you girls and that Bob...are there not any other guys in your lifes? hes not all that...but then Im a guy so I really dont pay that much to him, just another person on the tv...now I will say that Allison is super hott.......and her ....are getting bigger each show, lucky baby and hubby I say...I work with an officer that knows her hubby...went to the academy together...but wont tell me who he is...

Now I know that you are happily married, but you seem to be paying quite a bit of attention to Allison...so now you know how we women feel about Bob! Has nothing to do with whether or not we have guys in our lives!

Just joshin' ya, but yeah, I will say my DH is quite understanding since I have a pic of Bob as my background.

Yes I am happily married, and yes my wife knows I check out Allison as well as other girls, hey I am a guy...my wife says Bob is a good looking guy, just to little for her taste, shes likes a bit more meat on them...not to much but a bit more like me...she thinks I dont need to lose weight...But I am way fat for me anyway...I wanna be 160-180....she thinks thats to small for me

I want Allison to share some of her goods to my wife....maybe half then they would both have 36's at least..

In my case, I actually don't! LOL (how sad is that?) And us girls think he is all that. And he's 10 times better looking in person! TV and pictures don't do him justice.

Bob's all that..but so are the 2 men in my life

well hair, theres no reason you cant have a man in your life is there? just grab one and go for it...lots of single guys out there looking just like you....dont be scared just find one

Wow...if only it was that easy. For those of us with any amount of standards, just going out and grabbing one wouldn't make sense. Add in the handicap of being overweight when there is one to grab. :: I go to bed now.

Why isn't it that easy? Only if you hold yourself back! Being overweight shouldn't stop you one bit. How many people just at this site alone are overweight and in loving, adoring relationships? Go to the mall and look at all the couples walking together, laughing and having fun being together. Are they all thin and perfect? In fact, do you see any that are, really? Not many. Being thin does not guarantee anything when it comes to getting a man or woman. Nobody is beautiful to everybody, no matter how thin.

You don't have to marry every guy ya date, either. Gotta take some chances to find that prince. You can have different standards when it comes to just having fun. So long as you know you are safe, have fun!

It isn't any easier for a guy to ask a gal out than for a gal to ask a guy. It is just expected of the guys, but why does it have to be that way?

That's a good one! I wish it was that easy. Have no idea what the problem is, but men just don't seem to want me. I had the same problem when I was thin, too.

Now, back to your regularly scheduled discussion....

My thoughts to the point...it should not be easy....I know theres alot of guys out there that dont date big girls..as well as there are more women it seems that dont date big guys...I have been thru it many times, but I was always able to at the least have dates and friends..I am happily married now (3rd time mind you) and this is the one..the first two.well, the first one cheated on me...I divorced her and have a wonderful 13 yr son from her..the sec one.well she was a mistake, not in a bad way, just happen to fast and didnt know she was a phyco before hand....actuly had to put her in a mental ward for trying to kill her kids..so I ended that one after a yr to the day...was single for a long time..met my wife in canada and now am very happy....no shes not a big girl...infact shes pretty small...me Im a big guy..she loves to snuggle with me...says I dont need to lose weight to look good.but wants me to lose it to be healthy.

My point is, I guess it depnds on what kinda guy your looking for...if your looking for some greek god rich guy built like Bob...might be hard....if you look for a real guy...normal everyday guy...loving,kind hearted and good to you...then there you go...they are out there, believe me your weight has nothing to do with not finding the right guy..its all in attidude...if your confident the guys can see that and like that...if your not they see that as well and that to me is a turn off....I look at whats inside first........sure there has to be some physical attraction as well...but that dont mean they has to be model thin...or out of playboy...if you let your weight control your happiness in finding a guy or someone to spend your life with..you may as well plan on being single for ever...you can lose weight yes...but that will not change your out look on life if you already think it sucks as it is now....be positive now, and stay positive for life and you will be happy....sorry just my thoughts...........LIFE IS TO SHORT TO BE UNHAPPY just because your over weight.....there are bigger things to worrie about...

