Date tonight. Actual chance of actual male contact, and I'd rather be going home and straight to bed.

(Mind out of the gutters people.)

So are you saying that you aren't looking forward to the date?

More that I'm just tired. Working a lot the last few weeks, and I'm going on this date as sort of a protest against working late again, dammit!

Are you taking your date to Phyllis' wedding?

Good for you for at least going out, even if it is Office night. Maybe you'll be pleasantly surprised. Have fun!

Alright. This board seems to have become a sort of relationship advice center despite the fact it's supposed to be about being single. Even so, I come in search of help.

I've been going out with this girl for over a month now. We've had 7 dates and all of them were awesome. She's smart, funny and absolutely gorgeous. And the astonishing thing is that she actually wants to go out with a dork like me. Anyway, she left to go home for the weekend and came back this week acting all weird. She's not very receptive and seems like she is really withdrawn. I've racked my brains for reasons but I can only settle on one possibility. I know she has an old boyfriend back in her hometown with a lot of history and I think she may be harboring some feelings for him. I know she thinks we have a good thing going because if she didn't think so she would be done with me. She's a no BS person which is another reason I really like her.

So here is my problem. Do I approach her about it. Though we have been going out for awhile now I'm tentative to do so. A part of me says to say something and the other says to let her figure it out. I think I'm just going to say something. Should I not?

Oh lawd. Us women are such a confusing gender. Sometimes I feel for the men who put up with me. The only come back when I'm not so nice . Now for something completly different:

It's tough to say, mainly because I don't know you, your girlfriend or your full history. From what I can gather, something happened over there that she didn't expect. What I suggest is asking her, in a polite & gentle manner, is what happened. Don't pass judgement & definitely don't ask about the ex. If it isn't about the ex & you bring him up she may find that you don't trust her. Give her some time to herself & if she still acts in the manner that you mentioned, talk to her. We need our space when sticky situations arise. Also, you may feel comfortable going to her but she may not feel comfortable going to you. All girls are different. I prefer to confide in my friends & family first but it all depends on the length of your relationship. 7 dates doesn't seem like long term relationship so I'd play it safe. For your sake, I hope you get lucky which means, I hope she comes to you. Don't act different or aloof & you'll make things easier for her. Basically, just be there for her.

My head feels like it's spinning so pardon me if that didn't make sense. Either way, your heart should tell you what to do. Good luck.

Well thank you. Always appreciate encouragement...

Yep. Wise advice from prettyinpink. It might not just be the old boyfriend - there could be a lot of different reasons for her withdrawal. Just be patient and tell her it seems like something is on her mind, and if she wants to talk, she can trust you with anything and that you have a good listening ear.

Keep us posted - hope things go well for you.

I'm with VB. If she's a no-BS person, you can tell her you've noticed she's distracted or withdrawn, and if there's anything she wants to talk about or you can help her with, you're there for her. Then it's up to her. Then at least you won't feel like there's an elephant in the room you're both pretending isn't there, or a gorilla if you prefer. Good luck though. She sounds like a really special woman.

Yeah, what she said.^^^

And if she isn't a no-BS person, dump her and find someone who is. You don't want to deal with BS.

Watching all of my friends who are in relationships.. (yes I am the only single one and I chose to be that way!!)

they are all having problems and whining and complianing.. and man it is nice to be free from all of that!

I guess for the first time in a while I am REALLY excited to be single and ready to have some single loving fun!!

Look out world Pammy getting that she wants

( sigh I miss my office...)

I agree too with VB and MB, with a no BS girl you should be able to ask her whats going on in a tactful way.

Pam it's nice to know your happy about being single. Your not the type who fakes it. thats one thing I can't stand...women saying their happy being single but will turn around in a heartbeat saying I wish I had a boyfriend.

You are so fake, Liz.

I'm happy being single as well. I don't want to have to answer to anyone, and I like being able to do whatever I want.

I'm also happy being engaged to Pam.

