I wasn't sure where this topic would fall, so I put it here. I hear a lot of talk on the show and elsewhere about "putting yourself first" when it comes to getting healthy, taking the time to eat right and work out every day, regardless of other peoples expectations of you. On the show, I could see that easily being the priority, since you're not surrounded by people who depend on you, but at home...I'm a mother of two, I work two jobs, have two sick elderly relatives who constantly need things from me, and it seems like even my small breaks at work are spent running errands back and forth for my household, my kids, etc. When I try to take breaks for myself, I feel guilty. I feel like I'm neglecting my family, even after trying to tell myself what I hear from the trainers...that doing well for myself will benefit THEM as much as me. I was raised to believe that your family ALWAYS came first, and my body has obviously paid the price for going with this practice so far.

So, my question is, do other people here struggle with making you your top priority? If not, then what things do you find that others resent your decision to prioritize your own needs above theirs? If so, however, how do you get past that and really, TRULY put yourself above everyone (or do you think that's entirely feasible for everyone)?

Hiya Scaleaphobic. I can't speak for anyone else, but I know for myself it is a very big problem. I truly can say I've been on both sides. A few years ago, I MADE time for me. I'm a full time working mother of 4. My husband doesn't work. If I wasn't working overtime to make ends meet, then, I would be for-going sleep, meals, whatever was needed to make sure that my family made it.

Like I said before, a few years ago, I MADE time for me. I got a cheap gym membership, one body-for-life book, swallowed my fear of actually stepping foot into a gym, and got down to business. At first, my family didn't understand, but in all actuality, I think it really saved my sanity. It was ME for ME. My results at the gym, was the total product of my hard work and dedication. I have never felt that proud of me ever before in my life. My family in turn was really proud of me also, which just built my self esteem.

Now flash forward a few years... I am back to the same old grind I was in before, add alot more stress to it.ALOT more stress. And, I am having a hard time justifying the time/ and or money I need for JUST me. But I can't help but to look behind at that short time when I did do it, and remember how proud of myself I was.

My advice to you, and perhaps myself, is this; 1. A happy mom is the best gift you can give your family. 2. You will build your self-esteem and perhaps inspire a loved one in ways you will never know. 3. Try to look at it from a future stand point. What regret are you willing to live with? A short time missing from your family and/or financial ways that lets you live a healthier/longer life OR a less healthier you, perhaps a more unhappy one, but you can say you have spent every moment for your family.

As I write this, this message is really hitting home to me. I have always been one that my children meant EVERYTHING to me. Anybody that knows me in real life will tell you that about myself. But lately, I have found out in a very difficult way, that children will not always be there for you. All in all, in trying to answer you, I have alot to think about myself. Thank you for bringing this up. I'd also like to hear from others and how they have dealt with this.

Thanks for the input...I'm sure this is an issue for more people as well. Yeah, I've started to do things for myself, then fallen into the same old rut of letting my own needs go on behalf of other people. I'm starting to think, though, if it's really a matter of wanting to BE a good parent, or just FEEL like I'm being a good parent, since my overall self-worth is so low, I'm just judging my worth on what I can do for other people, you know? Yeesh...what example does THAT set for the kids, though? Do I really want them growing up thinking that being a good mom = completely bypassing your own needs, even when that means possibly shortening your own life (as I'm sure my weight does at this point)? A hard truth to face, but there it is.

Don't be hard on yourself, putting everyone else first is a human frailty! My perspective on life is now as follows:

My first priority in life is God [my spiritual life]- without Him or my inner peace intact, I can't function all that well.

My second priority is myself. If I don't look after myself whether it be my emotional or physical self or inner joy, I can't look after anybody else.

Making sure the first two priorities stay in place gives me the strength to look after the rest of the stuff around me, whether it be my husband, marriage, or family members.

No one else can make the time for you to look after you! Take the time!

I can offer you my perspective from the flipside of your situation. My mom was quite similar to you. As her daughter, I can say quite honestly that she should have taken the time for herself. Her unhappiness and body issues were more hurtful to our family than helpful. After all my siblings moved out, she made herself a priority and she has transformed so much these past few year -- inside and out.

I now admire her confidence and respect her more than I ever did in the past.

I would also like to warn against judging yourself too harshly. Those judgements will be passed onto your children, either indirectly from watching you, or (sadly) directly as you start to judge them for their bad habits that reflect your own.

Honestly, being a good role model for fitness and well being will benefit your children more than you can imagine.

Until recently, I have put everyone else first. Then I started making myself a priority and started doing things for me. Even if it is just taking 1/2 hour out of the morning to workout and have a good breakfast before starting my day.

you only have one life to live. Take time out to be by yourself. Exercise, dance and have fun.

ScaleaPhobic, this is one of my biggest issues. I am disabled, yet am the full time caregiver for my elderly parents. It's so hard to take time out for yourself and not feel guilty, and I'm not even a mom! Anyway, one of my friends got me this book:

Take care Tips: How to Care for Yourself While You're taking Care of Others by Jennifer Antkowiak.

Jennifer is a news anchor, wife and mother of 5, is the caregiver for her stepdaughter, and took care of her in-laws as they both lost their respective battles with cancer. And she's cool.

It's a good book with a lot of helpful hints, and it has helped me immensely. I think a lot of parents do themselves and their children a great disservice by not taking care of themselves.