*group hug*

Thank so much ladies for your kind words & support. I feel pretty awesome for making that decision & being admired is nice heehee. I'm glad to see that others agree about looks not being the most important thing in a relationship. I don't want to sound rude, but if a guy has bad habits he's ugly to me, no matter how much he resembles George Clooney. Like the cliche goes, looks fade but personality stays forever. A guy who has a good lifestyle & a big heart is good enough for me .

I think that's a great way to look at it PIP. Besides, it's absolutely true; I've known far to many hot ******** to have not learned that lesson.

Yeah, what she said!


I agree. Character is of utmost importance. Even a guy who is not considered a physically fine specimen can become wildly attractive in my eyes with good strong character. And here is our group hug.

Ok, I admit that I had a minimum look requirement when I dated.

But once that was met, it was 100% personality. A girl with a look rating of 81 with a great personality was MUCH better then a 99 girl with no personality.

Smoking and/or drugs eliminated a girl from the date pool for me.

Top personality traits are -

1. Goofyness. Goofy is so hot. It means you're carefree and you don't care if others find you silly. There is a certain 'magic' to a girl that isn't afraid to be goofy.

2. Sweetness. General kindness and empathy.

3. Likes animals. If I girl didn't like animals, I didn't trust them.

4. Strong Character. Know the difference between right and wrong. Have bonds of friendship and trust. Cattiness is bad.


The big shocker!! ----- Here is comes -----

This is a BAD trait -

Putting out too soon.

I struggled with my own morals as a young adult. I wanted to 'get some' as much as possible. But I wanted a girl who knew when to tell me 'back off' or 'wait'.

It was sad that those girls that gave in too soon got eliminated from my date pool. In that way I guess was the ultimate jerk.

EDIT--> This sentence 'It was sad that those girls that gave in too soon got eliminated from my date pool' sounds egotistical but I didn't mean it that way. I meant that it was sad that I put girls in that situation in the first place. I just wasn't strong enough mentally to tame my physical desire to 'get some'.

When they have no back bone, run. Trust me on this.

I learned it after wedd. A very costly one.

Now I seem to have found the"perfect guy" and I let my own demons take over every once in a while and fear he's going to leave me.

Wasn't there a Far Side cartoon about this? Not the boneless chicken farm but men who had lost their spines?

Same here. I have been told that it is annoying that I keep questioning his loyalty. I know it is, but I can't help it sometimes. I usually get into one of those, "I am a horrible wife and you are going to leave me" modes about three times a year. I just had one of them, so the next one will probably be in the fall.

Secret male knowledge: That kind of mood, etc., is considered to be little more than emotional blackmail and whining. It usually means that she wants something.

You've been told that it's annoying?? No offense intended, but wouldn't that be painfully obvious?

Well, as far as wanting something, sometimes it's just that I am feeling lousy about myself and I need reassurance that he is not going anywhere while I straighten out whatever it is that is making me so miserable. So, yeah, I guess I want something.

As far as being told it is annoying, I know I've been carrying on too long when he says it. We both know that I am being annoying and unrealistic when I say some of things I say, but when he actually says, you're annoying me now, then I know that I need to leave him alone and get myself together. And yeah, I also know when I am being annoying. I am not proud of any of this, by the way.

In my own case, when I ask her what's making her so miserable, she either says "you" or just grunts. In either case, it's time to head for the TV room in the basement with the cats until things blow over.

I may be guilty of this as well!!

^^ Guilty of the same thing. As a matter of fact he called me his whinny bovine cow. I did not take that as a term for affection.

Um, yeah, unless that it is British humor I don't quite get! That might have deserved a smack!

It's that dry wit those brits have but he wanted a kiss, he didn't get one. When your single, you don't get called names, good or bad.

^^^ Sometimes I think our comments in here are convincing people to stay single!!

ah i just needed to post in this thread... lately, i've been having many guy troubles... ok so me and this guy have been like dating since about november... and like things seemed to be going so well... and he'd act like he liked me and he'd flirt and everything... and i graduated this year, but he's still in high school (he's a year younger than me) and it's like, as soon as i graduated, he didn't want anything to do w/ me! like i'd call sometimes just to talk and see what's new in his life, but he'd just ignore my calls and not call back... and then my friend saw him out on a date w/ another girl... ugh... he is so confusing... he came to my graduation party this past weekend, and it was kinda awkward... i said hi and thanks for ocming and all that... but i really didn't talk to him... i was still pretty p-oed... so yeah i don't know what's going on there... probably nothing b/c apparently he really doesn't want anything to do w/ me... w/e

at least i have john krasinski to fill the void... lol! i'm always just watching videos of him and wishing that i had a "john krasinski" character in my life... b/c that'd be fantastic!

