THE HONEYMOON

Scene: The lunchroom at the Dunder Mifflin Scranton branch. All of the female employees are seated around one of the tables with the remnants of lunch around them.

Phyllis opens a tote bag and pulls out an elaborate scrapbook.

Phyllis: Look, girls! I finished week four of my honeymoon scrapbooks! Here are my pictures from Venice and Rome.

Pam: This book is beautiful, just like the other three. You've spent a lot of time on it.

Phyllis: My new craft room at the house Bob Vance of Vance Refrigeration and I bought is really nice. You girls need to come over and see it. Maybe we can have a scrapbooking party?

Karen: (pointing) Is that you and Bob Vance in a gondola?

Phyllis: Yes, isn't that romantic? Our gondola driver's name was Fabio. He was a hottie.

Karen: I would say so.

(Phyllis turns a few more pages)

Phyllis: Here, look at this page with our mementos from Roman restaurants. We really had a good time there. I really like how this page turned out.

Kelly (sighs): Ryan and I would be planning our honeymoon if I had caught the bouquet. I always dreamed of going to Paris, or maybe London, or maybe Los Angeles ....

Meredith (rolls eyes): Are you and Bob Vance helping out at a winery in these pictures?

Kelly: Or New York city, where he is right now. (starts sniffling)

Phyllis: Why, yes. We squashed the grapes with our bare feet!

Angela: That is sick. Glad Kevin wasn't there.

Phyllis: (ignoring Angela's comment) There was singing and dancing. And of course lots of food and wine.

Meredith: Awesome.

Phyllis turns a few more pages.

Angela: (shrilly) What is with all these naked statues! Nudity everywhere This scrapbook seems a bit whorish to me, like that city. I would never go there.

Angela stomps away. The rest of the women turn back to the scrapbook.

Phyllis: I'll bring in the scrapbook with my pictures of the last week of our honeymoon.

Phyllis: (whispers) We went to Hedonism, a super all-inclusive resort, you know.

The lunchroom door opens and Jim enters, carrying a box of crackers. He goes into the refrigerator and pulls out a tub of cheese. Crossing the room, he sits at a table and starts to eat crackers and cheese, staring straight ahead.

Pam walks over to the table. The other women are talking quietly at the other table and looking through the scrapbook.

Pam: Is that what you're having for lunch?

Jim: (shrugs) Yes?

Pam: Cheese and crackers.

Jim: So? I didn't have time to pack a sandwich today.

Pam turns on her heel and leaves the room. Jim shrugs again and continues eating.

Michael shuffles into the room carrying a soft-sided Power Rangers lunchbox. He sits down at Jim's table and opens the lunchbox and dramatically pulls out a sandwich, a bag of sliced carrots, and a juice box.

Next Scene - Talking Head, in Michael Scott's office.

Michael: Since Jan moved in with me, she packs my lunch for me.

(holds up his Power Rangers lunchbox)

Michael: It saves money and I get a good meal at the middle of the day. Jan is very practical now that we live together.

Michael: (looking around) What? What?

INT: THE OFFICE: PAM'S DESK

(Jim enters; Andy gets up from his desk and walks slowly towards Pam)

Pam (brightly): Hi!

Jim (stops at Pam's desk, leans over slightly, almost whispering): Sorry about last night.

Pam (gently): It's OK. It can happen to anyone. Forget about it.

(Andy walks past and stops dead in his tracks)

Jim (sounding apologetic): I know, but it's the second time this week… (voice trails away)

Pam: Really, it's OK. (Andy edges closer, listening in) We'll get it straightened out in the next few days, I'm sure.

Andy (intruding): Is that what she said, Big Tuna?

Jim: Excuse me?

Pam (ignores Andy): Besides, I made a few calls…

Jim: Thanks. I just couldn't do it… Don't quite know why…

Andy: You couldn't? (eyes opening wide) Big Tuna? Couldn't? The "Big" Couldn't?? Tuna couldn't answer the bell?

Pam, Jim (in unison): Andy!

(Michael sticks his head out of his office)

Michael: Andy? Que pasa, amigo?

Andy (conspiratorial whisper in Michael's direction): Buenos dias, senor Miguel. Our compadre Jaime here seems to be having problems in the Pamela department.

Michael: Ew. Ew, Ew… Pam? If there's anything I can do to help… Remember, Jan has tapes…she kept all of them. Something about a festival….

(Pam and Jim glare at Andy and Michael)

Creed (TH): Tape is so old school. The DVD transfers came out great. I get them copied in batches of 200 to save a few bucks. But I kept all the masters.

(Dwight approaches Pam's desk)

Dwight: Something going on that I should know about?

Pam, Jim: No!

Jim: Just go away, will you. This is a private conversation.

(Dwight leaves)

Andy: Privates being the major issue here…

Pam: Andy! Just go away!

Michael: I think we're talking minor keys here… Jim, if you need to talk, my door is always open…

Pam, Jim: Michael!

(Angela approaches, carrying a small package. Hands it to Pam)

Angela: This just came in for you.

Pam (handing package to Jim): Great, thanks. Here you go. And test this one out to make sure it works, OK?

Jim: Yes, ma'am.

(Andy and Michael stare at each other, eyebrows lifted high)

Jim (exasperated): Would everyone like to see it??

Angela: No, thank you. I've seen quite enough of them. (walks away briskly)

Jim: No. Everyone needs to see this. (rips box open). Here you go. Have a good long look at it. (holds up a cell phone charger) It's a cell phone charger for my car. Pam tried to call me when I was on the road yesterday, and couldn't reach me because my cell had died and I couldn't recharge it. I put it in the charger in my car but it wouldn't charge up at all. So I asked Pam to get me a new charger. Because I'm in sales. I'm on the road a lot. The office needs to be able to reach me, and I need to be able to reach you guys. Pam had to call me at home last night to give me a message that I needed for this morning. OK?? (walks away, annoyed)

(Angela and Michael drift away)

Andy (glances in Pam's direction): Well, that's what HE said.