Is that a diaper on that guy's head?

Yup. That would be me.

Sorry, O-h, but that's like looking at a car accident!!!!!! No way that cute kid is his.

How great to be able to get to know each other through these letters. Hope you saved them.

Yeah, sometimes I read them, but I haven't in a while. There are hundreds of them, literally. I also knew he was homesick, and I used to send him a card every Friday without fail. So there are hundreds of those, too! Sometimes I look at him and can't believe that we made it, that this guy I had this huge crush on for years actually married me!

Awww, that is the sweetest thing I've heard in a long tim!

OK, another singles activity this weekend. Here's the e-vite:


I dunno - it just doesn't appeal to me. At least one of my friends is going, but I just don't know if I have the energy to meet new people and be nice to them.

Cute guy at work.

Very cute, and I think he's flirting with me.

Of course, I could be out of my mind, too.

I have to say the more of my friends that have relationships and I see them burn out fast. My friends all start saying that dating and being in a relationship is not meaningful it really makes me think about how maybe not dating that much is better becasue you know everytime you are in a relationship it is becasue you care about that person and not because you just want some on on your arm.

Also, why is it that in college all the boys want nothing to do with marriage and marriage is all that most girls can think about.. you would think one day girls would understand that marriage talk makes the boys run..... you know I have really noticed how many girls really do not get guys, it is like they all need a class.

I think you should go. You won't meet anyone if you don't. You don't have to be nice. You can just observe for a while and see if there's someone who you might want to be nice to.



Ofcourse he's flirting with you and you aren't out of your mind.



We used to call that getting your MRS. degree. I'm surprised that girls still do that.

He is DEFINETLEY flirting with you. Trust me on this one!

You're an attractive women with a fantastic personality, I have no doubt that all the single men in your office like you. The men are dreaming of a nice relationship, while the young guys have 'Mrs Robinson' thoughts.

Congrats!!!!

I think it has gotten worse! I mean I am called a feminist becasue I think women need to be self supporting and get a real job with out any man. That women should be equal with their partner and not do things for the guy just becasue that is how you keep a man. seriously that is the only thing I hear about and it drives me insane. Even my relatives are asking me when I am going to get married.

Whatever happened to the I am a free spirt independent women who deserves the best that I can find? Now it is oh look he is breathing and he makes money JACKPOT!

Also some of the things these girls think. I mean they let these boys walk all over them and they think it is a good thing because that is how a girlfriend is to act. And they think that getting married and having a baby as fast as possible is the quickest way to keep a guy.. it is like they are all trying to trap guys.

VB - You're going to go to 'Open Mic Night' when they have that, aren't you?? How can you not go to that? The men will go crazy when you start singing!

Trust your gut. He's flirting with you.

You are doing the right thing. You will be so much happier when/if you get married and have a family someday because you've had this time to persue your own interests, learn how to live on your own and be resourceful, strong, independent and confident. You won't feel like you are missing out on things, because you've had experiences that the girls who get married and have babies young don't get to have. I also think that they must be totally delusional about the amount of work a baby is. Are there guys out there who are dying to be tied down to a wife and baby in their early twenties?? How exactly does this translate into keeping a guy?? I guess trap is the better word. Talk about ruining your life...

Take your time...experience all kinds of things life has to offer and wait for the right person and the right time.

Wait. Isn't that how you trapped me?

Women don't have it easy...your single everyone asks, when you getting married. Your married everyone asks, do you miss being single? WTF. How can be every be happy in this tug o war?

Oh those are fighting words pam? Scotty says you trapped him

I've said this before- We all make different choices for our lives, and different things are right for different people. Getting married young isn't for everyone, but my husband and I have never regretted it (we were 20/22 and had our first child less than 2 years later). We went into it with both eyes open and were always self sufficient, including paying for college. Most of our friends are in the same age range/situation and are happy as well. We are happy with the experienes these choices have given us over the years and wouldn't trade them for a few more years of the single life.

Waiting is great, too! Plenty of people prefer to do that and are happy going that route. But I think it's a bit unfair to peg those who get married and have children early as "delusional" as to what they are getting into, or say that they trapped their men. My husband was the one who proposed, after all.

^^ You guys may have been 20 and 22, but you were obviously at the very mature end of the spectrum. I know 30-year olds who don't have the maturity to build what you guys have together.

Which is why it frustrates me when people make it about age. We have dozens of friend-couples who are in their twenties and have children. Some are happy, some aren't. We also know couples who waited until their thirties. Some are happy, some aren't. Age does not guarantee maturity. And it's not our place to judge other people's life choices.

Yeah, it's about maturity and your attitude. Obviously getting married young was the right thing for muffy and O-h. But I have seen a lot of girls (back when I was in college and even now) manipulating and trapping men, as well as men who treat their girlfriends like crap. It's very sad.




Being nice just takes so much energy. I just don't know if I have it in me.


Yeah, they'll be thinking, "If she sings this loud, imagine how loud she can yell! No thanks!"

Snuggle time would be nice - with the right person.

oh wow you guys were young muffy. It works for you and it's great. You're a shinning example of it working.

I'm actually glad the brit never married before. It's hard enough being in a relationship with him when he's got a child an selfish ex. I don't think he's marrying me cause I'm mature, I'm not part of the time. He was worried about him being at the time 37 and me 26 but 3+ yrs later we're on our way.

