been in love before and I quite like the feeling.

We aren't sure what we are going to do, but if things continue the way they are, one of us will be relocating. Exciting, huh?

There you have it folks! you all!

It's the best. I'm so happy for you Sharpie!!

thats nice sharpie. Glad you found someone an its all working out.
Yeah, I still talk to nick.
And to set the record straight new guy had a issue trust me because he thinks I was going do what he ex wife did to him and I've had this long talk with him. New guy is messed up and thinks any woman he gets close to will do that and he running around telling me he's going to kill himself if I leave him. I am not in love with nick and I'm not begging nick to take me back. I dont need him to. Like I said before I like who I am and am perfectly fine with my life otherwise expect these men who seem to get too attached too quickly. Nick will always be this expection because of the things I have gone through with him and I will not post some of that here due to extreme personal reasons. It's not a healthy thing us going back and forth, I know this, I've todl him this. He understands it too. But I feel like when it comes down to letting go completely, not even being friends we both have a hard time not having the other in our lives. I've never promised nick anything he knows this. He's not made me any promises and I dont expect him to as well. And that's fine cause things are fine as they are. An maybe soon one day we will both realize we can't even talk to each other anymore, but right now I guess we aren't. I know you all are concered which is sweet and thank you. But I'm gonna have to learn this mistake on my own. I know its a train wreck waiting to happen, but it has to happen.

That sounds great Sharpie!!! It's good to see you around here again, too.

I am really happy for you Sharpie! You guys make a really cute couple too.

Been there, done that, have the ring . Good luck! You can make it work if it's really "meant to be" . Keep us updated .

So it's been 16 days since I spoke to Mikey in any form of contact. I feel I'm 99.9% sure I'm over him. But anyhoo, last night I receive a text from our mutual friend. What I'm about to say/type is in his words. My grammar is not as bad as his, & here it is:

"Hi I just wanted to know if you ever said to twinmike (Mikey) 4 u not to date him or wat ever I just wanna know please tell me the truth tell me tomorrow"

Our mutual friend says that he & Mikey never share personal info ie girls but something tells me otherwise .

I would be surprised if they didn't share personal info. When my friends and I were young, single and dating, we shared details about every girl.

Was that right to do? No way, it was pretty terrible. We weren't angels when it came to dating. I'm teaching my boy to be more respectful towards women.

I don't mind if they share information about me but within that, there's a boundary. However, I've played it smart & kept things to myself, things that I only want myself to know. I know what to reveal, & I know when to keep my mouth shut. But yeah, I know that they share info about girls etc. With the stuff that the mutual friend has said to me, it's impossible that Mikey didn't say anything. I mean, why is the mutual friend so curious about me asking him out, turning him down etc? Weird .

Either he's interested or Mikey's asked him to talk to you.

That actually makes a lot of sense. Originally I thought I received that text in a dream so when I woke up, I double checked my mobile & yep, it was there . I have a feeling that he's talking to me, through Mikey. Regarding the whole date thing, I remember that a few months back, Mikey would tell me things like you're always asking me out & I corrected him, saying that I'm only asking to hang out, & that we can hang out & not have it be a date. I never officially said to him, so, would you like to go out with me? But the mutual friend has said things like I hope he goes for you & when I told the mutual friend that I was over Mikey, he said just be friends & whatever happens, happen & don't be sad, be happy.

I mean, I get confused easily, but this whole situation really confuses me .

Here's more from the mutual friend & I, starting from me replying to the original text (see previous post):

Me: I never said he couldn't date me. When I would ask him to do something, he thought I was asking him out but really, I wanted to hang out as friends.

Him: Ok cause he said to me I told people meaning girls not to go out with him, or date him or something. So I dunno if you said something to him. I told you not to go for him. I dunno if you did or not.

Me: It's all good lol. You told me to go for him.

Him: Yeah so I am asking if you told him I said not to go for him. That's all.

Me: Nope, & even if you did, I wouldn't say anything unless you told me to.

Him: K. Just wondering what you are doing tonight.

And that's it, for now. Our mutual friend is making it seem like he's Mikey's right hand man .

Tell the mutual friend it's none of his beeswax. Tell him to stop acting so Junior High. If he wants to know for himself, too bad, you're not a gossip. If Mikey wants to know anything, he can stand up and be a man and ask you anything himself.

