At first, when people kept asking me about my love life (or lack, thereof), it would make me start pitying myself and The Lonlies would come over me. I stopped taking it all so personally when I was 23. I could care less what anyone thinks about me or says about me or says to me. I am what I am...thats popeye.

I think its to the point where my family knows not to ask me about it all the time. I just told them I'd let them know when I've found a victim.

Amen to that!!

I get asked so many times why I do not have a boyfriend or blah blah blah.but then I go see my cousin and she slaps me silly. She alwyas says that this is my 4 years of college, she did not get married until she was 30 and had kids when she was 35... and she still says she feels like a kid with kids. She always tells me to enjoy it. That when I sit in that movie theater alone think of her and her screaming househould. I do and I fele so much better!!

Then I have my friends. One who can not be without a man or she will DIE. The other refuses to go anywhere alone becasue people might think she is single. No seriously she will not shop at target by herself becasue she says she does not like people thinking she is alone. I on the other hand Love shopping and eating by myself most of the time. Oh and forget about eating alone.. when I go out to dinner and I say it is just me I get these looks as if I am crazy. That just bothers me!!

my other couisn is 27 ( OH QUEEN!! you should soo meet him ) and he is a catch, yet he does not settle down. Every one says I am going to be married before he is. I know I am 20, but seriously everyone I know is already married are engaged, and that just pis.ses me off.

one of my dearest friends is the same way. She's no longer married however, but she doesn't want kids and everyone was always asking her why. Now that she's single and not really dating she's even more resloved in that decision. Please don't take this the wrong way but if your mother was going to do such a thing thats alittle on the crazy side. And I hate the term, accident. It still sounds like a mistake, even worse.

The same thing happens with me and the Mrs.

People either understand where couples who made the decision we have are coming from or they don't. If they don't get it then I usually tell them something like "It's our decision...not yours" and it almost always shuts them up.

! 26 is not old and single is not bad. Everyone else needs to get over themselves!!

Wow....

I actually prefer to go places by myself. That way I don't feel hurried

She is crazy. You had to see the people at the dinner table when she said it. My step-father was like, "You really need to get a grip and get over it". That could be because they got married when he was 50 and she was like 46 and she wanted to have one more kid (she has three) and he was like, "I made it to 50 without children, I can make it all the way". She did not appreciate that. There definitely is something wrong with her when it comes to babies. This is also why we never invite her over.



That is an awesome response. People are slowly starting to learn, but now that there are all these new babies around, they see us with them and they are like, are you SURE? And we are like, yes, now leave us alone! Pretty soon I am going to have to go the rude route with them!

That was my reaction as well. I actually go to target 30 min before we are going to meet so I can shop alone, and then I meet her out front. She always asks me "don't you feel like a loser when you shop alone" I just shake my head and keep on walking.

you know when I find a man I know I will be in a better relationship than her becasue I will not be dependent on him.

Thanks Jazzman! I think I'll take my chances anyways.




Those are all great points mybestfriend! I especially love the last few...so true!




Cheers! *clink*




Oh no. Please tell me that's not true. And it only took you three months to go visit her again? Wedd, you are truly a saint to be that forgiving. I was appalled and embarassed just reading that. Anyways, good for you and standing up for your choices!!!!


And I just wanted to say thanks to all the married folks' words of wisdom. It's nice to hear the other side of the story!

No, unfortunately it is true. I would actually love to see how she planned on replacing pills that come in a sealed pack, and with what! My life, it's not easy. And at this point, even if we decided to have children, which we wouldn't, I still wouldn't do it because she wants it too bad!

I LOVE Dear Abby and those other types of advice columns. The response "Why do you ask?" is my favorite, and is perfect for so many situations when you can't scream "It's none of your f***ing business!" and storm out of the room. That can work too, though.

we can/should trade mothers if you want to. My mom told me that I had to use something other than the pill becasue I might forget to take a pill and then have a child. Both of my parents had only one child and feel the need for no more in the form of grandchildren.. which sucks for them becasue I want kids so bad.