I dont know you personaly hair....and not to sound mean or anything...but maybe its your attitude, you gotta think more positive.....or maybe its the guys your going after....take your time and dont get mad or discouraged everytime a guy turns you down...theres lots of fish out there and its not easy to find..but it is easy to at least have fun while looking for mr right...and no I dont mean sleep with every guy you meet....but give them a chance...love does not happen over nite or in a date...it takes time...theres lots of places to look as well...Bars are out out, people at bars are there for one reason in my book...well two...get drunk and get laid...so o bars.....but theres places on the web.match.com....love.com, meet.com...ect.....be honest, tell them who and what you are put REAL pics not from HS but from right now.....tell them your goals, your dreams your wishes...and you will find a match...he may not be a BOB but it will be a nice guy with all your looking for....it takes time hun...dont be hard on your self...

Oh by the way...Im not on the road now, so I cant come by and get my hair cut...but maybe afterwinter is over, if I go back out ill get by for that haircut and lunch...my treat...and no it wont be hotdogs....maybe a nice salad bar and a day at the gym eh...take care a keep smilling, your a pretty women and you have what it takes to land the right guy....someday you will find each other when your not looking..

^^^*sigh* Married people.

BINGO!!!!!! I've been out there, and I've seen what it's like. The older you get, the worse it gets. Slim pickings, I tell ya. I'd rather be single.

As for my standards for having fun, I've a lot more fun with my girlfriends than some of the duds I've gone out with.

It is easy...in a way...no not over nite....but have some confidence...guys love confidence...I know I do...I think I seen a pic of you at one time on here yeah? maybe not, but dont let being over weight stop you, just like I said to another poster...weight has nothing to do with finding the right guy...its all about time....and yes i does depend on what your looking for...you dont have to settle for less just casue your a big girl...you can have what you want...I see couples of all types every where we go...like I said...Im a big guy...my wife is small...not a size 2 mind you...shes 5'8 130 lbs...Im 5'7 240 lbs..alot biger then her..before her...I dated and married...girls from all types from skinny to chubby, to bbw I guess you could say...but they had really good personality....(exept for the 2 x wifes) so there weight had nothing to do with it...

keep a smile on your face, stay confident and happy and you will find the right guy...

I know lots of single guys here looking for a cool girl to meet...send me a pic, ill hook you up with a good honest guy...lol

Oh come on V...you seem to nice to be single...

I am - I just can't find a guy worthy of me.

Big G, I love ya, man, but it really hasn't been that easy for me and I've tried everything. And I mean everything. I can't even turn a man's head, let alone get one to ask me out. And before you start lecturing me about confidence and being approachable, I make sure to do that and it still doesn't work. I have not found that answer and no one has been able to give it to me. And I'm really peeved about it because I see so many people who are less than honorable and they have no problem finding someone while I go home to an empty house every night.

Yes I've seen people of all types in relationships. I think that's good for them. But I don't want to meet (I hesitate to say this) anyone at this weight partly because I don't...gosh I don't know how to say this. But I've seen relationships where the guy doesn't want the woman to lose her weight. To me that's kind of a control issue. Anyhoo, that's all part of the problem I have with relationships. I've observed so many bad ones that I don't know how to go about getting/being in a good one.

I concur.

I attract people I would never give the time of day in any circumstance. They are either my parents' age or barely come up to my shoulders or have gold teeth (sorry that's one standard I am NOT dropping) or don't have a job (BEFORE the whole economic crisis) or smell of liquor and/or smoke or have bad hygiene or a multitude of things. I truly don't think it's being picky wanting someone healthy. Am I looking for Mr. Right or the perfect guy? No, I'm not. I'm looking for the perfect guy for me-- the one who is not scandalized if I burp out loud (accidentally of course), the one I can have a spirited intelligent debate with, the one who can cook (it's a MUST), the one who loves to laugh or will tolerate me when I laugh at the stupidest stuff, or the one who doesn't mind when I talk (whisper) in the movie theater, etc. Does he exist? I believe he does. I don't mind dating in the meantime but I do mind WHAT/who I date.

Yeah, but do they have someone you would want? Probably not, especially if they're attracted to someone less honorable than you.


I don't want to get married fat. I want to look stunning in my wedding dress.




A multitude of things, like no teeth or being a convict. I agree with your multitude, except for height. I like tall, but I've dated plenty of shorter guys, it's not an issue for me.

Wow, except for the cooking, you and I could be looking for the same guy. And of course you have to make sarcastic comments at the theater!