^^^ Oy Jammer, in my experiences (and there have unfortunatley been many) with guys like this, the chase and worry you give them is never worth it. If they are too dense to see that a fantastic girl really likes them, (or sees it and just chooses to ignore it) then they should just be cut loose. You just gradated from High School! Congrats btw You should be out there experiencing this amazing time in yoiur life and not letting guys like this drag you down. And yes, John will always love you, his love is eternal. Although I think be may be spoken for by quite a few ladies on this board

live a bit jammer. You've graduated, he's proberly mad you left and all but you know here's the key, he's still in high school. Don't read too much into it. And john will always be here.
^^ there are a lot of guys spoken for on this board.

thanks ferriah! i just wish i could get over him easier... i mean he's been such a jerk, but then i think of all the good times we've had... w/e... i'm gonna keep looking until i find someone who is john krasinski-ish b/c that is the perfect guy in my eyes...




thanks for the advice, scranton temp liz!

Yeah, listen to them. They've given you some pretty wise advice. If he doesn't realize how wonderful you are, he should be history. It'll take time, but you'll get over him and find someone who appreciates you!

thank you muchly!

I'm with you on this one Rocker, there has to be an attraction there, or else things really won't work out. Sometimes an attraction can evolve over time, as you get to know someone's personality, and sometimes it's just there from the get-go. But really, inside of you there has to be passion and a little bit of lust, something that every once in a while makes you look at them and think deep in your mind, "Oh God, I want him/her right now!"



I think I just heard every man in the world groan!

I've wondered about this one too. You always hear guys talk about getting a woman in bed with them like it's the only thing they want to do, and I know I don't want to make a guy upset/frustrated with me or feel that I'm not attracted to him, or that I'm just leading him on, but then there's the saying "Why buy the cow when the milk's free?" I come from a place where a majority of the population (or at least it feels so) waits until marriage to sleep together. I guess I'm just curious as to what is considered "too soon."


Wow! When did this thread turn into my sexual confessional?

It's true. It's a HUGE conflict in guys.

At 22 I dated 'mall shoe store girl'. I wanted her BAD! And I mean BAD!!! I looked at her like she was a giant ice cream cone. At the same time, she was definetly a 'take home to Mom' girl. Being boyfriend/girlfriend would have definetly worked for me.

I was really nervous on our first date. But I couldn't control my urges and I made a move. I wanted her to resist (nicely) but she didn't. I sold out potential future happiness for 1 hour of fun with mall shoe store girl. She was not girfriend material. Sad, because she was SO CUTE!

If both parties are open to the idea of pre-marital relations, then I think the woman should make the man wait at least 1 month after steady exclusive dating.

Date 1 = Peck
Date 2 = Longer peck
Date 3 = Passionate kiss, no tongue
Date 4 = Tongue
Date 5 = Long makeout session
""
""
Date 8 = Second base
""
""
Date 11 = Third base

The key is that the woman needs to tactfully set the pace. Don't be offended by his advances, but rather say that this seems appealing in the future.

I think I read that in a book. Actually, I think that's pretty sound advice. I would probably stay around first base for a looooong time.

I read this Christian book called Too Close, Too Soon. A little archaic, now (I think it was written in the 80's) but their suggestion was no kissing until like 6 months or something. IMO, when you get physical with someone too early on the relationship, it tends to blind you to red flags.

There's a big push in conservative circles about courting as opposed to dating. One of them is I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris. It's a little bit more about really getting to know the person before you even date them, observing their character, so when you start to court, you are preparing for marriage. I kinda like this approach. The older I get, the thought of dating all those fish in the sea is tiring. I've had to throw too many back, and have been thrown back myself a few times.

Oh wait - who was it that once worked as a matchmaker?

I only kiss a guy on the first date if I know the relationship is going somewhere. If it'll just end at the first date, I'll give him a firm handshake & maybe a hug, but a brief one. I only put out if I truly love the guy. Like, I have to be in love with him. The problem is that I fall in love too easily but I'll know when the moment is right.

Wow, that sounded extremely cheesy . Also, I'm 21 so I'm not looking for marriage material. I just wanna have fun with guys before I settle down with Mr.Right. I'm not looking for a fairy book romance. I just want a good time like most girls my age.

Are you sure you're not a Hollywood starlet?

VB, How do these books deal with the subject of rejecting the males advances?

In my dating experience, this was the most problematic part. I never felt I was overly aggressive, used cheesey lines or lied to a girl - yet I was slapped in the face twice and yelled at several times. These actions ended an otherwise good date.

Granted, I probably should have behaved myself, I take responsibility for that. But don't slap me then cry later because there will be no date #2. I can take 'No' very well, but I don't like to be hit.

There has to be a tactfull way to reject the advances.

None that I ever heard, and believe me, I heard a lot of them. As a teenager and (I must confess with considerable embarrassment) into my late 20's, I got turned down more often than I could count. It got to the point where I took about 5 years off from even trying to date so I could get all the mental garbage out of my system.

Explains a lot of things, for those who know me....