AWWW scotty

On another note.. scotty I have been singing " spider pig spider pig" all week long... we are of two like souls

I *love* watching my friends deal with all of their relationships. I get to sit back and laugh at everything while they're stressed out about it. Of course I always get asked about "when am I going to get a girlfriend?" My answer of course is, "I'm not."

I don't need to fake anything

Something great about being single is I can watch as much bad tv as I want and I don't have to answer to anyone. For instance, I don't know why, but I love watching infomercials at night and on Saturday mornings. Also, I love watching cooking shows and home improvement shows. I watch them and I get all these great goals, like I want to redo the kitchen, or zero-scape the yard, or whittle a rocking chair. Of course, if my plans fall through, I don't have anyone to look stupid to because I haven't shared my plans with anyone else. If they don't work out, they don't work out. That's that.

Well, here's the update. I talked to her about it today. I said something along the lines of something seems weird and if she needs to talk I'm here. Sure enough I was right. Her old boyfriend and her had some sort of relapse or talk or something. She said until she got this figured out we'll have to postpone it and she'd let me know what happens. So I guess there is good news and bad news.

Bad news: I'm not going out with this girl anymore.

Good news: I'm back to my life of spending to much time playing video games with friends and talking on message boards with great people like you guys.

(this is the part where you all get glassy eyed and choked up)

I'm sorry, 'aint. That does suck, but I think you get to put "not going out with her anymore" under the category of Good News, too. At least for all the other girls you'll date. It's much better to be on your own than with someone who doesn't know what they want or has such unresolved issues. It sounds like she would have relapsed with him again, whether she was going out with you or someone else. You just happened to be the good guy who got caught in the middle of it. At least now you know it wasn't about you!

Is that the lullaby you guys have been singing to your e-baby? Because if it is, you're going to be spending a lot of money on therapy.


I am picturing you, Uncle Jed and Jethro sittin' by the cee-ment pond whittlin' rockin' chairs.



Awww, *sniff sniff*

More good news: she was honest with you and didn't leave you stringing along. But think about it: she could be Pam, he could be Roy and you could be Jim. You might not want to let someone honest go so fast.

Mostly I love being single. I would love to be married, but there isn't one man I've met that I would want to spend the rest of my life with. You think I would not get pickier as I get older, but I am. I am more sure of myself and what I want out of life. It's funny, because that "Til Death Do Us Part," just isn't that far away anymore.

*sniff* I'm glad you found out the situation after one month of dating, rather than 6. Still, she sounds like a good person. I hope she decides she broke up with her ex for a good reason.


I'm getting pickier too.

I don't really love being single, but I realized that my reasons for wanting to date right now aren't really good enough reasons, and definitely not the right ones.

Well Ain atleast you know what is going on. Perhaps you'll reconnect at some point.

I don't advertise my relationship with the brit. In fact only my mom really knows about him. We agreed a long time ago that we'd keep our families at bay. But I saw a girl I know in he store and she asked if I wanted to be set up. I said no, I'm in fact engaged. She said oh well I never heard anything about it. If you don't want to be set up just say so. Like she was mad or something. Reason why I don't tell people about my relationship...the looks I get from friends when I say he's 39, the looks I get when I say he has a 12 yr old daugther. and the desire to be around him when they find out he's got a accent. greedy, sneaky b1tches. They are friends and family but still.

We should have the spider pig song be our wedding song. It's just...so romantic.


Right, you're just naturally fake.


The fire down below counts as a legitimate reason.

TWSS .

Ugh, there's this guy that wants to date me but I'm not 100% sure how I feel about him. And it doesn't help when my mom claims that he's gorgeous. Yeah, cause that's gonna help me make up my mind .

I think I'm gonna make the guys who wanna date me fill out a questionare(sp). It'll give me a chance to know the real them. A question could be like...

1. Why do you want to date me?

a. Because my Greekness is your weakeness
b. Because you are made of awesomeness
c. Because you make Angelina Jolie look like Lindsay Lohan's mug shot
d. Because you are like, the coolest person ever & to be in your presence is a blessing. I must bow down because I am not worthy
e. All of the above, duh

Do you think that'll help ?

There are so many good looking people with very ugly personalities.

p.s. let your mom date him first ............i just had to ok!!?