That made me think of the time when my best friend, who's known me since we were 16, tried to set me up with someone. It was a disaster from the start. We had nothing in common and when I talked to him on the phone, I could feel myself going brain dead from the lack of intelligent conversation. On top of that, he lived an hour away and had no driver's license. Well, she was still trying to sell me on him, so she was describing him to me. The crowning moment was when she said the following (I kid you not, these were her exact words): "And when he puts in his teeth..."

At that point, I asked her if she had met me and why she hated me.

Oh you've summed up the last 5 "Pssst. Hey girl..." guys who have actually had the audacity to try to speak to me. I could understand how, if I was dressed bummy, a bummy guy might have the impression that he had a chance but I wasn't. But nothing tops the guy (who was obviously compensating by driving a huge truck) trying to talk to me by blowing kisses as we're both driving down the highway. Yeah, I can totally see how that might be considered attractive.

Teeth are very important too me. I like nice teeth. And I hate ugly feet, although most people have ugly feet.

I dated a guy without a driver's license. Wait, I take that back, he had his license back, but no car. He had so many parking/speeding tickets, that his license was taken away from him. After 3 years, he hired a lawyer, got his license back, but the judge told him if he ever had another driving offense he would go straight to jail. Anyway, out first few dates I drove, or I let him drive my car. A few months later, he did buy a car though. He was a really nice guy, someone I still consider a friend. He's too quiet for me though - I need someone with a little more animation.

Well Here I go.........mmmmmm Im not looking of course Im happily married......but I agree with you ladies...Good guys look for the same thing, nice teeth,good personalities, nice hair, can cook, keep a good home, good job (both must work now adays) someone not controlling or someone that gets mad if I look at another woman...its just looking, it dont mean i want them..Oh Im short.Im 5'7 my wife is 5'8 1/2 with no shoes...I love a taller girl, very sexy to me

ME? I cook, love to cook in fact and really good at it....Good Job..I hate it but its a good job, own car..home, good DAD to both my sons..nice teeth (says my wife) she does say my feet are weird...not in a bad way, just I wear boots alot at work..help with house work, do the yard work..funny (sarcastic at times, but funny) can watch a chick flick with tears in my eyes......lol hey I have a heart too..

You girls are not looking for to much, but some of you are letting life pass you by if your waiting to lose weight befroe you date or meet the right guy.......let the guy know your are going to lose weight (you want too) make sure he is not a so caled chubby chaser..that way he wont want you to stay over weight...you wont be happy with that...taller? not hard to find for the most part...Good job, depends on what you think a good job is I guess...teeth...sure a must...funny (life is funny) gotta have fun eh........

keep looking, there out there just have not found them yet...it will happen when your not looking.....

I have seen some of your pictures and you not monsters, the ones I have seen are cutties in fact, so dont think its just you....of course not knowing any of you personaly, I cant say for sure...my point is.stay positve, stay happy and keep smiling...your ok, and your Mr right will find you

By the way.......I met my wife on line...not a dating service..we were in a chat room one day....Dec 29th 2002 around 11 am pst...I wasnt looking nor was she...we were both home on xmas break..shes from Canada Im from California..we just hit it off, talked day and nite...next thing you know, we met..I moved there for 7 month...then we moved back to cali...vacationed for a bit..I had some savings so no need to work at that time...Took her to Hawaii..(this was her first time ever in the states) ask her to marry me....a year later we got married...now we have a 4 yr old son....I have a 13 yr old son from my first marriage...she treats him like he was hers...he loves her....shes a teacher...actualy now she works as a site director for an after school program funded by the state..(good cash, lol) shes an artist and teaches art on the side...mmmmmmm Guess Im trying to say is you never know when,where or how your gonna meet someone...online stuff can work.but you gotta be carful...I do have pics in my profile if you wanna
Im always looking for new friends to chat with, so go ahead and ad me as a friend eh....yes she knows I talk to other girls....she knows Im trying to lose weight and support and friends are good......she supports me even though she has no need to lose any..and she thinks I am great the way I am, but supports me in my deal here for my health and well being...

I just had to comment.
I'm engaged, getting married in 8 months 5 days.
My fiance, well lets just say I didn't start dating him because he was handsome. I consider him adorable but others might call him other names. He's 6'4 165 lbs... I'm 5'5 265 lbs... we're the complete opposite but its our love of similar things that makes me love him. He's got the sweetest personality and is just amazing.
I can see myself with him for the rest of my life.