I like men who are men.

As opposed to what? Chopped liver?

No silly, boys. Men who are the age of men, but behave like little boys.

Ahh yes, boys. My school is filled with boys, but what I am in need of is a man. Will there be more men (as opposed to boys) in college than there are in high school? I really, really hope so...

I assume from this that you're probably about the same age as my daughter, who's in her first year of University. I'll tell you what I told her: there's no need to try to live all of your life before you're 20. If you do, what will you do for excitement / enjoyment / fulfillment from then on?? You have lots of time...relax and enjoy the journey.

I am drained. Enjoy the ride yes, but sometimes certain boys never grow up..and I've met them all

Very wise advice, Jazzy.

new guy called me this morning, well rather left me a text. You know how he was so mean. Well he said karma will come get me and he wished karma would. His text said. Car broken into, all my cd's and tools stolen. locked drilled out. So mad, I'm sorry.
Everytime nick was mean to me, karma got him. and it did it to new guy to. Don't tick off becca or upset her cause karma gets you

If he had only been more positive, good things would have happened to him.

Maybe people would have left extra cds and tools in his car.

If he had been sane, none of this stupid stuff would have happened.

I gotta help my oldest find a girlfriend.

He really wants one and he's had horrible luck with dating The last girl he dated talked him into buying her a cellphone. She ran up a $600 bill and wanted him to pay AFTER she had left him. He played me her phone message where every other word was the 'F' word and she said 'You better pay this bill NOW!'.

He works with all men and doesn't like going to bars. I suggested church or taking college classes. He doesn't like my suggestions.

^^^Is he going to pay it? Why did he get her a cellphone?

And what's the rush for him to get a girlfriend?

He's not paying her bill. At least as far as I know. I hope he doesn't pay it.

He's told his Mom that he'd really like to meet a girl and settle down. I wish he wasn't so against trying church or taking some college classes.

All he really needs is a stopwatch...

I hope the phone isn't in his name, otherwise he's gonna ruin his credit rating.

Good for him for not misrepresenting himself just to score chicks find a nice girl. How about the internet? Does he have any hobbies or interests? And why is this now your responsibility?

oh RC my friend is looking for a nice guy. How does he feel about women with OCD though?

I thought all my relationships had a expire date on them, they are great at first then they start to smell and then go bad, horribly, horribly bad.

I will say this, nick does still call and stuff and the calls are 5 mins or less and it's a basic how are you really doing type. I told him sorry for the all crappy things I did to him over the last 5 yrs of our relationship, he said you never did anything wrong. But I told him I am walking away from you and it's real. I said to him you'll replace me anyways quickly enough. I'm not lying here but he actually got choked up and said, no one will ever replace you. I guess he does like me but I can't do that anymore.
It's time for a real man, who wants a real relationship

Mikey has called me 3 times since Friday. The first time (Friday) I had my mobile in my purse, & I didn't hear it ring. The second time (Monday) I had my mobile beside me on my bed, but I felt tired & wasn't in the mood for a conversation. Than yesterday, he called me as I was watching Idol. I answered anyway & after we exchanged hello's, I told him that I'd call him back because I was watching Idol. He quickly stated, "American Idol is more important?". Because I didn't want him to think that a silly reality show is more important than him, I went on to explain that my mobile isn't free until 9 PM, which is true & he thankfully understood that.

I never returned the call. Weirdly enough, I find it harder to return a call than to actually make the call. To me, there's certain pressure when it comes to returning a call, like it has to be done or otherwise, I'm a bad person. Before, I was excited about seeing his name on my call display as I loved speaking to him. But for now, I can't imagine what we'd chat about. I can't rely on him to carry on the conversation, because that isn't fair. I dunno, maybe I'll call him when I'm ready.

At the same time, I'm getting a feeling of slight satisfaction because it feels like I have the upper hand. For once, I'm in control & he's learning how I felt. Yet at the same time, I feel disgusted with my behaviour. I would always b*tch about him playing games & now, I'm the one playing games by messing with his mind. I'm becoming someone who I don't wanna be, a hypocrite. I dunno, I guess I wanna play hard to get without being cruel. At this moment, I feel like I don't even know who I am. One minute I feel like I'm over him cause he leaves me alone & the next minute, he calls me & whatever feelings I have stored in my heart come rushing out. Things cannot be simple with him. *sigh*