How was she going to replace them I wonder? That would be interesting to know

I love that! If only there was some way you could say that to her, that would probably shut her up for good. Your husband must be a real catch for you to put up with all that.

That's messed up--she shouldn't say that to you. Sometimes I don't know where these mothers come up with these sick ideas! Have five kids and make her watch them all at once!

Oh really quick on the whole not wanting children. I married a man who told me up front that he did not want kids ever at all no matter what. I was 19, he was 25 and kids were not really on my horizon but I was not against having or not having them I just had no opinion on them as the whole. I got pregnant a few weeks after we closed on our first house(5 years after we got married), I dont think he spoke to me for a week it was not planned and was an accident. Turns out he became a better person upon becoming a father.

My sister is single, 28 and literally the LAST person in her large group of friends who is not married let alone with kids. She is ok with this, she likes her life, she says she may be poor and hard working but she will have them when she feels like it. I think last year she was a bridesmaid in 5 weddings, LAST YEAR alone.
Both of us are kind of jealous of each other, me married, her single...again the whole grass is greener mantra.

this friend of yours Pam, is her name rebekah? if so we need to talk. My ex friend used to be like that. OMG if she was single for more than 3 days it was like pms with her. That I don't get. I've never been man crazy, and I ve really only had 2 long term relationships, one of them I'm in now. and I never really dated, cause I looked around and thought if dating means dating the guys I see, i'd rather be single.

Um, head over to the Off Topic-Family thread and search around the last two weeks or so for either my name or the phrase "white-trash half-sister" and you will rethink who is the catch in this relationship!

Oh I plan to have two wild children and drop them off at her house when I take a week long vacation

Mothers think they are doing the right thing, but really they are not. This makes me always think twice about when I have kids.




Liz you and I seem to be the same person. Man we might never stop talking at the convention. Really though liz, there are way to many similarities here I am starting to get freaked out!

I have never been guy crazy either. I had one serious relationship in my life. And at the moment the guys that are free and single.. well there is a reason and I would rather be single then dating them.

Unlike my friend, who invites guys over to fix her things just becasue she wants a guy to do it. Serioulsy I offered to paint her kitchen for her it was going to be fun a girls day in. But NO she wanted a guy to come over and fix it. When she is hanging with me all we talk about is how tons of guys have asked her out but she says no becasue she loves being singe.. HAH. I mean I am sorry to get off on a tangent but what is it with girls today and all they want to talk about is guys!!?? I want intellegent conversation, not who is with whom and why he is hotter then him. Do not get me wrong I love talking about that sometimes but not ALL the time.

My other friends had gone back with her ex 4 times and each time he has cheated on her, buit yet she still goes back becasue at least she has a guy to cheat on her...

Oh and then there is my relationship. They all say that it was a sham and he just wanted his green card. . Now they say this becasue he asked me to marry him and I said no. I was only 18 at the time, but still I get a tad offened when people say that.

Oh, yeah I remember reading something about that. Huh. Wow, Wedd you're like so lucky.

Yes, my life is like a fairy-tale.

Now, if I were still single, I wouldn't have half these problems!

Yeah, I have a bunch of masochistic friends. I have a cousin that keeps messing around with this guy from her school. He flirts around with her friends in front of her face and when they go out drinking, he'll hold her hand and get touchy feely. I keep telling her that as long as she allows him to, he will continue to play with her when he feels like it. She told me a few weeks ago that she thought she was in love with him. I told her that she's not and its her lonliness enjoying the feeling of being 'in like'. I think he's a douchebag but I think I'm not a fan of telling people what to do or how to live their life...cuz I HATE IT when people do that to me. I guess I'm just here to pick up the pieces when it all explodes. ..is that mean of me to say?

stop freakin me out!!!! I'm starting to think that we must have known each other somehow. Yeah my friend was the same way. She stayed with a guy durning xmas not for the gift, but to have him get her xmas tree, since he had a truck and put it up and hang decoractions. She flirted around so much though that she ended up getting dumped left and right cuase they learned her game after a while but these guys still fall for it. Oh did I mention she was a easy. Maybe I shouldn't find that so funny but come on.