I do worry more when two people come from completely different backgrounds, like my brother and his GF. He's just your average white boy, and has his own demons. His GF 100% navajo indian and 15 yrs younger. She's very much into her culture and keeping that life style. Just too different to work it out.

people have to really consider all that type of thing. I do, I guess that's why I've only had 3 bf's and the 3rd one is my brit. I don't plan on making a mess of my relationship and I refuse to get married and it fall apart

Whoa. Muffy....we were talking about situations where the choices were one sided - meaning the girl lobbies to get married and have a baby as soon as possible in order to keep the guy around.
Not at all, in no way, shape or form, related to a loving, committed, mature marriage entered into by people such as you and your husband.

Well said, bmac. And I judge other people's choices all the time. Take my relatives - please.

Well, not judge really. But I laugh at them a lot.

Which, in turn, makes us laugh

I had to eat a big serving of humble pie this afternoon. I had to turn aroudn and tell brit why I was treating him like a jerk. I hate being wrong even though I feel I'm justified.
when your single that would never happen

At the moment, I am very unhappy about being single.

Sharp you won't for long. Aren't their any hot guys you can stalk?

That I can stalk??? I don't stalk .

And...no...there really isn't anyone I'm interested in at the moment.

I plan too!! I just wish other people could see what you see!!



trapped?? HA you know you like it! you know you like being under my thumb!




I KNOW.. I mean people should just accept that you are either single or not... this tug o war needs to stop!

I heard... maybe I need to show him what being trapped really is like??

I got a hit last night from someone I've already turned down once. He gave me his phone number and asked me to call him.

He seems like a pretty nice guy, and he's not bad looking. But he's a smoker, and that's very near the top of my list of non-negotiables. Plus, I already told him no once. No means no, and someone who doesn't respect that raises another red flag. But I told him no again, and explained about the smoking.

I feel a little bit bad about this one for some reason.

Sammy, You should be very complimented that these guys keep trying and trying. You having a great personality and judging by the photo you posted months ago, you're very easy on the eyes as well (I mean that in a totally platonic, but very honest way).

Thanks, RC.

I know I gripe too much about this. But it's all very new to me and pretty frustrating. I'm in kind of an awkward place with this whole thing. Thanks for putting up with it.

You have two red flags here sammy. You did the right thing IMO.

mixed is right. You shouldn't have to lower yourself cause they keep coming after you. If you don't want a smoker then telling him shouldnt make you feel bad.

Have you found anyone that your interested in?

Thanks, guys. I know it was the right thing. He wrote back and thanked me for telling him. And no, I haven't found anybody yet. No one that would really disappoint me if they weren't interested.

Don't feel bad Sammy. If he's a smoker I can't blame you. It's at the top of my list too. Just go with your gut on those kind of decisions and it seems like your gut reaction was no.

I found out years later that my wife was a smoker for the first 2 weeks we dated. She hid it well

She knew I would never date a smoker, so after she figured I might be 'the one' she went on a crash course to quit. She managed to quit cold turkey and has never smoked since.

Good for her!

I used to smoke. I know what a difficult and awful habit it is. I've also watched too many people I care about become ill and die from something that was totally preventable. That's just not something I'm going to volunteer for.

The brit smokes. I don't mind. When he tries to quit he's a giant a$$h*le. He's managed to switch to lights. I smoke alittle. But if doesn't mind me biting my nails then I can put up with alittle smoking.

It's really nice to have somebody in your life who doesn't mind your bad habits.

Awww hon, you shouldn't feel bad. It's not your fault that you have this guy whos' enamoured by you. He must like your sweet personality & I'm sure you're pretty too.

But, good for not giving up on your morals. I too am not fond of smoking. I remember being on a first day with a guy & as we were sitting outside a cafe, he pulled out a pack of smokes. I appreciate that he asked me first if he could do it but still, it was a *huge* turn off.

I also know what it's like to be pestered by a guy after saying no. They like to think of the word "no" as a joke or a reason to keep pursuing us girls. Why, I dunno. Maybe the like us too much & they can't bear to face reality, as it would hurt their pride. Otherwise, if he keeps on bothering you keep getting more persistent or hopefully someone else can help you out. Either way, good luck! You don't want him bothering you when you're seeing someone else!

sammy you'll have to tell me about this service your using I may end up single

I hope things work out for you, lizzie.

It hasn't done me much good yet. I did get a hit today that I'm going to respond to, though. So, we'll see.

Really? Meets everything on your check list, must be a catch. good luck with him sammy.
Thanks. I'd like it to, but we're both so stressed that right now I just don't feel all that secure at the moment.
let us know what happens with this guy.

I know guys like that PIP. They usually fall in the "use cuss words to describe them" category. If a guy pursues a girl and she says back off he should respect her wishes. I know a guy who kept pestering this girl I knew and she snapped...poor guy, but stupid.

I think some guys think the girl is playing hard-to-get, and since men love a challenge, they keep after her. Sadly, most women don't play that game. If we say no, chances are we really don't like you.

Maybe I'm an anomoly or something but I hate a challenge when it comes to women. If the girl likes me and I ask her out why in the he11 would she say no. Hard to get is one of the dumbest things I've ever heard. Just the mention of it boils my blood and I'm not sure why.

What happens if you run into a guy who actually is a gentlemen and doesn't pursue you when asked not to but you want to have him on your own personal fishhook? Women truly are a mystery to me.

Except for you ladies on the board...I can read you all like a book.

If I seem "hard to get" or a little distant, it's usually out of caution. If someone I'm interested in asks me out, I'll say yes. But probably not the first time I meet them.

I find it funny that really in the beginning guys and girls got eachother but we all try to figure eachother out and we just get confused

at least this is what I have found.

I will never 'figure out' women

If my wife asks me to wash the dishes, I'll do it. I may not be 'the best time' for me, but I'll do it because she wants me to.