Before I started dating him though, I was attracted to taller guys, sometimes bigger. I found that a lot of guys didn't really like me, they just liked that I was fairly easy.
Mind you I got a lot of the BBW lovers.

OMG! how dare you admit you were easy... ..no woman actualy admits that stuff....although we know it happens alot..and men are the same way of course..very easy to find the ones that are too, not a good thing mind you, but to each his/her own...what ever makes them happy I guess

I was fairly young, 17 or 18. Couldn't get a guy permanently, assumed it was because I was big so I slept around. It definatley wasn't a confidence booster. Even had one guy say to me I was never going to marry so I should just sleep around.
I'm not going to defend what I did. I was younger.

I hear ya girl! Had a bit of that in my past as well...stopped when I was 19. I didn't sleep around because of my weight, though. It was more like I didn't have my dad and I'd been raped and molested before so let me be the aggressor instead. Even when you're playing at the hunter you become the victim. BIG blow to the self-esteem/confidence indirectly. Anyhoo, so instead of using my body I chose to hide my body. And that brings me to my current struggle. I refused to date while I was mentally messed up. The mental crap is cleaned, now I've got to get the physical under control.

I seriously wonder if Joelle has a little bit of that going on in her life and that's why she's so ashamed.

Believe me hun...I wasnt asking you to defend your self...I understand why you did, I was more joking then anything..WE all do it at one time or another when growing up...your good....no worries..and as for the guy that said that, he needs to be B slapped cause just cause your big don't mean you wont find a good guy...yes it may be harder cause in this country there are to many .....materialistic people that judge people on looks...guys and girls...so it does make it tough...but there is someone out there thats perfect for you and every other person on here thats still looking....

I also met my partner online. I'm from Canada but I am now living with him in Australia. We are getting married late this year and plan to live in Canada.

We met on a TV/Movie forum after we were both invited to the VIP section in the same month. He msn'd me outta the blue and we started talking, sharing music... they I got Skype and we were talking everyday. Love can happen in the most unusual ways with new technology.

Where in Canada are you from? my wife is from Manitoba

I'm a prairie girl as well, from Alberta.

I met my husband through a chance meeting in a bar with a group of friends. He came along with a friend and he randomly knew a girlfriend of mine from 5 years earlier. She told me he was a genuine nice guy, so I gave him the time of day (night). I had sworn off men after 4 relationships in a row where I was cheated on.

I had resolved to never lower my standards again and because I wasn't desperate for a man in my life, I got to know him as a real person and didn't look to him as a potential life partner, or even boyfriend material. Because of this we shared our thoughts and views on life and found that the majority of them were the same (even the stranger ones!)

I lived in a different city 45 minutes flight away and we chatted online after I went home. 6 months later he moved city to move in with me and we were married 10 months later.

Sometimes you just know.

I firmly believe you get treated by people the way you allow them to treat you. i.e. If someone says or does something mean to you, and you don't say anything to tell them you don't like it, then you are affirming that that behavior is ok. They will continue that way because they haven't been given any boundaries to behave within.

If you're a doormat, you will get walked on. If you're loud and abrasive, you will get that back too. If you come across as desperate for any kind of love, you will either get used up, or run away from.

It's up to you to define what you want and need and then communicate that to people. This is in every aspect of your life, not just romantic relationships.

That guy that you all a describing? I married him - but I'm sure there's a few more out there - hehe!!

I am at a crossroads when it comes to my love life and would welcome any advice. I know, ultimately, I have to make a choice, but it helps to get other people's opinions and advice..especially from those who are not directly close to me and the situation.