I stayed with my first serious relationship(the ex) cause he would make me feel guilty and I didn't want to be considered a bad person for leaving him. He was just making me more and more depressed and I saw that he could never give as much as I gave to him. I never had time to be single from that past relationship, I had met my finacee while I was with my ex .

Nope. All my friends call me mom becasue I am the sane one who is there to pick up all the pieces. not mean just true




yep that sounds about right. I am sure in a month the guys will figure it out and leave. Now my friend on the other hand is a virgin... but if she keeps this up well she wont be one for long I know I also should not find that funny.. but hey these girls are just doing it to themselves!!!

Stop doing that!! really did you ever live in the east coast?? Yes my ex also made me feel like that He also was so clingly he wanted to know where I was at all times and if I did something without him knowing I was the bad girl. It was not until I was faced with marriage that I got the balls to get out. It casued him lots of pain. His best friend and I had started getting close while I was with my ex as well.. and well after we broke up, his best friend was there to help me pick up the pieces, and well is he had not moved away to college.. who knows.

Only time I lived on the east coast was in boston about 2 yrs ago now. Clingy men. Yeah, I was supposed to be fine while he went out and played in his bands in clubs but my god if I went out of eye sight, the phone would be ringing. I did tell him to his face that I was seeing my now fiancee.

I thought it was so funny that my friends would bend on over backwards for guys and I'm pretty sure they literally did that. And I never did and even though I didn't have boyfriends all the time, guys would talk to me more.But I never would get all stupid and be like lets hook up. All my friends now who were and are like that have had close calls or did end up with some funky stuff happening to them.

As a single male, this thread is freaking me out. All you women seem to want is to get married and have kids. Why? Because your friends are doing it. Well, let me let you in on a little secret. Men dont want that and if you come on strong with this kind of sh|t, you will scare them away. i dont want to get married till im stable, financially and careerwise and i dont want to have babies ever, so....

Unshun.

I don't think you're going to worry about the stability part.

Shun.

Whatever that means.....

I don't think that is the point of thread. I think that are certain things that bother single people about their relationship status just as there are certain things that bother married people about their relationship and the thread was created to discuss those things. Peer pressure, family pressure, and the like.

You can start a "Why I don't want marriage & children thread", though, and we can go from there!

Why should this freak you out? It's big news that single people would like to find someone to share their lives with? Yeah, many of our friends are married and have kids, but many of the complaints here are because of the pressure we're feeling from friends to be just like them, not because we're dying to ensnare you and have a bunch of babies.

Roy..if you read the last page or so of this thread, its not about that at all.

Methinks you're kidding.. or you haven't really read what we've been writing.

As for single me, I'm fine with my choices

Sigh. oh dear Roy. Have you been reading everything?? We are just talking about the pressure and how we hate it becasue we do not want to do that. I also do not want to get married until I am stable with my money and I have a carrer. Trust me I think all women want a men who is stable money wise and has a carrer.

the baby thing. well some want them and some don't. But I dont really expect to have the baby talk with a guy unless we are really considering marriage.

Look when it comes down to it, us women think about about relationships. But we also know how to play the game and we know when to say certian things and when not to say certian things.

To tell you the truth, a vast majority of people do get married, and as a single male this doesn't scare me at all. I am only 20 years old, and I don't want to get married now, but I know one day I will get married. When it happens it happens and I don't see what's so scary about it. These women on here don't only want to get married, but it's an important and wonderful thing that most people will go through. It shouldn't surprise you that it's important to women at all. It is in our culture, imbred at an early age. Look at some of the fairy tales we watch when we are kids like Cinderella.