Y'know, I almost told her that ahaha. He also called a couple days ago to hang out. Afrer I hung up, my sister asked who called & my mom refered(sp?) to him as my boyfriend. Um, what ? I've never been on a date with the guy & my mom assumed that he's automatically my boyfriend. You know, if she thought that every guy I talked to was my boyfriend, I'd have at least 10+ boyfriends.

And you're right, lots of attractive men have ugly personalities & vice versa.

Ummmm, I wouldn't call that dating.


Yes - pretend you are on E-Harmony or something - they fill out questionaires there, don't they? Maybe even steal some of their questions.

Of course, you could always ask who was president when he was born. Or I guess PM in your case?

So, did you hang out with him?

Today I didn't love being single, until I read this and reminded myself I still haven't met someone worthy.

Being single is a blessing in disguise I'm starting to think. Tonight I went to the Simpsons movie with a bunch of guys after playing a free round of golf. Not to mention the fact that I hooked another of my friends on The Office. All in all I'm a bit more productive (wait, wrong word)...enjoyable to be around when I'm single as my friends tell me. So maybe I'm meant to lurk this topic for just a bit longer.

Oh, by the way, I changed my name. Ain't yo ho no mo' had ran it's coarse. It was time to get back to my roots...and those roots are Boise State football. (They have a blue field and are called the broncos...hence the name). If you already knew that information and you are member of these boards then I think we would have no problem getting along in real life.

On second thought, maybe the name change reflects a some sort of deeper meaning about a change in my character...nah.

And some just all around ugly people, too

But yeah, some people are just too good looking. It really takes more work for those people to get my attention in the long term. I like a face with a little character and personality. The eyes and the smile, baby.



I didn't much like it yesterday, either. But I got over it.

Some guy on Yahoo Personals managed to give me his phone number in his first "hit" to me. I thought Yahoo was able to filter those out. They filter out email addresses and other obvious ploys to give away your contact information without having to pay for the premium service.

Yeah, buddy. Just wait by your phone. And wait.



With the messageboard anomalies that have forced some of us to change our names recently, it's kind of funny to see someone who did it on purpose.

You are so right.

Nothing transforms a beautiful woman into a hideous mutt faster then a bad personality. I have some friends who dealt with a bad personality because of the physical attraction. Of course, it didn't last.

I like your attitude BTB.

Hmmm, so what should your new nickname be? BTB? Turfy? BluTuBro? I can't decide.....

I felt that way about my name a while back. I wanted something more Officey, since no one ever gets the Victoria Barkley reference. I do have a secret identity, but no one know what it is....

Me too. But I haven't used it in a while.

And it's not sexiestsammy57.

I go by the beat of a different drum...or is it drummer? Either way, I'm cool like that.



If you are willing to type BluTuBro every time I guess that can be my nickname. Although the Bro at the end makes it sound a bit like an appliance. Something like ChopDaddy or MixWizard or SliceBro. Maybe it's a stretch but maybe it's best we stick with BTB.

And this secret identity doesn't bring you in contact with a certain Agent Michael Scarn does it?

I always assumed you were named after the Big Valley character. She ran that whole ranch and had the respect of everyone.

hey everyone...

I dont post much here, just basically reading all the great advice from the ladies. This thread reminds me of WA when Michael is sitting at the table getting advice from all the girls.

Anyway, ive got a situation that I hope you all can give me some advice on. I went to a wedding this weekend and I went to the reception. My best friend from school was getting married and i met this beautiful girl there. She was a bridesmaid and she was absolutely stunning. Never in my life have I seen someone and just been totally taken back by her. It was truly something that i didn't see coming and it literally took me a few minutes to recuperate I was so shocked. Anyway, I tried to catch some glances at her all evening. Later, I was hanging outside with a couple of my friends and she came out and I instantly felt myself tighten up and get tense. I calmed myself down and we talked for a little while. I introduced myself and she seemed very receptive to me. I found out that she is a college friend of the bride, who was my grade school friend. She walked back inside to get a drink, and stupidly, I didnt follow.