ok I was with my now x boyfriend for over three years...and then out of the clear blue sky, with no warnings, he decided he was not happy with me and was going back to his exgf. He was a truck driver and up until this point I trusted him because i thought I had no reason not to. It was his own daughter..who was mad at him for what he was doing...that told me he was with someone else.
A week after that, he finally managed to call and tell me it was over. I was pissed at him for doing me that way, i mean I feel he could have at least broken up with me before getting back with her.
But I had so much other stuff on my mind then that when he did call I basically just said "ok have a nice life". Now this may sound weird but my now x boyfriend is also my best friend's xhusband. We met him around the same time, and she started dating him and married him within a month partly becasue she was in love and partly to get out of her parent's house...sad but true...and she does tell people that. At this time, I was head over heels in love with a guy that probably could not have given a ponies less about me, sad but true now that I look back on that time. Then they had 2 kids within 2 years or so...and basically became more like friends than a married couple. He and I were often thrown together to run errands and stuff...but we always stayed nothing more than friends, and if they had stayed married we would have stayed friends neither of us would have wanted to cross that line and hurt not only ourselves but others as well. Well then she left him for another guy that she met that she fell head over heels in love with..and they were apart over 6 mths before he and I saw each other again and began to talk. During that 6 months I was hanging out with my best friend, her new boyfriend, and the kids...then he came back in one weekend at this time he was driving a truck and I was there, and we started talking. My best friend was completely all for us being together and so were the kids...they were excited about it lol. Thats one reason the kids were so upset with him for cheating on me and being with someone else and bringing someone else with him when he came to see them for christmas. I have been in their lives their whole lives and he was trying to tell them that since he left me I was no longer going to be in their lives....only that did not work because my best friend and her fiance both have said with him or not I can be in the kid's lives until I decide I don't want to be. So I was talking to them almost daily...they knew all that was going on here...and would call to check up on me and tell me what was going on there and stuff.

Welllll....Evantually the newGf was asked to leave..and the next day she was gone. That relationship did not last long at all. Apparently she was mentally and physically abusive but only to him, not the kids, I think she knew if she messed with the kids someone would have beat her ass. Next thing I know I am getting a call telling me my x is in bad shape and is going to the mental hospitol for a week.
Now I am hearing that he was under stress and being out on the road alone all the time got to him and tthe reason he did such out of charachter things like suddenly deciding to be with someone else was b/c he was getting close to a mental breakdown which he finally had. Then I hear how much he loves me and wishes he had never cheated on me and wants to be with me and stuff like that. I do still care about him b/c as much as I would like to I cannot turn my feeelings on and off like a faucet. But then I also worry that if I give him another chance, will he stay true to me, or will he one day just up and decide to cheat on me and/or leave me for someone else. It hurt like hell when I first found out he was back seeing one of his exgf and I do not want to go through that again. So I am torn on what to do, on one hand I want to belive that he is sorry and that he does love me and does want it to work, o n the other hand I am afraid of allowing him back into my life as a boyfriend.


Now on the flip side while we were broke up and he was with her...i managed to get set up with a really good guy by some friends. We have talked alot and been out and right now we are both to the point of not wanting to rush into anything so we are just going out as friends right now. In fact, tonight, we hung out together and took his kids to eat pizza and then took them to the video store so they could rent a movie. After that we came back to my sis's house where I am staying and they came in and visited here for over 2 hours. I had alot of fun tonight and I know he and the kids did too which is a good thing. I just do not know if I want to go past being just friends with him or not.
I guess maybe I am a little scared of starting over with someone else...or something.

It is late I am just going on and and on and on....so I will stop now.

Thanks for sharing, K2CLoser. Most of us here are always good for an opinion.

I guess what I am seeing from your post, first of all is that you are really hurt. As for your ex - should you trust him again? Only you can decide that, but I would say no, at least not right now. Trust, like respect, has to be earned. That being said, he also has some mental health issues. Is he getting therapy, taking medication, dealing with his issues?

Personally, with the ex, I'd run away like the wind, but hey, that's just me. Being on the road alone does not lead to a mental breakdown. When people say someone does something that is out of their character, bottom line, it's something that was always a part of their character, just hidden (unless they are seriously mentally ill or have a brain tumor - something like that).

It's nice that you met someone nice, but whose to say you need to jump into another relationship right now? You say you're not ready, and it's good that you realize that about yourself. Nothing wrong with having more friends, but you need to be upfront about that. Also, I would be careful when doing things with his kids. Kids can get attached pretty easily, and I've had friends who constantly have people of the opposite sex come and go in their lives, and ergo, the lives of their kids. I just don't think that's good for kids, kids need structure and stability, especially if they come from a fractured home.

I guess basically what I am saying is, take your time, enjoy life, and avoid drama for awhile. This will help you clear your head, and perhaps give you clarity as too who or what you really want.

Good luck!

Thanks so much for letting me hear your point of view on my situation! It helps to hear what people that are not close to the situation think.