And if you really were Roy you wouldn't be talking about this, you would be obsessed with getting Pam back and marrying her because you lost her. Don't pretend like you don't want babies. Everyone wants babies.

Ok, i may have over reacted, but these were the comments that freaked me out. Maybe i do listen to too much Tom Leykis.

Mind you, these were the first comments made by these people when they saw the Singles thread, so....







Hey, do you know what? You dont get to descide what is applicable to the conversation and what isnt. If you wanted to only hear the female perspective, then you should have said that. I am a single man and i wanted to say that this is what is wrong with women my age. They all want to get married and have babies and most men dont. You women like to talk about how you are so much more mature than the men your age, but from my experience, that is bass ackwards. Women have all these stupid little games that they play with the men in their relationships and they dont say what they mean and are just plain psychotic. You women have mental issues. And this is not just coming from one guy's experiences. This is every single one of my friends who dates women our age. PSYCHOTIC. You all need medication. And the sad thing is you blame all your problems on men, when we arent the source of your problems. You listen to your 'girlfriends' too much. You form all your opinions based on a group mentality and the problem is, no one in the group wants you to be happier than them, so they sabotage your thinking and you just go along with it.

And i dont want to hear from a bunch of woment saying "That isnt how i am at all" because you I dont believe you.

The only problem you have with men is that we are enablers. We dont kick your arse to the curb the first time you do this, so you dont learn and you think it's ok.


Sorry for this rant but i am usually the one all my friends come to for relationship advice or decoding of you women's actions and i see the same thing over and over and over again. My gay friends dont seem to have these problems. I am looking into converting just to get away from you psychos.


From that post, i dont believe you are a male. You are speaking like a female. I am not saying marriage is scary or that i dont want to do it, i am saying i dont want to do it now, which is what all the women around me seem to want to do.



I never said i was Roy, Roy is a fake character on a TV show. I dont idolize him either, i just dont like Jim. He is part of the pussification of the male which seems to have gotten to you as well. Tell my, were you raised by a single mother?

And that last comment about everyone wanting babies is also further evidence that this is either a woman or a pussified male. Not everyone wants babies. Maybe all women do, but not all males do. I see no reason to have a baby. It would only get in the way of me doing what i want.

There are no words for everything (written by Roy) that I just read.
Yes, dear..you do listen to toooo much Leykis. I wish you wouldn't generalize an entire gender the way that you have. I guess I'm wrong in thinking that its out of line for me to call "All Men Pigs" and to think that it'd be nice if men didn't think that "All Women are psycho". Thats fine and dandy if you buy into Leykis 101's teachings about the whole hump 'em and dump 'em theory. Good for you. Toe each, their own. Personally, I'm not looking to get married or for kids right now. I have too much going for me being single, at the moment. There's so much that I could say but I won't because I know that that is exactly what you're looking for...some attention. Think whatever you want about "All Women" because I know whoI am and what I'm all about.

Let's get this out of the way...

...I'm a guy, I have a daughter, and I'm NOT married.

I'm one of those guys who LOVES kids and WANTS to get married! (GASP! And I'm ONLY 23!!!) Something must be wrong with me if I don't want to go out and bone as many women as I can, right? Hump-em-and-dump-em may work for most guys my age (and probably should be my way of life too) but once you get a certain age (I hit this early), you realise that there is more to life than notches on a headboard.

Kids and Marriage FOR THE WIN!!!

Also, not ALL women are psycho. The ones who revel COMPLETELY in their emotions, think only about themselves, and are oblivious to the rest of everyone elses feelings ARE.

...the ratio of "psycho" vs "normal"? I don't know that yet. I'm not old enough.

Are you accepting proposals, Friar? ..I want to get married and have kids ASAP!

See though, you can ALWAYS tell the psycho ones because as soon as they hear that I love kids and want to get married...