The worst is when the girl acts physically repulsed by you making a move, then gives you a look of horror and disgust. Often followed by 'Jerk!'

Not to mention the swung fist. I've had my nose broken twice, once by a young lady whom I obviously didn't impress.

Now that I've reached an age where most women don't give me a second glance (or a first one, for that matter), I don't worry anymore. Well, to be honest about it, Karma has told me not to bothering worrying about it.

<shakes head>

Rocker Creed...and here I thought we were becoming good board buddies. Then you post something like this.

What have I done to you, sir?

What other kinds of cow does he think there are? All cows are bovine by definition.

This is for wife material! None of this applies for 'fun' dates

I have always wondered why the dating / mating game doesn't use more baseball terminology. Think of the opportunities for humour for terms like: stealing home, hit and run, caught stealing, outfield assists, and similar (the hidden ball trick?). And what are the 9 ways to score from 3rd base in this situation??

Picture this: the gent and the object of his intentions sitting in the car or wherever, arguing over whether or not the initial meeting (or subsequent bumpings-into) constitute a date, such that it is now permitted by TPTB to advance to the next base, or at least to take a walking lead...

Hilarious Jazzman.

I'll say this - I've never bunted. I'm always swinging for the fences!

I'm currently on the 15-day disabled list. Not entirely certain why.

Guess I shouldn't be reading those rules then Although, well...let's just say that the home run is so important to me...that I would hate to hold out for all of those dates and then be disappointed. Easier to find that stuff out early on, I think





Go hard or go home.

I think the people who wrote the book expected the men to read it as well. As for myself, I say that I am not comfortable with that level of physical affection. One guy told me, "Well how come I can pet my dog but not express how I care for you in a physical way?" Ummm, because I am not your dog, dumbass. He didn't last long.

If I have to, I now tell guys if they really like me, they can show me in ways that are not physical. This does not mean monetary either - it means, listen to what I say and get to know me, the real me, not just a pretty face or whatever. I'm pretty upfront when it comes to what I think and what I like - it's not too hard, really. I don't manipulate or play games, and don't have time for those who do.

I did hit a guy once, but only because I felt threatened. When someone doesn't understand that no means no, you have to do something, and it was a reflex reaction.



But did your fun dates know they were fun dates, only to be used and discarded? Hmmmmm....

!! I feel bad for you, but that was funny the way you phrased. Hope it doesn't get extended to the 60 day DL. Good luck!

Yes, they did.

Certain woman liked the company of musicians. On a couple of occasions I indulged them. I'm not proud of this now, but I did it. Was I proud at the time? Yes, I was. I always had a pretty girl at my side and I liked that.

However, I am proud that I never led a girl on or lied to her to have 'fun'. Maybe I didn't have enough integrity to control my physical needs at times, but I did have enough to not use a girl for my own needs.

That was a good comment VB. I like the tough issues.

Personally, I don't think you should feel ashamed of any of that. If you didn't lead them on and they knew that you guys were just "hanging out" you have absolutely nothing to feel bad about. Any of those girls could have easily said no, or tried to figure out the situation, but I'm guessing they didn't.

In some ways, I'm similar to you...in that I don't lead women on. I've been called some nasty names, but it's only because I've been honest. Had my share of women who tried to manipulate me into relationships. You think guys get ticked when they're told "no" to sex, you should see a woman when she's told no to a relationship

Sometimes I don't even know what I am or who I am. I could've been one in my past life though haha.

I don't really have a type. I mean, generally I go for dark guys but I've found myself attracted to blue eyes & blonde eyes. I think I just really value good manners & a good sense of humour. He doesn't have to be Conan O' Brien or Cary Grant but as long as I laugh, it's all good.

Thanks!

A lot of the guys I dated wanted the pretty girl, but not the brain and the mouth that came with it.
I dated guys who just wanted Worship-Me-Barbie, not Smart-Athletic-Opinionated-Driven-Christian-Barbie. Not good choices on my part. Or theirs.

Also, RC, good that you didn't lie to them. Lots of men lie to get what they want; unfortunately, a lot of women don't discern wisely, nor do they believe the guy who is telling the truth about what he really wants.

for Jazzman. When he called me his whinny bovine cow, he meant cow as a slang...british thing. and bovine cause he likes to tell me that once I get in a mood and like to whine at him, it sounds like moo that never ends.

I don't want to be single but when someone else has a child in the relationhip at times you look at their parenting style and think single has a 50/50 appeal to it.
(although, I would never break it off with him)

Parenting style is something that maybe you guys need to work out now - how you feel about discipline, priviledges, manners, and how the stepmom is viewed. Is she a parent? Friend? Or something else?

does this apply to speed dating?

What if you have a date every hour or every 2 hours with a guy?


yes i am being a smartass and i'm trying to remember once i started 'dating' hubby did we have a date every day?


p.s. he did have to wait..........awhile......