To be honest when they first told me he was having a mental breakdown and was going into the hospitol...my first instinct was to feel sorry for him. Then I sat and thought about it...and began to wonder if he was only pretending to have mental issues so he could use that as an excuse for things he had done. I have been through alot in the past month or so...enough to push just about anyone over the edge, and though I have come close to thinking I am loosing it, I have managed to keep it together. I still do not know what i will do when it comes to a relationship and him...I just do not know if i would ever be able to trust him again. He has told me 101 times that it won't happen again, that he only loves me, that he only wants to be with me, and on and on. I do still care about him, but there is alot of hurt still there, and it is just something I will have to do alot of soul searching on.


As for the other guy....I get what you are saying about not involving the kids right now, as it is not really good for the kids to get attached to someone only to have them taken out of their lives and then someone knew introduced...and on and on. I think in the future at least for now we will be going out without the kids. This way we can have more adult conversations...just discussing the future and what we both want and things like that. And the kids won't get too attached or anything right now.

right now....I am not interested in being in a serious relationship with either of them...one understands, the other does'nt. The latter is my x and he is now all the time talking about us getting married...that is not something happening anytime soon!

I know I have to decide what to do...b/c if I decide not to reconcile with my x at all then I need to let him know and stop talking to him. If I decide to be with him, then I need to let the new guy know, cause although we are only friends, I would'nt want him to be thinking there would be a chance to go beyond that if there was'nt.

I am going to do alot of thinking and soul searching this week..and I am going to try to reach a decision on what I want to do, what I feel is best for me, by next weekend.

That is a major red flag in my opinion. I would run as far and as fast as I can.

^^^^I agree with hairgoddess. He sounds like everything he did should be forgiven and forgotten - but more forgotten, like he wants to pretend none of it ever happened. Not only that, he is ignoring your thoughts and feelings about the whole matter, which to me, is almost a bigger problem. As if he doesn't care what you think or want, only what he thinks and wants. It sounds controlling and selfish.

Yeah, I would definitely tell him in no uncertain terms that it is over. And stop talking to him - any attention you give him, he will think he has a chance. To some people, negative attention is better than no attention at all.

As for the other guy, is there any way you could do things with groups of people? That way, you won't feel so much like it's a date (along with the added pressure), but you still have the opportunity to get to know him better. Win-win.

Keep us posted, and good luck!

Reminds me of my ex-fiance'. After I left him, I tried to maintain the friendship, but it became clear that he had it in his head that we were going to get back together. He started trying to monopolizing all of my free time. When he got to the point of writing down my work schedule (which didn't take him long to start doing that), I started distancing myself from him. He got mad about that, then decided to tell me to leave him alone because he wanted to remember the good times and he couldn't do that with me in his life. I think he was just mad that I wasn't pining after him and I think he was trying to force my hand to get me to spend more time with him. It backfired on him because I haven't seen him since and that was almost 15 years ago.

I guess I am just the type of person who is too nice and too freindly to people, always wanting to be sure I do not hurt anyone or anything. I thought that we could talk and maybe be friends and who knew what would happen a year, or two or so from now. Him talking marriage at this time ,to be honest, made me nervous and I had already decided to limit talking to him. I mean we had discussed marriage several times prior to him cheating, and at that time I was an active partcipant in the discussions, but now, I know I am not ready for that. Not after what he did, and I keep telling him to put hisself in my shoes and see how he would feel. He then went on to tell me he knew how I felt b/c I had cheated on him by going out with the new guy so we are even. I got mad then and told him there was a huge difference in me going out to eat pizza with the new guy when we were not together, and him sleeping with someone else while we were together. He said he saw no difference and that since I talked to him it meant I was back with him, and so I finally Just told him I would'nt be talking to him anymore. I tried to be nice, but I guess with some people, you just have to cut all ties and its for the best.

As for the new guy...I think doing group activities is a great idea. it would be nice to take time and get to know each other without the pressures of an "official one on one date". I might see if some friends of mine want to get together and go do something with us...or if my sis and bro in law want to go see a movie or something with us. Or we could have some of my friends and/or my sis and bro in law and some of his friends all get together and do something.

Well, it sounds like you have a pretty good handle on things. I can't believe he accused you of cheating!!! What is he thinking?????

Keep us posted - I hope everything works out for you!