...they ask me if I'm taking proposals.

...kidding, but you're laying it on a bit thick. I think this is the first time I've spoken to you. hahahaha.

Plus, the only woman I need in my life right now is my daughter. She keeps me on my toes enough as is. Give me a couple years and we'll see...

What can I say..I fall fast and I fall hard. jk

Really though, I think its AWESOME that your daughter is A#1 on your list. Some young parents fail to prioritize their lives in that same way. How old is the little one, if you don't mind me asking?

My only point about Leykis is maybe i was suspecting the ulterior motives of women. And at what point did i say i subscribe to the 'hump em and dump em' philosophy? The reason i call women Psycho's is not from his show, but from my personal experience. You are attacking the message because you dont like the messenger.

Hey, if women can have Oprah, we can have Tom Leykis.

Yup, that's how I was during my 20's and 30's I loved to travel by myself. I met more interesting people, had a lot of time for reflection and relaxation, and did all the activities that I wanted to do that a lot of my friends are not interested in. Plus, most of my friends couldn't afford vacations and didn't have the time off I did. I used to plan an itinerary, give a copy to my parents, put my bike on the back of the car and go. It was great.


Here are some of mine:
You can put things away, and they don't jump out of the cabinets when you're gone.
You can go where you want, when you want, with whoever you want and for however long you want.
I can eat the same dinner 5 nights in a row if I want to, and not worry if it's something someone else doesn't like.
I can skip dinner if I want to.
I can even eat in front of the TV or the computer and not at the table.


Wow, sorry Wedd! that is one thing I love about my parents - they have never pressured us about getting married or having kids. And I think that's one of the reasons none of us ever married - we felt we could do it when the time was right and the person was right. I've seen happy marriages and unhappy ones, and I'm not going to get married just for the sake of getting married, like some of my friends have. I don't remember a time in my life, even as a kid when I didn't want to get married - I think that how some people are wired. But If I don't meet the right person, so be it. I don't want to end up trapped and miserable, like a lot people I know. I haven't waited this long to blow it all now on some loser.





Oh Pam that is so sad of your friend! How can someone get through life like that?????



Yeah, I have a friend like that, too. It's kind of sickening, really.


Not hardly. A lot of my friends have done it, divorced, gone around the block and are ready to try again.


That isn't how I am at all. So believe me. I've had offers, which I have turned down. One even said, "But I bought you a ring and everything." As if that would change my mind. Plus it was a round solitaire. If you don't even know me well enough to know what kind of ring I want, you don't know me. Or even if I want a ring at all. One guy even said, "God told me I was going to marry you." Well honey, until God tells me, it ain't happening.


Good thing your mom didn't say that. Plus it sounds a tad selfish.

Some people are sharing their innermost feelings on this thread and I think it is important that we don't negate them. As for kids, it's a little late for that for me. Usually I love being single, but I occasionally get a little melancholy about not having a husband or kids when I was young enough or healthy enough and had enough energy to really enjoy them.

Roy darling. I am thinking this has to do with your personal life
trust me I had a pussified male and I dumped his a.ss as fast as can be. I do know that not all men or women want babies and to those men well they are not for me, and I intend not to date them.

I am sorry all the women around you want to get married, but that just means you are not for them. I think you are just a tad frustrated

I hate girls who play games and the fact is most of us do. heck look at my best friend for a girl who ruined a relationship becasue of " mixed signals" and all that crap. There are a few of us who still tell it like it is in a relationship.. you just got to find us

Now I also like to say. The kind of girls you want are also the kind of girls who do not want a 20 year old.. we want a 26 year olds. SO you are left with the imature psychotic girls in college who want to date 20 year olds. Believe me I see them out there and yes all they want to to get married have kids and mooch off of your money.. and that is niether healtly nor sane.

Also Roy I know you like to put out other opinions but this is personal and not all of us have gotten to know you as well as I have so just please be careful.