Anyway, the problem im having is:

1)Getting back in contact with her. I really felt something there and I would like to explore it more, but I cant seem to find her. i checked myspace and facebook, my usual places to find someone, only to come up empty handed. I could ask my friend (bride) about her, but she seems busy and I don't even begin to know how to ask her about this.

2)How to I find out some simple details about her? I could tell she single (she wasnt with anyone and she seemed receptive to my flirting) and I know she is around my age cause she just graduated college. Other than that, im empty.

Any advice would be appreciated. THANKS!

Ask the bride!!! Women love to hook up thier friends.

The bride thought highly enough of you to invite you to the wedding, so ask her!

Thanks RC - I'll have to ask her.

Still that voice of rejection whispers in my ear, but I can't listen to it anymore.

You're actually in a unique position where you won't get rejected.

Consider these points -

The bride likes you (she invited you to the wedding)
The bride will be flattered that you're asking her for help

These 2 things indictae (at least to me) that the bride would attempt to shield you from rejection if the bridesmaid is taken or uninterested.

So I believe that you worst case scenario would be - "She had a great time chatting with you but she's actually seeing someone at the moment. I'll keep you posted".

I believe that's the worst rejection you could face. That's not so bad.

Thanks RC, I guess you're right.

Any other advice on what I should do?

Yes, listen to RC! You're actually in a great position, in that you have an in with the bride, her friend. When the chaos of the wedding/honeymoon settles a little bit and she starts getting back into her regular routine, I'd tell her about the girl you met and tell her you're interested in her. Depending on how close you are with the bride, you'll probably get a little backstory on the beautiful girl, too. The bride will most likely let her friend know you're interested, since girls never grow out of the "Oh my god, guess who likes you!" phase. Anyways, the bride can gauge her reaction to see if she's interested in you too. Hopefully the bride can set something up! Best of luck!

Oh - definitely ask the bride for an email address or something. Do it! Do it! Do it!

How exciting, keep us posted! Good luck!

Ok so how did the date go?

This is weird. I almost want to ask if I know you personally because a friend of mine is going through the exact same thing except the woman was the best man's sister. Anyway, he asked the best man about her and oddly enough, he has a date with her on Thursday. Good things can happen, just ask.

Life is too short for regrets

It's better to have tried and failed than to have not tried at all.

"I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more luck I have." Thomas Jefferson


And here is some scientific proof

http://innovationcreators.com/wp/?p=262

I totally agree with . . . . .


Don't listen to the voice of rejection. Shunnnnnn it! Do you think Jim listened to that voice when he asked Pam out in "The Job"? No!

Thanks everyone for your positive input!!

UPDATE:

I took a little more time tonight to search myspace for her and with some luck, I found her. The reason I couldnt find her the first time is because she lives a little further away than I had searched the first time.

So, I requested her as a friend last night at about 11 and then when I got up this morning at 5 for work, she had accepted. I looked over her myspace briefly and I was correct about all my assumptions with her. She is 21, just like me. She just graduated college and will start her post graduate work in the fall.

Oddly enough, the initial connection I felt when I first met her was very strangely justified when i read her myspace. We like the same music, into the same bands, and like the same TV shows and movies. When I tell you that when I read over her likes and dislikes, and I was actually a little frightened how compatible we were, I'm not kidding. Maybe that connection I felt when I met her was real and we were meant to meet.

Anyway, whats my next step? Should I message her? She obviously remembers me from the wedding or else she wouldn't have accepted my friend request. Like me, she doesn't seem one to flaunt off her myspace, rather uses it as a means to keep in touch with people.

Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks!!

Oh, btw, she is totally single!

Jump on that

Thing back to any conversations/moments/whatever you had with her and work around the things you had in common. You obviously had some chemistry there. Build on it!

For example...If she mentioned she liked Greek food or commented at the wedding that the hummus was good then invite her out for Greek.

Message her and tell her that you really enjoyed talking to her at the wedding and you would like to spend some more time with her and see what she is doing this weekend.

Dinner is the ideal first date. Do not do a movie.