K2CLoser, you sound like the classic "Giver" in a relationship. Unfortunately many of these people are taken advantage of because of their kind nature and their need to make everyone around them happy even at their own expense. I know I shouldn't judge him without hearing his side of the story, but your Ex sounds like a creep and a definite "Taker". Comparing his cheating to you going out for pizza with someone else after the fact? Seriously? You deserve better and this guy is obviously a "Taker" and is playing you. It is always nice to try and remain friends, but in my opinion you are just opening yourself up to be hurt again. His talking marriage sounds like he is saying whatever it is you may want to hear because he screwed up. Another way of taking advantage of you. Take time for yourself. Learn about yourself and what you want in a partner. I think when you find another "Giver" you will see how wonderful it is to have some enjoy you for being you. Good Luck!!!

Ladies, my advice to you for dating is to not be a resume dater. I was the classic resume dater -- last serious boyfriend was great on paper -- had a PhD, good income, but that was about it. And sadly, I just about had myself talked into him being it b/c I thought (and had been told by my parents) that no man would love me b/c of my weight. When I realized I just was not happy w/ this guy and dumped him, I admit I went out and had a bit of a (premature) mid-life crisis and had my fun -- we're adults, we can do those things. Besides, like yourselves, I had wasted so many years not pursuing men and/or relationships b/c of weight -- I couldn't get that time back, but I was going to pack some fun into what i had. But the best part was that I threw out my old ideas of the perfect mate and came up w/ a new list. This new list did not revolve around degrees, income or other status-oriented ideas. I wrote the new list on Christmas of 2002 -- it included items that are more centered around character, emotions, feelings, and behaviors. I met my (now) husband on my birthday in February 2003 -- and he pretty much hits the mark on all the items. If I had stuck by the resume standard, I would have missed out on a great guy and a lot of happiness.

I love love love being single. Currently, I am not. But the BF is pretty cool and we have a great time together. I'll stick around until he starts getting those marriage ideas in his head I always tell them that I do not, I repeat, do not ever want to get married but they never ever believe me?

Really? How come?

Easier said then done. I am a single female. I am a nurse by profession and make a decent salary. I was dating a guy a few years ago and lost almost a hundred pounds while seeing him--still wasn't good enough or fast enough. He weighs over 300! I supported him with his decisions no matter what but my weight got in the way. I am ashamed of the way I look and hate to go out. NO MAN WANTS A FAT WOMAN.

That's not really true. I've heard of men called "chubby chasers." I don't know much about it, so I can't really say much, just that I've heard the term and so I am making an assumption of what it means. If it does not mean what it suggests, then I am sorry, I mean no offense.

And I personally know several women who are happily married and were not anywhere near stick figures when they caught the man. It's all about timing and attitude. If you constantly are thinking "no guy will want me because I am fat", you will likely create a self-fulfilling prophesy. Focus on your good attributes, why you are a fierce woman and how any man would be lucky to catch you.

Brook, as for the guy having to ask the girl out thing, there have been many psychological and sociological studies done on this, and most have concluded the same thing. The guy needs to be the one doing the asking. All books I have read on the subject of relationships, have said the same thing, and I have read a wide variety by many an author. Also, if you have ever watched the show "The Million Dollar Matchmaker" (I think that is what it is called), she also is adamant that the man must do the asking. She gives many reasons for that, most of them being the ones stated in the various studies.

My brain isn't working right now, but if you want me to, I can look some of them up. For now, I should be in bed.

theres lots og men out there that love fat girls...as you put it...you just gotta look.theres web sites, theres craigslist.theres clubs, there i think they call them fat cruises..."boat trips for bbws and there admirers" just look, there out there being fat dont mean your not a good person...but i understand how you feel.....

I totally understand how you feel, but this is the root of the problem. Yes men are visual, yes we need to lose weight. But we need to change our attitudes about ourselves. When is thin, thin enough? Will we ever be thin enough to like ourselves? No. You need to get out there and have fun, regardless of how you look. Don't be a slave to the weight, don't let it steal your joy.

Trust me, I understand, I haven't dated in a loooooong time, but I don't my weight rule my life. Put on a little makeup, do your hair, wear something nicer than sweats and go do something with a friend, even if it's just going to the store. When you take the time to look a little better, it helps you feel better.