Roy, I really can't begrudge anyone their own opinion, especially when it's based on something as personal and concrete as their own experience. I could never change your mind, and it's not even really fair of me to try. We'd only get embroiled in a yucky debate, and that's not why I started this topic. So I won't try to convince you that not all women are psychotic or like to play games. I'll just say that one day I hope you meet someone who is able to do just that.

And if you do decide to switch teams, that's cool too. We'll trade you for Oscar. It might not be a totally even trade, but our team has taken losses before, and we've survived just fine.

I have to chime in on some of Roy's thoughts.

I've found the concept of the 'psycho woman' to be very real because it can be so difficult to read women. Look at the personality types of the jerky guy and their all fairly easy to spot. But women....you can think one is perfect and everything can change on a days notice.

I thought I met 'the one' when I was 24. We used to spend hours on the phone talking. Our dates were silly goofy things like making chairs in the winter snowbanks while drinking hot chocolate and cuddling. She dropped me after 3 months. No fight was involved. To this day I don't know why she did it (not that I care anymore).

Nearly every guy I know has a similar story of getting dropped for no apparent. Sure, most guys can give you instances where they know why they got dropped, but there is always one girl that breaks thier heart out of the blue.

After getting dumped I just didn't care. I wasn't ever mean or rude to a woman, I just quit setting myself up for a fall. I became very cautious. If I was dating a girl and anything seemed wrong, I moved on to someone else.

In a word . . . . school. There was absolutely no way I was going to get married until I was done with school. Why rush? School would be over by the time I was what . . . 22? (BTW, my Mom had two children by that age. The very idea scared the cr@p right out of me). Then of course when I was done, my boyfriend, (now my husband), had grad school. We knew that neither of us was going anywhere relationshipwise, so why not focus on finishing our education? We finally got married when we were 27 and he had his Ph.D, and I had been teaching for a couple of years. Then when we moved states, and I had to quit my job, I went back to school for my Masters. I wanted to do that before we made any final decisions about children. Neither of us wanted them at all for quite a long time, and we were considering possibly never. It wasn't even until I was around 33 that I heard my biological clock ticking, and our daughter was born 2 years later. I wasn't too old that I will be truly ancient when my daughter is an adult, but I was old enough to have done all the things I wanted to do before she arrived. Of course it depends on what you want to do before kids come along, (we're all different that way), and of course, sometimes they come along even when you don't plan on it.


A LARGE number of single teacher friends of mine have gone on to marry . . . . . teachers. Go figure. But I suspect there are more male teachers in high school where I was.


^^what she said.

And Roy, I believe deep down you know that not all women are the same. You're just too smart not to.

Wow...are you joking? If you are I admit I'm dense, but that's completely NOT true. It's just been recently where I can actually even THINK about having kids...and I'm still VERY unsure.






I'm sorry VB, I have to disagree with you on this one. Perhaps it sounds selfish, but I don't think there is anything selfish about choosing to not have children.

And then some of us take the opposite route.

I got married very young, but for us it was the next logical step. We decided to let my husband go to school (my parents weren't going to help me pay for it and we couldn't afford for both of us to go), and go ahead and start our family. Now we're through the "baby making" phase. My husband has his BS, CPA, and is currently working on his Masters. I've always taken classes when I could, and as soon as my kids are old enough, I will go back full time to finish.
Everyone is different. For us it was right, but I know it's not for a lot of people. Whatever works, go with it!

Absolutely.

Since i'm the party pooper lets remember the rules since this thread seems to be getting slightly heated and I hate being hot:

be nice
your opinion is your own
be nice
want someone to listen to you? then listen to them
be tactful
what you believe is different from that person next to you





Anyone have any good or corny pickup lines they have received when single?

Yep. I had an incredibly direct woman ask me if I wanted to ____ her. She didn't do it on a dare, she was sober and serious.